by Mary Monroe
Muh’Dear gave me a pitiful look as she shook her head. “Oh, it’ll be raised right as long as Pee Wee is involved. And he will be if that wench stays in this town. With Pee Wee bein’ such a do-right man, he’ll do the right thing, like he always does. Well, not always. If he did always do the right thing, we wouldn’t be talkin’ about him and this woman havin’ his baby in the first place.” Muh’Dear paused as if to give me time to process what she’d just said. I guess I didn’t react fast enough to suit her. She snorted and gave me one of her meanest looks. Then she continued, “Pee Wee’s daddy, may he rest in peace ’til the rest of us join him up yonder in heaven, he raised Pee Wee up right. Pee Wee’ll take care of that child the way that a man is supposed to. I know ’cause I seen him do it with Charlotte. The pope couldn’t have done a better job of raisin’ a child.”
“I’m going to bed,” I reminded her, glancing at my watch. “I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.” My stomach had begun to churn. It took all of my strength for me to keep down the pork-chop dinner that Roscoe had prepared.
“I let my cab go,” my mother whined. “And you know that I ain’t about to call your daddy and make him come pick me up this time of night. If you ain’t too tired, you can drive me home.”
“I’ll call you another cab,” I said quickly, already dialing the cab station number. My fingers felt and looked like grilled hot links. I knew it was just my imagination, so I didn’t let that bother me, especially since my body was letting me down in so many other ways. For one thing, my throat felt like thorns were growing in it on all sides. My stomach felt like it contained more gas than anything else. And my eyes felt like somebody had rubbed them with raw onions.
I was glad that Muh’Dear didn’t mention my situation with Pee Wee any more during the ten minutes that it took for her cab to arrive. But she spent the whole time talking about Lillimae like a dog. By the time she left, I had a headache on both sides of my head.
I don’t know how I managed to get to sleep that night. I woke up around four in the morning in my bed under the covers, but I was still in my street clothes. As hard as I tried, I could not get back to sleep. Even listening to some soft jazz on the radio and trying to watch a religious program on the portable TV on my dresser didn’t do me any good. I could not concentrate on either one, and I couldn’t fall asleep.
Around five-thirty, I wobbled up out of bed. I went downstairs to the kitchen and warmed up a glass of milk. It soothed my aching throat. But my head was still throbbing, and so was most of the rest of my body, even my ears. Each time I recalled Pee Wee telling me that Lizzie’s pregnancy had been confirmed, my ears suffered, even more so than my weary brain.
Rhoda had told me that she would come over before noon, but I had no idea what time Pee Wee was planning to visit. Somehow I managed to doze off again.
Around seven, the birds started to chirp outside my window. I was still drowsy and disoriented, wondering if everything that had happened the day before had been a dream. When a bird pecked on my window, I perked up real quick. That was the moment that I knew for sure that what was happening to me now was no dream.
CHAPTER 14
I REMAINED IN BED LISTENING TO A JAZZ PROGRAM ON THE RADIO until eight-thirty. Knowing that everything that happened the day before had not been a dream made it hard for me to get up and face the day.
After I got tired of listening to the radio, I spent the next hour reading yesterday’s edition of our local newspaper.
I didn’t want to face Pee Wee or Muh’Dear again anytime soon, or at least not until I’d spent some time with Rhoda. But I couldn’t remain in my room too long. I knew that if I did, somebody would barge in on me.
I could smell the sweet aroma of honey-cured bacon floating from the kitchen up to my bedroom. The scent of roses could not have pleased my nose more. My stomach was empty and beginning to growl. But from past experience, I knew that it was going to be a difficult day for me. I knew that I would not be able to eat much, if at all. I took a long shower. After that I spent twenty minutes trying to decide what to wear. I slid into my favorite warm-up suit. Not only was it comfortable, but because it was black, it made me look like I was ten pounds slimmer.
Even though I had on Nike’s, my feet felt as heavy as lead as I made my way downstairs to the kitchen.
“Hello, sleepyhead!” Daddy greeted as soon as I entered the kitchen doorway. He occupied a chair across the table from Lillimae. My daughter, Charlotte, looking more like her daddy than ever, stood behind Daddy with her hands on the back of his chair. “I got over here as soon as I heard Lillimae was back in town.” There was a huge smile on my father’s scraggly face. I knew that he loved me as much as he loved Lillimae, but I had a feeling that she was his favorite of all his children. That didn’t bother me. She was the one who had taken him in and cared for him when her mother left.
“Get in here, girl! There’s a mess of grits, bacon, eggs, biscuits, and home fries just waitin’ on you to dive in,” Lillimae yelled, as she made a sweeping gesture around the table with her plump hand. There was enough food on that table to feed ten people. “Me and Daddy, and this child here, we can’t eat another bite. Pee Wee and Rhoda called. They are both on their way over here, and told me to save them a plate.”
This was much worse than I thought. A “party” atmosphere was the last thing that I needed right now. Especially when it was going to include Pee Wee.
“I don’t have much of an appetite,” I mumbled, pouring myself a cup of coffee. “As a matter of fact, I don’t feel too good, so I’m going to go back to my room and lie down for a while.”
“What’s wrong with you, Mama?” Charlotte asked, giving me a concerned look. “You don’t sound too good either.”
“She don’t look too good neither,” Daddy noticed. “Annette, child, if you looked any worse, they’d be embalmin’ you.”
Before I could respond, Charlotte ran up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist, hugging me so tight I could barely breathe. “I know what’s wrong with you, Mama, and I know you can’t help it,” she said, her nose twitching like a nervous rabbit. “You’re just a miserable old woman. But don’t you worry too much. Daddy’ll be here in a little while.”
My poor brain felt like it was sizzling on a grill. I knew that things had to be bad if a twelve-year-old was analyzing me. She was right, I was “a miserable old woman.” Even though a lot of people loved me, my life seemed somewhat empty and sometimes adrift. There were times when I didn’t know which way was up. I couldn’t stop thinking that I’d failed as a wife. I didn’t have the heart to tell my daughter that her daddy’s upcoming visit was one of the reasons I was feeling so down in the dumps.
“I’m all right,” I managed. I disguised my unhappy face with a smile that was so tight it made my jaw muscles ache. “I must have eaten something that didn’t agree with me.” I rubbed my stomach and scrunched up my face like I was in pain. “Somebody holler at me when Pee Wee and Rhoda get here.” I left the kitchen as fast as I could. Not because I was being antisocial, but because I didn’t want anybody to see the tears forming in my eyes. I lumbered back upstairs, moving my feet like a woman twice my age.
As soon as I reached my room, I looked in the mirror. I did look a bit scary. Dark circles surrounded my eyes like moats. I looked like a brown panda bear. I couldn’t stand to look at myself too long without feeling sorry. I dabbed on some liquid makeup and just enough face powder to blend it in. Once I was satisfied with my appearance, I called Rhoda.
“Things aren’t going too well over here. If you don’t mind, I’d rather come talk to you at your house, instead of you coming over here,” I told her, my voice wobbling like a pair of clubbed feet.
“I’m glad you caught me. I was just about to leave the house and head over to your place,” Rhoda informed me. “What you just suggested is even better. I need to take a recess from what’s goin’ on around here, if you know what I mean... .”
I did know what R
hoda meant. Her long-time lover Ian “Bully” Bullard, or her “houseguest” as she usually referred to him, had kept her up into the night making love. And with Rhoda’s husband, Otis, in the room right next door to the guest room!
“I understand,” I croaked. “Tell Bully I said hello.”
“You can tell him yourself when you get here,” Rhoda gushed. Then she let out a long sigh that was followed by what sounded like a moan of ecstasy. Bully must have really laid her out this time, I thought. She sounded as giddy as a prom queen. “When do you think you’ll make it over here?”
Even though I was used to Rhoda acting a fool over Bully, I was still somewhat taken aback. It took me a few moments to respond. “That all depends. I don’t know what time Pee Wee is coming over, or how long he’s going to stay. By the way, Lizzie is pregnant. He called me up last night. He told me that he saw her doctor’s report. That’s what he’s coming to talk to me about.”
“Damn. Are you all right?”
“I’m still breathing, but I’ve had better days. Muh’Dear is not happy about Lillimae coming up here, but I’m glad my sister is here. At least her presence will keep me from spending all of my time thinking about this mess with Pee Wee and Lizzie.”
“You know that I will do anything I can to help you through this,” Rhoda assured me, and I knew she would. She had proved her allegiance to me by killing the man who had raped me throughout my childhood. And she’d gotten away with it!
“All I need is for you to be available for me to talk to when I need you,” I said. “Nothing more than that.”
Rhoda read me like a book. She knew exactly what I meant by my last comment. I did not want her to do anything foolish to Lizzie, like causing her to have a fatal “accident.” Especially now that Lizzie was pregnant.
After I finished my conversation with Rhoda, I called up Pee Wee. “Can we meet someplace other than my house?” I asked him. “I don’t want to talk to you with an audience.” I wasn’t really asking him to meet me at a different location, I was telling him. “I can meet you at Jonnie Mae’s coffee shop across the street from the hospital this afternoon around two.”
“Hmm. I already made plans to go to the pool hall around that same time,” he grumbled.
“Well, if you really want to talk to me today, you can do it before or after you go to the pool hall.”
Pee Wee hesitated for a few seconds. “What time?” he asked.
“In an hour,” I suggested. “I’d like to get this over with as soon as possible. It shouldn’t take more than a few minutes.”
“A few minutes? Annette, this ain’t somethin’ that we can chitchat about for just a few minutes and be done with. I want to get with you today so I can let you know how I feel about this new development. I was hopin’ to spend at least a few hours with you.”
“A few hours? Ha! I do not have a few hours to spare to talk about Lizzie today—or any other day. What all is there to say?”
“There is a lot that needs to be said—”
“I can’t imagine what. I don’t know about you, but what I have to say to you on the subject of another woman having your baby won’t take me but a few minutes.”
“Look, let’s try to get through this with as little pain as possible. I don’t know what the hell you want me to do or say now. I can’t change what’s already happened. But I don’t see why we can’t continue to move forward with our plans to repair our marriage. I still love you, and I always will. Ain’t no woman in the world ever goin’ to take your place.”
“Don’t make me laugh!” I guffawed, long and loud. “Hello? Another woman has already taken my place,” I snapped. I thought about the comment that Muh’Dear had made about Lizzie possibly giving Pee Wee the son he’d always wanted. It made me want to scream my lungs out. “I don’t know why you keep acting like it’s business as usual between us. After what you did, things are never going to be the same between us again.”
“Say what? Now, you hold on there, woman! After what I did? In the first place, I didn’t bust up our marriage by myself. Don’t put all of the blame on me. Don’t forget that you are the one who started messin’ us up first!”
“Listen, Romeo, as far as I’m concerned, this conversation is over.”
“We can finish it at the café.” Pee Wee sounded like a man twice his age. It suddenly dawned on me that he would be close to his late sixties by the time Lizzie’s baby finished high school. And so would I. That thought turned my stomach.
“We are finished. There is nothing else to say. Don’t bother going to the café, because I won’t be meeting you there this time—or any other time. Now that I know Lizzie is pregnant, I know what I have to do. You’ll be hearing from my attorney.”
“What? I—I—what do you mean by that? Annette, all I know is that the woman is pregnant. I don’t even know if that baby really is mine! I won’t know until Lizzie has it, and I can get a blood test done. That’s supposed to be pretty accurate.”
“What if you find out the baby is yours? Then what?”
Pee Wee hesitated; then he said: “I’ll love that baby and treat it as good as I treat Charlotte.”
Pee Wee was the most successful black barber in Richland. And he had inherited a few properties from his late grandparents in Erie, Pennsylvania. We had both invested wisely over the years, so our estate was quite impressive. Since it looked like Charlotte was going to be our only child—well, my only child—there was going to be quite a lot left behind after Pee Wee and I passed on. The thought of Lizzie’s child taking half of my daughter’s inheritance made my flesh crawl!
“If Lizzie’s baby is mine, I will adjust my will, and set up child-support payments through the court,” he declared.
“I have to go,” I choked, struggling to hold back my tears. “You do what you have to do, Pee Wee. From now on, you don’t have to bring over the money for Charlotte. You can send mine through the court, too... .”
“Annette, I will still be comin’ to that house to see my child. I can bring the money with me then. Don’t make this no harder than it already is!” he boomed.
I hung up before he could get another word in edgewise. I was so angry, I was about to explode.
CHAPTER 15
SOMEHOW, I MADE IT THROUGH THAT SATURDAY WITHOUT falling apart. But I experienced a lot of anxiety and apprehension throughout the day. Around three that afternoon, I called Rhoda again and told her that I would visit her at another time. I was glad that Pee Wee didn’t call back, and I had no desire to call him again anytime soon.
Now I had to deal with the situation downstairs. My daddy loved to reminisce about any and everything. That alone was bad enough. He liked to repeat everything several times. I lost track of the number of times he regaled me and Lillimae with stories about his civil rights activities during the 60s, and all of the times that he had locked horns with the Ku Klux Klan. I noticed how Daddy avoided the subject of him leaving Muh’Dear and me for Lillimae’s mother. By the time he left, I was feeling like a hostage in my own home.
Lillimae got up early Sunday morning to fix breakfast, and to fill me in on what she’d been up to since our last telephone conversation. Like Daddy, she repeated herself a lot. She must have told me ten times about how she’d met Versace just before his assassination, and how he had signed a napkin for her. “He had just wiped some cappuccino off his whiskers with the same napkin,” she sniffed.
After we’d cleaned up the kitchen, Lillimae borrowed my car. She took Charlotte to the mall for some shopping and a movie. I was glad to be alone so I could sort through my thoughts, which was something I did a lot of these days.
Muh’Dear and Daddy came to the house after they attended church service. As usual, they spent several hours in my living room roasting first one person and then another. They bombarded me with detailed comments that included Sister Ledbetter coming to church in a blond wig, and Brother Crutchfield coming to church with alcohol on his breath. The yip yapping went on for two hours befo
re they got to the finale. Unfortunately, that was Pee Wee and me and our latest problem: Lizzie’s pregnancy.
“Maybe you ought to pay that woman off to relocate,” Daddy suggested. “As long as she’s out of sight, she’ll be out of mind. I seen somethin’ like that in a movie one time.”
Muh’Dear rolled her eyes and looked at Daddy like he had suddenly sprouted horns. “Only a man would believe some hogwash like that!” she snapped. “Even if Lizzie moved to the moon, Pee Wee is gwine to be very active in that baby’s life. Especially if it turns out to be the son he always wanted... .”
I knew that my parents meant well. But their “support” was like a double-edged sword. No matter what they said, it either made me feel better or it made me feel worse. Unfortunately, their comments generally made me feel worse.
“I know you both care about Pee Wee and me, and I know y’all want what’s best for us. That’s what I’m praying for too,” I said when they finally let me get a word in.
That seemed to satisfy them, because not long after that they left.
I was happy to get back to work on Monday morning. And I was happy now more than ever that Lillimae was in the house. She was more than eager to baby-sit, so Charlotte didn’t have to spend time at my parents’ house until I got home from work like she usually did.
It was a slow week. Pee Wee left several voice-mail messages that I had not returned by that weekend.
The following Saturday morning, I woke up a few minutes before ten. With three pillows supporting my throbbing head, I remained in bed until I had finished reading the latest edition of the National Enquirer. By the time I made my way downstairs, after I’d taken a long shower and read a few pages in last month’s Ebony magazine, my parents had returned. It was a few minutes past noon. This time Muh’Dear had brought along Scary Mary, her best friend. Scary Mary was one of the most beloved and generous people I knew. But this grumpy, fish-eyed old hag was also the most meddlesome senior citizen in Richland. As the madam of the oldest and most popular brothel in this part of the state, she was also the most brazen woman I knew. She paid more attention to other people’s business than her own. Especially mine.
