by Brigid Coady
So much for keeping it professional.
‘It’s nothing.’ Austen brought everyone’s attention back to him as he spoke. ‘I thought that if I had it done it would bring me closer to someone. But you live and learn. Now I keep it as a reminder of … happier times.’ He shrugged. ‘Anyway enough of this standing around discussing my youthful indiscretions, we’ve a challenge to win.’
Annie didn’t think her heart could break again – that it was past that stage.
She was wrong.
***
Two hours and three more challenges later, Annie was picking brambles out of her hair and wondering when they could stop for lunch.
Even watching everyone doing the challenges was exhausting. Or maybe she was using extra energy to put one foot in front of the other so she didn’t run away screaming.
Annie looked up at the mix of wires and rope bridges that crisscrossed the tree canopy above them. Tanya had outdone herself on finding a great place to hold an away day, she thought. Even she could appreciate it, logically, even if her body was aching from all the walking.
She leant against one of the trees that didn’t have ropes and wires attached. Annie figured that here she was enough out of the way and could ‘observe’ without interacting.
Not that she wanted to interact.
She watched as Louisa climbed up to one of the rope bridges. Annie was sure that sticking your bottom out like that wasn’t the most effective climbing technique.
Neil and John would probably beg to differ, she thought as she saw their eyes watching Louisa’s wiggling behind. Austen had his head down and was fiddling with a water bottle.
‘I’m here,’ Louisa shouted down, grabbing Austen’s attention.
‘Okay, have you got the last clue?’ Austen called up with a grin.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘I told you I wasn’t afraid of heights like you wusses.’ She jiggled the rope and threw down the clue that had been tied to it.
John caught it and opened it. Sasha, Neil, and Caroline gathered round to read it. Annie stared into the middle distance trying to ignore the flirtatious banter coming from Austen and Louisa. Trying being the operative word.
‘Catch me.’
‘Nice try, Louisa. Why don’t you climb down here?’
‘What the feck does this mean?’ Neil’s broad Irish accent echoed round the clearing.
Annie was glad that his shout drowned out the others.
Why hadn’t sound-cancelling headphones been included for the observers, she wondered, anything so she didn’t have to listen.
She caught John smiling at her and smiled back.
There was a flash of flesh and Louisa was falling from the rope bridge right into Austen’s arms.
‘Ooof,’ Austen said, his arms full.
Annie had taken a few steps forward in an attempt to try and save Louisa.
Of course she was fine. This seemed to be part of the Louisa Musgrove mating ritual. Launch yourself from ten feet up onto the nearest Hollywood star.
Anne Elliot’s mating ritual needed work. An overhaul, in fact.
Louisa seemed to be reluctant to leave Austen’s arms, but he managed to unhook her and went to see what the clue was.
Annie watched as Louisa pouted at being ignored, then she got a calculating look on her face.
‘That was fun,’ Louisa said laughing.
‘Okay,’ Austen replied absently, ‘but we need to solve the clue.’
‘They’ve got it in hand.’ Louisa said and started climbing up to the rope bridge again.
Well the flirting wasn’t going to help with the cast-crew relationship. She could see Sasha and Caroline looking murderously at Louisa.
‘Come on, Louisa. Get down. We need to solve this problem.’ Austen waved at her to come down.
Annie watched as Austen turned his back on Louisa and walked towards the others. Sasha, Caroline, and John had sat on the ground. Neil was singing quietly to himself and staring into the trees as he wandered round them.
The team-building aspect of the day really wasn’t working.
‘Hey, Wentworth,’ Louisa called balancing on the edge of the rope bridge.
Austen turned his head to look back at her, frowning.
Annie saw it unfold in slow motion.
As Austen turned, Louisa let go of the rope. She launched herself into the air, a leap of faith. For a moment Austen stood there, his mouth dropping slightly in shock. Then he started forward, stumbling with his arms outstretched to catch her. Louisa’s laugh was bright, ringing through the forest, confident that he would catch her.
The timing is all off, Annie thought, as she stood paralysed.
Austen’s legs were long but he didn’t have enough time and Annie knew that sometimes they struggled to coordinate. He was less coltish than he had been eight years ago but … she thought he almost made it. The shout that was driving its way up her chest died in her throat as Austen’s fingers clutched at Louisa, grazing her arms but unable to hold on to her as she crashed to the ground.
Chapter Thirteen
The silence was like a blanket over them. Annie knew that they hardly stayed still for more than a second, a nanosecond even, but in her mind it stretched out to fill hours.
Then the silence was ripped from them as John yelled, Sasha screamed, and Caroline gave a small sob.
Austen was crouched by Louisa’s side. His hands fluttered up and down her body, close but not touching her, his long fingers twitching. Austen shouldn’t touch her – that much Annie knew. No one should touch her in case they made it worse.
Annie realized she was running towards them and skidded down on her knees. Without thinking she voluntarily touched Austen for the first time in eight years.
‘No.’ She took his wrists in her hands.
‘But …’
‘Shh.’ She squeezed them, released them. She turned from him and looked down at Louisa, reaching out to smooth the hair back from Louisa’s face. Her eyes were closed but she was still breathing.
‘Louisa? Louisa?’ Annie asked quietly.
She was unconscious.
‘John,’ Annie said calmly. ‘There is a mobile phone in my backpack. Can you see if there is any signal?’
John nodded and started pulling apart Annie’s backpack with trembling hands. ‘Got it,’ he said as he looked at the screen. ‘Shit, no signal.’
He looked at her, his face white.
Crap, thought Annie, he’s in shock. She looked round and realized everyone was looking to her to solve this.
‘Okay, no problem. I need you to use the flare that they gave us and try and make your way back to the start.’ She gestured to the map he had scrunched into a ball and thrown away when Louisa had fallen. ‘You are the only one who can figure out how to get back.’
She looked at Sasha and Caroline who were clinging to each other, shaking and crying. Neil was ashen with a tinge of green.
‘Take Sasha, Caroline, and Neil,’ she said.
Annie could feel Austen flinch next to her; she bumped her shoulder into his. She couldn’t send him away.
‘I’ll need you to keep her distracted if she wakes up, okay? She’ll listen to you,’ Annie said to him, hoping he was too distracted himself to realize that they wouldn’t be in this mess if only Louisa had listened to him.
Annie hoped he wouldn’t blame himself.
Austen nodded and swallowed. His hands jerked once and shook.
Annie looked up to the rest of them, waiting for them to go. John stood staring down at Louisa. She could see his jaw was clenched and a muscle in his cheek flickered.
Crap. Was he going to break? She knew how fragile John was. Hadn’t he said how helpless he’d felt when Becca died?
‘She needs you, John; you need to get help,’ Annie said quietly. Maybe he would see there was someone who was still alive that he could help.
John stood silently for a few seconds then nodded once decisively. He grasped the flare, found a spo
t where there was no tree coverage, and holding his arm straight into the air, he pulled the trigger.
The boom echoed round them. There was a fizz and hiss of the light as it spat through and into the sky. They all stood there for a moment as if they were watching fireworks. John lowered his arm, put the flare down without a word. He smoothed out the map, gripped the compass, and jogged away, Neil following with Sasha and Caroline holding each other up and trailing behind him.
They disappeared through the trees. The smell of gunpowder from the flare and the smoke curled round the clearing.
‘Annie, what if …’ Austen broke the silence but didn’t finish his sentence.
‘It will be fine.’ She reached out and grasped his hand quickly before she let it go and went back to carefully checking Louisa for anything broken.
***
It had been thirty minutes of silence while they waited for rescue. Austen hunkered down beside Annie as she held Louisa’s hand and monitored her pulse and breathing.
Louisa still hadn’t regained consciousness.
Annie didn’t know what to say. Every so often Austen’s breathing would hitch as if he were going to speak before subsiding again.
Annie had tensed for the first five times. After that she ignored them as well as she could.
‘Oh God, it is all my fault.’ Annie jumped at his voice. She could feel Austen’s breath on her cheek as he whispered.
Did he know he’d spoken out loud?
‘It is not your fault.’ She decided to reply because if you were talking to yourself, blaming yourself, you needed another voice in your head to tell you not to be stupid.
Annie moved the hand she was using to stroke back the hair from Louisa’s face and grasped his forearm.
Austen was so warm and solid that for a moment she wanted to lean into him. Anything to help take away the panicky jittery feeling she had in the pit of her stomach.
But he’s as freaked out as I am, she thought, if not more.
His breath had got faster, almost panting.
‘Austen. Look at me.’
She stared hard at those so familiar green eyes, making sure that she didn’t look away no matter how hard this was.
‘You told her not to jump. You said it. She jumped anyway. It isn’t your fault.’
She had to get him to understand, so he didn’t beat himself up about it every night.
‘But I should’ve got there sooner. If I …’
‘Austen Wentworth, do not be an idiot. You tried. Right? You are not taking the blame for this. We all could’ve told her to get down. You at least were trying to take care of her. It was my job as the observer to make sure you were all safe. If anyone is to blame it is me.’
Annie could see the green of his eyes blur, as tears welled up. Please don’t let him cry, she thought. She couldn’t deal with that.
She squeezed his arm, hoping that if she did it hard enough it would distract him.
He sniffed and then turned his arm and slipped it down so that his hand gripped hers.
They still fitted together, his fingers sliding between hers. Like puzzle pieces. Annie could feel the heat from his skin burning into hers. How was it possible that holding hands with the right person could mean more than sex with the wrong one?
‘But what if …’ Austen started.
Before he finished there were shouts and yelling of their names. Then the rescue party came crashing through into the clearing.
The site paramedic jogged over, shrugging off his green backpack as he carefully pushed Annie and Austen out of the way, breaking their hands apart.
Chapter Fourteen
They made it back to the finish area before all the other teams and found John, Neil, Sasha, and Caroline sitting on the picnic benches hunched over their recently returned mobile phones. Louisa had regained consciousness briefly but had passed out again as she was loaded on the stretcher. Annie and Austen had followed behind it in silence.
Louisa was now in the ambulance with the paramedic and emergency staff checking she was stable enough before they left. Annie stood a few yards from the open ambulance door, biting her nails. Austen stood beside her, his feet even more pigeon-toed than usual, as if he was trying to take up less space.
It felt comforting and right to have him standing there, his arm almost touching hers. What she wouldn’t give to lean against him, or for him to lean against her. Austen’s troubles wouldn’t be too hard to shoulder, much easier than her family’s.
The medics were beginning to pack up, one half of them moving to the cab to start the engine.
Louisa couldn’t go on her own. Charlie wouldn’t forgive her.
But should she go with Louisa? Or should Austen?
It was obvious that they weren’t as close as the internet gossip made out but … should she let him if he wanted to?
Annie got the nauseous feeling she always got when family and Austen clashed.
No, she needed to get over it. Louisa was injured; she had heard the paramedics talking about the risk of paralysis. This wasn’t the time to be worried about her personal life. She was the person in charge; it was her decision.
They needed to put Louisa first. If it meant that Austen went with her to see she got the best possible treatment then Annie would shove him in the ambulance with her … no matter what it might look like to the outside world.
There was a whoop from between the trees. Annie felt Austen jump beside her.
‘We won …’ Harry came barrelling out into the clearing followed by sweaty make-up artists and gaffers and a grinning Lewis. ‘Damn it, who got here first?’ he finished.
‘Oh …’ Harry’s voice dropped.
Annie realized he’d caught sight of the ambulance.
‘What happened?’ he asked in a whisper as he and Lewis came up to Annie and Austen.
‘It was my fault. All mine,’ Austen said almost to himself.
Annie stretched her hand out to touch him but stopped herself; what had been fine in the woods didn’t seem so fine now.
There was a screech and a wail, which made everyone jump back.
‘Oh my God! Louisa!’ Marie had returned to the clearing with the team she had been put in. Annie wondered whether the team had bonded over their hatred of Marie. By the looks of them they had.
‘Marie,’ Annie said, starting towards her younger sister who was tearing at her hair. ‘She’s in good hands. You need to calm down.’
‘Calm down? Calm down? With Louisa in a coma – probably with a broken back? What will I tell Charlie? How could you have let this happen, Annie? It is all your fault.’ She wailed again before saying, ‘Why do all the bad things always happen to me?’ and collapsing dramatically on the ground. It was a very graceful fall, Annie noticed dispassionately. Marie should’ve carried on with the acting instead of TV presenting.
The paramedic, who had looked up at the screeching, rolled his eyes and went back to securing the ambulance.
Annie tried not to look at Austen, as she knelt beside her sister who had now moved on to hyperventilating.
‘No, Anne should go with her,’ she heard Austen say.
Annie looked up from where she was holding Marie’s hand, trying not to wince as Marie’s fake nails dug into the skin on the back of her hand.
Austen was talking with Tanya, Dan the head of the away-day centre, John, and the ambulance team.
‘No one is more capable than Anne,’ he said.
He looked at her then. ‘You’ll go with her, won’t you?’ His voice was pleading.
He cares about Louisa, she thought.
Being on this production was making her heart break over and over again. How was that possible? How did a heart break so many times? But maybe all those jagged pieces from the original shattering still sat in her chest. And even though they had been worn down by years of tears, they obviously weren’t in small enough pieces yet. Would the hurt stop when they were finally ground to dust?
‘Of course,’
Annie said, without thinking.
When he asked … she never wanted to say no again.
‘What? Annie can’t go. She isn’t even proper family. I’m Louisa’s sister-in-law. I should be the one to go,’ Marie screeched, suddenly recovering enough to place herself back into the middle of the drama.
Holy crap, would the world open up and swallow her whole, thought Annie. She knew without looking the horror and disgust that was probably being poorly disguised on everyone’s faces.
How was she supposed to be seen as professional when her family undermined her at every step?
‘But, Marie, you know you don’t do well when people are ill,’ Annie said flashing back to all the ER trips she’d made with Hector and Archie because Marie hated hospitals. Marie had said they reminded her of Mum.
‘You aren’t as sensitive as I am, Annie,’ was Marie’s excuse. ‘The littlest thing will remind me of those awful times.’
Annie had wanted to point out that Marie hadn’t done much hospital visiting during that time but … well. Maybe Marie was more sensitive?
Marie stared at Annie, daring her to say more, her eyes remarkably dry.
She wanted to stop her. Marie would probably co-opt the paramedics to deal with her issues as soon as they got going.
‘I’ll go with her and make sure both Marie and Louisa are okay,’ John Benwick said quietly. His face was grey but his expression was resolute. ‘I’m not needed for filming at the moment. I can explain things to the Musgroves. And if Marie needs some support …’ He shrugged.
Annie could’ve hugged him. John probably had worse memories of hospitals than Marie, but this way … Annie didn’t have to go.
This made her such a bad person. She’d rather pass her duty on to a stranger than be with her family but she couldn’t deal with Marie’s hysterics.
And it wasn’t that she didn’t want to look after Louisa, but Annie wasn’t sure she was a good enough person to not want to take Louisa to task for risking her life to try and get Austen’s attention.
***
By the time the ambulance had left and they had all trudged back on the buses, no one much felt like fighting.
