“Like... He took my shirt off. It felt... really, really good, just him taking off my shirt. Then he touched them. Mmmmmmm, I coulda laid there forever.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have interrupted. Sounds like a big dess for you too.”
“No, you got your first blood, Illy! That’s huge! I just...”
“Let a boy touch your tits for the first time ever? ‘Cause that’s not major or anything.”
“Shut up about it...” she said smiling as her face reddened. “I just don’t wanna be a slut or anything, sleeping with a boy when we’ve only dated for three or four turns, when I’m only one thirty.”
“Seven; you’re almost one forty. Most girls in our class have by now.”
“Really?”
“Well, maybe. At least half.”
“You haven’t, right?”
Illy flushed a bit and looked down. “You know I haven’t, Rhi.”
“Well how come? I’ve never seen you with a boy.”
“None of them feel right. Like, the one, ya know?”
“Teirnan didn’t feel like the one, but I still smooched him behind the shop. Just felt nice. You’ve never even kissed anyone, right?”
“Well, no, not really.”
“Have you?” She was getting a little more excited than she expected.
“Nooo... No... Maybe.”
“Illy!” She bounced across the bed and hugged her. “Who, who, who, who, who?”
“You wouldn’t... I can’t say.”
“Bullocks, you can’t say! I’ve always told you, you’re my best friend! We share everything! I just told you my sexy details!”
“I just... I don’t know.”
“Come oonnnnn. I promise not to tell.”
“Promise not to judge me?”
“Judge? What, was it Tommen?”
“What? No, ew. No. It’s just... Well...”
“Yeah?” She was cross-legged, leaning on the edge of her proverbial seat.
“Ravan.” Rhia stared at her blankly. “Ravanys Duthaine.”
“R... Ravanys? But... she’s...”
“See! This is why I didn’t wanna tell you.” She curled up and hugged her knees into her chest.
“No, it’s... I just... Wow.”
“What? You think I’m a freak now? Some kind of whore?”
“No, no. I just... never even thought. So you...”
“Yeah. I like girls.”
“That’s why...”
“No boyfriends. Yeah.”
“So is she...?”
“No, she didn’t like it, shrugged it off, like a joke. I liked it, but I just kinda laughed it off too, pretended it never happened.”
“Is that why you two don’t talk anymore?”
“Kinda, yeah. I just told her I didn’t like her boyfriend, but it’s just... too awkward for me.”
“And you... Wow.”
“Yeah.” The two sat, Rhia cross-legged and staring at nothing in particular in Illy’s direction, and Illy still hugging her knees. Rhia, eventually, broke the silence.
“So... Do you, like... like me?”
“What?”
“Like, you like girls. Does that mean you... wanna, like...”
“Rhia, you’re my best friend. Just ‘cause I like girls... I think... It doesn’t mean I suddenly wanna snog every girl I see.”
“Oh, well yeah, but... I just...”
“No, Rhi. You’re my friend, I don’t wanna lose that.”
“But you saw me... without a shirt just now...”
“I’ve seen you naked, Rhi. We go to the bathhouse together.”
“You ever thought about me... that way?”
She looked down into her knees. “Don’t ask me that, Rhi.”
“Why not?”
“‘Cause I don’t wanna say, ‘yes.’” Silence. “I’m worried enough about coming out to you, I don’t wanna make my only good friend uncomfortable, think I wanna snog her so she’s on defense all the time.”
“Illy, that’s not—”
“I shouldn’t have said anything. Just... Just pretend I never said anything.”
“Illy, I can’t. This... This is a big deal.”
“I don’t want it to be a big deal,” she almost yelled through tears. “I just wanna be me, Rhi. I don’t want to be the dyke, the lesbian, the whore, I just wanna be Illy.” Rhia crawled over and hugged her and Illy pulled her in tighter, sobbing into her shirt. “I just wanna be Illy.”
They sat and chatted for a while, completely off topic, about homework, the temple, her parents, the other kids, her boyfriend, and the subject came back around to Illy’s newfound sexuality. She allowed the topic, for the most part, and talked to Rhia, trying to make her understand and succeeding for the most part. By the end, Rhia could tell she was tired; she looked it.
“It’s been a long dess, Rhi. My crotch is bleeding, I’ve got cramps like the depths of the seven hells, I hate my dad, and I learned I like girls.”
“You just learned?”
“Talking to you, yeah. All I did was kiss a girl, and liked it. I didn’t know what that meant ‘til I talked it over with you.”
“Aw, Illy.” She hugged her again. “I’m glad I helped you.”
“I’m glad you don’t hate me.”
“No, I’ll always love you the same, no matter who you wanna smooch.”
“Thanks, Rhi. That means... more than you might realize.”
Rhia sat back and thought for a second, debated in her head, and came to a conclusion just in time to interrupt Illy.
“So I think—”
“You wanna know a secret?”
Illy stared at her blankly, taking in the words Rhia more spilled violently than spoke.
“Uhh...”
“You told me a secret. I thought... If I told you one, it might help.”
“I... I guess? You can tell me anything, Rhi.”
“Well, you know how I spend all my time reading and doing science-y things?”
“Well yeah, you’re kind of a class-A nerd.” She smiled.
“Well... I don’t just read all the time. When no one’s around... I’ve been practicing an instrument.”
“What? Rhia, you play music? That’s awesome! You’re self-taught?”
“Mostly. My mam and her friend have taught me some, plus she left some books for my mam and I. But yeah.”
“Well, what is it? Piano, or lute, or flute or what?”
“Well, it’s... She invented it, mam’s friend, so it’s not really a real instrument.”
“What? If it’s brand new, it doesn’t count as real?”
“Well... No, ‘cause bards don’t play it, and it’s one of, like, ten.”
“If it makes music, I think it counts, Rhi.”
“Okay, well... It’s.... She calls it a hurdy gurdy.”
“A what?” Illy chuckled, attempting to stifle her giggle. “What was that?”
“A hurdy gurdy?”
“What in the fuck’s a hurdy gurdy, Rhi?”
“I know, it’s a super dumb name, but that’s what she calls it. It’s like.... Well, here.” She hopped off the bed and pulled out a black case from underneath. When she opened it, Illy took in the sight of a bizarrely sleek and beautiful instrument.
Somewhere between a violin and a piano, it had a body of a violin, a big block of wood on top where the strings would be with several small keys sticking out of the side of the block, complete with flats and sharps like a keyboard. Towards the bottom of the body, strings came out of the box and rested on a small wheel coming out of the body. Two strings on each side dragged onto the left and right of the wheel, both ends going back into it. At the e
nd of the body sat a crank.
“That... is completely bizarre.”
“Yeah, it’s weird, but it’s super cool. Here!”
Rhia picked it up, sat down, laid it flat on her lap, and turned the crank with her right hand and laid her left on the keys. As the crank turned, the wheel turned with it, dragging along the strings, forming a low, constant drone. Once she had a speed built up, she pressed on a key, and the pitch shifted, forming a second, slightly higher drone, the original deeper one warbling as she flicked a finger over the side-string. Her hand sped up the crank as her left danced over more keys, forming a slightly more frantic tone with a slight buzz, changing the accent as she played a song she’d practiced for over ten turns.
Illune sat in wonder, staring at the instrument, taking in the sound she’d never contemplated before, wondering just how it was the sound was even happening. The complex instrument droned away as Rhia pumped at the crank and danced her fingers over the keys, forming the most delightful melody. After a solid six minutes, she ended the song, and Illy stared at it.
“So... did you like it?”
“It’s fucking bizarre!”
“Uhh...”
“I’ve never heard anything like it. It’s beautiful.”
“Yeah, it’s something different, that’s for sure.” She chuckled uneasily.
“I can’t believe it.”
“Believe what?”
“That you played like it was nothing.”
“Huh?”
“It was second nature to you. Like watching a ballroom dancer or a professional sportsballer. You owned it, Rhi, like it was part of you or something.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you friggin’ rocked it, girl! That was beautiful! How come you never played for me before?”
“I dunno, school doesn’t do music, they discourage that whole art scene, and the instrument’s all weird. I thought you might think it was dumb.”
“No, Rhi, it was gorgeous. Oh my gosh, I have to listen to you practice sometime!”
“No, no way. I’m way too self-conscious.”
“You said we tell each other everything. I’ve spilled my beans, you should let me revel in yours.”
“Revel in my beans?”
“Yeah! I... guess. No, I just wanna hear you play more. Promise you’ll practice for me sometime.”
“I... yeah. I can do that. I think. We’ll see.” She smirked as the door opened. Cassie stood in her doorway.
“I thought you hadn’t left yet. Rhia, did you just play for her?”
“She was super good, Cassie! Why haven’t you had her play for me before?”
“I told her to! She only trusted me ‘cause I gave it to her.”
“She’s so good! You taught her?”
“Nah, self-taught. Oh my gosh, Rhi, I’m so proud of you!” She ran in and hugged her daughter. Rhia accepted it, then decided to return the hug.
“What did’ye need, mam?”
“Well, I’m making dinner, wanted to know if you were staying for dinner, Illy.”
The two girls looked at each other, and Illy frowned. “I can’t go back home tonight, Rhi,” she muttered under her breath. “I can’t face them, see them.”
“Yeah, she’ll be staying here for the night.”
“Ah, all right. Will you be needing a blanket or bedroll or something, Illy?”
“Not sure, Mrs. I. I’ll update you.”
“All right, girls. Dinner in half a cent.” She closed the door behind her.
“Rhi. Why’d she offer a bedroll?”
“To give you a place to sleep?”
“I always just sleep in your bed.”
“She always offers.”
“No, she doesn’t. She stopped offering tens of turns ago. Do you think she heard me?”
“I think you’re just paranoid, Illy. Don’t worry about it.”
“Rhi, you don’t understand. Your mum goes to my temple, she’s friends with my dad. If she found out, what if she told them—”
“What if, what if. Relax. It’ll be fine.”
“I need to ask her.”
“Why?”
“Solace, at least. So I can know.”
“How are you gonna ask without giving it away?”
“I’ll just ask if she heard anything. Look, I’ll be right back.”
“Illy, you’re being silly.”
“I’ll just be a sec.” She shut the door behind her, but Rhia followed quietly, playing her hand at stealth. She sidled up against the wall and stopped short of the kitchen, listening carefully.
“Mrs. Irimot?”
“Miss, Illy. You know better. I’m not married.”
“Miss... Cassie?”
“What’s up, Illy?” She absentmindedly talked as she chopped some bell peppers.
“Did you hear any of our conversation in there?”
She stopped cutting for a minute, as though lost in thought. “Yeah. I did. You were kinda loud at times.”
“So you heard...”
Cassie set the knife down, turned around and leaned against the counter, looking right at Illy. She was tall for her age, and Cassie was short by averages, so they were almost level. “Illy, I’m so sorry you felt the need to hide it. Please, know that you can come to me with anything. I’m not your parents, and I won’t tell them anything they don’t need to know.”
Illy teared up and hugged her, and Cassie held Illy’s head to her shirt. “It’s okay, Illy. It’s okay. If you need to talk, I’ve been there.”
“What... What do you mean?”
“I thought I liked girls when I was younger. Turns out, I’m bi; I play both sides of the field. I don’t know if Rhia knows that, so it can be our little secret.” Rhia shot a hand to her mouth, suppressing a gasp, a gag, and a scream all at once. “But I’ve been through that. I’ve been there. You ever, ever need to talk. Just let me know.”
“Thank you,” she said through choked tears. “Thank you so much.”
“Just promise me you won’t let this eat you up. There’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. You’re just a girl, like anyone else.”
“You promise you won’t tell my dad?”
“Promise. I know them, their reaction is not what you need right now.”
“No... I kinda wanna tell him just to see the look on his face.”
“Tell him when you’re ready to move out. That way, you don’t have to deal with him every dess if he takes it poorly.”
“Right. I like your plan better.”
“Just promise to come to me if you have any questions, need to let anything out. I know Rhia’s your confidante, but if you need an adult to talk to, please, come to me.”
“I promise, Cassie. Thank you.”
“Anytime, girlie. Tell Rhia dinner’s on in forty.”
“Will do.” Rhia scampered back to her room as Illy waltzed in.
“So?”
“Yeah, she heard. She was,” she wiped at her eyes and sniffed. “She was super cool about it. Apparently, she’s dealt with that in her past. A good friend of hers went through this, so she wants to help me out.”
“Really? I never heard about this friend.”
“I dunno, it was university, I guess. All that matters is she won’t tell my parents.”
Rhia just smiled and hugged her and felt Illy heave a little as she started crying again.
“Is this what being a woman is, Rhi? Bleeding, cramping, and crying like fucking mad, not knowing why, and just not knowing what’s going on at all?”
“I think so, Illy. I think so.”
“Being an adult sucks.”
“Yeah. Looks like it.”
Chapter 26: Career Opportunities
The City of Bargatha, Ghostfire Prefecture
As she peered out the window, Ani watched the buildings go by. A coastal place with a hefty population of two hundred thousand, the city was expansive, starting small at the edges and growing as it went. The Arcane Institute of Bargatha was the pinnacle of the scene, standing with towers higher than even the citadel of Ril’Sek, the tallest and proudest religious monument of the city. Both were visible from a fair distance.
The city had a grey vibe that Voorhaven didn’t, making it feel almost industrial. Not half as bad as Arghan’Sul, but it had less green than Ani liked. As much as she loved people and crowds, the open spaces and greenery of the country called to her.
Within ten minutes of leaving the portal tower, her carriage arrived at the academy. With a gold purse flung at the driver, she hopped out and inspected herself in the nearest window. She was adorned in a fine black dress, form-fitting but not tight, her silver hair was pulled back into an impeccable fishtail braid, broken-in black boots on her feet recently shined, and her dark skin shone just right in the Bargathan light.
She waltzed through the hallways of the almost castle-looking complex, passing many a robed student before finding herself at the information desk. In her most official-yet-conventional manner, she leaned on the counter and looked the man behind the desk in the eyes, showing off her stunning brown orbs in as friendly a manner as possible.
“Excuse me, sir, but I’m looking for a specific student. Would you be able to show me to him?”
“I may or may not be able to disclose the location of a student. If they’re in a class, I could probably direct you there, though.”
“Great! I’m looking for one... Elon Arroway?”
“You won’t find him here,” a soft drawl of an accent answered from behind her. As Ani turned to look at the voice, the man behind the desk went back to his work. Behind her stood the most bizarre student she had seen yet: A Nojernan woman, obviously, with hair done-up in a ten-centimeter mohawk dressed fully in black-dyed leathers adorned with steel studs and spikes. Her boots came up to her knee and were held up by at least twelve different belts tied tight against her lower legs, overlapping unnecessarily. A ridiculous amount of metal littered her face, almost forming a map to her facial build.
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