The ugliness of it all pressed her down. “But at what cost?”
“Life isn’t fair, Helen. Everyone does the best they can.”
“Then we have to try and make it better.” She gave him a watery smile. “Can you send word to Marisa to ready her orphanages? We’re going to have to divide the children up so that we have enough room for them. I think there will be around one hundred to house.” She tried to think of what else to do, but her head ached with tiredness and defeat. They might have won this battle but the war raged on. There would always be another Glover waiting in the wings. “Oh, and we will likely need a doctor as well. Some of the children have been abused and beaten.”
Sebastian’s face paled and he looked ill. “Did Glover touch you? He didn’t…”
A wave of nausea hit her stomach too. Glover had touched her, and every minute she was in his presence he’d threatened to rape her. She was embarrassed by the fear she had felt, and her empathy with the children he had taken off the streets was so strong she would never forget it. “No. And he’s dead now so it doesn’t matter.”
Sebastian left her to talk to his men and soon children began appearing out of the sewer, with Mr. Brown and his men there to help them. She leaned out of the carriage door looking for any sighting of Clary. Muscles locked tight, head pounding, and nausea rollicking in her stomach as it churned in fear and tiredness, she prayed he’d come back to her.
When she finally saw Clary and Simon through the misty dawn, like the pied piper with children trailing along behind him, her tired, knotted muscles eased slightly. He was safe and she felt as if she could breathe freely once more.
Heedless of her brother standing next to the carriage, she jumped down and ran straight into Clary’s open arms. He held her tightly as she rained kisses all over his face. For once her brother didn’t intervene.
“Thank goodness you’re safe,” she repeated over and over.
“So are the children.” He turned her in his arms and gently led her back to the carriage. Simon stood watching them, ready to jump in and defend his brother.
Clary stood facing Sebastian and said, “You’re exhausted, Helen. There’s nothing more you can do here. Why don’t you go home and get some rest.”
“I think that would be for the best,” Sebastian said, and he extended his arm to help her back into the carriage. She hesitated before entering the carriage, but she didn’t want to start a scene here, everyone was tired.
To her surprise Sebastian turned to Clary and held out his hand. “Thank you for bringing her back safely. I will not forget what you did this night.”
Her heart bloomed with warmth as Clary looked at his dirty hand and hesitantly shook hands with her brother. “I need to stay and see to the children. Richard is organizing some transport, and Mr. Brown has already made a list of where each child can go.”
“Will we have enough room for all of them?” she asked.
“We will find room, don’t you worry.”
Her brother surprised and pleased her further by adding, “If there is not enough room and you need time to find places for them, there would be room for some at my house and I’m sure His Grace and the other Libertine Scholars would also offer accommodation.”
“It is very kind, your lordship. I will let Mr. Brown know.” Clary then locked eyes with her before saying, “If you’ll excuse me I need to go and help.”
She sat watching him walk away toward Simon. She wasn’t sure what Clary had been trying to convey in the look, but she hoped it wasn’t goodbye. As Sebastian took a seat next to her in the carriage and they began their journey home, she wondered if things between her and her brother would ever be the same.
She had learned about Clary’s past, the dark secret that he’d been carrying around. She knew it should matter to her, but it really didn’t. It didn’t change how she perceived him. A life he led before had been dead and buried for five years. It was not the life he led now. There was no forgiveness needed, not by her. Having seen what survival meant for people, and having been held captive by Glover, she knew deep in her heart that it was the human condition to do anything to survive.
How did the saying go—only the strong survived? She could well believe it.
What concerned her though was that Clary had not forgiven himself. He still carried the weight of the shame, and it kept him prisoner. The only person with the key to set him free was himself. And she hoped she could help him find the courage to seek his freedom.
Chapter 18
It was late in the afternoon by the time she woke. The first thing she asked was if there had been word from Clary. Beatrice quite rightly explained that Clary was probably still resting. It had taken them well into the morning to house all the children.
Sebastian was surprisingly absent from the house. Apparently he, along with the other Libertine Scholars, was cleaning up the mess at the warehouse.
Luckily the family had been able to keep the details of Helen’s abduction secret. No one was any the wiser thanks to the fact they’d had a family dinner the night previous. There would be no scandal.
Too tired to attend any entertainments tonight, and too worried about Clary, Helen found herself curled up with a book in the library. She wanted to finish Persuasion, the book that she had started to read to Clary when he was injured.
The hero Wentworth was beginning to annoy Helen because it seemed he would not fight for his love. He loved Anne, but appeared to be cowardly. He wouldn’t risk all and declare his feelings.
Helen closed the book on a sigh. Would Clary ever have the courage or the will to fight for her, to fight for their love? What petrified her was that she would know the answer to that question in the coming days. If he did not come to call, if he did not have the courage to defy her brother, then perhaps he did not love her enough.
Helen called for a light supper and sat eating it by the fire in the library. She looked down at her hand. Thank goodness she had to wear gloves in public for she had a nasty bruise and cuts on her knuckles from hitting Glover. Her injury to her hand and her pride were a small price to pay for what he had done to her and the children.
Tonight Beatrice had left her to her own company and she was grateful. Helen needed to think. She tried not to remember the horror of being Glover’s captive, but when she closed her eyes, she saw his stained teeth and smelled his bad breath. Would she ever forget him? She understood why it was so hard for Clary to forget. She’d been captive for hours, he for years.
Sebastian arrived home, and she called out to him as she heard him walking past the open door. “Have you any news?” When her brother entered the library the first thing she noted was he looked absolutely exhausted. “Have you slept at all?”
He flopped down on the chair next to her. “Don’t you start. Beatrice has just ordered a bath for me and then I’m to go to bed. I had a few hours’ sleep this morning that’s all.”
“I won’t keep you then. I just need to know that the children have all been taken care of.”
“Your Mr. Homeward and his men saw to the children. He then helped me track down Thompson, my warehouse manager. I’ve handed him over to the magistrate. I’ve also rallied some of my men to start investigating the warehouses around us, and I’m getting one of them to study the shipping profiles of some of my competitors. If we find evidence of this trade continuing we will shut it down and alert the authorities.”
Her eyes welled with tears of gratitude. “I know you think it’s hopeless, that we will never stop them, but that is a start. It’s much better to try than just turn a blind eye and do nothing at all.”
He merely nodded.
Do it now. She’d inwardly accused Clary of lacking the courage of his convictions. She took a deep breath and asked, “Are you going to prevent me from seeing Clary?”
Her brother silently stared at her for a moment before answering. “He is not who I would’ve chosen for you.” He gave a harsh bark of laughter. “He’s definitely not who I wanted for you.”
“The heart leads us in many directions and leaves us no choice as to the destination.”
“Do you really understand the life that the two of you will have?”
“I do.” Emotion welled up inside, and she burst into tears. “Are you going to make me choose between my family and Clary?”
“And if I did?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know what I would do,” and the tears fell.
He rose from his chair and pressed a kiss to her forehead before lifting her into his lap like he used to do when she was a young girl. “I would never make you choose, for two reasons. One, I’m scared that you would choose him, and two, the decision would tear you apart. I can’t bear to see you hurting.”
“I don’t even know if Clary wants to marry me anyway. He is petrified of his past. And the incident with Lord Fairfax in the park—”
“What incident?”
“I didn’t know it at the time, but Lord Fairfax is intimately familiar with Clary. He had a confrontation with Clary and used his cane to trip Clary, bursting a couple of his stitches. I despise the man because he knew very well that Clary could not retaliate against a lord of the realm.”
“He’s all bluff and swagger. Lord Fairfax has more to lose if word got out that he used to frequent a molly house. Leave him to me. I’ll make sure he is never a threat again.”
That sounded hopeful. She decided to press her luck. “I have another favor to ask?” She didn’t wait for a response. “I was wondering if we could have the dowager house on the estate as a wedding present. I’d like to turn it into a finishing school for servants. We could take the older children who are almost ready to find work, help ensure they are ready for placements, and then use our connections to find good houses for them to work in.”
“You have given this considerable thought. Are you sure that you would be content with that kind of life?”
“If I had Clary by my side I wouldn’t care if I lived in a cave. I’ve never been one for balls or parties. I want to be useful.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “I’ve talked with Beatrice about the situation, and I don’t want to lose you. I will give you my blessing, but Clary has to be man enough to come and ask me for your hand.”
She hugged her brother. “I can live with that because if Clary isn’t prepared to fight for me, then I’m not sure his love would stand what the world might throw at us.” When she saw her brother’s surprised look, she added, “I love him but I’m not foolish. I don’t want to be tied to someone who is always looking over his shoulder. He has to come to terms with his past as I have.”
“You always were the sensible one. Why don’t you go and get some much-needed sleep. I doubt he’ll be in any state to see you tonight.” Sebastian stood and placed her on her feet. “I love you and I don’t want you ever to be scared to come and talk to me about anything.” At her raised eyebrow he laughed. “I promise I will try to keep my temper under control, and to realize that my little sister is a grown woman who can make her own decisions. When she has all the facts.”
She watched her brother leave the room and wrapped her arms around her middle hugging the knowledge that she was a very lucky woman. She had a family who would protect her and love her unconditionally. She looked at her discarded book and for one moment thought about staying and finishing the last chapter, but if she had to go through waiting for Clary again tomorrow she needed something to do, or something to read, or she’d go mad.
She was just about to go upstairs to bed when she heard a pounding on the front door, and her heart began to beat faster. She raced to the landing and peered over. She heard murmurs in the entrance below and recognized Clary’s voice.
He had come for her and waves of happiness were making her light-headed.
She heard Roberts stating that it was too late for social calls, so she ran down the stairs and called for Clary to be allowed entrance.
He pushed past Roberts and pulled her into his arms and kissed her soundly. She wrapped her arms around his neck and decided she was never going to let go.
Roberts’s discreet cough made her come to her senses. She broke the kiss and pulled Clary up the stairs to where the fire was still roaring in the library, closing the door after them.
She made to rush back into his arms but Clary held up his hand to keep her at arm’s length. “We need to talk first. There are things that need to be said before we make any decisions that we may live to regret.”
Helen nodded. Swallowing hard she took her seat and waited.
Clary began to pace the length of the Persian rug in front of the fire. “I meant to tell you myself, but to hear it like that from Glover, you must have been disgusted.”
She knew he was referring to Glover’s words about the molly house. “I was shocked I admit, but never disgusted. Having been captured by that man, with the constant threat of rape hanging over me, I began to have an understanding what it must’ve been like for you.”
“I often wonder if I tried hard enough to leave, but I always remembered that snow covered street and Simon almost dead in my arms, and God help me I stayed.”
“When I was a child I hated my home. My parents fought, often physically, and the yelling and screaming, there was never a peaceful moment. I used to run and hide and wish I had no parents. I did not know any better. I didn’t know what having no parents meant. I didn’t know that I was lucky. I had food, warmth, safety, and the protection of my brother. I would never hold your past against you because I have never lived in your shoes and now I thank God for that every day.”
“You should not feel guilty for having a better upbringing than I.”
She nodded. “True. Just as you should not feel guilty for having the upbringing that you did. As soon as Marisa offered you a way out you did take a risk. You didn’t know her at all, but you risked it all on her promise of a better life.” She wrung her hands. “I want to forget my childhood and yours. I’m more interested in the life you want to lead now and whether it includes me.”
He stopped pacing and finally stared at her. “How can you love me after you’ve learned what I used to be?”
“If I thought for one minute that your life in the molly house had been something you desired or you had chosen with your own free will, that would be a different story. But you didn’t. You were taken off the street as a young child and forced into a life you would never have picked as your own. With Simon to look after, well. I understand the choices you made. I begin to understand these men. Angelo would never have let you go, would he?”
He gave a curt nod. “He threatened to kill me or Simon if I left.”
“Then you were not there by choice. It’s a sad epitaph for the world you were born into.”
Clary stared at her, stunned. “I do love you. But what would you have me do? You know how your brother feels about us. You’d be shunned by society. How can I expect you to give all of this up just for me?”
“Because I love you. I love you more than all of this,” and she spread her arms wide indicating the affluence round her. She stood and made her way to his side, slipping her hand in his. “As to what I would have you do. I would have you find the courage to go after what you want. I would know that you will live every day by my side with no regrets. And I would have you ask me to marry you, for I will truly say yes, but only if you have the courage to defy those who would oppose us.”
“I would move heaven and earth to have you by my side as long as I was sure that was where you wanted to be. Once we start down this path your old life will be gone forever, are you sure?”
Reaching up she combed her fingers through his hair. “I’m more than sure. I’m sure there is no greater pleasure in life than having you at my side, the man I love.”
He pressed a gentle kiss to her mouth and got down on one knee. “Lady Helen, will you do me the very, very great honor of agreeing to be my wife? I have nothing but my heart to give you but it’s yours for the rest of time if you say
yes.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “Oh, yes. Most definitely I accept, and I will keep your heart safe the rest of my days and beyond.”
On a cheeky grin he pulled her down with him to the floor and kissed her senseless. He whispered in her ear, “Did you lock the door?”
“I’ll have you know you’re marrying a very clever lady.”
“So that’s a yes,” and he proceeded to hurriedly strip her clothes from her glorious body.
Soon she lay naked next to the man who owned her heart. His eyes, dark, burning, focused totally on her, his hunger and need for her clearly visible.
Warmth infused every inch of her and she stretched out in front of the fire like a cat wanting to be stroked. Her skin tingled. He got to his knees and came over her like a prowling panther, his hair as black as a starless night.
He reached for her; palm curving about her jaw, he angled her face, and studied her eyes—as if searching for a truth. She didn’t even contemplate hiding herself from him.
“You know you’re mine. Since that day five years ago when you were kind to a stranger in your sister’s hall.”
Her gaze focused on his lips. She watched, mesmerized, as he drew in another breath. He opened his lips to speak again but she silenced him.
She stretched up, drew his head down, brought her lips close to his and murmured, “I’ve always been yours.”
“Just be careful of the nose, it’s still very sore from your brother’s fist.” He covered her lips with his, kissing her voraciously, all consuming. Hands splaying, sliding over her bare skin like a whispered caress. Reverent. Worshipping. Claiming…
He rolled to his side, pulling her in against him, molding her to him. Naked in his arms, she clung, and returned his kisses greedily, avidly—flagrantly encouraging him to seize, take, and claim.
On a groan, he cupped her bottom, pressing her to him, molding her softness against his erection while his tongue plundered her mouth, leaving her a mass of aching need. Heat bloomed and fire took hold—she wanted more.
With eager hands she pushed his coat wide, trapping his arms. With a curse, he let her go, sat up, wrenched off his coat, and flung it aside.
A Dream of Redemption Page 19
