‘Breakfast on the water sounds lovely, doesn’t it, sweetie?’ she addressed the little girl.
Alessandra hugged her arms tightly around her father’s neck and smiled. ‘Can I take Rosie with me?’
‘Who’s Rosie?’ Leo asked.
‘Rosie is the toy puppy Eliza made for me,’ Alessandra said. ‘She has long floppy ears and a tail just like a real puppy.’
Leo met Eliza’s gaze over the top of his daughter’s little head. ‘Eliza is a very clever young lady. She is talented at many things.’
‘I want her to stay with me for ever,’ Alessandra said. ‘Can you make her stay with us, Papà? I want her to be my mamma now. She tucks me in and reads me stories and she cuddles me lots and lots.’
Eliza felt emotion block her throat like a scrubbing brush stuck halfway down. She blinked a couple of times and shifted her gaze from Leo’s. Alessandra needed someone there all of the time, someone she could rely on—someone to love her unconditionally.
Hadn’t she felt the same desperate ache for stability and love as a child? Throughout her lonely childhood she had clutched on to various caregivers in an attempt to feel loved and cherished. Whenever she had been sent to yet another foster placement, she had blamed herself for not being pretty enough, cute enough or lovable enough. The constant pressure of wondering whether she was doing the right thing to make people love her had worn her down. She had eventually stopped trying and at times had deliberately sabotaged the relationships that could have most helped her.
But Alessandra wasn’t a difficult child to love. Eliza loved all children—even the most trying ones—but something about Leo’s little girl had planted a tiny fishhook in her heart. She felt it tugging on her whenever she thought of the day when her time with her would come to an end. Leaving Leo would break her heart, leaving his daughter would rip it from her chest.
‘I’m afraid that’s not possible,’ Leo said in a matter-of-fact tone. ‘Now, let’s go and get that picnic, shall we?’
Leo’s motor launch was moored amongst similar luxury boats down at the marina. It was a beautiful vessel, sleek and powerful as it carved through the water. The sun was bright and made thousands of diamonds sparkle across the surface of the sea. It was a poignant reminder that little Alessandra couldn’t see the beauty that surrounded them. But she was clearly enjoying being in the fresh air with the briny scent of the sea in the air. She lifted her face to the breeze as the boat moved across the water and giggled in delight when a spray of moisture hit her face. ‘It’s wetting me!’
‘The ocean is blowing you kisses,’ Eliza said and dropped a kiss on the top of the little girl’s wind-tousled hair. She looked up and caught Leo’s gaze on her. ‘It’s a gorgeous boat, Leo. Have you had it long?’
‘I bought it just before Alessandra was born.’ He brushed back his hair off his face with one of his hands, and although he was wearing reflective sunglasses she could see the crease of a frown between his brows. ‘I thought it’d be a great thing to do as a family. Get out on the water, sail into the sunset, get away from the madding crowd, so to speak.’ His mouth twisted ruefully. ‘I only ever take it out on my own, mostly late at night when Alessandra’s fast asleep in bed when Kathleen or Marella are on duty. I suppose I should think about selling it.’
Eliza looked at his wind-tousled hair and her heart gave a little leap of hope. ‘Is that where you went the other night? Out here on the boat…alone?’
His expression was self-deprecating. ‘Not quite what you were expecting from a worldly playboy, is it?’
Eliza was conscious of Alessandra sitting on her knee but she hoped the unfamiliar English words would not compromise her innocence. ‘When was the last time you were…um…a playboy?’
‘I took my marriage vows seriously, even though nothing was happening in that department, more or less since that first night. We agreed to leave things on a platonic basis. In the time since she…left us ten months ago…’ he glanced at his daughter for a moment before returning his gaze to hers ‘…I’ve had other more important priorities.’
Eliza stared at him in shock. For the last four years he had not been out with a variety of mistresses. He hadn’t been with anyone. Like her, he had been concentrating on his responsibilities, trying to do the best he could under difficult and heart-wrenching circumstances. The night she had thought he had been having bed-wrecking sex with some casual hook-up, he had actually been out on his boat—alone. Probably spending the time like she did back in her life in England, tortured with guilt and desperation at how life had thrown such a devastating curve ball.
Alessandra shifted on Eliza’s lap. ‘I’m hungry.’
Eliza ruffled the little tot’s raven-black hair. ‘Then let’s have breakfast.’
Leo met her gaze and gave her a smile. ‘How about you set up the picnic in the dining area while I teach this young lady how to steer a motor launch?’
‘Can I steer it? Can I really?’ Alessandra asked with excitement. ‘What if I run into something?’
He scooped her up in his arms and carried her towards the bow. ‘You’ll have me by your side to direct you, mia piccola. We’ll be a team. A team works together so no one gets into trouble. We look out for each other.’
‘Can Eliza be part of our team?’ Alessandra asked. ‘For always and always?’
Eliza blinked back a rush of tears and looked out at the ocean so Leo couldn’t see how much his little girl’s request had pained her. Why was life always so full of such difficult choices? If she chose to stay she would be abandoning Samantha and Ewan. If she chose to leave she would be breaking not only her own heart, but also dear little Alessandra’s.
As for Leo’s heart…did he still have one after what happened between them four years ago? She had a feeling he had closed off his heart since then. Yes, he loved his daughter, but he would allow no one else to get close to him.
‘She’s a part of our team for now,’ he said in a deep and gravelly tone. ‘Now, let’s get your hands on the wheel. Yes, just like that. Now, here we go—full steam ahead.’
On the way back to the marina after breakfast, Leo glanced at Eliza, who was sitting with his daughter on her lap, holding one of her little hands in hers with an indulgent smile on her face. To anyone looking from the outside, she would easily pass for Alessandra’s biological mother with her glossy mahogany hair and creamy toned skin.
Although he had paid an enormous sum of money to engage her services as a nanny, he suspected she would have been just as dedicated if he had paid her nothing. She seemed to genuinely care for his daughter. He had seen her numerous times when she hadn’t known he was watching. Those spontaneous hugs and kisses she gave Alessandra could not be anything but genuine.
Even his housekeeper, Marella, had commented on how much happier Alessandra seemed now that Eliza was there. Truth be told, he had found it a little unnerving to see Eliza’s relationship grow and blossom with his daughter. He hadn’t planned on Alessandra getting so attached to her so quickly. He had felt confident Alessandra’s relationship with Kathleen would override any new feelings she developed for Eliza.
And, as much as he hated to admit it, the villa did seem more of a home with the sound of laughter and footsteps going up and down the corridors. Eliza had enhanced his daughter’s life in such a short time. Her swimming lessons and her trips to the beach had built his daughter’s awareness of the world around her. Eliza’s competence and confidence in exposing Alessandra to new things had helped give him the confidence to take this outing today. She had shown him that he could afford to be more adventurous in taking Alessandra out and about more. His little girl might not be able to see the things he so desperately wanted her to see, but she had clearly enjoyed the sunshine and the fresh air and the sound of the water and the sea birds. How much more could he help her experience?
But how could he do it without Eliza?
When they returned from the trip to London there would be less than ten days left bef
ore Kathleen returned. She had emailed him and told him she wasn’t going to stay in Ireland with her family after all. A couple of weeks ago he would have been thrilled by that announcement.
But now…he wasn’t sure he wanted to think about how he felt.
Eliza hadn’t been wearing her engagement ring but he had noticed it swinging on a chain around her neck a couple of times. She took care never to wear it when they were in bed together but it irked him that she still clung to it. He knew she wasn’t in love with the guy and yet he didn’t like to fool himself that she was in love with him instead.
Their arrangement was purely a sexual one, not an emotional one. He was happy with that. Perhaps happy was not the best choice of word—content, satisfied…
OK, frustrated was probably a little closer to how he was feeling. He always felt as if she gave everything of herself physically when they were together but there was a part of her that was still off-limits.
What perverse facet of his personality craved that one elusive part of her that she refused to offer him? It wasn’t as if he loved her. He had sworn he would never allow himself to be that vulnerable again. Hadn’t he learnt that lesson the hard way in childhood? He had loved his mother and look how she had walked out as if he had meant nothing to her.
He flatly refused to let anyone do that to him again. He had been caught off guard with Eliza four years ago. The sudden death of his father had left him reeling. He had seen something in Eliza that had spoken directly to his damaged soul. He had felt as if they were kindred spirits. He knew that it sounded like some sort of crystal ball claptrap, but it had stayed with him all the same—the sense that they had both experienced bitter disappointment in life and were searching for some way of soothing that deep ache in their psyche. Their physical connection had transcended anything he had experienced before. Even now his body was humming with the aftershocks of their lovemaking last night. No one pleasured him the way she did. He suspected no one pleasured her the way he did, either.
But she wasn’t going to stay with him for ever. He wasn’t going to ask her to. He would have to let her go when the time was up. He would have no need of her as a nanny now that Kathleen was coming back.
And those other needs?
Well, there were other women, weren’t there? Women who wanted what he wanted: a temporary, mutually satisfying arrangement with no feelings, no attachment and no regrets once it was over.
He had lived the life of a playboy before. He could do it again.
Eliza was sitting on deck with Alessandra fast asleep against her shoulder as Leo docked the vessel when she caught sight of a photographer aiming a powerful-looking lens their way. ‘Um…Leo?’
He glanced across at her. ‘What’s wrong?’
She jerked her head in the direction of the cameraman. ‘It might be just a tourist…’
‘Take Alessandra below deck,’ he commanded curtly.
‘I don’t think—’
‘Do as I say,’ he clipped out.
Eliza rose stiffly to her feet and, putting a protective hand to the back of the little child’s head, went back down below deck. She tucked Alessandra into one of the beds in one of the luxury sleeping suites and gently closed the door. She sat in the lounge and fumed about Leo’s curt manner. She understood he wanted to protect his little daughter but the bigger the issue he made out of it the more anxious Alessandra might become. She felt it would be better to explain to Alessandra that there were journalists out and about who were interested in her Papà’s life and that it was part and parcel of being a successful public figure.
And how dare he speak to her as if she was just a servant? They were lovers for God’s sake! It might be a temporary arrangement and all that, but she refused to be spoken to as if she had no standing with him at all.
Leo came down to the lounge after a few minutes, his expression black with anger. ‘When I ask you to do something I expect you to do it, not stand there arguing about it.’
Eliza got abruptly to her feet and shot him a glare. ‘You didn’t ask me. You ordered me.’
His mouth tightened until his lips all but disappeared. ‘You will do as I ask or order, do you hear me?’
She glowered at him. ‘I will not be spoken to like that. And what if Alessandra had been awake? What’s she going to think if she hears you barking out orders as if I’m nothing to you but yet another obsequious servant you’ve surrounded yourself with to make your life run like stupid clockwork?’
His dark gaze took on a probing glint. ‘Are you saying you want to be more to me than an employee?’
Eliza rued her reckless tongue. ‘No…no, I’m not saying that.’
‘Then what are you saying?’
She blew out a tense little breath. What was she saying? She wanted to be more to him than a temporary fling but he was never going to ask her and she wasn’t free to accept if by some miracle he did. ‘I’m saying you have no right to order me about like a drill sergeant. There will always be journalists lurking about. You have to prepare Alessandra for it. She’s old enough to understand that people are interested in your life.’
He scraped a hand through his hair, making it even more tousled than the wind had done. ‘I’m sorry. I was wrong to snap at you. It just caught me off guard seeing that guy with that camera up there.’
‘Was it a journalist?’
‘Probably. I’m not sure what paper or agency he works for. It doesn’t seem to matter. The photos go viral within minutes.’ His expression tightened. ‘I can’t stand the thought of my daughter being the target of intrusive paparazzi. I’m not ready to expose her to that.’
‘I know this is really hard for you,’ Eliza said. ‘But Alessandra will feel your tension if you don’t relax a bit. Other high profile parents have to deal with this stuff all the time. The more you try and resist these people, the more attractive you become as a target.’
‘You’re probably right…’ He gave her a worn down look. ‘I always swore I would never let her go through a childhood like mine. I want to protect her as much as I can. I want her to feel safe and loved.’
‘What was it like during your childhood?’
He sucked in another breath and released it in a whoosh. ‘It certainly wasn’t all tartan picnic blankets and soft cuddly puppies. I think my mother needed to justify her decision to leave by publicly documenting a whole list of infringements my father and I had supposedly done. I was just a little kid. What had I done other than be a kid? My father…well, all he had done was love her. The press made the most of it, of course. The scandal of my mother’s affair was splashed over every paper in the country but she didn’t seem to care. It was as if she was proud to have got away from the shackles of domesticity. It destroyed my father. He just crumpled emotionally to think he wasn’t enough for her—that she had sold out to someone who had more money than him.’
Eliza could understand now why he had such a fierce desire to keep Alessandra out of the probing eyes of the media. He had been caught in the crossfire as a child. How distressing it must have been to have all those private issues made public. She put a hand on his arm. ‘You weren’t to blame for your parents’ problems.’
He looked down at her for a long moment, his gaze deep and dark. ‘How did your mother die?’
She dropped her hand from his arm and turned away, folding her arms across her body. ‘What has that got to do with anything?’
‘You’ve never told me. I want to know. What happened to her?’
Eliza blew out a breath and faced him again. What was the point of hiding it? She was the product of despair and degradation. It couldn’t be changed. She couldn’t miraculously whitewash her background any more than he could his. ‘Drugs and drink robbed her of her life. They robbed me of both my parents when it comes down to it. I suspect my father was the one who introduced her to drugs. He’s serving time in prison for drug-related offences. The one and only time I visited him he asked me to drug run for him. It might seem stra
nge, given that familial blood is supposed to be thicker than water, but I declined. I guess it had something to do with the fact that I was farmed out to distant relatives who weren’t all that enamoured with the prospect of raising a young, bewildered and overly sensitive child. The only true family I’ve known is my fiancé’s. So, as to tartan picnic blankets and puppies…well, I have no experience of that, either.’
He put a gentle hand on her shoulder. ‘I’m sorry.’
Eliza gave him the vestige of a smile. ‘Why are you apologising? It’s not your fault. I was already royally screwed up when I met you.’
His eyes roved her face, lingering over her gaze as if searching for the real person hiding behind the shadows. ‘Maybe, but I probably made it a whole lot worse.’
‘You didn’t.’ She put her hand on his chest, feeling his heart beating slow and steadily underneath her palm. ‘I was happy for those three weeks. It was like stepping into someone else’s life. For that period of time I didn’t have a care in the world. It was like a dream, a fantasy. I didn’t want it to end.’
‘Then why did you end it?’
Her hand slid off his chest to push through the curtain of her windswept hair. ‘All good things have to come to an end, don’t they? It was time to move on. Soon it will be time to move on again.’
‘What about Alessandra? You’ve been very good for her—even Tatiana says so. And it’s easy to see how attached she’s become to you.’
Eliza felt that painful little fishhook tug on her heart again. ‘She’ll cope. She’ll have Kathleen and Marella and, most importantly, she’ll have you.’
His Final Bargain Page 13
