by Ann Stewart
Believe it or not, I have learned from my mistakes with Cole. With him, I never stuck by the limitations of friendship and continuously forgave him when he overstepped my boundaries. For God’s sake, I forgave him after miscarrying our baby, along with the years and years of him being overbearing and nosey as hell. I can’t, and won’t, make the same mistake again.
Now, its morning and I’ve woken up to breakfast in bed. Technically, I had already been awake and on the verge of falling back asleep when Oliver came in with breakfast. I was woken up by my cell incessantly ringing. Who, you ask, would be calling at seven in the morning on a Saturday? Who else, but an extremely panicked Rachel wondering where I was. I gave her the simplest explanation possible, but I still got lectured. I, once again, had to remind her that I was an adult and she needed to take a chill pill instead of buying a collar and kenneling my ass for the next eight months. She conceded and let me go, hence the trying to go back to sleep.
And, even though I’ve had breakfast in bed many times with Alex, it was still sweet. Oliver even let me sleep in until eleven o’clock before nudging me awake and enticing me with mapley goodness. I didn’t ask about our plans until I finished the very last bite, teasing him to thank his mother for the food. Oliver pretended his ego was hurt and reminded me that he made it all on his own, adding that breakfast was a perk if I finally gave him a chance.
I blushed of course and chose to avoid the statement entirely, asking again about our plans for the afternoon. Apparently, his friends are throwing a barbeque on the beach and since the weather has been seasonally warm, Oliver thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get some beach time in. Before he left me to get ready, he warned me to bring a sweater in case it got cold, reminding me it is still December.
~~~~~
Driving down the highway, windows rolled down, wind in my hair, I should feel freer. But, I don’t. I’m nervous and it shows; constantly toying with my ring while looking out the window as the world whizzes by. At times it feels like I’m living my life the same way; it whizzing by while I stay stagnant. I didn’t realize we’d arrived at the beach until I heard shuffling and car doors slamming. Wake up, Ely. Enjoy life while you can.
A crowd screams, “Ollie! Over here!” as we get out of the car and make our way down the sandy path towards several picnic benches. As we get closer, I notice a portable hibachi grill has been set up; a blonde guy with long wavy locks squats next to it, flipping the meat and watching over it meticulously.
Oliver waves, pulling me by my elbow towards the crowd, “Come on, they won’t bite.”
“I’m nervous,” I admit. I’ve never been one to hang around crowds of people, and since college, I’ve avoided them as much as possible. I know, I know, this isn’t a frat party. There are no predator’s waiting in the darkness. But, knowing that doesn’t make the situation any less nerve wrecking.
“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” He smiles back at me and I feel more at peace with those five simple words. Suddenly, Oliver comes to an abrupt stop, a bit of anger and anxiety rolling off of him like waves. I know, even before I look, what has caused me to unexpectedly bump into him. Melanie. The one woman who will always make him fall short; at least in his eyes.
When I finally do peek around him, I see the banshee herself playing Frisbee with her…well, I don’t know what to call him; boyfriend? I take my gaze off Melanie when I notice a man with short blonde hair, wearing only red Hawaiian print board shorts, approaching us with a look of mercy on his face.
“Dude, I didn’t know she would be here. Shannon invited her before I knew you were even coming.”
“A heads up would have been nice, man. What the fuck am I supposed to do about this?” Oliver raises his arms in frustration before slapping them against his muscular thighs, effectively revealing me behind him. I wasn’t trying to hide, really I wasn’t.
“And who is this beautiful thing?” Ignoring the meltdown Oliver is having directly in front of us, his friend questions him with a seductive smirk spreading across his lips. Can’t say the guy isn’t cute, what with his Southern California laid back style.
Oliver opens his mouth, but quickly closes it as he looks back at me. At the restaurant, I was his girlfriend. So, because we already told Melanie this, I’m assuming this little white lie needs to continue now that she’s here. My heart beats faster. I’m not a good liar. And, you know what’s worse than pretending to be with someone else while you still love another? Pretending to be with someone else, while you still love another, all the while his ex is twenty feet away bouncing around in dental floss giving you the stink eye.
“This is Elyssa…my…” his strained voice elevates, looking between his friend and his ex.
I move to Oliver’s side, take his hand in mine and smile sweetly up at him as I grasp his bicep with my other hand. Oliver immediately looks relieved and squeezes my hand. If I can make this situation more comfortable for him, then I’m being a good friend. Right? Right…
“Girlfriend…I’m Elyssa, his girlfriend.” I reach out my hand to greet him. Having other plans in mind, he grasps my hand and brings me forward into a big bear hug.
“Nice to meet you, too.” I giggle nervously when Oliver’s friend tightens his embrace. “Brad. The names Brad,” he says, reluctantly releasing me. Oliver pulls me back by his side and then proceeds to punch his friend in the shoulder.
“Keep your hands off. She’s mine.” When Oliver brings me in for an even tighter hold against him, I start to get the idea he might be using this situation to his advantage.
Brad chuckles and leads us over to the area full of friends and tables full of food. After I’m introduced to the group, everyone seeming nice enough, I sit and straddle the picnic bench. Awkwardly aware of the tension between Oliver and Melanie, numerous members of the group continually look between the three of us. Unfortunately, the loop between me, Oliver and Melanie is continuous and I can see in some of their eyes the desire to witness the drama that’s inevitable.
I sure as hell didn’t come for this. I came to get away; to get my head clear and have a game plan in place. But the situation, thus far, hasn’t allowed me a minute to myself. Instead, I have to steal moments when I can.
Like right now.
Looking out at the ocean, the sound of the waves crashing, the wind blowing through my hair, my mind wanders back to Alex, specifically our trip to San Diego. When we came together that weekend, it was magical. We didn’t have a care in the world except for the pleasure we took in one another. It was exactly what we needed at the time.
But, herein lies the problem that doesn’t seem to go away. Being around Alex makes me forget all that’s at risk by being with him. Yet, when I’m away, I miss him with a soul shattering ache that consumes me and takes over, leaving me a broken mess. I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t.
“What’re you thinking about?” Oliver whispers in my ear. He scoots forward, his thighs cradling mine. I can feel his chest against my back when he inches closer.
I hesitate, contemplating how much I want to share with him, yet knowing how it will destroy the peace we have right now. “You don’t want to know.”
“Alex?” Too quickly, I nod. Oliver wraps his arms around me, pulling me against his chest. “You know, being with someone isn’t supposed to be this hard. Loving someone should be the easiest thing you do in life, like falling.”
“Well, falling hurts,” I mutter before his ex and Rex sit across from us on the cluttered table. I guess my time is up.
From what I’ve been able to tell, Melanie is a lap girl. What’s a lap girl? You know how some breeds of dogs are called lap dogs? Well, she’s a lap girl. Melanie straddles Rex’s knees, jumping up and down, her breasts practically hitting her in the face as she watches the guys get their boards ready to surf. Ridiculously annoying.
“Ollie, you coming?” Brad asks, gesturing to an extra board he brought.
Oliver turns to me, “You gonna be alr
ight?” His eyes veer in Melanie’s direction and then back to me. I can tell he wants to go and he’s already given up enough of his weekend for me as it is. I’m not going to ruin this for him, too.
“Of course, go have fun, babe.” I try to sound confident, however, I’m not quite sure how well I hid how uncomfortable I am around her. But, I can suck it up for a few hours.
Rex gestures towards the guys who are running into the surf. “Babe, you gotta get off.”
Melanie kisses him. Not just a peck; this is a full blown tongue twisting, lip biting, tongue sucking mouth gorging kiss. One you can probably hear the exchange of fluids from a mile away.
“Miss me,” she whines, moving from his lap onto the bench.
“I’ll be back and when I do…I hope you’ll tell me what’s wrong.” Oliver leans down, placing a sweet peck against my lips. The instant his lips touch mine, my face flushes, red hot. I don’t know why, but the moment they leave, my hand darts up to touch my finger tips against the warmth he left behind. I should have known that pretending to be his girlfriend would equate to some sort of affection.
Damn it.
He really is a catch. I know I’m usually all tangled up in Alex to really notice Oliver, but he’s the type of guy you spend forever with. Why can’t I be that simple?
Oliver lifts his dark blue shirt, tossing it to the sand before leaning to grab his borrowed board. The muscles of his back contract as he carries it over his head, jogging to the crashing waves. He’s toned in all the right places, oblique’s, abs, pecs, you name it, he’s got it covered. Have I mentioned his tattoos? Wow. His ink spans from his biceps and wrap around his shoulders, continuing down his back. Some tribal, some scripture; I’m definitely going to have to check that out later.
“He’s not the guy you should fall in love with.” My appreciation of the male form, specifically Oliver’s male form, is disrupted. Melanie stares me down from across the bench, not seeming to care that I don’t want to talk to her
“How do you figure?”
“We have a kid together.”
“Your point?” From what I understand, Melanie has no custody, therefore no say in his life. Why she thinks to bring this up is beyond me.
“We’ll always be in each other’s lives; connected by Mason.” Melanie turns her head, but her eyes watch Oliver and not the man she was just exchanging kisses with. “That type of love…it’s not something you get over.”
“How can you look at Oliver as if he’s still yours? Especially when you just gave Rex an oral exam with your tongue?” Oh shit, did I just say that out loud?
“Cause he’s still mine. Don’t you see the way he looks at me? The way he reacts when I’m around. I’m just waiting for him to realize that it’s okay to forgive me.” I think about Oliver’s reaction to Melanie at the restaurant and now at the beach. Is his reaction about his deep rooted feelings he still has for her, or is it over the awkwardness of the relationship they lost and now must maintain?
“I’m sure when he looks at you, all he see’s is you leaving another man’s room while he was taking care of business.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about?”
“Oh, I don’t? Why don’t you enlighten me?” This ought to be good.
“I don’t have to explain shit to you. People make mistakes. I was really messed up on drugs and I wasn’t thinking. Oliver was always too busy for me. Never there when I needed him. I needed someone, something and he wasn’t there.” Her voice carries off as she stares out at the retreating forms ducking underneath the big waves, paddling out farther. “Have you ever been in love before?”
She turns to look at me. I don’t know why I feel compelled to continue this conversation with her, but I nod my head in agreement. Her azure eyes glisten, fighting back the tears. “Have you ever hurt someone you loved?” I nod, feeling the moisture building in my own eyes. What the hell? I don’t want to have any empathy for her. She doesn’t deserve it for what she’s done to Oliver and Mason. And to Alex. Damn pregnancy hormones.
Staring at me from across the picnic bench, I see the hurt in her eyes. It takes her a minute, but when the hurt turns to resolve, she stands up, hands on her hips and floors me with a last verbal punch. “Then what makes you any better than me?”
Before I can respond, not that I would know what to say, she walks towards the shoreline with her arms wrapped around herself. I hate to admit it, but she has a point. Who am I to judge anyone else’s moral compass? Mine is so far off the maps, it would take years to find me.
“Don’t pay her any attention.” Brad’s girlfriend, Sasha (I think), slides over, occupying the space Melanie just vacated. “She’s not use to seeing Oliver serious with a girl. She can handle hookups, but nothing serious.”
I nod. I know she still loves him. How could she not, especially when he was willing to make a life with her. How do you come back from that? One day you love the person, planning a life with them, and the next you’re single. Don’t get me wrong, I have no sympathy for her. She did this to herself. But I can empathize with her; even if I don’t want to.
Just my luck, right when my thoughts turn to Alex, his face flashes across my screen. I had gotten my phone out of my purse to make sure Rachel wasn’t overreacting again, and now I wish I wouldn’t have. Because the dimply smile staring back at me is begging me to answer the phone. It’s not until I feel drops of moisture against the back of my hands that I realize I’m even crying. My heart starts racing and I begin to panic. “Excuse me,” I choke out, hurrying to get up and walk back to the parking area.
I reach Oliver’s car, out of breath from jogging across the pebbly sand, and notice the notification of a voicemail. Should I listen to it? I want to listen to it. I miss him. I look across the dirt lot, searching for a sign of what I should do. Finding nothing of value, and knowing I never have a choice when it comes to him, I make a decision. I’m going to listen to it. Anything to hear his voice.
“I really wish you would pick up the phone. I’ve been thinking about everything. About how we were before I left. How, even though I left you to take care of business in New York, you always seem to be the one leaving me.” He pauses. He seems somber, possibly intoxicated. “No matter what I do; no matter how many times I try to put the pieces back together, you keep pulling us apart. You know…when you told me about the baby I thought this was my chance to finally have a family; to have a dream I didn’t know existed for men like me. I should have known better. I don’t deserve to be happy. With everything I’ve done in the past, I can see why you threw me away like a piece of trash. I never respected marriages when I slept with those women. I never cared if they had a family. I fucked my way into their lives and their hearts and didn’t think twice about accepting everything they had to offer. All for my benefit. And now…now I’m forced to live the rest of my life with a glimpse of what I could’ve had and that kills me. I get it now. You were supposed to be my once in a lifetime. Now you’re just a happy memory. Goodbye, Hart.”
I crack and crumble to the ground, shaking through the sobs. “Ely…you okay?” I can hear Oliver, but my body refuses to respond. I can’t move. I can’t speak. All I can do is cry. “Hey, talk to me.” Oliver brushes my hair away from my face and pulls me close. I’m not sure how long he holds me, but after what seems like a lifetime, he lifts me off the ground and opens the car, helping me inside. “Let’s get you home.”
~~~~~
“I got you, Hart.” My eyes flicker open to the sound of his deep, melodic voice. I’m looking directly into his sky blue eyes wondering how he even got here. Wasn’t I in San Diego? With Oliver?
“Alex…” My voice is barely a whisper, my throat sore and constricted.
“Shhhhh,” his lips brush against my forehead. Lifting me, Alex carries me to the chair and we sit. He pulls me closer to him, pelvis to pelvis, chest to chest, forehead to forehead. Caressing my spine, his hands feel like a million butterflies fluttering across my skin. His at
tempt to soothe my aching heart is working. I finally relax when I settle against his warm body. I love being wrapped in Alex. He’s like a soothing, muscular blanket that smells of citrus and gives the sense of security. Like a thousand guards standing by ready to fight my battles. I nestle my face against his neck, inhaling him deep, like taking a piece of him into me with each breath.
I tilt my head, looking up at him through my lashes. “I’m so sorry, Alex. All I’ve ever wanted was you, this baby, us. You’re my forever. This baby is yours. I said…” He places two fingers against my lips, stopping me.
“I know. I don’t want to talk right now.” His eyes burn with need as he moves his fingers from my lips, to my chin, finally settling against the nape of my neck before his lips devour mine. It feels like a century has passed since I’ve tasted him. His mouth moves with urgency and swallows a moan that has been dormant since the moment I left him.
“How did you find me?” Alex runs his tongue down the length of my neck, giving me a moment to speak. His teeth nip at my lobe causing me to whimper, my sex clenching at the same time.
“I’ll always find you. You carry a part of me inside of you.” His hands run across my belly, moving up my torso before resting a hand against my chest. “It’s not just the baby that you have. You’ve had my heart since the moment I let you in, since I made you mine.”
“I’ve always been yours.” I take my lower lip between my teeth, looking at Alex adoringly, running my eyes over every features of his chiseled face. He doesn’t look tired; he doesn’t look as if this separation has affected him. He looks just as handsome as the first time I laid eyes on him.
He pulls me underneath him, his body blanketing mine. His eyes are blazing, bright blue with the love we share as he crawls down my body, settling his lips against my belly.
“I knew you were mine, LJ...I wished for you even before I knew your Mom existed, when she was just a dream. You two are my world and I’ll protect you both with my life.” Alex kisses my belly and sighs with a smile.
