by Lisa Edward
Taking Riley’s hand, I led the two men back down the aisle, then asked a couple of soldiers to scoot over so they could sit in the front row.
“I have to do the show now, but can we catch up later?” I asked hopefully.
Riley’s eyes scanned my outfit again. “I’m looking forward to it.”
THE SHOW had gone so well that we actually did a couple of extra numbers we had dropped from the tour. When that wasn’t enough and the crowd still wanted more, Jay got up on stage with his guitar, and I sat on a stool and sang a few songs.
After the show, we did the usual posing for photos with the guys. Because this was such a big base, the photo session went on for more than an hour, until the sun started going down and the air chilled.
Finally, most of the crowd had disbursed and headed over to the Mess for dinner. I looked around, hoping that Riley had hung back. I knew he was here, but trying to find him if he didn’t want to be found would be difficult.
Nicole was talking to Jay, and as I was looking around, she waved to me and called me over.
“I think you’d better save your friends,” she said, indicating to Riley and Bear, who had been bailed up by Maggie and Lola.
I just laughed. “I’m sure they can handle themselves with two girls who are half their size.”
“Don’t you mind the girls chatting up Riley?” Nicole asked curiously.
That was a strange question, and to be honest, I wasn’t really sure how I felt. We weren’t together so I wasn’t jealous, but I did still care about him. I wanted him to be happy, to find a lovely girl who could give him everything I hadn’t been able to. The problem was, would anyone be good enough for him in my eyes?
Grabbing Nicole and Jay, I pulled them over to where Riley was standing, arms crossed protectively over his chest.
“There you are,” he said, relief clear in his voice. “Did you want to hang out tonight? I think we have some catching up to do,” he hesitated, “and I need to do some serious apologising, according to Kelli.”
Laughing, I shook my head. “You don’t have anything to apologise for, but I’d love to catch up.”
He came over and stood beside me, resting his hand gently on the small of my back.
“Before we go,” I said, subtly taking a step away, “I wanted to introduce you to Nicole. She’s Marcus’s girlfriend.”
Riley’s face lit up at the mention of Marcus. They had gotten on well, and I guess any mention of home was something to cling on to.
Nicole stepped forward and threw her arms around his neck, taking him by surprise.
He laughed, hugging her back lightly. “So good to meet you, Nicole.” Turning to me, he added, “I guess he’s not chasing you anymore then.”
I laughed nervously, my eyes darting to Nicole, but she threw her head back and laughed out loud at the comment. “No, he knows when he’s on a good thing.” She gave him a cheeky wink. “And he gets on this good thing as often as possible.”
“Oh my God.” I slapped her playfully on the arm. “Let’s go get changed quickly, then I can watch you eat everything in sight.”
I turned to Riley.
“Don’t worry,” he said, without me saying another word, “I’ll wait for you.”
It was the most relaxed I’d been this entire trip. As Jay, Riley, Bear, Nicole and I sat together, talking and laughing, we could almost be forgiven for feeling like we were sitting back at Songbirds, having a few quite drinks. The others tucked into huge plates of food, but my stomach was still recovering from my suspected food poisoning, so I stuck to plain rice and vegetables.
“You not eating much?” Riley asked, frowning.
“No,” I replied shaking my head. “I ate some dodgy chicken at the last patrol base, and I’m still recovering.”
His eyes scanned over my body for the tenth time in the last half hour. “You look like you’ve lost weight, but I thought it was just from all the dancing.”
I hugged myself self-consciously.
“Don’t worry, you’re still gorgeous,” he said with a smirk.
My face felt hot, and I was sure my cheeks had turned pink.
He chuckled. “And you’re still a blusher.” His eyes lit up. “Some things never change.”
I wanted to know how Bear had been found, and he was more than happy to sing Riley’s praises.
Apparently, not long after Riley had returned to the field to start the search for Bear and Tech, they had received intel on his whereabouts. Riley’s new unit had been put together quickly with highly-trained specialists from Australia, the United States and England. They had stormed the area, finding Bear in a similar cell to the one Riley had been kept in, a hole in the ground.
Bear had been given the choice to return home if he wanted to. There was certainly no shame in it, after what he had been through. But, like Riley, he had decided to stay, at least until Tech had been found, and they could bring the terrorists to justice for the deaths of Cooper, Ram and Jax.
Reaching out, I squeezed Bear’s hand. “I wish I’d known you’d been rescued. I would have found a way to sneak your wife over here to see you. She could have been our costume lady or something.”
His eyes immediately glazed over. “Just as well you didn’t. If she were here, I would never have let her leave.”
“Have you seen her?” Jay asked.
Bear shook his head. “Only on Skype.” He smiled, remembering the time. “She understands that I have something I need to do here. I wouldn’t be able to rest if I left now.” He looked at Riley as he spoke. “There’s still unfinished business to take care of.”
Riley nodded. “You’ll get home soon, mate.” He slapped Bear on the back. “You must be due for another baby.”
The two guys laughed. The rest of us didn’t get the joke, however.
Riley’s eyes were shining as he turned to look at me. “Every time Bear goes home on leave, his wife ends up pregnant. They’ve got three little ones. Must be about time to make number four.”
As a special treat for the visiting entertainers, a movie had been arranged for after dinner. It was cold and dark as we left the Mess, and Riley wrapped his arm around me protectively.
I stiffened. As much as I needed the warmth, I didn’t want him getting the wrong idea.
“Don’t worry, I’m not hitting on you,” he whispered. “Just trying to keep you warm.”
I relaxed a little, leaning into him.
“Although you are so much more beautiful than your photos. They really don’t do you justice.”
Straightening up again, I looked in his eyes to read his expression. He chuckled, squeezing me into his side.
“Relax,” he told me, rubbing my arm. “I know you’re seeing Cole now. I don’t like it, but I respect your decision.”
My breath hitched, a little noise escaping my throat as tears welled in my eyes.
“What? Don’t tell me you’re engaged already,” he asked, concerned.
“No.” I shook my head gently. “We’re not together anymore. He’s engaged, but not to me. He’s marrying someone else.”
Riley’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “What did he do?”
“He broke up with me,” I said simply.
“He broke up with you?” He shook his head in disbelief. “I always thought he was too in love with himself to be in a relationship, but if anyone could tame him, I thought it would be you.”
“It’s complicated.” I tried to gloss over it, but Riley knew me too well.
“How complicated? Tell me.”
I sighed. “Something happened with his family and his mother—who’s the devil in Cartier—made a deal with her best friend to match-make their children.” I shrugged. “He doesn’t feel that he has a choice, so he’s going to marry someone he can’t stand and be miserable for the rest of his life.”
Riley’s jaw dropped open. “So the tough guy is a mummy’s boy. Go figure.”
I couldn’t help smiling. “I guess he is. I think he j
ust feels trapped, so … that’s that.”
It all sounded so simple, so clean cut, but in reality it was anything but. I didn’t know the full story, but I knew enough to figure out that whatever it was that had happened before Cole was born involved not only his parents, but also him. It was messy and sordid, and I just wished he had trusted me enough to let me in. Then maybe we could have worked something out together.
“I should have just ridden it out,” Riley said.
“What do you mean?”
His arm relaxed around me. Instead of hugging me to keep me warm, he was just resting his arm around my shoulder.
“I tried to push you to make a commitment to me, because I knew there was something between the two of you that I could never compete with.” He smiled sadly. “When you told me you were with Cole, I was hurt and angry, but not surprised. It was always in the back of my mind; it was inevitable, really.”
We’d reached the structure that was being used as a picture theatre for the night. Most people had gone in, but we stood outside talking.
The back of Riley’s fingers caressed my cheek. “Now you’re single again. Maybe if I hadn’t been such an ass the last time we saw each other …” His gaze dropped to the ground, and he exhaled loudly, before raising his eyes to meet mine again. “Come on.” He took my hand, leading me inside where it was warm and dimly lit.
There were rows of chairs, the same chairs that had been set up in the amphitheatre earlier that day, as well as big cushions on the floor. As we entered, we looked around for Jay and the girls and found them reclining on large cushions on the other side of the room. They flagged us over, shifting so we could join them.
“Do you remember that restaurant we went to where we sat on the cushions?” Riley asked as he made room for me to squeeze in. “That food was one of the best meals I think I’ve ever had.”
“I remember the company was pretty good too.” I smiled at him as his eyes shone at me, remembering the time as if it were only yesterday.
We all sat huddled together, as The Shawshank Redemption came on. It was an oldie, and I’d seen it at least half a dozen times, but it was a great movie, and I was ready just to forget about everything and let my mind be carried away by the film.
Sometime during the movie—I’m not exactly sure when—we rearranged ourselves again, and I ended up leaning back against Riley’s chest. I could feel my eyes getting heavy as the stress of the last two weeks caught up with me, and I rested my head on Riley’s shoulder.
His arm wrapped around me loosely. It felt comforting and protective as my eyes closed, and I listened to the gentle beat of his heart. Then, just like old times, he started stroking my hair softly, lulling me off to sleep.
“Just close your eyes, Tara,” he whispered, kissing me on the head. “I’ll take care of you.”
Before I realised what was happening, the lights were on and people around us were standing to make their way out.
Rubbing my eyes, I looked around and stretched, slightly disorientated.
“Did you enjoy the movie?” Nicole asked, tongue in cheek. “Your snoring really gave it so much more atmosphere.”
“I do not snore,” I said indignantly.
“Oh, yes you do,” she joked. “Especially when you’re on your back.” She laughed. “Or apparently when you’re sitting up, leaning against someone.”
“Rubbish!” I looked at Riley for support.
He chuckled. “Sorry, I’m not getting in the middle of this one.”
“I don’t, do I?” I asked him seriously.
He ruffled my hair. “Only sometimes, but it doesn’t bother me.”
THE COLD air refreshed me instantly, and I huddled into my coat, trying to stay warm. Riley strode up beside me, wrapping both arms around me playfully and pulling me off balance. He lifted me off the ground and I squealed, then burst out laughing as he threw me over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry.
Whack!
I slapped his butt hard, making him flinch before he slid me back down his body until my feet were once again on the ground.
We were still laughing, but when our eyes met I knew we were both remembering the same day. It was the day on the beach with Kelli and Cooper, when he had thrown her over his shoulder and run down to the water with her.
“Coop said it would take ten years before you did that to me,” I reminded him.
“Yeah,” he said sadly, hooking his arm around my shoulders, and pulling me into his side. “I wish he was here so I could tell him he was wrong.”
We left Jay at his hut, then said goodbye to Nicole at our hut before continuing on to Riley and Bear’s accommodation. Bear shuffled his feet uncomfortably outside before deciding he wasn’t tired yet, and headed back over to the Mess to see what was happening.
“Well, that wasn’t awkward at all,” I joked as we entered, and I watched Riley place his weapon in the secure box by the door.
Riley and Bear’s hut was similar to where Nicole and I were staying, only it had been personalised with the guy’s possessions, and photos were set up beside the bunks. I knew which one was Riley’s bunk straight away by the photos stuck to the wall.
The photos of me.
Crawling onto the bunk bed so I could reach the wall, I studied the pictures. So many happy memories were pinned up there, and I ran my fingers over the ones of Riley and me together in the hot-air balloon.
“I love that one,” Riley said as he sat on the end of the bed, “and this one.” He pointed to the happy snap of me lying in a hammock in my bikini, peeking over the top of my Kindle. “I look at that one a lot.”
Turning to look at his face, I noticed a blush creeping in.
“Maybe too often.” He bit his bottom lip. “But I have to have something to look at and think about while I …” His cheeky wink finished the sentence for me, making heat rise in my own cheeks.
“That was a great holiday,” I agreed. “Feels like a lifetime ago.”
We reminisced about all the wonderful things we had done together in a time when life seemed so much simpler. The whole time we were talking, Riley subconsciously traced the outline of my name on his arm. Even when he wasn’t looking at it directly, he still knew exactly where the letters were.
“Are you going to get that covered with something else?” I asked, indicating to the tattoo.
He smiled down at it, as if he hadn’t realised he’d been touching it. “No, this is for life.”
“I don’t know how your next girlfriend will feel about that. Unless, of course, her name’s Tara. Then she’ll think it’s fate, or something,” I joked.
His eyes were sad as he looked at me. “Do you think there will be another girlfriend?”
Moving to sit beside him, I took his hands in mine. “If you want there to be, Riley. You’re a great guy, any girl would be over the moon to be with you.”
“You weren’t,” he said simply.
Squeezing his hands, I sighed deeply. “I was, it’s just … it was bad timing. I don’t know, maybe if you hadn’t gone away so soon after we got back together we would have had more time to establish our relationship.”
He nodded, his head hanging low. “It was too rushed, no foundation. I left you alone, and then didn’t support what you were doing back home. It was all about me and what I was doing. I should have paid more attention to you.”
“Hey.” I placed my hand on his cheek, turning his face towards me. “It’s no one’s fault, it just wasn’t meant to be, that’s all. You had to focus on what you were doing. I understood that, and I don’t blame you for any of this. But once you leave here and have a stable home, you’ll meet someone who’s worthy of you.” I laughed. “Of course, you’ll have to run her by me first, so I can make sure she’s good enough.”
Leaning back against the wall, he pulled me back with him. Sitting side by side on the bunk, reclining back, Riley rested his hand on my knee. “Problem is, Tara, I don’t think I want to meet anyone else.” His index finger
started lazily drawing little circles on my leg. “I don’t think anyone could compare to you, and to be honest, I’m quite happy to have you as the last girl I ever sleep with.”
That took me by surprise. “We slept together ten months ago, Riley. You can’t shut yourself off from falling in love and having a life away from this.”
His hand stopped drawing circles as he turned his body to face mine. He was so close, his breath fanning on my cheek.
“I have fallen in love, Tara. I’m still in love.” His eyes looked through me, into my soul. “I know you’ve moved on and you don’t love me anymore, and I know I should let you go, but I can’t.” Tears welled in his eyes. “I can’t let you go. No matter how many times I tell myself I’ve lost you, you’re all there is for me. You’re all I have to hang on to, from a life that wasn’t full of misery and destruction and death. I can’t lose that because if I do, I’ll lose myself, and I’m scared I’ll never make it back.”
The torture in his eyes betrayed the happy-go-lucky façade he’d been wearing all day. Behind the jokes and light-hearted banter was still the broken man I’d seen in Tarin Kot. His physical appearance had changed—he was buff and healthy again—but the truth was in his eyes. He was desperate and frightened and alone, and my heart was breaking for him.
“Tell me what I can do for you, Riley.” I turned towards him so we were facing each other. There had to be something I could do to make him feel better about all of this, I owed him that much. He had been through so much in the past year, most of it devastating and horrific, and some of his hurt had been caused by my actions.
“What do you need?” I asked, trying to find some way to help him.
His guard was down as he leaned towards me, resting his forehead to mine. “I need for the last ten months to have never happened. I need to not know what it’s like to be here, in this hellhole. I need for my best mate and half of my unit to not be dead.” His bottom lip trembled as his words choked. “And I need you to love me again.”
A sob caught in my throat. My heart felt like it was being squeezed as my eyes welled, and I closed them, trying to stop the flow of tears.
