I nod as tears still leak from my face and my gaze settles to the floor while Henrik wraps me in his arms again.
"I know. You have to do what you have to do. It was nice to indulge. I should have put a ring on it when I had the chance. I guess I just have to marry cake now. Monogamy is better. Cake can't be jealous that way." I try to reassure myself as I feel Henrik's chest start to vibrate. When I look up, I notice his eyes twinkle as creases form in his face from laughter.
"Oh I missed you Morgana. Come with me and let me show you what I have been working on."
He missed me? Then why did he ignore me and end things? As much as I can’t help but be drawn to him, find out how he is; I still want answers.
Henrik grabs my hand and leads me down a small hall with plain white walls. I notice a few pieces of framed artwork lining the wall from his old condo. We walk into the first room on the right, which appears to be a small office. He has a very large glass topped desk that fills almost half the room and I realize it is probably from his old place. The desk most likely took up very little space there, but in here it is a monster.
Letting go of my hand he walks over and rifles through the paperwork scattered over the desk. After a few moments, he pulls out a manila folder and opens it, waving me over.
"This is what I have been doing the past month. With the help of Zooey, of course."
“Yes Zooey. She seems to really like you Henrik.” I can’t help the bitterness in my tone.
Henrik glances at me from the side and shakes his head. “It’s really not like that Morgana. I’m not interested in her. Besides, I’ve been too preoccupied with what I really desire.”
My head turns to him as he drops his gaze to his desk. He obviously means his work. For a moment, I foolishly thought he might be talking about me. Shaking my head as the phone conversation from last night plays in my head, and I realize he can’t possibly be talking about me.
I glance down and see graphs. One paper is a spreadsheet of various countries. As I spend time glancing over the papers, I see information about infrastructure supplies and geological surveys of different countries.
"What is this Henrik?"
My head rises to see his face alit with joy. I have never seen him this happy before. Just being near his giddiness makes me smile too.
"It's an idea I had many years ago, but never followed through on it because I was too busy at Mimir. I eventually wanted to bring it to the Mimir brothers and see if they would want to incorporate it into the company. I thought we could make it a cause driven venture, but I kept getting sidetracked with work to invest my time to make it happen. Well, now I have the time."
I nod but still don't know what he is talking about.
"Yes, but you still haven't explained what it is."
Henrik palms his forehead and shakes his head. "Of course. Sorry. I just get so excited I forget not everyone knows what it is. I plan to build a company to help third world countries with their engineering and infrastructure. I help them get the supplies they need at a much lower cost, and gather investors to invest in technical schools to train their people to work on the buildings, roads, and bridges. I understand that in many of these countries the people have a very basic reading level, so I am trying to work with education professionals to figure out a lesson plan that will work. Anyway, it's in the very beginning stages. Zooey and I are trying to write up a business plan. I am thinking later on, when the company is successful, we can have our own planes and warehouses to help distribute the materials. Actually, your idea about the local distributors in Europe gave me that idea."
I’m in shock. This is something I never imagined Henrik would ever do. He has always been a stickler for detail and based on what I am looking at, I see that is coming in handy now.
"I also decided to take flying lessons. I had wanted to do that since college, but when my family died, learning to fly was the last thing on my mind. Over the years, I only wanted to think of work and not about anything that reminded me of my time before the car crash. But you have made me want to have fun again. Take risks."
"I have to say Henrik, I am impressed. You never told me any of this, except you did mention wanting to get your pilot license once but that's it. I had no idea you would be interested in engineering or anything like it."
He nods his head and shrugs. "Yeah, like I said I kept getting distracted with work and the people at work."
His eyes start to darken as he looks at me. Henrik reaches up and brushes his thumb over my bottom lip and without thinking, I flick my tongue over the tip. Pulsating waves of heat cascade down my body. I hear him groan as his woodsy scent reminds me how much I have missed being near him.
Then I remember the last time he touched me. He left without a word and disappeared. How, just last night he made it clear how busy he was and didn’t have time for me. His words last night cut me. Maybe New York made me stronger or my sleepless night last night allowed me time to really think about things, but I manage to find the strength to push him away. Henrik's touch usually causes me to liquefy but not now.
"No Henrik. You still haven't answered my question. Why haven't I heard from you these past three weeks? Why have you been ignoring me?"
He leans back on his desk, a few papers fall and slowly drift to the ground. I watch his muscles flex in his arms as the shirt material tightens from his grip. Just witnessing his shirt fill out has me questioning my decision to push him away.
"There are a few reasons why I disappeared. I had just started to work on all this and wanted to devote a lot of time to it. You were in New York and I knew you were busy with the program. I told you last night how I was busy and you were too; I was honest when I said that. I have done enough damage to your career, and the last thing I wanted to do was distract you from graduating. I had a meeting in New York with a potential investor when I saw you enter the hotel lobby with Aria. Luckily, I had just finished the meeting so I followed you into the hotel restaurant. I knew I should have stayed away, but seeing you...I meant it when I said I was selfish then. I had to touch you, see your face as you died a little in my arms."
Henrik let out a long breath before continuing, "I know I haven't treated you well Morgana. I clung to my stupid rules trying to protect myself from ever being hurt again. When you left after we were caught, I realized something. I wasn't devastated that I lost my job or even that you didn't say anything after I admitted my love to you. Knowing that I pushed you away and that I may never get you back was what broke me. You made me realize that love isn't a two way street. I hated my mom for never loving me back but when she died, I missed her. I couldn't understand why I missed someone I hated." Henrik shakes his head as he releases a nervous laugh.
"Then when you left it all made sense. I still loved you even when you didn't say it back. Even when I thought I might never see you again. So, I loved my mom even when she used me for show and died. I regret not coming to terms with that while she was alive, but I was too young to realize it then. Perhaps if she lived I would have discovered it. I don't know. However, I don't want to make that same mistake with you. I want to follow my dreams and love too."
Wow. Just wow.
There is nervous heat rising up my neck and burning my ears. He is being so open with his feelings. So honest. Not like the Henrik I know at all. It has been such a roller-coaster ride with him; I don't quite know how to assess this. Perhaps it is best I am honest with him.
"That was beautiful Henrik. But I asked cake to marry me." I smile as does he, but my joke doesn't do much to lighten the mood. "I’m struggling to respond, but I just don't know. I feel so much for you, and I think you know how easily my body responds to Herr Henrik Von Spankypants." I smirk as he shakes his head smiling.
"But that isn't enough is it? Perhaps I am a bit weary of your words because all I know are your actions. Like you said, you haven't treated me well since I have known you. Hell, you walked out in the middle of interviewing me and sent Evaleen in to end the i
nterview. That was shitty. And that was just the beginning. I am partly to blame for putting up with it, but I told you no so many times and you still took advantage of your power over my body. And by power, I mean your sex appeal."
I take a breath and look around the room, hoping to see something that will help me understand what I am doing here. All I see is blank walls, a large desk, and a black mesh office chair. There is nothing that can help me, not that I even know what I am looking for.
"I guess what I am trying to say is, maybe we need to walk away from this. I think the words ‘I love you’ should easily being falling from my mouth after your confession, but they aren't. It’s funny because the words fell from my lips last night when I hung up with you. But that was different. That was me letting it out, saying goodbye, because that’s what your actions this past month and a half have told me you wanted.”
A bitter laugh escapes my mouth and I shake my head before continuing, “I am going to be honest here. When you told me to come to your place and even when you brought me into your office here, I really thought the day would end with us having sex. Part of me really wants that, but not the part that holds my heart. I don't know. Maybe I just need some time. Does that make sense? You haven’t done much to prove you want to stick it out with me. Yes, you gave up your job, but then you walked away. What am I supposed to take away from that?"
My eyes hesitantly glance at Henrik to see him staring at something on the far wall. His knuckles are white from his hard grip on the glass and I can tell his body is tense. No one speaks for a minute and the air fills with only the sounds of our breaths.
Finally, Henrik stands and without looking at me, he walks over and curls his arms around me. The hug is tight and his body shudders as he takes a ragged breath. This is how we stay for some time. He finally releases me and pulls away, taking my hand in his as he leads me out of the room.
Once we are at the front door, he opens it and turns to me before I step out. "I understand Morgana; I'm not happy about it, but I understand. The only problem is I can't have you in my life if you don't want to be with me. I am not saying that to be mean, I am telling you this because it will hurt me too much to see you and not be able to touch you. I still love you and will forever be grateful you helped open my eyes. I’ll miss you Morgana."
Once I am outside his place and in the hall, I turn to tell him how I’ll miss him too, but he closes the door gently. I am left staring at blackness.
In a dazed state, I meander the hall to the elevator and decide to slowly walk the streets of Chicago in search of home. My eyes not really seeing the people, cars, and buildings as the images of the past hour race in my head. I’m numb as I wonder if I did the right thing.
Chapter 7
Payne’s Anti-Rule 1: When You Understand People You know How to Push Their Buttons.
Six Weeks Ago
"We’re better off without her. Ifyouthinkaboutit, she was just too good to be true. We need sssssomeone more real…real…listic in nature. Morgana was funny, sssexy, sssmart, and refreshingly ssssweet. Ha! That’s fun to sssay. Someone like that doesn't exist. YouknowwhatIthink? I think sssshe was just a figment of my imagination." After my profound speech, I turn dramatically, slightly stumbling, because that's what they do in movies after the hero comes to some significant realization.
As I turn, the whiskey from my crystal tumbler spills on the window I was looking out of. I watch it drip down the glass and remember only a week and a half ago Morgana smeared her lips on this exact window. I bring my lips to the liquid drenched spot and begin to lick up the smoky alcohol. Before I realize it, my mind is racing to images of kissing her soft lips. How her greedy tongue would whimper for more.
"Do you need me to clean the window sir?" Winston's British cadence breaks me from my fantasy and I realize I am making out with the window. Instantly I right myself and stumble slightly in the process.
"Not right now Winnnsston, can’t you see I’m in the middle of s-something?” I continue to look out the window at the unusually calm lake water below, needing him to leave so that I can find the nerve to turn around.
"Very good sir. Mr. Edgar Mimir is on his way up. Shall I show him in here when he arrives, or do you need some more time with your something?" His tone is as dry as usual, but I know he is mocking me.
"No, ssssend him in. Did he say whyhescoming?"
"No sir. He gave no excuse, just like yesterday and the day before that."
"Yes, well," I clear my throat still refusing to turn around, "that will be all Winston."
"Very good sir. I will take the decanter with me for refill and return it momentarily."
I hear his hard-soled shoes brush over the rug before landing on the hardwood floor, the sound diminishing until there is silence.
The decanter can't be empty already. How much have I been drinking?
"Pillow, where was I?" I glance over at the blue pillow taunting me with how it sags on the beige couch. Lazy pillow. "Oh yes, Morgana… isanillusion. Perhaps I have a… a… a split personality and I don’t realize it.” I pause to reflect in my whiskey haze the idea of two personalities in one brain. My eyes grow wide and I whisper, “Or…. Iseedeadpeople…” I glance up, startled by Edgar strolling into the room looking confident, no, smug. As if he has the best life in the world.
Look at his perfect white teeth and golden, no, flaxen hair, like he just stepped out of a Thor movie looking all...Thorish! He probably has a mighty hammer at home that can destroy pain. I want that hammer.
"Henrik, I see you are having a liquid lunch, again."
His god-like ass makes itself comfortable on my leather couch. He's wearing cream colored pants and a brown cashmere sweater, unwittingly matching my décor. Looking down at my stained gray t-shirt that I’ve been wearing for three days and ripped dark blue jeans, I look like Loki's urchin son compared to him. My pants would be fine if the rip wasn't in my crotch. To my defense, the tear happened this morning when I dropped my sock while putting it on. It took a couple tries but I got the sock on my foot; the other sock proved to be more difficult.
"Are you just here to point out factsss or is there … a reason for your visit? Last I checked, I don’t work for Mimimmiirrr… Mimi R…. Mimir..… anymore."
I watch as Winston comes back in the room, setting the full crystal decanter down on the mahogany coffee table. Without a word, he turns and exits the room, while I am fixated watching his silver ponytail swing like a pendulum. My eyes fall to the amber crystal and walk over to pick it up.
"Why don't we have lunch?" Thor, I mean, Edgar blurts out just as I reach for the bottle. My head swivels in his direction as I close one eye so that the three of him become one.
"Not. Hungry."
Turning back to the whiskey, my hand cradles its neck as I see another hand cover the top. Do I have three hands? I count, one is on the decanter, the other is holding my glass, and one is on top of the decanter. I look up the arm of the third and nod as I discover it's not mine, but Edgar's hand.
"Henrik, stop this. Are you just going to sit here and drink everything away?"
"Yes." I swat at his hand but find I don't seem to have much strength. Sighing, I stumble back on the couch, spilling the small amount of whiskey that was in my glass on my shirt.
"Look at this. Oh, who cares?" I pull at the wet stain on my t-shirt and start to get up, but somehow twist my foot under the couch and fall on my face, while the glass bounces off the floor and rolls over to the fireplace.
"Crap I can't get my foot out. HALP! Help me Edgar, I'm trapped." I try to lift up to a seated position but a sharp pain shoots up my leg. Glancing up, I see Edgar just sitting there rubbing at his chin.
"Why do you say you feel 'trapped' in a man's body?" A smirk appears on his face.
"Well, sometimes I get them menstrual cramps real hard," I reply and a moment later we both break out into laughter. Ah, Edgar. That's why I love him. He knows just the right time to break out a Raising Arizona quo
te.
He bends down and tugs at my leg, freeing my foot from the sofa's hold. I lay back and look up at the ceiling while my head spins slightly.
"She got in the program."
My eyes bulge at Edgar's statement. I tense and then lift up onto my elbows to look at him.
"I thought that would get your attention." Edgar sighs and looks down at his watch. "Come on, let's head out and get something to eat. I can explain it to you while we get lunch."
Edgar helps me off the floor and guides me into my bedroom so that I can change out of my stinky shirt and crotchless jeans. Once I am changed, he takes me down the block to a polish place. I’m thankful for the dark, old world décor; my eyes fearing light like a vampire. After our food arrives, I dig into my Hunter's Stew as I just now realize how famished I am.
"When does Morgana leave?" I ask nonchalantly while I swallow a bite of kielbasa.
He shakes his head while slicing a pierogi with his fork. "Oh no Henrik. You don't get that info quite so easily. Answer me this, why did you let her go?"
I stare down at the lumpy stew, swirling my fork around the golden liquid for a moment, wishing she never left. “It’s not like I had a choice. She walked out.”
Edgar chuckles and I look up to see him shaking his head. "Henrik, you always have a choice. It may not be as easy as going to her place and knocking on her door right now, but you can always try to win her back. What have you done the past few days? Nothing. Sitting on your couch, talking to Pillow, and drinking yourself stupid doesn’t count as being productive."
My eyebrow rises at the pillow comment.
"Yes, I know about Pillow. You seem to forget that I was your roommate in college and after graduation. Don't think I didn't hear your long one sided conversations with your pillow. Don't even get me started on Captain Cock." His laughter fills the space as several diners turn to look in our direction.
"Whatever Edgar. Like you don't name your junk." I roll my eyes and take a large sip of my water.
Cake Love: All Things Payne Page 16
