by Tamara Lush
Jessica sighed. Leave it to her sister to pry into all of this. “We’re just friends. I don’t have to share every detail of my life with you. You can act like this with Grace because she’s five, but I’m twenty-two, and you’re not Mom.”
Nicole rolled her eyes, which just made Jess angrier. “You know, you always want everyone to stop treating you like a baby, and we would—I would—if you started acting like an adult and talked openly with me about things.”
Jessica waved her hand. “I need privacy, Nicole. I’m not a child.”
It wasn’t that she was opposed to Leo staying at the hotel. It was actually a pretty wonderful idea now that she thought about it. She’d been enjoying their teasing, their flirtation, their conversations. And after earlier today in the ocean…
She didn’t want Nicole to know her business, though. That was all. Didn’t want to be judged or lectured, didn’t want to hear about her past mistakes.
“I’m putting him in the downstairs room,” Nicole said. “Since the hotel’s pretty much full.”
The downstairs room. They never rented it because it was in such close proximity to Jessica’s apartment. After Mom died, the two sisters thought it best that the guests keep some distance from Jessica’s space. Now Leo was going to be very, very close.
Nicole continued to chatter. “He insisted on paying double the rate. He also promised he’d supply all of the breakfast pastries for us for the next several months.”
Jessica rolled her eyes. Nicole was always thinking of money but unwilling to do things differently, unwilling to consider anything that might make them more of it. Jessica also felt uncomfortable that Nicole was charging Leo to stay. Maybe she could reverse the credit card charges later.
“Oh, and he wanted me to tell you that he was going to be late tonight. I thought that was cute, him acting like he needed to let you know his whereabouts. You guys are a thing, apparently. And you didn’t even bother to tell me?”
Drawing from a well of patience she didn’t know she had, Jessica smiled tightly. “Fine. We’re a thing. But don’t expect me to tell you details.”
Nicole shrugged. “I think we can all guess at them.”
Jess wondered. Could her sister tell that she had already, indeed, gotten quite cozy with Leo? Cozy on a table at his bakery, cozy on the sofa a few feet from where they were standing, really cozy in the water…
“We’re just friends,” she said, backtracking. “You know I’m not looking to jump into a relationship again.” But Jessica knew the words were a lie as soon as they fell from her mouth. She wanted a relationship with Leo more than anything else she’d ever desired.
Nicole shrugged again. “Whatever. You know, he’s really handsome. That surprised me. He was cute all those years ago, but damn. Now I can imagine you wanting to have his baby.”
* * *
Later that night Jessica paced her apartment and poured herself a glass of wine. Leo still hadn’t come. He’d called an hour before, saying he was finishing some things up at the bakery.
Nestling into her sofa, she opened her mother’s journal, preferring to live in the past than face the complexities of the present. She hadn’t told Nicole about finding the diaries and wasn’t sure when she would. It was like their mom was alive this way, speaking only to her. Selfishly, she liked having that written lifeline all to herself.
She wasn’t reading the journals in any particular order, actually. She enjoyed opening them at random and reading a new entry. Later she would go through and read everything chronologically, but for now the little snapshots in time were perfect—alternately funny, poignant and bittersweet.
MAY 8: Guess who I got an e-mail letter from? Adam Villeneuve. At first I was annoyed. After he broke my heart in college, he e-mails me out of the blue?
Jessica sucked in a breath. Whoa. She’d known that her mother and Leo’s father met in New Orleans when Mom was a student at Loyola and Adam was a bakery owner near campus, and during that vacation five years ago she’d suspected something was up by the way Mom’s voice got higher, her laugh more crystalline, when Adam was around. But she’d had no idea that Leo’s dad had hurt her. What had happened? And why had they bothered to see each other again so many years later? She sipped her wine and continued to read, musing how history had kind of repeated itself.
I couldn’t be angry with him after reading his e-mail. He told me that his wife died from cervical cancer years ago. She was young, only thirty-three. They had a little boy named Leo, and Adam talked about how difficult it was raising him without a mother. He attached a photo of his son, such a handsome boy. Just like his father. My heart broke for Adam. I emailed him back. Why should I hold a grudge?
Since Leo’s reappearance on Palmira, he hadn’t mentioned his mom, and Jessica hadn’t brought up the subject. But she remembered that when they were teens Leo told her all about his mother’s death as they sat on the sand, watching the sunset together. He’d been only five when his mom died. She hadn’t known what to say, so she grabbed his hand and squeezed. That was the first day they met, the first time they’d held hands.
Jessica read on further in the journals, and was astonished to find pages and pages of her mother’s recollections of her relationship with Adam. She’d had no idea that Mom and Adam were so in love. How she’d hung out with him at the bakery, how they had traveled to music festivals together, and how they’d made love under the stars as they camped one summer. Those entries she skimmed, embarrassed that she was just now finding out about this part of her mother’s life. Adam had been ten years older than Mom, it turned out.
According to what she could glean, Mom and Adam were poised to marry shortly after she graduated from college. But Adam had been unfaithful, and Mom was unable to forgive or forget. She’d moved out of Louisiana and back to Palmira, settling at the hotel and meeting Brendan soon after at a beach bar. Jessica flipped back and forth between the journals and years, trying to piece her mother’s life together.
I guess I love Brendan. But not like my feelings for Adam. I’ll never feel that way again for any man. But now that I’m pregnant with Brendan’s baby, we’re going to do the right thing and marry. The baby’s a girl and he wants to name her Nicole. I just wish Brendan wouldn’t drink so much…
The journals raised so many questions in Jessica’s mind because there seemed to be big gaps in certain years. Had her mother ever gotten over Adam’s betrayal? What had she felt when Jessica’s father had run off? Where was her father, anyway?
Her head spinning, Jessica set her wine and the journal on the coffee table and lay down on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. One of the worst parts about losing someone you love, she thought, was that when you had questions for them, they would forever go unanswered.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
She awoke with a surge of fear to the sound of footsteps and banging, and Jessica sat up with a start, sending her mother’s journal tumbling to the floor. Looking around, nothing seemed out of place. The front door was closed. The lights in the living room were still on, and yet, she heard someone moving around in the kitchen.
Was that the squeak of the oven door? Her apartment shared the kitchen of the hotel, but a locked door separated her living room from that communal cooking area. Guests often stored drinks in the kitchen’s second fridge, but they normally didn’t poke around at night.
She squinted at her smartphone. It was ten-thirty. She took a long inhale, and her stomach rumbled when she smelled cinnamon.
Jessica rose to unlock the door. Maybe a guest couldn’t find something and needed assistance, or maybe she could offer someone a cup of herbal tea. One of the guests from London had mentioned that she suffered from insomnia. Maybe it was her.
She gasped as she burst into the kitchen and saw Leo slipping a tray into the oven. Suddenly it seemed obvious that he’d be the one moving around in here.
“Oh! You startled me.” She pressed her hand to her chest.
He straightened. “I’m
sorry. I didn’t want to wake you.”
Jessica licked her lips, unable to control the moistness in her mouth. The smell of his baking made her hungry.
“Cinnamon?” she asked.
Leo nodded and pushed another tray into the oven. “Muffins. I’m making two batches.” There were worse things than waking up to warm muffins and a hot guy in her kitchen.
“Do you want something? Maybe hot chocolate?” he asked.
Jessica swept past him, rubbing her tired eyes. She shook her head. “No. I was thinking maybe water.”
Leo leaned against the counter, folding his arms, grinning, and his hungry, searching eyes made Jess wonder if he wanted more than a late-night snack. Was he thinking, like her, of earlier in the day in the ocean? Those forearms of his were so muscular, accentuated by his tan skin and that short-sleeved black T-shirt. Never had Jessica imagined she would want to stare at a man’s forearms, but her fingers lost the grip on the fridge door as she did a double take.
She covered by explaining, “I guess I was exhausted, because I fell asleep on the sofa. That’s why I heard you. I don’t normally sleep there.”
Leo’s eyebrow quirked upward. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. It’s just kind of strange because…” Her voice trailed off.
“Because?”
“I found Mom’s journals the other day. I’ve been reading them off and on when I get spare moments. It’s wild. It’s as if she’s speaking to me.”
“That must be a good feeling, right?”
“It is. Oh, and you know what I read tonight? Your dad and my mom dated. I had no idea. My mom wrote pages and pages about it. How they met when she was in college. Fell in love. Did you know that?”
Leo cleared his throat and rubbed his neck. “Yeah, I guess I vaguely remember my dad telling me something about that.”
She extracted a pitcher from the fridge. “Water?”
He shook his head.
“I wonder what happened between them that vacation. I was so into, well, you, that I didn’t pay attention,” she said.
He laughed. “Yeah, it was hard to think about anything else than what we were doing.”
Jess fidgeted with the water pitcher handle as they gazed at each other.
“Hey, thanks for making room for me here. I tried to find other accommodations, but they were all booked because of Winterfest. I wanted to be close by so I could continue work on the bakery—”
She interrupted, taking a glass from a cabinet. “I’m glad you’re here. I actually was hoping you’d be around anyway. Nicole and Grace are coming over for dinner Saturday. Catalina, too. Nicole and I try to eat together once a week. Dunno why, when she’s so annoying and wants to get rid of the hotel.”
“I’ll definitely be there.” He glanced at her. “So, how is business? I mean, since your mom passed. I can’t imagine this hotel being owned by anyone but your family.”
She paused, loving that he was taking an interest in her, something that Jacob rarely had. It was surprising that they hadn’t discussed this in the past four days, but she supposed there had been other things to discuss. “Not bad, I guess. We’ve been full or close to full on lots of weeks.”
“You’re doing an excellent job,” Leo said. “I heard some of the guests raving about this place. They love you in particular. For what that’s worth.”
“Thanks. I feel like if I stay I can make it into something bigger. I have plans for yoga retreats and cooking weekends, different events to draw younger people. But my sister doesn’t seem to want to listen. She just wants to sell. She just…”
Leo eyed her. “Family can be difficult, that’s for sure.”
Jessica nodded. He understood. And maybe he was right that her sister was trying to honor her mother in a different but valid way. “We’re supposed to get the appraisal done soon. You know, how you overheard what my sister set up? I’m planning on talking to her about it after Valentine’s Day. Is it cowardly if I’m not sure I want to leave?”
“No,” Leo said. “If something’s in your heart, you have to fight for it.”
That was an interesting way of looking at it. Jessica wondered what exactly Leo would fight for.
He reached out and swept a lock of her hair from her face. Her stomach clenched, as she couldn’t help remembering that he’d bailed on her all those years ago. She busied herself by putting the pitcher back in the fridge.
“So, sorry about your asbestos,” she said. “That happens a lot with these old buildings.”
Leo shrugged. “It’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t really affect the bakery much, as it’s only the upstairs that has asbestos in the walls. The bakery had been previously remodeled, so that’s why it was problem-free. I’m hoping to still open on time, and it’s a lot easier to coordinate everything from here instead of a hotel on the mainland, seeing as all the local ones are booked. It’s a lot more comfortable here, too.”
He grinned, and her stomach flip-flopped. Did he want her as much as she wanted him? She thought so, but she had always allowed herself to be led, always gone along with whatever the stronger people in her life wanted, like her mother and sister. She’d always catered to everyone else’s desires and never her own, except maybe that time five years ago with Leo. But they’d both wanted that and reached the decision together. Maybe now…well, maybe it was time to take a stand and really put some effort into what she wanted and desired. Assuming they both wanted it.
“Leo?”
He tilted his head. “Yes?”
“I know we…earlier you and I…” She found it difficult to say out loud. It was really hard to say what she wanted. She didn’t want rejection. Especially not from Leo.
He grinned again and eyed her expectantly. “We…?”
“We kissed. And I pretty much begged you to touch me in the water today.” Jessica exhaled, her body tingling. “But with you staying here we’re going to be around each other a lot, so I wanted to make it clear that, um, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”
“Like?” His voice was a slow growl. “What should I not want?”
“You know. More than a kiss. I don’t want you to think that anything else has to happen while you’re staying here.” She swallowed, hard. “We can be friends if that’s all you want.”
Was it wrong to say this again, to remind him that he should only kiss her from pure desire? Why wasn’t he answering her? Old insecurities raged, worse because she could now potentially spend the night with Leo. Or she thought she could. Was she trying to push him away before her body did?
“So, um, don’t hesitate to do whatever you want while you’re here. With whomever. Don’t let me—”
Her words were interrupted by Leo taking two steps forward. With feather-light fingers he cupped her jaw and neck as if she were fragile, and he shook his head.
“You really don’t get it, do you?” he said softly. “I don’t want to go out with anyone else. I don’t want to be with any other woman on this island or anyone else in Florida. Or anyone else in the world.”
Her heart thundering in her chest, she looked up at him, and he smoothed back her hair. He added, “Why would I want anyone else when you’re here?”
Her gaze drifted to his full bottom lip. “I…I just wondered if maybe our connection was a teenage crush. One that went away. One that sparked again when we saw each other but that could vanish in a heartbeat.”
“Do you think that’s all it was?” he murmured.
“No.” She could only muster a whisper as she tilted her head up toward his, wanting his lips. His fingers worked into her hair, and the tingle in her body intensified. Spread downward.
“Neither do I.”
He bent to kiss her, but at that moment the oven’s timer let out five chirps. Jessica jumped out of Leo’s arms, and he went to collect his muffins.
“Almost ready. They just need to cool down,” Leo said, setting the muffin tins on the range.
The mo
od ruined, Jess tried to catch her breath. They needed to cool down? She needed to give him space. She’d overextended herself again and was feeling foolish. She turned away and faced the counter, shaking. Started straightening some errant napkins. She folded a napkin into a little pyramid.
He turned and stood behind her as she continued folding napkins, and Jessica thought she would melt when she felt his lips suddenly press against the back of her head and his hands slide down her arms. She was wearing another of her oversized T-shirts, but he found the bare skin of her stomach underneath. Electricity surged through her when he swept her hair off her neck and bent to kiss the sensitive skin near the edge of her jaw, and with his lips parted slightly he slowly ran his mouth over the edge of her ear.
God, she’d never felt anything so erotic.
He continued trailing his mouth over her ear. With the same slow motion as his mouth, his fingers skimmed the undersides of her breasts. Her nipples tightened and poked through her T-shirt, then tingled when his thumbs reached them, circling and pinching, circling and pinching.
Wait, no. This was even more erotic than his soft lips near her ear. Everything he did made her want him more.
She spun around and looked into his gray-blue eyes. There, in the late-night silence of the kitchen, in a room that smelled like cinnamon, Jessica had never experienced desire like she did in that moment. It was so overwhelming in its headiness that she allowed her eyelids to flutter shut.
“Doesn’t this feel real?” he murmured, almost as if to himself. “Because it does to me. The way you fit against me, the way you gasp a little when I touch you here.” His hand went under her shirt again and continued the gentle assault of her nipples. Sure enough, she groaned.
“The way you respond to me instantly.”
Now both hands were under her shirt, and he kissed her mouth again. Her whole body coiled with needy tension. It was as if there were an invisible thread tugging between her breasts and her clitoris, and she felt a throbbing between her legs.
