by Julie Cannon
Caroline didn’t knock on the door. She didn’t think she needed to. She didn’t think at all. She opened the door and froze. Shannon was pressed up against the lockers, a woman’s body flush against her hers. From the angle, Caroline couldn’t see who it was, but she was able to see it was a serious kiss and the woman’s hands were under Shannon’s shirt, palms splayed across her breasts.
They were obviously too deep in what they were doing to notice that she had walked into the tête-à-tête. Finding Shannon in such a compromising position was shocking. Caroline backed out as silently as she entered.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” She berated herself with each step taking her farther away from the scene that was burned into her mind. Why did it bother her so much? Shannon was a playgirl, she knew it. She had accused her of it earlier and Shannon hadn’t said anything to try to change her mind. So why should she be so upset to find her in such a position? She had no claims on her. Shannon had said as much to her earlier. Why shouldn’t she celebrate her victory in any way she wanted? Hell, if I’d won the race and had a good-looking woman, I’d be celebrating the same way as well. But this was different. This was Shannon and she had made love to her not twelve hours ago.
Since they’d made contact again, she thought about Shannon constantly. Why couldn’t she get her out of her mind? It was obvious that Shannon was no good for her. She didn’t even want her. Caroline didn’t want Shannon in her life. She had a career, a future. NASA was waiting. Shannon was a career liability and Caroline knew it. She couldn’t risk it. She wouldn’t risk it. Shannon had no place in her life. Could she imagine showing up at a NASA party with Shannon on her arm? She might as well give up her dream of being an astronaut right now. It would never happen.
She came to see Shannon and what did she get? A slap in the face—again. She was much better off when they weren’t speaking to each other. Barely acknowledging each other’s existence. There was a lot less pain and confusion the way it used to be. She walked back to her hotel room vowing Shannon would never hurt her again.
Chapter Twenty
The flight to Melbourne for the final race of the series was grueling. The fact that Fran peppered her with questions about her night with Shannon didn’t help.
When she had an opportunity to close her eyes, all Caroline saw was images of Shannon. The fire in her eyes just before she kissed her. The trembling of her hands as she removed her clothes. The hard, demanding kisses of desire. Shannon wanted her and Caroline had surrendered without a second thought. Jesus, what had she been thinking? Shannon was her rival. She stood in the way of everything Caroline wanted, what she had trained for, sacrificed for. She could not afford the diversion and disruption Shannon caused in her life. Not now. Not when she was so close to winning.
But she had. Boy had she. Heat raced through her body as it reflexively recalled Shannon’s touch. How she had practically begged for her touch. Caroline wasn’t normally an overly aggressive lover, but with Shannon she was insatiable. The instant Shannon’s lips touched hers she lost everything. Her inhibition, her doubts, fears, and most troubling, herself.
Making love with Shannon was the most exciting, most moving experience of her life. It was nothing in comparison to what they had shared years ago and absolutely nothing like the women she had been with since. It was more than simply the physical release. Her heart pounded in her chest, her blood churned, and she was lost in sensation and emotion. Shannon’s lips were soft, her tongue teasing, her hands in her hair holding Caroline to her while she flicked her tongue over Shannon’s hard clit. She wanted Shannon. She halfheartedly tried to tell herself that it just happened, that Shannon had taken advantage of her. But that was bullshit. She knew what she was doing from the moment it started, and she did nothing to stop it. She didn’t want to.
No one made her body respond the way it did when Shannon touched her. No one excited her with just a look. No one made her come alive like Shannon did. She had never compared lovers, but now that she had been with Shannon again Caroline realized that no one could ever compare.
But it would never happen again. Not after seeing Shannon and the woman yesterday. The woman’s hands were under Shannon’s shirt and it appeared as though both of them were getting what they wanted. She hadn’t stayed around to see the rest, preferring to throw up in private behind the trailer instead.
Caroline eventually made it through customs and to the cool hotel room in Canberra. With a population of over 345,000, Canberra was Australia’s eighth largest city, located 170 miles southwest of Sydney and 410 miles northeast of Melbourne. The race was to be held at Stratford Park with over twenty-five miles of fire trail and single track trails.
The twenty-four hours of Australia was a grueling marathon of riding through some of the most breathtaking, treacherous terrain on the continent. After ten races in twelve weeks, the course pitted rider against nature against the clock against stamina. The race was simple. The rider who completed the most laps in the twenty-four-hour period won.
The race began with the riders running four hundred yards to their bikes. Once they were in the saddle, a three-mile fire trail ascended the mountain before the course turned to seven miles of twisting, turning single track before another three miles of flat trail led back to the starting point. Each rider was fitted with a GPS so that race officials knew exactly where every rider was at all times. The round trip was thirteen miles, providing the riders plenty of time to spread out the pack.
In the eight years the event had been held at the park, no rider, male or female, had ridden the course for the entire twenty-four hours. Riders were able to stop and start at their leisure, riding as many laps as they could with any number of rest breaks in between. There were no limitations.
The race started at four p.m. Last year, due to her injury, Caroline was unable to compete at full throttle throughout this race. She finished fifty-sixth. Respectable, considering her injury, but it was a heartbreaking finish nonetheless. This year Caroline knew how she was going to attack the course. She was going to complete five laps then take a ten-minute break. She would repeat this sequence for the first three hours then increase her break time by five minutes in each sequential three-hour block. The race was similar to a marathon in which runners ran 26.2 miles. The first half of the race, generally speaking, was pretty easy for most runners. It was the second half that was more difficult, and the seasoned runners knew that it was the last six miles that made the difference between winning the race or not.
The terrain was a combination of dirt, sand, rocks, pea gravel, boulders, and washboard roads that would rattle the fillings out of any unsuspecting rider’s teeth. It wasn’t unheard of that after the first ten hours of the race, half of the contestants had either voluntarily withdrawn or involuntarily withdrawn due to a fall or a mechanical breakdown they couldn’t repair. When the mental and physical fatigue set in was when mistakes began. Hands went numb from their tenuous grip on the handlebars. Fingers started to blister from the constant pressure from squeezing the brake levers. Toes tingled from the continuing pressure of pushing down on the pedals. Leg muscles quivered from the sliding back in the saddle on the descent, pushing on the ascent, and absorbing all the shock on the way down.
If the riders didn’t rest, rehydrate, and refuel they would find themselves in the dirt. Sometimes they would be able to pick themselves up and continue, but more often than not, they would be seriously injured with a broken arm, broken collarbone, or worse. Caroline knew that this would be a test not only of her physical stamina but of her mental stamina as well.
*
Caroline had intentionally kept an eye out for Shannon in the airport, hotel lobby, and here in Canberra. She knew she couldn’t avoid her for long, but the longer she did delayed the inevitable.
She felt like a fool, or an idiot. She wasn’t sure which. How stupid of her to think that Shannon wanted something from her other than a quickie trip down memory lane. The sex between them had always bee
n more than unbelievable.
The scene with Shannon and her father two mornings ago was still fresh in her mind. She needed to put it in its proper place and devote her full concentration on preparing for this race. The races in this series had been won and lost in tenths of a second. This race would be determined by much more than that.
*
Shannon finally cornered Caroline three days later. She had knocked on Caroline’s hotel door until her knuckles bled, staked out the practice runs, and roamed the park grounds desperately searching for her. It was as if she had not arrived, but Shannon knew better. The Bellow trailer was there and showed signs of constant activity. But no matter what she did, or where she went, she was never able to connect with Caroline.
She wanted to see Caroline again. Needed to see her again. Shannon had to reinforce the connection they shared because it didn’t seem real. She thought she didn’t have any residual feelings for Caroline, but one touch, one kiss, and she knew she had been lying to herself all these years. The feelings intensified as she finally saw Caroline walking across the expo grounds.
Shannon slipped behind the giant tent to cut off Caroline’s access to her sponsor trailer. She stepped out from behind a stack of boxes and gently grabbed Caroline’s hand and pulled her back into the area away from the prying eyes of others. Before Caroline had a chance to react, Shannon covered her mouth in a searing kiss. Shannon’s head spun from the contact and she was left hanging when Caroline pushed her away.
“Don’t touch me.” Caroline’s voice was harsh.
“What?” Shannon was dizzy from the kiss and Caroline’s rejection. She hadn’t expected this reaction.
“You heard me.” Her voice was like ice.
“What are you talking about?”
“You know damn good and well what I’m talking about. If you think for one minute I’m going to stand for that, to be treated like another one of your biker babes, you have another think coming. Get out of my way.”
Caroline started to brush by but Shannon grabbed her arm and stopped her. She had no idea what Caroline was talking about and was not going to let her walk away again. Before she had the chance to say anything else, Caroline slapped her. Hard.
“I said don’t touch me.” Shannon had never seen such flames of anger in Caroline’s eyes. “Not after her. Now get out of my way.” Caroline enunciated each word. Shannon was too stunned to do anything but let her walk away.
Frowning, Shannon shook her head trying to clear it. What in the hell just happened? What was Caroline talking about? Her who? Those and several other questions pounded in her head as she walked back in the direction she had just come. With each step Shannon relived every moment after their night together searching for something, anything, that would give her a clue to what Caroline was talking about.
Shannon stopped suddenly and her stomach lurched, pushing bile into her throat. Nikki. It had to be. Somehow, Caroline must have seen Nikki with her and assumed the worst. It couldn’t be anything other than that. She had barely spoken to anyone after the race, and certainly not in a way that would lead Caroline to believe she had been with anyone else. She pivoted and ran after Caroline.
“Caroline, wait. It’s not what you’re thinking,” Shannon shouted when she was still yards away from her retreating form. “Caroline, let me explain,” she added finally alongside, hurrying to keep up with Caroline.
Caroline didn’t respond or even acknowledge that she knew Shannon was at her elbow. “Caroline, please.” She was not above begging. Caroline stopped so suddenly Shannon ended three steps ahead of her.
“Let me make this perfectly clear. Leave me alone. Don’t talk to me, try to see me, or even look at me. That night was a mistake. A very bad mistake. And it will never happen again.” Caroline walked away leaving Shannon breathless with fear.
Chapter Twenty-One
But this time she did something about it. Caroline hadn’t gone five yards before Shannon caught up with her and blocked her retreat.
“I don’t know what in the hell you think you saw, but you’re going to listen to what I have to say.” Her feet were planted firmly in front of Caroline and there was no way she was getting around her. When Caroline tried, Shannon shuffled her feet to maintain her position.
“I don’t give a shit what you have to say,” Caroline growled.
“And I don’t care what you think,” Shannon shot back. This did little to deflate Caroline’s anger and she crossed her arms in front of her in typical defensive body language, her face devoid of any emotion. Shannon was not going to be deterred.
“I ran away from you once before, and it’s not your turn to do it to me. Not like this. There is nothing going on between me and Nikki Striker. There never has been and there never will be. She’s been after me forever, but I am not interested and I’ve told her that on more than one occasion. What you saw was just another attempt to get me…her way of trying to convince me…to get me to change my mind…” Shannon was flustered, unable to find the right words. The right words were important. She needed to convince Caroline that Nikki was nothing, never was, and never would be.
“You don’t expect me to believe that you turned her down? She’s just your type.”
Caroline’s words stung, but then again the truth sometimes did. With her reputation, why should Caroline believe her? She had to make her believe it.
“Yes, Caroline, I do expect you to believe me.” Caroline’s amused expression said it all. “And let me tell you why. First, I’ve never lied to you. Never. Well, there was that one time when you found that locket in my drawer and I told you it was for my mother,” Shannon said trying a little humor to deflect her nerves. It didn’t work.
“Seriously, Caroline. I didn’t lie to you when we were together, and I’m not lying to you now. If I’d slept with half the women I’ve been rumored to, I wouldn’t be here. You know what it takes to compete at this level.”
Caroline’s body had not relaxed but she wasn’t trying to sidestep her anymore either.
“I’ve missed you. I didn’t realize how much until the other night. And no, it’s not about sex,” she added hastily lest Caroline think it was all about the sex. “I miss talking to you, holding you, watching you move, listening to you breathe, seeing the sparkle in your eyes when you’re excited, the fire when you’re angry. I miss arguing with you, debating with you, agreeing with you.”
Shannon took a chance that Caroline wouldn’t run and stepped away a foot or two. She needed to move, to help herself think. The words were pouring through her and threatened to spill out of her mouth unchecked.
“I’m sorry I left you all those years ago. I was a stupid kid who didn’t know any better. I was afraid. Afraid of my feelings for you. Scared to death of your father. Dean Phillips held my future in her hands. Without you I didn’t have anybody to lean on, nobody to help me get through it. My parents were only concerned with themselves. They had no clue how to be parents. I let you go and spent years trying to find your replacement. But I never did because no one can ever take your place in my heart, in my life. I never should have let you go without tracking you down to the ends of the earth.” Shannon took a breath, her courage building.
“I’ve done some things in my life I’m not terribly proud of. Especially after…well, after high school. I’m not going to make any excuses or try to pretend they didn’t happen. I was ugly and mistreated people and I can’t begin to say how sorry I am. If I could make it up in some way, I would. But all I can do right now is accept it, learn from it, and try to be a better person because of it.”
Shannon was suddenly very tired, like she’d been carrying a heavy wet blanket around her shoulders for the past ten years. She was weary and worn out, fatigue pulling down her limbs and her spirit. She had one more thing to say and she had to get it right. She might never have another opportunity.
“I wish I could do it all over again, that day. I’d tell your father that I loved you and I wanted us to be tog
ether for the rest of our lives. I’d tell him that he might be able to keep us apart until we were eighteen but after that, we’d be adults and would be together regardless of what he said. I’d tell him that I’d take care of you, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, and all the other words people in love say when they make a commitment to each other. And I would forsake all others. I’d say all that, Caroline, because I loved you.”
Shannon stopped pacing and stood directly in front of Caroline. Risking painful rejection, she grasped Caroline’s hands in hers. She felt them shaking. “And I’d say it all again today because I still love you. I’ve never stopped loving you; I just didn’t know it. But I do now and I will do anything to convince you of it. Whatever you want me to do or say I will. I don’t want to lose you again.”
Shannon was breathing fast. She took the first deep breath in minutes and tried to calm her racing nerves. She had no idea she was going to say what she had, but realized that it was the truth. Every single word. She had used other women to try to find the same thrill, excitement, and connection she had had with Caroline. The more she failed, the more she tried until being with Caroline again ended the spiral.
Shannon expected Caroline to say something, anything. But she just stood where she was and stared at her, her expression unreadable. Shannon didn’t know whether to repeat everything she’d just said or fall on her knees and beg. She’d do anything to see Caroline smile at her, reach for her, touch her again. But she didn’t. Caroline simply walked away. Again. This time Shannon let her go.
*
Caroline readied herself at the starting line. Glancing around, she recognized the faces she had seen for the past three months. Some looked tired and haggard, others deep in concentration, and no one was smiling and joking like they were before the first race. It seemed like a lifetime ago and when it came to what had happened with Shannon, it was.
