by Ashley Beale
I can’t think about this. I can’t think about this. Dammit, I can’t think about this.
With a sigh, I bring my fist up to the door and knock. I can hear talking on the other side and I realize that he isn’t alone in there. When the door opens, it’s actually Zander’s dad taking up the frame. He looks surprised to see me. “Ms. Bennett, about time you showed up.” He winks and opens the door wider. I spot Zander and Justin in the room, both in everything but their jackets.
“Mr. Fields,” I say with a smile. What does he mean, about time I showed up? Did he expect me to?
“It’s been nice getting to know my grandson,” he states.
My face heats up. “Oh.”
With a chuckle, he turns his head around. “Justin, come on, your parent’s need to talk for a few minutes.”
Justin looks over and notices me for the first time. He smiles and looks up at Zander, who is looking at me like I’ve betrayed him. This all is such a mess, but I’m here, and I’m going to try.
Zander’s dad leaves the room, and as Justin starts to pass by he gives me a tight hug. He whispers, “You smell like cigarettes.”
I look away, embarrassed. “I was at a bar and grill, then I got a ride with someone who smokes. No worries, I didn’t smoke.”
He laughs. “Didn’t think you did, mom. But I’m glad to see you here.” His voice so very soft and my heart warms. Does everyone want me to break up this wedding? Or am I just assuming things here? Either way, that is what I’m going to attempt to do, and I hope Zander doesn’t hate me forever for it.
I close the door behind me and face Zander, who is currently turned in the opposite direction. His forehead is placed against the wall, and by his body language, I know for a fact this is the last thing he wants to be doing right now. Not that I can blame him, but I’m intoxicated, heartbroken, scared, and in love. This has to be done.
“Zander,” I start my speech, “showing up the way I did last night, it was uncalled for. Showing up here right now, its even worse. I know it is. But please, understand my reasoning. I love you, I’ve always loved you, and I truly believe you marrying her is going to be a huge mistake. Please, Zander, don’t marry her. Don’t. I’ll beg you for the next forty minutes. I’ll do anything I can to stop this from happening. You don’t deserve her, she isn’t good enough for you. She never will be.”
He turns his head to the side, so I can see the profile of his face. He doesn’t face me, instead looks straight ahead to where the closet is, but I can actually hear him when he speaks. “And you think you deserve me? After everything you’ve done.”
“No. I don’t deserve you, Zander. I know I never will. But I’ll love you better. I’ll treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and we can be… be a family.” I wring my hands together and look down, nervous about saying this, even with the liquid courage.
He sighs and I can feel him start to approach. His hands grab my cheeks and he pulls my head up to face him. “I’ve been with Emerson for three years, Lex. Three years. She loves me, I love her, and I didn’t just rush into this with her. We’ve gotten to know each other. We live together. We’ve worked through all our arguments. We’ve learned to cherish one another. She stuck by me when you showed up with my child, and she never made me feel like shit about it. She encouraged me to get to know him better. She has been good to me. So please, explain to me why she isn’t good enough for me, and no damn bullshit about her being a cheater.”
I’m surprised to hear a softness in his tone. He isn’t being an asshole about everything, he truly wants to know. It hurts he doesn’t believe me about her cheating, but then again, I’m sure he thought I was playing some sort of jealously game.
Nothing I can say will matter at his point, so I lean up on my toes and press my lips to his as hard as I can. His body tenses, but only for a second, and as I wrap my arms around his waist, he pulls me closer to him, deepening the kiss with his tongue.
I can’t help but melt into him. I turn our bodies around and walk towards the bed. When Zander’s legs hit the bed, he falls back and I fall with him, straddling his waist as he lays completely onto his back. His hands travel from my cheek, down my shoulders and arms, until they reach my hips.
Without much thought, my body naturally starts to grind down onto him. I can feel he wants more, as all of a sudden I can feel him harden between my legs. My core heats up even more and I can feel myself become wet. I don’t put anything thought into when I reach down and pulled my shirt from my body, my mouth pulling away from Zander’s for only a quick second. I toss my shirt onto the floor and reach behind me, unbuckling my bra and sliding it down my arms, throwing it to meet my shirt on the floor.
I can feel the rough growl deep inside Zander’s throat. He approves of my stripping, and that thought gives me courage to reach behind me to Zander’s hands. I pull them with me, pressing them against my bare breasts. I don’t have to do anymore, because his takes charge, massaging my breasts willingly and it feels amazing.
A moan escapes my mouth and Zander has no problem swallowing it. Our mouths separate and he starts sucking on my bottom lip as I arch into his touch. His mouth moves down my chin as he starts nibbling at my skin, sucking lightly at my neck.
“Zander,” I moan out. “Oh my God!”
“Shh,” he whispers against my skin. Our bodies turn so quickly, I let out a small giggle but easily turn serious again when Zander presses his erection into my parted legs. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” he states with a gravelly voice.
My breathing picks up to an embarrassing pace, but I don’t mind because everything seems right in the world, even with Zander’s words. I ignore them and reach down to undo his pants. He takes over quickly, and gets his pants as well as his boxers pulled down completely. He pulls at the button on my shorts as well, pulling them down with my underwear. His face comes down and he kisses at my mound, licking at the slit between my legs before making his way up my body.
Every kiss, every lick, every touch is magical. My hips start to grind into Zander’s body and he chuckles against my neck. “Hold on, I just had to get a good taste of you first.” His mouth lands back on mine and our bodies line up perfectly. His erection teases my entrance and I can feel myself needing him more and more each second that passes. I wrap my legs around him and try to force him forward.
I can feel his lips lift into a smile through our kiss. His hands go down and push on my hips, making them stay in place. One hand goes between our bodies and he grabs himself, guiding his cock to rub me up and down, spreading my wetness everywhere before he slowly pushes the head of his cock into me.
The amount of pleasure I feel just at that is outstanding. I need all of him, right now. He pulls his mouth away and touches his nose to mine. Putting both hands on my hips again, making me stay completely still, he pushes forth the rest of the way, completely filling me up.
My body arches up into him, my head falling back in pleasure. He kisses at my chin before pulling his body back and pushing into me again. Shit, this is the most amazing feeling in the world. It’s pure pleasure, pure ecstasy. Pure… love.
I can feel the love between us. I want this to last forever.
We continue making love, and even though I never want to stop, my body has different plans. Tingles start so deep in my stomach and I feel them tightening inside me in a new way. A way I don’t think I’ve discovered yet. My mouth opens wider as a moan escapes, but Zander deepens our kiss, not allowing me to be too loud.
Just as I start to tighten around him, I can feel his body tense. We come together and I feel that much more connected to him. He mouth leaves mine and goes down to my ear and I listen to him pant out his breaths as he finishes getting off. I close my eyes and fall into a complete euphoric bliss. Nothing in the world has felt more impeccable than this moment right here.
But it quickly fades when he pulls out of me and stands. Zander reaches down and grabs my clothing, tossing them at me before grabbing his own. He pu
lls everything up and buttons his pants while I slowly get dressed as well.
Once I’m finished, I walk over and wrap my arms around Zander, feeling a little guilty but happy that my mission is accomplished. They’re not getting married, and hopefully this means that Zander is now mine. We can finally work on being a family.
Then Zander steps back from me and looks away, running one of his hands over the top of his head. “You should probably go, Lexi.”
“W-what?” I stutter.
He grabs the jacket to his tux and slides it on before walking over to the mirror. I watch, completely flabbergasted. “You got what you wanted. Now, I have a wedding to get to.”
I absolutely hate the fact
That no one else has the ability to break me,
Or to make me feel happy like you do.
You are the only person who can ruin my day,
And you are the only person who can fix it.
–WC
As soon as Zander leaves the room, Bray comes rushing in and looks at me, immediately knowing I didn’t stop the wedding. She comes over and pulls into her arms, hugging me close. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. What happened? You were in here almost twenty minutes, I thought for sure you were getting somewhere with him.”
I start to sob against her shoulder. I’ve never felt so used. I’ve never felt so angry, or so sad, or so helpless. Right in this moment, I actually believe that I hate Zander. How can he just make love with me, completely bare- again- then he just leaves me minutes later to go marry someone else. This isn’t the Zander I knew. This isn’t the Zander I fell in love with. The Zander I knew and loved was anything but selfish and an ass.
Once I’m able to catch my breath a little, I tell Bray. “We had sex then he said I needed to leave so he could marry her.” I’m not sure how much she understood, because with the tears and my face pressed into his shoulders, my voice is muffled.
She pulls back and grabs my shoulders, giving me no option but to face her. “He did what?” she nearly yells.
“Had sex with me.”
“And he is still going to marry her?”
I nod my head shamefully, looking down at our feet.
“Oh, hell no.” Bray turns on her hells and marches out of the room before I have time to even attempt in stopping her. I rush after her, nervous about how this is going to play out.
I hear her yell out, “Zander fucking Fields.”
I come around the corner and see him paused at the door, ready to walk outside. Bray marches after him and I walk faster. “Stop, Bray, stop. It’s okay. He made his choice.”
She ignores me completely as she yells out, “Who the hell do you think you are, having sex with Lexi then leaving her in the room to go marry Emerson? I never thought of you to being this much of a prick! How about you turn your ass around and at least fucking apologize!”
His head drops but he doesn’t say anything. I stand here, frozen in place, watching the train wreck before my eyes.
Bray continues after a minute, stepping closer to Zander. “How are you going to look your bride in the eyes, and say I do, when you just screwed someone else? That’s a way to start a freaking marriage, huh?” She tosses her hands into the air. “Well, guess what, your relationship has been screwed all along, because that fiancé of yours is a whore. So I guess you two belong together. Congrats, well wishes, all those other congratulatory things. Best of luck to the two of you.”
Zander pushes on the screen door and walks out onto the porch without even a glimpse in our direction. Bray turns around to face me, her face pinched in sorrow. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. But if he that is way Zander is now, then you don’t deserve him. You deserve so much more.”
As Bray walks towards me, my attention is focused on something completely different. Behind her stands Emerson, her mouth agape and her body slump. She looks the way I feel, and I know she just heard that conversation. She knows what just happened between Zander and I. And I actually sort of feel bad.
“Shit,” I hear Bray whisper but I don’t look at her. I just continue to stare at Emerson.
She throws down her veil and runs out the door, wipping at her face as tears start to fall. “I need to go after her,” I say.
Bray pushes on my shoulder as I start to take a step forward and I focus my attention back on her. “No, don’t. She isn’t going to want to hear what you have to say, and if anything, she is just going to get more pissed. Let her work it out on her own for right now. If you want to apologize, do it in a few days from now.”
I nod my head and pull Bray into a hug. “I’m a horrible person.”
“You’re not a horrible person. You’ve just done horrible things.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
Bray laughs and her hand rubs at my shoulder. “You’re just human. Life goes on.”
Faith comes over and hands me a second cup of coffee. “Feeling any better?” she asks as she takes the seat next to me.
“No,” I tell her honestly.
“What were you thinking, Lex?” Her voice is full of concern, not judgment.
I shake my head, taking a sip of coffee before placing it down on the coaster. I relax into Faith’s couch even more and close my eyes. “I wasn’t… obviously.”
“Well you were, but you were thinking with your heart not your head.”
“My heart is evil then.”
She laughs softly and I roll my head to look over at her. She smiles weakly and pretends to give me a glare. “I should be angry at your for tattling on me, but honestly, I’m angry with myself for not telling Zander when I first found out about Emerson.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I was just so angry.”
“Oh, me too. Especially when it ended up being my boyfriend from college.”
My jaw drops. “Seriously? And you didn’t punch her?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “We’ve been friends since… oh, I don’t even know, I think we were six or seven. Her dad walked out on her family and her mom up and moved Emerson and her brother to Texas. They were from Alabama. She didn’t have any friends, was so depressed, hardly ever came to school washed up. Her mom was so depressed from everything that she didn’t take care of her kids. Emerson’s brother was seven years older, and was pretty much always gone. I saw her crying in the bathroom one day and helped cheer her up. We’ve been best friends since. But as we got older, her issues with her parents, especially her dad, well….”
“Daddy issues,” I say with an eye roll. “I can tell you all about those.”
“Your family may not have been close to you, but if you were in trouble, they were there for you. Right?” I nod my head. Its pretty true. I just never asked for help, so I was never given any. “Well, she used to beg her mom for the simplest of things. It was to the point that when she was nine, she had to cut her own hair and it was- lets just say I was emabrassed for her. Our teacher ended up fixing it during recess.”
“I understand a rough childhood, and I feel awful she had to go through all that, but to betray you the way she did. Then she betrayed Zander. And she made you keep a dirty secret. I just don’t get how she became that person.”
“It may all seem bad to you, Lexi, because you’re putting it that way. I don’t condone in cheating, I hate it, it’s a nasty awful thing. But remember, and don’t take offense to this, but you’re not so perfect yourself. I understand you didn’t have much of a choice in leaving, and I understand the first few years of you not telling anyone about Justin, but by his fifth birthday, Zander still didn’t know he was a father. And me…” her face turns the brightest color red. “Well, I slept with my professor in college to get an ‘A’ on my final.”
She looks down, obviously pretty embarrassed. “Gunner was engaged when he met Magnolia and left his fiancé to be with her. Your mom, as you said, had an affair with your father and got pregnant with you. Your dad hasn’t said a word to Justin since you’ve been in town. Bray and her h
usband run a swingers bar. There is an evil in all of us- we all do wrong. It doesn’t make us bad people, its makes us good people doing malicious things.”
“That bar is a swingers bar?”
Faith looks back at me curiously, the edge of her lip twitching as she tries not to smile. “Out of all of that, that is what shocks you?”
I laugh softly. “Well, no, but I’m a little irritated she didn’t tell me!” With a sigh, I also say, “You slept with your professor?”
She cracks a small smile. “See, we all make mistakes.”
“Was he at least hot?”
Faith pushes at my arm, her cheeks turning an even dark pink. “Stop it. And yes,” she mumbles. We both start laughing.
“Thank you, Faith. I think I really needed to hear that.”
She nods her head, knowing I did. “What matters after a mistake, is how you deal with it. What you can do to mold from that.”
“I don’t even know where to begin, honestly.”
“Apologizing… sincerely. To both Zander and Emerson. She may not have deserved his marriage, at least not without being honest to him first, but she also didn’t deserve to walk in on that conversation minutes before she was supposed to walk down the aisle. And she didn’t deserve having you sleep with her husband right before that either.”
“I know,” I tell her. “I was planning on apologizing to them both. I’ll tell Zander tomorrow when he returns with Justin. I need to apologize to Justin too,” I say. The poor kid has seen a side of me he never even knew existed, and I’m sure he is confused by absolutely everything. I hate that he had to be brought into this mess, but at least Zander made it up to him by bringing him to the hotel tonight.
Zander had come up to me as everyone was getting ready to leave. Thankfully Faith stuck around to give Bray and I a ride home. He wouldn’t really look at me, but instead looked in the other direction. “So, uh, I already paid for the suite. They have a pool and gym at the hotel. Mind if I bring Justin there for the night? I’m sure it’d be fun for him.”
