by Lisa Edward
“I’m not mistress material, Cole. I will not be the ‘other woman’, and I definitely will not sneak around with you in case someone we know sees us. If you can’t choose me, if you can’t stand up for us and tell your family that you want to be with me, then we’re over.” Turning on my heels, I started towards the bedroom. I needed to pack a bag and then get the hell out as quickly as possible.
“You said you were mine, Tara. It was you and me, and that was all that mattered.”
Pausing, I turned to face him. I was so angry for all the broken promises, my hands balled into fists. “And you said you were mine, but it was all bullshit, wasn’t it, Cole? Because if you were mine, you wouldn’t be throwing away our life together by going through with this.”
“Come on, babe,” he pleaded. “Can’t we work something out? Find some way to make everyone happy?”
“No, you can’t make everyone happy, because we all want different things. So you need to decide what will make you happy.” I stepped closer. “Not what makes me happy. Not what makes your mum happy, but you. What do you want?”
Turning to make my way to the bedroom, I called over my shoulder, “And you’d better decide quickly.”
I stormed up to the bedroom, yanked a suitcase down from the top shelf and started pulling clothes out of the wardrobe and shoving them in my bag.
“So you’re going, is that it? Running back to Riley.” Cole had stormed in after me, his huge frame looking even bigger as he filled the doorway. “It’s always been Riley, hasn’t it? I bet you’ve just been waiting for an excuse to leave me.”
“Are you fucking serious?” Throwing the clothes I had in my hand to the ground, I crossed the room in four strides and squared off to him. “I wouldn’t be going if you’d grow some balls, Cole.”
“You can talk. Have you even told Riley that you went to Paris with me, or what happened over there?” He was being so smug.
I wanted to smack that smug look right off his face.
“So how is Paris any different to this?” Cole sneered. “Oh, wait, that’s right, because the shoe was on the other foot. You didn’t think twice about keeping me as your dirty little secret, but now you’re all high and mighty, Little Miss Morals.”
“This doesn’t have anything to do with Riley.” Tears were steaming down my cheeks, but I wouldn’t back down. “But at least I know where I stand with him. He didn’t tell me he loved me and promise me the world, and then go running off with someone else.”
“And I know where I stand with Prue.” He was absolutely seething as his voice grew deeper. “She may only be after my money, but she understands what my family means to me, and she’s not running off to be with her little lover boy every chance she gets.”
Ouch! That hurt.
“Well it’s a good thing Prue’s such a great catch—” I stood on my tip-toes so I was in his face. “—seeing as you’re marrying her.”
I grabbed my suitcase, and barging past Cole, made my way to the elevator. Of course I would need to call Jay straight away to see if I could actually go with them—my first port of call, though, would be Songbirds, to see if I could crash on someone’s couch for the night.
I took one last look over my shoulder at Cole who was now leaning with his elbows on the kitchen bench, head in hands.
Say something. Do something, I begged in my head. Tell me you can’t live without me.
With one last look at the man I loved more than anything, I pushed the elevator button.
“Tara,” he said, his voice full of desperation.
“What?” I snapped, turning on him.
He flinched at my tone.
“What do you want, Cole?” If there was ever a time to tell me he needed me to stay, this was it, but I was too wound up. The time for niceties had passed. “Unless you’re going to tell me you’re not going through with the engagement, we’re done.”
He threw his hands to his sides in defeat. “It doesn’t matter what I do. I can’t win, can I?” He shook his head. “There’s too much at stake. Whatever I do, I lose.”
“Looks like we both lose.”
His hands went to his hair and stayed there as tears filled his eyes. “So that’s really it, then?”
“Are you going to go through with it, Cole?”
He nodded as his chest heaved.
“Then that’s really it.” I punched the elevator button. It couldn’t come fast enough. Stepping in through the open doors, I turned to face him.
“Enjoy your engagement, and have a nice life.” The finality hit me in the gut.
He stood there, hands still tangled in his hair, watching me as the doors closed.
“It’s okay, Kell, you don’t have to tippy-toe around me. I’m not going to have a breakdown,” I told her, trying to make light of this situation.
That was a lie. My world felt as if it were falling apart. My heart had been ripped out, and I was finding it difficult just to take the next breath. I’d spent the night on Kelli’s couch, crying my eyes out over Cole, the feeling of déjà vu hitting home. I’d come full circle. Single and homeless once again, and sleeping on my best-friend’s couch.
Kelli had come out to wake me at four in the morning as she was getting ready to feed Noah, so I could get organised and leave for the airport. But I was already awake, having not slept a wink all night.
“Do you think you’ll see Riley while you’re there?” she asked casually.
“I don’t know. I doubt he’d want to see me.”
“Hmm, I wouldn’t be so sure.” She looked up at me as if she were weighing up what to say next. “You know I wrote to him after you got back.”
I nodded, and started folding the bedding I’d used for the night.
“I sent him a photo of Noah, and I told him I didn’t blame him for Coop or anything that had happened.” She sat Noah up, rubbing his back to induce a burp. “I also told him off for not appreciating the situation he’d put you in, or for thanking you for going over there and saving him.”
Stopping mid-fold, I sat down on the edge of the couch. “I wish you hadn’t, Kell. He had every right to be pissed with me.”
She shrugged. “Maybe, but he wrote back. I got the letter the other day.”
“Okay …”
“He misses you,” she said simply. “Half of the letter was about you and how much he still loves you, how he regrets everything that has happened.”
Chewing on my bottom lip, I couldn’t help the tears welling in my eyes. After everything he had been through, everything I’d just been through with Cole, this was too much. It was too much to consider that Riley was still in love with me when I had hurt him so badly. But it was so like Riley to have regrets about how things had ended. He probably blamed himself for me turning to Cole, even though he’d done absolutely nothing wrong.
“I think it will be good for both of you to catch up and clear the air. I know he’d like to apologise.” She tore her gaze away from Noah to look up at me. “Would you like to read the letter?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Well, yes, I would, but no, I shouldn’t.”
She laughed at my indecision.
I shrugged. “So, that’s a definite no.” No matter how completely heartbroken I was about Cole, to read Riley’s letter now would be a huge mistake. I had been so let down, and I didn’t want Riley’s words to confuse me when my emotions were already all over the place. I preferred in this instance to bury my head in the sand.
THE FLIGHT over was vastly different to the last time I’d travelled to Kabul. Last time, I’d flown first class with Dad and Victor on a commercial jet. This time, it was with nine girls and Jay on a defence-chartered aircraft to Kuwait, where we would be transferred to a C-130 military aircraft.
Trying to ignore the whispers and curious glances from the girls, I gazed out the window. My eyes were red and swollen from crying, and I knew it was obvious that something was wrong, really wrong, but I’d only spoken to Nicole about it briefly when I had
called past Songbirds, and to Jay, when I asked him if I could tag along at short notice. The others could speculate all they wanted. I wasn’t in the mood for discussing how my boyfriend was going to marry someone else.
“Are you okay?” Jay asked awkwardly, sitting in the seat next to me that had thankfully been left empty since the beginning of the flight.
With all good intentions of putting on a brave face and reassuring him I was fine, I turned to meet his eyes.
“I’m …” My voice caught in my throat as my eyes welled with tears once more. “I’m fine.”
He grasped my hand, giving it a squeeze. “I’m not very good at this stuff, Tara, but if you need to talk about it, I’m here.”
Nodding in response, I swiped the heel of my hand over my wet cheeks. “Thanks, Jay. I don’t think there’s much to talk about though.” I choked back a sob. “He’s marrying Prue, so that’s that.”
Jay shook his head. “Ever since I’ve known him, it’s been hanging over his head. I guess he’s always known that sooner or later he’d have to go through with it, and give up everything he’s wanted to do with his life. That’s probably why he’s just sort of drifted around, never really committing to anything.”
“I thought he had committed to me.” I sobbed.
“I thought he had too, which for Cole is a huge deal.” He squeezed my hand again. “You make him happy, and I know that for a while he let himself look towards the future with you in it.”
“What did he say?” God, I was a glutton for punishment.
“Well, one time when we were having a few drinks, before you two officially started seeing each other, he talked about what it would be like if you were together. You were already writing music and hanging out all the time, but he used to fantasise about being able to …” He fidgeted nervously. “Well, he wanted to be able to touch you, you know. He said how awesome it would be if you were the last person he saw at night, and the first person he saw in the morning. That was what he wanted with you.”
Nicole’s head poked over the back of the seat in front of us. “You’re not helping, you know,” she scolded Jay. “You keep telling her all the romantic shit he said and she’ll be an absolute basket case.”
Sighing deeply, I tried to stem the flow of tears. “At least I’ll have a couple of weeks away from everything.” I rested my head on Jay’s shoulder. “By the time we get back, Cole and Prue will be engaged.”
I had to snap out of this mood for the sake of everyone around me. We would be going to a dangerous place where things were particularly unsafe for women, so sticking together was crucial.
The girls gathered around me, and I filled everyone in on my experience in Kabul when I had visited a few months earlier. The dress was non-negotiable, and I made sure the girls knew that they had to stay covered up whenever they were around the local people.
As the plane was beginning to make its descent, we quickly changed into our neck-to-knee garb and wrapped scarves around our heads to cover our hair. With much excitement, we waited for the plane to touchdown so we could embark upon the next leg of our journey.
As soon as we disembarked the C-130, two military police greeted us and escorted us to a helicopter where we all piled in. I looked at the pilot, who gave me a big cheesy grin and a wink, but I wasn’t looking to be flirtatious. I was looking to see if it was Riley. Of course, it wasn’t. Civilian transport wasn’t really his area, he was Special Forces, flying missions and rescuing men.
The girls leaned in and chatted excitedly to each other as our adventure continued. We were now in Afghanistan where it was freezing, with rain pelting down. It was as far away from summer in Australia as you could get. The sound of the blades powering up stopped the chatter as we lifted off, hanging on to our seats for stability as we made our way to the first patrol base. The noise was deafening, but it allowed me to sit quietly, gazing out at the desolate landscape below.
Everyone should see this at some time in their life, just to make them appreciate what we have at home.
The flight was fairly short, and in no time we had left the rain behind and were landing on a flat piece of dirt, the dust swirling up around us as we jumped out at our first patrol base and looked around. It was like nothing I had ever seen, and I took a moment, mouth agape, to take it all in.
Razor wire adorned the walls of the compound, with sand bags stacked as high as I could reach. There were towers strategically positioned around the base, manned with armed soldiers. I didn’t know if it made me feel safer to have them there, or more ill at ease to know that they were required. Helicopters were coming and going, and there was a constant buzz of activity with soldiers on foot and in army vehicles going about their business. What caught my attention the most, though, was that every soldier was in full uniform and armed. I guess it should have been obvious, but it had never occurred to me that behind the security of the walls, it would be needed. What also surprised me was that behind the walls it felt like a little village with stores, a post exchange, and even fast food outlets.
By the third base, the protocol had become second nature. We were greeted by whoever was in command and taken to an office, where security ID was handed out and rules and regulations were explained. We were then shown to our hut, which depending on the size of the base, was either a large semi-permanent structure with bunk beds that we all shared, or smaller two-and four-people huts with stretchers. This was followed by a tour around base, with the amenities being pointed out.
At the first patrol base, some of the girls had baulked at the idea of sharing a shower facility, and limiting their water usage to an absolute minimum. But after spending a couple of days immersing ourselves in the culture, we’d forgotten about our creature comforts back home and were enjoying spending time with the amazing soldiers and hearing their stories. Now at the third camp, there were no complaints as we tied our less-than-perfect hair back, and brushed the dust and dirt from our clothes.
The weather was still cold with occasional showers, but we endured it dressed in our barely-there costumes for the sake of the soldiers. The stages were set up and makeshift dressing areas were created by hanging curtains at either side, while Jay set up a sound desk for himself, where he could watch and play the pre-recorded music as required.
As with every base, I scanned the faces of passing soldiers for Riley. Many of the soldiers approached us, happy to have any form of entertainment to relieve the boredom, or bring them a little piece of home, and this base was no exception. We had arrived right on lunchtime, and a large number of military personnel were in the Mess, eating. As we entered, a hush fell over the area as head after head turned to check us out. It always made me self-conscious to have so many men undressing us with their eyes, but a couple of the girls revelled in the attention.
Lola and Maggie stepped forward, giving a little wave to the military men, which earned them instant cheers and wolf whistles.
Looking over at Nicole, I could read the expression on her face, and knew she was thinking the exact same thing as me—another patrol base, a new group of guys for the girls to flirt with. Not that there was anything wrong with that. The girls were single, and from the lines they were spun, so were the guys, so no harm done. It did, however, mean we had to be more vigilant, and keep an eye on them to ensure they didn’t get into trouble. Not to mention trying to track them down when it was time to get ready to perform, or time to leave.
Nicole and I hung back with Jay as Lola, Maggie and the other girls weaved in between bench seats, saying hi and winking cheekily to the men, with hopeful grins gazing back at them.
“Seriously, if we all get back home and no one is pregnant, it will be a miracle,” Nicole whispered out of the side of her mouth. “Those girls will screw anyone.”
“What happens on tour, stays on tour,” I said jokingly.
Jay laughed. “You have no idea how true that is.”
We found a table towards the back of the Mess and then stood in line, trays in h
and, perusing the food on offer.
“I’m grabbing a burger,” Nicole said, screwing up her nose at the locally made options.
“So you’ve come all the way over here, to buy food we could get back home?” I laughed. “Would you like fries with that?”
“Absolutely.” She grinned. “Anyone else want a burger?” She looked around at the other girls and Jay. Most of them took one last look at the food on offer, nodded, and returned their trays to the stack.
Shrugging, I looked at Stacey and Annie. They were the only two who had decided, like me, to eat the food that had been prepared by the locals. Problem was, on closer inspection, it didn’t look that great, or that fresh.
Too late to eat humble pie and change my mind.
The only thing that seemed remotely edible was a suspicious-looking sloppy chicken dish. At least, I think it was chicken. The others came back in with their takeaway bags of burgers and sat with us as we pushed our dinner around our plates. The taste wasn’t too bad, but I still wasn’t sure that it actually was chicken.
“How’s that?” Jay asked pulling a face as he looked at my plate. “Or should I say, what’s that? It looks like road-kill.”
Not wanting to admit that they were right, I ate it all, immediately feeling my stomach object as it went down. Stacey and Annie had done their best, but in the end left most of theirs, and were now digging in to Lola and Maggie’s fries.
“That was delicious.” My stomach rolled and grumbled. “Shame I can’t fit anymore in.”
It was the middle of the night when the first wave of nausea hit and I had to sprint to the bathroom facilities to heave my guts out. Staggering back to the hut I was sharing with the other girls after spending a good half hour with my head in the toilet bowl, I saw Stacey come out and double over, arms wrapped around her stomach.
Damn road-kill.
“You okay?” I asked as I approached.
“Yeah, just really bad pains in the stomach.” She grimaced at me as she straightened up and headed for the bathroom. “If I’m not back by morning, send out a search party.”
