by Brandon Witt
It was. It had to have been real.
That couldn’t have all been in Ryan’s head.
Though maybe it had. Steven was obviously different from what Ryan believed.
Again he pictured Steven’s arm around him as the snow fell. Remembered how Steven seemed to crumble into him as Ryan held his face and kissed him.
That was real. It was.
Maybe they didn’t know each other at all. But their bodies did. Their spirits did. It wasn’t some play fantasy that had consumed Ryan for all these years.
It was destiny. Fate. Twin hearts. Some stupid shit that he wasn’t really certain he believed in and was more than willing to bet that Steven for sure didn’t believe in.
But whatever.
“Prove it.”
Steven started to speak, closed his mouth, then opened it again. “What?”
“Prove that it wasn’t real.” Ryan could barely believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, but they felt right. “Take me back to your place or come to mine. We’ll feel it again. It’s real. I know it, and you know it.”
There was a flash of what looked like hope behind Steven’s eyes, and then it was gone. But it was enough. All that Ryan needed to see to fight for.
“Maybe we’d feel it again. We have chemistry when we’re naked. I’m not arguing that. But I think it’s based on what you wanted to feel more than what you really do.”
“And what you felt?”
Steven looked speechless for a second. “I… don’t know. I think life is confusing right now. I think I’m taking advantage—” He cut himself off. “I’m not sleeping with you to prove anything. It wouldn’t prove anything at all. Besides that you have an illusion of me and I’m just a—”
The doors were shutting again, and his panic flared. “Then let me take you out next time. Tomorrow. You can come to my shop. And then we’ll walk and talk or something. If it’s all an illusion, it’ll fade if we’re together, right? But I don’t think it is. So prove it. Prove to me that I’m making it up. Prove to yourself that what you felt wasn’t real.”
“Ryan. This is only going to—”
“Please.”
Ryan hated the desperation in his voice, but it seemed to hold the door to Steven’s soul open, just a crack.
Steven exhaled a long slow sigh. “Okay.”
Steven got the empanada to go and threw it away in the trash can outside. He said he hadn’t wanted to hurt the waiter’s feelings.
Silence reigned as Steven drove back to his apartment. They exited his truck and stood awkwardly on the sidewalk in front of Steven’s building.
“Tomorrow night, okay? Promise you won’t cancel or chicken out.”
Despite his sad expression, Steven chuckled. “Chicken out, huh? That’s how we’re going into a second date?”
Ryan shrugged and pushed away the shame that bit at him. “Whatever it takes.” He didn’t give Steven a chance to object and stepped into him, lowered his head, and pressed a kiss to Steven’s lips.
Steven didn’t pull away; he kissed him back. Though he didn’t open to Ryan and the kiss was their chastest, the heat still built.
Not breaking the kiss, Ryan drew nearer, pressing their bodies together, feeling Steven grow hard against his thigh. He lifted his hand, like the time before, and cupped Steven’s cheek, stroked his beard. Still caressing his face, Ryan finally broke the kiss and looked Steven in the eyes. All doubt gone. “You’re right. We don’t really know each other. But you can’t deny you felt that.”
Steven didn’t. He said nothing at all, but his gaze searched Ryan’s almost desperately.
Another swipe of his thumb and Ryan dropped his hand. “Tomorrow.” With a smile, he turned and walked to his car.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Steven Conley
Steven almost canceled the date countless times. When Vahin worried he couldn’t keep Steven from calling it off, he got ManDonna involved.
Lord, Steven loved and hated that woman—er, drag queen. But she’d done what Vahin couldn’t. She’d teased and taunted and then got sweepingly romantic as she talked about Hershel. About all the love that had come into Mary’s since they relocated. Cody, Vahin, Ariel Merman. All of them had found love. Now it was his turn. Daddy needed his turn.
That was how she’d put it.
He hadn’t thought of it like that. Probably wouldn’t have ever made the connection, but she was right. Three of the men he was closest to had found love. But was it really his turn? With a gorgeous man so much younger than him?
And if the age difference wasn’t an issue, surely the fact that Ryan had, since his teen years, some trumped-up vision of what Steven was like, well, that had to be a problem. But again, he couldn’t have imagined how he’d felt with Ryan the other night. Even the evening before, that kiss outside of his apartment—there was something there. Some spark, some chemistry. Maybe the possibility of love. Or maybe simply a perfect combination of pheromones.
Whatever the case, Steven was taking this date just as Ryan had suggested. It was a test. They would either prove the feelings were real or it was all just make-believe.
And there wouldn’t be sex. That would only cloud their judgment.
If Vahin and ManDonna had realized he’d spent the time shut in the office looking at Zillow and other real-estate websites—in the moments he wasn’t considering canceling the date—they’d have been even more concerned. Worse, they’d be hurt. Like he was selling their home out from under them.
Not to mention Pat. She was nearly as much a part of the soul of Mary’s as he was.
What he found wasn’t pretty. Property had skyrocketed in Denver, and he could actually make a significant profit on the building itself. But that profit didn’t begin to cover the thousands he’d sunk into renovations. If he sold the place, he’d be starting over in the hole. But it would only take a couple of years in the corporate world to dig his way back out. So he’d be around fifty once he reached zero, with no savings, no retirement.
No Mary’s.
Despite that thought causing his heart to clench, maybe that would be a good thing. A necessary thing.
Even as he walked up 32nd Street with every store window and lamppost glittering with Christmas lights, he doubted he would be able to keep that commitment to refrain from sex. If the date went even halfway decent, and if Ryan pushed even the slightest, Steven knew they’d both be naked within minutes.
He paused outside a glass door with the word Confetti in swirling silver script at eye level.
Here went nothing.
Steven pushed open the door and stepped in. There was no chime or bells, but soft upbeat music greeted him. A pretty African-American girl smiled at him from behind the counter and started to walk around.
“Hi! Welcome to Confetti. Is there an event you’re planning or are you simply needing supplies?”
Supplies? “Uhm.” He glanced around. No Ryan. Steven was pretty early, so maybe Ryan wasn’t there yet. “Actually, I’m just looking, is that all right?”
“Oh, of course. You make yourself at home and holler if you need anything.” She grinned again and moved back to where she’d been. “I’m just doing some orders, so you won’t be bothering me at all.”
He wandered around the store. At first it seemed like a jumbled-up mishmash of things. There were several sections of materials and candles instead of having them all in one place. Then he realized why they weren’t together. There was a wedding section, birth and baby section, general party section, and several others that he didn’t begin to understand. Compared to Mary’s brash cacophony of colors, Confetti was like a warm cup of chamomile tea. The walls were painted in a neutral yet rich gray, the shelving either white wood or glass, everything neat, orderly, and in place.
Steven was inspecting what he was pretty sure was an unassembled chocolate fountain, which he was going to give Ryan shit about, when he heard Ryan’s voice nearby.
“Mom, Dad, you really need to go.
Thank you for dropping by, but I’m too busy to fit in an art show in the spring. Even at a small gallery.”
It took a second for Steven to realize Ryan’s voice was coming from behind the door he was standing close to.
Steven heard a murmured response, and then Ryan spoke again, his tone sharp. “I said no. For the millionth time. The conversation is done, Mom. And I need you to leave. I have a date showing up in about ten minutes, and I don’t really think we’re at the family-meeting stage yet. Especially when you can’t seem to accept my decisions.”
Steven glanced around, knowing it would be stupid to run toward the front door, but he didn’t see anything large enough for him to duck behind. Stupid glass shelves. He was eyeing one of the large bolts of fabric hanging down the wall in the wedding section, debating whether he should hide in it like a complete freak, when the door opened and the other voice became clear.
“Really, darling, you’re being foolish. This little place cannot be making you happy.” A woman with long blonde hair stepped through the door, glanced at Steven and then away dismissively. She was gorgeous, though she showed the telltale tightness of plastic surgery. She was fifty, if she was a day, even with having work done.
“Mom, seriously. It’s time for you—” Ryan stepped out of the office, his brown gaze finding Steven, and he halted. “Oh.” He glanced at his mother.
A tall, silver-headed man followed. He was handsome but obviously much older than his wife. He also seemed oblivious to Ryan’s panic. “We’re leaving, Son. It’s just that we want so much more for you. I know you’ve heard it many times, but we’re not going to stop caring or trying to help until you are through this little phase of yours.”
Ryan’s mother was studying Steven now, and it seemed like she was adding up the math correctly. She turned a questioning stare on her son. “Ryan?”
Ryan’s mouth moved silently, and then he exhaled, his shoulders slumping. “Well, I guess it is what it is.” He met Steven’s gaze again. “Sorry about this.” Then he looked at his mom. “Mom, Dad. This is Steven Conley. He’s my date that I was hoping would be late, since I haven’t done a very good job of kicking my parents out of my store.” He sighed. “Steven, meet my folks. Susan and Mike Fuller.”
The three of them stared at each other. Mike seemed to come to his senses the quickest and stuck out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Conley.”
“Uhm.” Steven shook his hand, trying to make his grip firm without seeming like he was trying too hard. “Nice to meet you too.” He released Mr. Fuller’s hand and then extended his already outstretched hand toward Ryan’s mother. “And you as well, Mrs. Fuller.”
For a second, it looked like she wasn’t going to accept it. But she did, with a quick, light squeeze, and then it was done. Her eyes narrowed, and he could read her thoughts as if she were yelling them, and from her expression, she probably was. He couldn’t blame her. He was thinking the same thing.
They were the same damn age. He was dating someone and he was as old as their mother.
She turned back to Ryan. “Like your father said, we’re going to help you get through this little phase of yours. No matter what new idiosyncrasies you develop.” She leaned up, her hand on Ryan’s forearm. He hesitated, bent slightly, and allowed her to kiss his cheek.
Then they walked away. Ryan and Steven stood awkwardly a few feet apart, watching as Mr. and Mrs. Fuller left the store. They called a formal goodbye to the salesgirl and were gone into the night outside the glass front walls of the store.
Steven stared after them, even when they were gone, and then finally turned toward Ryan.
He looked miserable. “Sorry about that. I had no idea they were going to drop by today. It’s been a good three months since the last time. Of course today would be the day. They’ve always had impeccable timing.” He gave a half smile.
Steven gaped at him. “I’m the same age as your mother.”
That seemed to shake Ryan loose. He walked over and pushed playfully against Steven’s shoulder. “Oh, you are not. She’s fifty-one.”
“Same thing.” And it really was.
“No, it isn’t. There’s got to be at least six years between you two.”
“Five.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Well, great. You’re good with numbers. I’m learning things about you already. I’d say this date is off to a promising start.”
Despite himself, Steven chuckled. “Yeah. Meeting your parents, who I could’ve gone to school with.”
“Not my dad. He’s ten years older than my mom. So he’s old enough to be your father. See, that helps.”
“Right, if he’d had me when he was fifteen.”
Ryan glared, then closed the space between them and gave him a quick kiss. “Well, I’m glad he didn’t. Then you’d be my brother, and the things we did the other night would have definitely made the holidays awkward.”
Steven laughed again. And this time, it made him feel a little bit better. “You’re kinda sick.”
“That is true.” Ryan leaned back, giving a wicked grin. “And see, you’re learning things about me too.” His gaze traveled down Steven’s body and back up. “You look sexy as fuck, by the way.”
He’d actually felt like that as he’d been getting ready. Though Ryan’s mother had ripped that sensation away. He gave Ryan a quick inspection. The man was Ken-doll perfection. Completely. “As much as it makes me feel like a dirty old man to say it, you look gorgeous.”
“Gorgeous, huh? I give you a sexy as fuck, and all I get is a gorgeous? You might as well call me cute.”
“You are cute.” Despite the effect of Ryan’s parents, Steven could feel the spark begin to grow between them once more.
“Fine. I’ll take what I can get.” Ryan glanced around the store like he was searching for something, then back to Steven. “You know, I was going to give you the tour of Confetti, help you understand what I do and why I enjoy it, but I’m ready to get out of here. That okay? I have dinner reservations just down the street at The Matador, but I bet they can get us in early.”
Dinner was a trendy upscale Mexican restaurant decorated in brick, steel, and lamps with various shades of colored glass. The food was amazing and authentic. The same couldn’t be said for their interaction. Though their gazes met and the attraction was undeniable, what little conversation occurred was forced and inept.
Even with his misgivings, Steven truly had hoped Ryan was right, that this date would prove their connection was real. That they just needed time to get to know each other.
Apparently not.
After Ryan paid, they walked outside. It had begun to snow.
“How about I drive to our next destination. We’re close to my house, where I hope we’ll end up later tonight, so your truck will already be here.”
Despite the tension during dinner, Steven’s hormones kicked in at the thought of being in Ryan’s home later. He pushed them away. “Ryan, we don’t have to do this. You don’t have to do this. I think dinner proved that we failed your test.”
Hurt crossed Ryan’s face, but only for a moment, and then he forced a smile. “You don’t have to get a perfect score to pass a test. I know you haven’t been in school for a while, but that isn’t how it goes.”
“Really? Teasing me about my age now?” Steven could barely keep from grinning.
“Let’s just get this out on the table now. If we pass this test, me teasing you about your age is gonna be a thing. A frequent thing.”
“That’s just mean.”
“No. It would be mean if it mattered. But it doesn’t. So that makes it pretty hilarious.” Ryan’s smile seemed more authentic now. “And like I said, our little test isn’t done. We still have the next portion of the date and then my house. Two more chances.”
“Oh.” Ryan was thinking about this date much differently than Steven. “Actually, we’re not going to end up at your place. We both know where that would lead, and as much as I want to go there again with you, that is
n’t going to help us make sure this connection is real.”
Ryan’s eyes narrowed, and he looked about to argue, then shrugged. “Fine. It’s not nice to take away a third of the test without warning, but whatever. Just remember this first part was hampered by my parents, so it’s not weighted as heavily. And I could point out that sexual connection, in and of itself, is a vital aspect of any healthy relationship. But maybe we young folk aren’t as prudish as our ancestors.”
“Ancestors!” Steven guffawed. “Way to make me feel sexy, geesh!”
“Oh, I thought you didn’t want to feel sexy, Daddy. You need to make up your mind.”
“No. Absolutely not. There will not be any daddy-type comments.”
Another grin. “Fine. For now. I’ll save them for a more opportune moment, one where your pants aren’t on.”
Fuck if he didn’t like the sound of that. What the hell was wrong with him? “Remember I said that sex wasn’t on the table for tonight.”
“Who said I was talking about tonight?” He motioned down the sidewalk. “Now, come on. If we keep wasting time here, it’s going to get colder and colder, and then we’ll end up ruining the second part of the date.”
“Blossoms of Lights. I’ve not done this in years.” They stood just inside the entrance of the Botanic Gardens. The car ride had been easier than dinner, full of Ryan’s teasing tone, which, oddly enough, put Steven at ease. The rest of his tension melted away as he took in the winter wonderland around them.
The Botanic Gardens was always beautiful, but it became otherworldly for Christmas. Countless lights of every color illuminated each plant and structure. Leafless aspens wrapped entirely in red, thick spruce in bright white, a fountain edged in purple, an entire alley of ferns draped in various shades of yellow. And through them all, snow slowly drifted. Though they were surrounded by other people, the snow somehow seemed encapsulating, like the place was only for them.
