“If I tell you why I left White and Associates you’ll give me a job?”
“Maybe.”
“You won’t even commit to another job if I tell you what you want to hear?”
“I can’t promise. It’s out of my hands. The Admiral—”
“Screw you and screw the Admiral. The only thing you need to know is that I no longer work with White and Associates.”
“Alex.” He sighed heavily. “You’ve been on a solid run for months. You don’t come up for air. You even quit calling White five months ago. We’re all worried about you.”
“You’re all worried about me? You’ve been talking to White?”
“Of course I have. We have a partnership. Besides, your dad pulled him in for questioning.”
“What do you mean, questioning?”
“Your dad wanted to know what was going on. Why you walked away and pretty much disappeared. Alex, you have to let us know if you’re in danger.”
“Is Red okay?” I asked reflexively.
“He’s fine. Why?”
“How about the rest of the guys? Are they okay?” I tried to cover up my blunder.
“They are all just fine.”
“What did White tell you?” I prodded.
“He said you overreacted to an internal matter. Your dad tried, but he couldn’t get any details from him. I’m begging you. Tell me. The way you’ve been acting isn’t healthy and I can’t be a part of it any more unless I know the whys behind it.”
“Maybe I did overreact, but I said some things I can’t take back, even if I wanted to. The relationships are too damaged to be repaired and I can’t go back. So, there’s no point in pretending I could.”
“What do you want me to tell White when he calls me in about an hour? He calls me every day at the same time to ask about you.”
“White has no right to ask about me. He threw me aside for—” I took a breath before I said more than I wanted to. “Do me a favor, Colin. The next time White asks about me, tell him it’s none of his business.”
“Were the two of you a couple?” His words came out clenched. “Is he the real reason you left White and Associates?”
“No. Red is the reason I left and White is the reason I stay away. I didn’t lie when I told you Red and I had a falling out. But, White standing behind Red and his bullshit is why I’m staying away. I couldn’t work with them knowing I didn’t have their full loyalty, like they expect from me. Is that good enough? Will you give me a job now?”
The line was quiet for a short period.
“Alex, I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Colin, I need something to do. I can’t just sit here in this hotel room watching T.V. I need something.”
“Listen to yourself, Alex. You sound like an addict. Please, come home for a while.”
“If I meet you for dinner to prove to you I’m fine can we talk about getting me back out there?”
“Of course.”
“You have to promise it’ll be just you and me.”
“I promise. Just me and you. I promise. When?”
“I’ll call you when I get there.” I hung up.
I didn’t look forward to going back to the city that held White and Associates, but I had to if I wanted to keep busy.
The phone I’d used to keep in touch with White was still in my back pocket. I pulled it out and turned it over in my hands. Colin said he called every day to check on me. I turned it on and stared at it. Finally, I put it on my side table, laid back on the bed and fell asleep.
I woke up before the sun, as usual, and took a shower before I called a car rental service. One of the hardest things I did right after I cut ties with White was sell my Mustang. Now I was traveling by rental car, taxi and bus. I’d worked so hard for that car and I loved it. But, the simplest solution had been to sell it. I got more for it than what I’d paid for it. The one thing that made it bearable was knowing that the men could track me to the new owner, but the trail ended there.
Last night I’d told Colin I wasn’t close enough to meet him for dinner, but I was within an hour of the city. I never stayed more than two hundred miles from home while I waited for Colin to set up a new job.
I drove directly to Gabriella’s house. I’d missed her and always had every intention of coming back to her. I’d only put it off because I couldn’t bear to put myself anywhere near White. Since I was back in the city, I might as well pay her a visit.
I parked on the street and watched her putter around her house for half an hour before I mustered up the courage to knock on her door.
“Alex!” She pulled me into a tight embrace and then pulled me into the house. “Where have you been? What’s going on? Do you want some coffee?”
“Coffee sounds wonderful.” I plopped down on the couch and waited for her to bring it to me.
I sat forward to take the coffee from her and held it in both of my hands for the warmth. I felt strangely cold.
She took a seat on her coffee table directly in front of me and waited quietly for my answers. I took a light sip of the coffee before I spoke.
“How have you been?”
“I’m great. Martin asked me to marry him.”
“You’re getting married?”
“Eventually. But, that’s not the current topic. We’ll get to that later.”
She waved it away and hit me with raised eyebrows.
“Well, after I quit White and Associates I took some time to readjust.”
I shrugged.
“Whoa. Back up.” She stood. “You quit?”
It was my turn to raise my eyebrows. “Yes. Didn’t White tell you?”
“No. That son of a bitch! What the hell did he do?”
Her hands were on her hips now and her face was beet red.
I laughed at the sight. I knew she didn’t have the training I did, but I didn’t think I’d challenge her at the moment.
“It’s okay, Gabriella. Take a breath.” I stood up and rubbed her shoulder.
“I don’t think I can work there any more.” Tears stood in her eyes.
“Don’t you worry about me, I’m better off. I’m making more money than I ever did and I’m my own boss.”
“Who’re you working for? I mean, can I come to work with you? I need a job because I just quit.”
“I’m a private contractor now. I do things for my dad. And, I don’t think you should quit your job. This has nothing to do with anything but me.”
“White had to have done something. I know how much you love him and you wouldn’t just walk away without a good reason.” She was working herself up into a full-fledged tantrum. She started pacing in front of the couch.
“I mean, how could you quit? You’d just finally gotten together with him. Tell me. I want to know what the hell he did to you. Did he cheat? I wouldn’t have ever guessed him as a cheater, but men can be sneaky assholes. He didn’t hit you, did he? If he hit you I’ll kill him. Seriously, I’ll go to work and poison his fricking coffee.”
“Gabby!”
I never called her Gabby but I needed less syllables to get her attention.
She stopped in her tracks, set her feet and demanded, “Well? What the hell happened?”
“I just got fed up with Red. I can’t work with him, and White will always side with him. I can’t work with people who don’t respect me. And I most definitely can’t be with a man who will choose someone else over me, even if I’m wrong. But, I wasn’t wrong.”
“Oh honey,” she pulled me in for another tight hug. “Are you okay?” she mumbled into my hair.
“I’m fine, Gabriella.”
She released her grip on me and stepped back.
“I’m sorry White didn’t tell you I’d quit. I really thought he would have by now.”
I wiped a tear from her face. She was taking this harder than I thought she would. “I’m going to be in town for a few days, maybe we can have dinner and catch up.”
“Of course we’ll have dinner
. Where are your bags? You’re staying with me,” she said.
“Oh, no. I can’t.”
“It’s no trouble. Go get your bags and I’ll get you all set up.”
“No, Gabriella. I really can’t. I haven’t talked to White for five months and he’s been trying to find me. I don’t want the hassle and I don’t want to pull you into any drama.”
“Why would White know you’re here?”
“I’m not saying you’d tell him, but you know how he just knows things.”
“He won’t get anything out of me. I’m never going back to that building until you do.”
“You can’t really quit your job.”
“Watch me, sweetie. I’ve got plenty of money saved up. Plus, when I’m ready, I can find a job anywhere. I’ve got mad skills.”
She mimicked her typing ability in the air.
“Don’t quit your job, Gabriella.” I shook my head. “It’s all good. You don’t need to make a statement on my behalf. Besides, if you quit today, it’ll only draw attention and then we couldn’t even meet for dinner later.”
Her shoulders slumped. “Fine, but I’m not getting him any coffee for a month.”
“Do me a favor?”
“Anything, hon.”
“Don’t get Red coffee ever again?”
“You know it! Did you want me to let Black know you’re okay?”
My breath caught in my throat and my lip quivered before I could control it.
“Nah. I’d rather no one knows I’m here. I’ve got to get going.” I walked to her phone table and wrote my latest prepaid phone number on the pad next to the phone. “This is my current number. You can call me later and we’ll decide where to meet for dinner.”
We hugged one more time before I left. Her embrace was actually tender this time around and almost made me break down. I held it together long enough to get into my car and drive exactly two blocks before I had to pull over to control my shaking.
Black. I’d absolutely refused to allow my mind to wander to him. But his name instantly brought back the vision of his face when he found out I was Penumbra. His eyes were filled with disbelief and sadness. It made me sick to my stomach to remember it. It hurt him to find out I’d kept this from him. I knew, when I saw his reaction, he thought I would have told him and I wished I had. My secret would have been safe with him, probably safer with him than any other person on the planet.
My partners were closer to each other than brothers, and Black was the one man I shared that same type of relationship with. I should say I used to share that kind of relationship with him. Now—
I forced myself to get it together. There was nothing I could do about it now. Absolutely nothing.
Chapter Three
My heart pounded as I registered at the hotel’s front desk. At a glance, there was nothing different about this hotel. Even if the lobbies might vary somewhat all hotels were essentially the same. I’d become accustomed to living in them. It was like having the same apartment where someone came in and rearranged the furniture and changed the bedding, carpet and wallpaper every so often. The only thing that made this hotel any different from all the others was that it was only three blocks from White and Associates.
I holed up in my room for several hours before I decided to venture back out into the city. My nervousness was starting to aggravate me. I am Penumbra, for crying out loud. I used to be Ms. Grey. I should be afraid of nothing, especially not my ex-partners. Still, I knew I wasn’t ready to see any of them face to face. Nothing violent would happen, but I wasn’t ready to face the heartbreak, the loneliness of being on my own for the first time in my entire life.
Outside the lobby I hailed a taxi and had him drive me to the nearest salon. The stylist begged me to try a less drastic change when I told him I wanted all my hair cut off.
“No. This is something I’ve been meaning to do, anyway.” I reassured him.
“You have to be absolutely certain before we do this.”
“I am. Go for it. I’m looking forward to a new hair style.” I lied. I didn’t want to cut my hair. It was the one thing about me that had never changed. I’d always worn it long. I had no idea how to care for a short do. But, I was rebelling, in a way. I wasn’t the same person who used to live in this city, why should I look like her?
The stylist pulled my hair back into a ponytail and stood staring at the bundled hair in his hands for a few seconds.
“You’re sure?” He made eye contact through the mirror.
I nodded.
With a sad sigh he reached for his scissors and brought them to the back of my head.
“When we’re done it’ll only be about this long.”
He leveled his hand near my chin.
“Sounds good.” I forced a smile.
“Okay—”
Twenty minutes later I looked entirely different. I felt lighter. No more braids, no more buns. No more Alexis. I smiled.
Instead of hailing a cab I took a walk. My confidence was back, full force. I’d been worrying about Colin not giving me any more jobs. Truthfully, I didn’t know what I’d do if he didn’t. Still, at this exact moment, I didn’t care. Maybe I was the opposite of Samson and my hair held my weaknesses and not my strength.
My smile broadened at the thought. I couldn’t remember the last time I wore a true smile of happiness, rather than one of satisfaction from a job well done. I held my head higher and practically bounced down the sidewalk. My hair definitely bounced. It was freeing.
After only a couple blocks I gave in and hailed a cab. I wanted to do some shopping. I kept the driver occupied for a couple hours and tipped him well when he dropped me back at my hotel.
I hauled my packages into my room and set my prepaid cell on the dresser by the television. Gabriella should be calling me soon and I didn’t want to hunt for the phone in the clutter I was sure to create when I started laying out my purchases.
I was looking forward to hearing her wedding plans and intended to take her to a nice restaurant to celebrate. The clothes I bought would probably be left here when I left the city, but I wanted some regular clothes instead of walking around looking like I still worked for a private military corporation.
Of course, I bought a couple sets of clothes that fit that description, but I’d take those with me.
The liberating feeling from cutting off my hair was starting to dissipate and I didn’t want it to. Everything was still uncertain. The only thing I knew with certainty was that I’d meet with Gabriella this evening, take a few days to play with my laptop, then call Colin for our meeting.
My future was in his hands. I didn’t like that.
He’d either have a new job for me or—what? Or what? The spending spree and makeover helped me realize, even if I was alone, I had enough money to be alone comfortably.
Though being alone for the first time in my life was somewhat freeing, it was still a daunting thought. I didn’t want to wander the world all alone. I didn’t want to take random classes for the rest of my life. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to be Ms. Grey and Penumbra. I wanted my life back.
No matter how hard I yearned for her, I knew Ms. Grey wasn’t coming back to me. Red would make sure of that.
The thought of Red made my blood boil. He’d stolen everything from me, everything. I was separated from everything I loved in this world because of him. I’d fought with myself almost every day since I left. I wanted to confront him. Kick his ass. But I knew that wouldn’t do me any good. He’d still be convinced I was someone not to be trusted and he’d keep putting that thought in front of my partners. I’d considered reasoning with him, but if White couldn’t, what made me think I could? I had one more option. I could tell my dad. I was sure he’d fix it. I was also sure it wouldn’t be an outcome I’d be happy with. Red would, most likely, disappear. My partners would know it was my father protecting Penumbra. Some of them might go missing, as well.
There was no way I would be accepted, forgiven, or b
rought back to the day before Red told my secret. All I could do was try and keep control of this new life I’d created. And, if I couldn’t, I’d have to start over. Somehow.
Even with these thoughts flitting around in my head, the new laptop beckoned to me. I flopped on the bed next to the computer and pushed the button on the front. A small click let me know I could lift the screen and get started.
I was only three blocks away. Maybe I could pick up White and Associates’ signal from here. Hopefully they hadn’t changed any passwords or I’d have to hack in. I knew I couldn’t get into the protected network of C.I.C., but I might be able to find my computer.
Within seconds I had the computer searching for nearby networks. I watched the cursor spin as it searched. It came back almost immediately with several networks. All of them were locked except the hotel’s service, and no sign of White and Associates’ network.
Damn!
I had no real reason for wanting to snoop in on White and Associates. It was just a way for me to feel a little closer to my old life.
My prepaid cell chirped at me from the dresser. I shut the laptop with a sigh before answering it.
Gabriella already had a place in mind and gave me the address. I told her I’d meet her in an hour and started my primping for our night out.
As expected, my new hairstyle was the main focus for the first few minutes. Then the conversation centered on Gabriella. We spent an enjoyable evening talking about Martin’s proposal, and her acceptance. Flowers, colors, her ideal wedding dress and other wedding ideas were the main topics.
“None of this is set in stone,” she admitted. “We don’t even have a date, but I’d love it if you’d be one of my bride’s maids. I’d ask you to be the maid of honor, but I know you don’t have time for that role.”
I promised I’d try to be available when the time came.
“We’ll probably just run off and get it done. Just the two of us. But, it’s fun to think of all the different themes I could use.” Her eyes took on a dreamy stare. “The cake. You know?”
“Yeah.”
But I didn’t know. I wasn’t like some of those girls you see on television. The ones who’d been planning their weddings since they were in grade school. I’d never given it much thought. I’d given marriage plenty of thought, but not the ceremony. It had never been about the ceremony for me.
Fragments of Grey [Book Five of The Alexis Stanton Chronicles] Page 2
