by ChaShiree M.
The Life She Wished For: A Birds of Paradise Novel
Phoenix
Copyright © 2018 by ChaShiree M.
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
Editor—Melinda Grier
Proofreader—Trisha Reynolds
Cover Designer—Nicole Jones
Formatter—Champagne Book Design
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Synopsis
Dedication
Playlist—The Life She Wished For
Russian Translations
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Epilogue
Other books by ChaShiree M.
Acknowledgements
About the Author
What happens when the life you live is nothing like what you wished for?
Phoenix has lived a very sad and tumultuous life thanks her evil diabolical father. She and her brothers and sisters have suffered and none of them escaped unscarred. All she has ever wanted was someone to love protect and nurture her and for this, she will give him herself. Upon meeting Mikhail one night she thinks she has found him only for him to disappear.
When he returns, she is so anxious to find her version of happily ever after that she doesn’t look closer then her eye can see… until it is too late.
Mikhail had a rough start to life but was given a chance to start over. Choosing to work hard to honor the parents that gave him this extraordinary new life, before theirs was so viciously snuffed out, he has given up on finding love.
Until the day she walked into the bar and took his life by storm.
Though he knows she is his and will stop at nothing to have her, he must first walk away to straighten out his present before he brings his future into it. When he goes to claim what is rightfully his, unforeseen forces threaten to tear them apart.
Can these two-scarred souls find their way through the chaos to lasting love? Or will evil win and tear them apart forever?
Warning: This book contains storyline that may be painful for you to read. This is a trigger warning. Also, there is a cliffhanger and no HEA…for now. It is a safe read with exception.
Dedicated to Kelly G., Amanda C. and Mary M. You patiently not so patiently waited for it…Lol Here you go.
And to anyone who wished for a life and didn’t get it. Hold on. Sometimes, we are tested to see if we can be gracious in the face adversity. Your time is coming. Be brave, bold and grateful for everyday you’re alive. Its another day you get to strive for your forever.
Kelly Clarkson—Invincible
Christina Aguilera—Dirty
Sam Smith—Too Good at Goodbye
En Vogue—Don’t Let Go
Aerosmith—Walk This Way
Sam Smith—Pray
Whitney Houston—Heartbreak Hotel
Yes—Da
No—Net
Good—Khorosho
Beautiful-—rasivyy
Bird—Ptitsa
Kitten—Kotenok
Mine—Moy
Mouse—Myshka
Little Mouse—Malen’kaya mush
GOD—BOG
Enter—Voyti
Damn it. I have no idea where my sisters are and it’s making me anxious. They know I hate to wait. My mind starts to race and conjure images of bad things happening. I surprise myself by getting out of my car, especially without them being here. Baby steps; I keep telling myself repeatedly. Fae is not here, and I am unable to wait anymore. I must call her.
The bar looks ok, but I am the only female in here for now. Although no one is paying attention to me; I’m not sure this place is safe. At least I don’t think anyone is paying attention to me. As I scan the room to make sure, I feel it will bring attention to me more than anything else. In slowly scanning the room with my head barely moving, it doesn’t look as if anyone is…Holy mother of the land and sea. He. Is. Gorgeous. My eyes are stuck staring at his face, I don’t know what else to do.
Somehow, I have been snared in a wire and it is preventing me from moving forward…Wait; is he looking back at me? Shoot! I am not equipped to handle this. Not to mention he could have been sent here to kill me or to take me back to ED. Snapping my head around I reach for my phone, desperate for my sisters to get here and rescue me. I am out of my comfort zone.
The phone starts ringing, but by this time I am shaking. I am unable to pinpoint any emotions other than fear and I am positive there is more than one response.
“Hello.”
“Hello. Fae, where are you?”
“I’m on my way baby girl. Are you ok?”
“No one is answering their phones. Maybe it’s dad. Maybe he found us…”
“Phe, calm down. I’m sure they are fine and just got caught up primping and are on their way. You know how those two are. They are probably playing the music way too loud in the car and can’t hear their phones. I will be there in five minutes. Can you hang for a sec?”
I try taking a deep breath to calm myself down and act more of an adult, rather than the baby. Seriously, how can I expect them to treat me as an adult when I freak out about being alone in a bar? I steel myself, stiffen my spine, and with as much strength as I can project into my voice, I answer “Ok Fae.”
“That a girl. Order a virgin drink and try to calm down. I love you and will see you soon.”
“Ok. I love you too. Hurry. Ok?” Way to act mature Phe, I kid myself while mentally rolling my eyes in my head.
Following Fae’s advice, I order a virgin margarita. Virgin. The word holds many meanings for me at this point in my life. I am not old enough to drink alcohol in a bar; therefore, I must order a virgin drink. For most of my life I have been held captive, making me a virgin to life in some ways. And then the saddest of all: I am a virgin. At 18 years old I never had a boyfriend, a friend with benefits, or whatever they call it. I have been kissed once, I don’t know if I would classify it a kiss. It was more of a slobber fest he put on my face and then left.
I suppose since I’m in college I could make it happen if I wanted, but I don’t want to sleep with just anyone. Growing up in a compound with seven si
blings, our moms, and dad, I didn’t learn until college that it is a cult. My dad did not allow us to have, do, or see anything outside of the walls he built. He said he was protecting us from the evil outside our walls.
As a kid I could do nothing but believe him. I mean he was my dad. Why would he lie to me? He did allow us to have a TV with no fancy channels and such. One news station and an old black and white station that showed only very old movies such as Gone with the Wind, Casablanca, and Dirty Harry. I would sit thinking to myself, ‘Wow, what I wouldn’t give for a man with that kind of devotion he would go to any length to protect me.’ It has always been my dream.
I consider myself a rather fragile person, with low self-esteem, not very brave, or beautiful on the outside. I don’t feel as if I am particularly smart either. Each one of my brothers and sisters try to tell me to the contrary. However, I can’t help how I feel.
The one thing I have for the man who decides I am worthy of his time, is my virginity. He will have the knowledge of knowing he is the only one to ever enter me. I feel good about myself knowing I can give him this one thing, and what I want in return is simple. Simple to me is to be safe, protected, and cherished. I want…no need to be in a bubble where I don’t have to worry about anything or anyone, and hopefully finally find peace.
This may sound simple and warped; but if you knew where I came from and what I am still running from; in the mental sense, you would get it. My siblings and I have been living for the past seven years looking over our shoulders and trusting no one besides each other. Do you know how tiring that is? Do you have any idea how hard it is to be this scared? As a college student I should be having fun experiences and living it up. Instead I have gone from one prison to another, having the wardens in my head and on my proverbial back.
So, you see if I had someone to love and take care of me, then maybe I would be able to figure out who I am while building a life together with my husband. My absolute devotion to him and the family we create would be my thank you for giving me a chance to be worthy of him. I know; however, it’s just a pipe dream because ED (evil dad) is what we call our father; he will find us eventually and anyone in his way, will be destroyed. It is not fair to bring anyone into my nightmare.
Shaking my head, I resolve to be in the here and now. I will enjoy my bland drink and wait for my sisters like a mature 18-year-old. The only problem is, the hair is standing up on the back of my neck making me nerve wrenchingly alert. It would spook me normally; but today is a different feeling altogether, and I don’t know what to do with it.
Looking around again to make sure I don’t see anyone suspicious, when holy hell I notice Hottie McHottie is still staring at me. Suddenly I feel faint, and I don’t get it. All I know is I wish I could see the color of his eyes. They are so fixed on me, that I am sure he can see into the very core of me. Maybe I should run screaming for the hills, but the riveting way his stare holds me forces me to stay rooted to this spot. Licking my lips trying to wet them… Wait! Did I just lick my lips? In front of him? Holy moly what is happening to me?
Oh man. He is walking over. I’m trying to think, what should I do? Should I run, should I stay? I really cannot handle this by myself. As if he is sensing my indecisiveness, his thunderous voice calls out “Don’t even think about it Myshka. You stay right where you are until I am beside you.”
As he struts over to me getting closer, I realize my earlier assessment of him hasn’t touched the tip of the iceberg. He is gorgeous. He has pale transparent skin with strikingly blond hair and chocolate eyes. His cheeks are chiseled but they hold a flair of regality to them like he was born someone important. I caress him with my eyes, trying to memorize everything. I fear once he settles and realizes I’m no catch, I will lose my chance to appreciate the most enchanting specimen I have ever seen.
His hair is cut low like a businessman would wear it, and his suit looks like it cost a fortune. It fits him like it was made for him, which it probably was. His nails are clean and manicured. His face is perfectly groomed.
I don’t know what he is doing to me, but I want to lick him. Holy fuck. I seriously want to lick him. He is a lollipop that’s torturing me because I know I shouldn’t have it. There are no nutritional benefits, but it looks and tastes good. That is how I feel about him.
When he reaches me, the first thing he does is slide the hair that has fallen over my face to behind my ear. That one simple touch sends a shiver through me. With him being this close, I want to gaze upon him, but I don’t feel worthy enough. Instead, I simply keep my head down and attempt to turn away. Mid swivel, his hand grips my thigh stopping the movement. His finger lifts my chin raising my eyes to meet his. In a way only he has been able to, he eases my tension and speeds up my beating heart with four words, I don’t even know what they mean; “ `tchyo za ga `lima?”
My little mouse. I am not sure why I want to call her that, but she is the tiniest thing I have ever seen. With a body built for a 1950s pin up, she is still significantly smaller than me. When I first walked into this shithole to wait on a colleague, I almost turned around and walked back out. Being in here feels similar to being back home in Russia. The types of establishments back in Siberia are very much the same. Seedy and dangerous.
When I left home at the age of 16 with the inheritance I received from my parents, I made a promise to stay away from all things illegal in my new life while not looking back. I was able to keep one promise. The other not so much, but I am not in as deep as if I had stayed in Russkiya.
I have no idea why Vllad picks a place like this, but I will not stay in here a second longer than a quick drink. Unexpectedly, in walks my future. She floats in where she has no business at; a secret little nymph, sent to tempt me out of everything I own. Before I can take stock of what I am doing, I sit down and don’t move. I stare as if she is a mirage after taking a long walk in a dry dark desert.
She is stunning.
Her hair is the color of a Tahitian princess. It’s red with hues of gold and bronze. She has hair that reminds me of a slow burning fire and I will gladly burn alive for her. All I want to do is run my fingers through and feel how soft and silky it would be in my hands. See if it would burn and scald me or would it save me? Hair like this doesn’t belong on a little meek creature such as this, but somehow on exotically tan skin, it is the perfect contradiction of any and every oxymoron you could think of; and it works.
Her skin, from the simple glimpse of her as she walks past the harsh light; looks like the most beautiful shade of caramel with some half and half thrown in for good measure. I feel like a dog right now getting a glimpse of a bone waiting for someone to tell me I can have it.
Anxiously sitting in my chair trying to stop myself from pouncing on her like the rabid dog I am, I try all the different breathing techniques I can think of. I need to bide my time and see if she is here alone, who she is with, and figure out who the hell she is. I have never had such an instant visceral reaction to a woman before. Don’t get me wrong; I have not been a virgin for some time. I like to dip my wick in the wax, and I do it often. I am a man. Usually I like my women more worldly and ready. This little Myshka has me chasing my own ass around.
I want nothing more than to gaze into her eyes and see what stories they must tell me. I’d all but given up hope of staying away from her, when she starts to skim the room. Right before she turns my way, the air in my lungs contracts. She is facing me now, and I swear I see my future flash before my eyes in visions of red and gold.
Her hesitance and deep breathing shows me she is not immune to me either. I have no idea if she is struck as hard as I am by this monumental feeling of completion. All of a sudden, the hole that has always taken up residency in my chest has a tenant, and I don’t even know her name.
As fast as she looks at me, she turns away and I immediately feel all the light leave my orbit. I want and need the heat and the warmth back immediately.
I start to get up, but notice a phone is next to her
ear. I cannot ascertain who she is talking to from way over here, but it is clear she is expecting someone to meet her here already. I have no clue who this person is, but if it is another man, he better be GOD himself. When she leaves this hellhole, it will be with me and me only; I don’t care who he is.
It looks as if something else is bothering my little mouse. Whatever it is has her biting her lip in the most innocent sexiest of ways making me wish I could bite something else. Scanning the room once again, I know she is afraid of something or someone. My chest begins to tighten, and I feel the tension in my shoulders expand. I don’t like the idea that my baby is scared. She doesn’t know this is the night her life has changed forever but I do. I vow to be the one who slays all her demons and to make sure she never spends another sad day for the rest of her life.
After spending who knows how long talking myself down, I say, “Fuck it” and get up to go claim my future. Almost as if she can feel me, her spine straightens up and she rubs the back of her neck. She is as aware of me as I am of her.
Slowly, she begins to turn around. As soon as she sees me rise, I feel the fight or flight radiate from her body across the room. Feeling a moment of anger toward the person who has made her meek and frightened; but that anger only lasts a moment, because it means she needs me to protect and show her that she will always be safe with me. It gives me an in, a pathway if you will. Before she can move from her chair, I use my voice with all of the authority I can muster; without scaring my girl into fleeing.
Relaying my intention, I say “Don’t even think about it Myshka. You stay right there and wait for me.”
I want nothing more than to sprint over to her and smash my lips to her mouth, claiming her for all to see. It would no doubt set me back in her eyes if I did that. So, what I do is walk as calmly as possible, while maintaining eye contact as I am making my way to her. As I get closer, I see her assessing me. I feel my chest puff out because I know what she will see and; I know she will like it.
