by Ari McKay
Paul shot a startled look at Devin, too surprised to respond right away. That was the last thing he expected Devin to suggest, and he knew he ought to say no. He was already having inappropriate thoughts about Devin; dancing would only make it worse.
But he wanted to. He hadn’t danced in over two years, and he missed it. He missed the pleasure of having a man who was attractive and whom he was attracted to in his arms, and Devin was safe. Trustworthy in ways Jack and the other men he’d dated after the accident hadn’t been.
Paul drew in a deep breath, roused his courage, and said, “Yes.”
He could see Devin’s smile in the moonlight as Devin straightened. “Would you prefer to lead? That way we can go at your pace.”
“Sure, that would be fine.” Paul moved closer and held out his arms, scarcely able to believe he was about to do this.
Devin moved closer, sliding into Paul’s arms as naturally as if he’d been doing it for years. They were well matched, and Devin smiled as the band began “Moonlight Serenade.”
“Well, this is about as perfect as it gets,” he murmured.
“So it is.” Paul kept a polite distance between them as he secured his arm around Devin’s waist and began to move. It was awkward at first, and he worried he was going to drag his prosthetic foot—or worse, trip them both—but the music was slow and easy to follow, which helped.
Devin moved with him, easily and naturally. He gave Paul’s hand a squeeze. “You’re doing great. See? You can still dance beautifully.”
“I haven’t fallen on my face,” Paul said, smiling wryly. “I consider that a win.”
“You’re doing much better than that,” Devin said. “You’re naturally graceful, and it shows. Just move as you always have, and you’ll be fine. Your body hasn’t forgotten.”
Devin’s reassurance was comforting, and Paul released a long, slow breath to help himself relax. He remembered how it felt to lose himself in the music and forget the outside world while he savored the pleasure of dancing, of being in sync with his partner, of letting the rhythm take over. He wanted to feel that way again, so he focused on the music and Devin, unconsciously drawing Devin a little closer as they moved around the small deck.
They danced on, as the songs flowed together, slow and romantic tunes made for dancing. Then the music stopped, and Devin sighed. “That was wonderful, Paul. I haven’t danced like that in a long time. Thank you.”
“I should be thanking you.” Paul met Devin’s gaze, and gratitude was the easiest but not the only emotion threatening to overwhelm him as he lost himself in Devin’s eyes. “I feel like you’ve been more help to me in just a few days than therapy has been in over a year.”
Devin hadn’t moved away. “I’m glad,” he said softly. “You’re a wonderful person, and you deserve to be happy.”
“I want to be.” Paul found himself smoothing his palm up and down the length of Devin’s back, savoring the warmth seeping through Devin’s shirt. “I think I was in a rut, but being here—being with you—has shaken me out of it.”
The smile on Devin’s face was easy to see even in the darkness. “Good. I can’t take all the credit, though. I think you’d probably worked through a lot of things yourself, and you just needed a little push to get you started down the path.” He touched Paul’s cheek lightly with his fingertips. “When the cruise is over, you need to keep going in the right direction. And if you don’t, I’ll find you and kick your butt for you.”
Paul laughed quietly, not wanting to disturb the strange, private cocoon that had spun around them. “Noted.”
Devin’s gaze fell to Paul’s mouth, and when he spoke, his voice was husky. “I feel so totally selfish right now.”
Paul frowned slightly, puzzled by that apparent non sequitur. “Why?”
“Because if you were still attached, I’d never dream of doing this,” Devin replied, then leaned forward, his eyes sliding closed as he pressed his lips to Paul’s in a gentle kiss.
Startled, Paul froze at first, but the warmth of Devin’s lips was too tempting to resist. It had been so long, and he had been lonelier than he cared to admit. He closed his eyes and parted his lips, a soft moan escaping him.
Devin slid his fingers into Paul’s hair as he accepted the invitation to deepen the kiss. He explored Paul’s mouth, going slowly, twining his tongue with Paul’s, stepping closer until Paul felt the warmth of Devin’s body against the length of his. Paul wound his arms around Devin and clenched his fingers on Devin’s back. This wasn’t smart, and he would likely regret it, but in the moment, all he wanted to do was enjoy the press of Devin’s body against his and the pleasure of a man’s body in his arms. He yielded to Devin’s exploration, offering to give whatever Devin wanted to take.
Devin made a soft sound of pleasure as Paul responded, and kiss flowed into kiss, slow and deep. Devin stroked through Paul’s hair, while he caressed Paul’s back with his other hand, running it slowly from shoulder to hip and back again. The touches were a soothing balm to Paul’s battered heart, and he wanted nothing more than to arch into them like a needy cat, but this couldn’t continue. He couldn’t have this for more reasons than one, and so he drew back with reluctance.
“We should stop,” he whispered.
Drawing in a deep breath, Devin nodded. “You’re right. You were just… irresistible, standing there in the moonlight.”
Paul gave a little snort at Devin’s nonsense, but he smiled too, flattered even if he didn’t really believe it. “Moonlight is forgiving. Things are a lot different in the light of day.”
Devin shook his head. “Not for me. I wanted to kiss you in the sunlight too. I just wasn’t sure until now that you might want me to do it.”
“I did,” Paul said. There wasn’t any point in denying it now when his own actions revealed the truth. “But it’s not a good idea.”
“Why?” Devin asked, his expression serious. “We’re both free. We haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Your job is here, and mine is in Charleston,” Paul said, latching on to the easiest reason. “And technically, I’m your boss.” Although there was no technically about it. Paul was higher in the chain of command than anyone on this ship—than anyone in the company except his father. “So this could be seen as an abuse of authority.”
But Devin shook his head, smiling again. “I was the one who kissed you, and you didn’t do or say anything to indicate my job was in jeopardy if I didn’t. I paid attention to the sexual-harassment training, Paul. I kissed you because I’m attracted to you, and I’d like to think you kissed me back because maybe you’re a little attracted to me too.”
“A little.” Paul quirked his lips in a half smile. “But I hadn’t planned on starting a shipboard romance.”
“Neither had I, yet here we are.” Devin replied. He stroked his fingers through Paul’s hair again. “I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, much less when we reach port and we’re back in the real world. What I do know is that I like you, I admire you, and I’ve been happier being in your company than I’ve been with anyone else in a long time. I do find you attractive. You’re smart and sexy and something tells me you’re a good person, the kind of person I’d like to get to know better. If you enjoy being with me, and you want it to continue… well, that’s what I want too. Carpe diem, right?”
“Living in the moment has never been my strong suit,” Paul said, although for the first time, he was tempted to try. Devin’s words were persuasive, and besides, if he were honest with himself, he had to admit he did enjoy being with Devin, and he’d felt happier over the last few days than he had since before the accident.
“Why don’t you give it a try?” Devin asked softly. “You deserve a little fun and happiness in your life. You’ve paid karma forward in a pretty big way, I think. What do you want, Paul? Don’t look past the end of the cruise. Just tell me what you want right now, what will make you happy and feel alive.”
What Paul wanted was for Devin to kiss
him again. He wanted more of those gentle touches that made him feel special and desirable again. He wanted to take a risk, just a little one.
“What I want….” He found it difficult to get the words out, but then he drew in a deep breath and forced himself to be bold. “What I want is to keep going with whatever this is and see what happens, but I’m afraid.”
“What are you afraid of?” Devin asked. He continued to stroke Paul’s hair. “If you think I’ll react as your ex did, I’ll tell you right now you’re wrong. I would never do anything to hurt you. You may not know me well, but I hope you know enough to believe me.”
“I’m not afraid you’ll behave like Jack,” Paul said, shaking his head. “I’m afraid….”
Of getting too attached, of Devin feeling betrayed and rejecting Paul when he found out the truth, of Devin overestimating his kindness and compassion when he was faced with the reality of Paul’s scars.
“I like you, and I’m afraid I’ll lose you as a friend if things go wrong,” he said at last, which was the only way he could think of to articulate his myriad fears with any grain of truth in it.
“You won’t lose me as a friend,” Devin said. “We’ll go at your pace, okay? I want the same thing you do: to see where this attraction between us leads. If it’s to just friendship, that’s fine. And if it’s more… well, I’m not afraid of that either.”
Maybe it would be possible to relax and enjoy whatever developed with Devin without getting too attached. He could indulge in a vacation fling; people did that all the time. Then when the cruise was over, they could part as friends. Maybe this was what Paul needed to let go of his fear of being hurt and rejected, to help him believe he’d find love one day.
“Okay,” he said, tightening his fingers on Devin’s back. “Let’s see what happens.”
“All right.” Devin grinned. “That’s the spirit. Look at you. I almost don’t recognize the man who came on a cruise with nothing but button-down shirts.”
Paul snorted, but he was amused by Devin’s teasing. “I’m not sure I recognize myself. You’re a fast worker.”
“Don’t tell my mama I’m fast—she’d be horrified,” Devin replied. He caressed Paul’s cheek gently. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t recognize the man you were. All that matters is that you end up being the man you want to be.”
Paul allowed himself the luxury of leaning into the touch. “He disappeared for a while, but I think maybe he’s starting to come back,” he said, smiling slightly.
“I’ll be quite happy to meet him,” Devin said. He leaned in to kiss Paul again, keeping it light and pulling back after only a few moments. “But now I should probably pull myself away and go to bed, since I have a shift in the morning. I wouldn’t want anyone who is technically my boss to get the idea I’m shirking my duties.”
“I do have the authority to reintroduce flogging and walking the plank,” Paul said, keeping a straight face as he released Devin at last and took a couple of steps back.
Devin laughed as he went to retrieve his backpack. “I’m a very good swimmer, you know,” he replied in a teasing tone. “As for the flogging… well, that’s a discussion for another time, don’t you think?”
Paul blinked, startled by that response and its implications, and he felt heat stinging his cheeks at the imagery forming in his head. “Yes, definitely another time,” he muttered.
Shouldering his backpack, Devin walked over to Paul and brushed his fingertips along Paul’s arm. “Sounds like it will be an interesting conversation,” he drawled. Then he opened the door to the stairwell. “After you.”
Paul exited the deck and headed back down the stairs to the sports deck, and once there, he paused, debating whether he wanted to return to his cabin or go to the lounge for a drink. Despite the lateness of the hour, he wasn’t sure he could sleep. His mind was already filled with whirling thoughts about what had changed between himself and Devin and what he’d agreed to. A drink might relax him enough that his brain would settle down and let him sleep.
“The Seafarer is still open, right?”
“Twenty-four hours a day,” Devin replied. There was more light on the deck, and he cocked his head to one side as he studied Paul’s expression. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. I think,” Paul said, smiling wryly. “I’d like a drink before bed, that’s all.”
Devin nodded. “Makes sense. Good night, Paul. I hope you sleep well.”
“Thanks.” Paul hesitated, and then he decided to take a risk, and he leaned in to brush a light kiss to Devin’s cheek. “Good night.”
“I’m pretty sure I will,” Devin replied, then gave Paul another smile before turning and heading for the elevators. It might have been Paul’s imagination, but he thought Devin might have put extra sway in his gait.
Lost in thought, Paul headed to the Seafarer, where a handful of other passengers were enjoying a nightcap. He sat at the bar and ordered a glass of wine. The bartender was friendly and attentive, but she wasn’t Devin, and Paul quietly drank his wine and wished Devin were there to lean on the other side of the bar and tease him.
Chapter Six
“YOU look like the cat who swallowed the canary,” Jill said as Devin stepped behind the poolside bar. She paused in the middle of slicing oranges and pointed the knife in his direction. “Fess up. You got laid, didn’t you? Who is it? Rodrigo, the sexy sous chef?”
Devin snorted in amusement and shook his head. Jill had been trying to matchmake for him since he’d arrived on the Pearl. She treated him like a favorite kid brother most of the time, although neither of Devin’s sisters had ever expressed any interest in his love life.
“No, I didn’t get laid,” he replied, retrieving a knife of his own from under the bar and reaching for one of the limes Jill had laid out for slicing. “But I did have a very good night. I got to dance with a really hot guy.”
Jill peered at him, seeming disappointed, although he wasn’t sure if it was because he hadn’t gotten laid or that she couldn’t grill him for details. “Well, dancing is something, I guess. But you didn’t answer—Rodrigo? Or was it Armand? Or maybe Alexei from engineering? I swear he starts panting every time you walk by.”
“No, no, and no,” Devin said. He found himself oddly reticent to explain about Paul, but not because he was worried about repercussions. He wasn’t sure where their relationship was going, and he didn’t want to jinx anything by running his mouth. It was probably stupid to be superstitious, but he couldn’t help it. Paul was special, and after last night, Devin was worried Paul might have changed his mind about seeing where their relationship might take them.
They had progressed much more quickly than he’d imagined. He’d hoped by the end of the cruise Paul might agree to see him outside of work, but their moonlight dance had left him brave enough to risk kissing Paul. He was glad he hadn’t wrecked things, and he realized after they’d parted for the night that things could have gone badly. Paul could have charged him with sexual harassment, but worse than that, Devin could have hurt Paul without intending to if he’d read the signs wrong.
Fortunately that hadn’t been the case, and Paul seemed to return Devin’s interest, but Devin wasn’t about to take anything for granted. After that kiss, he wanted Paul more than he’d wanted anyone in longer than he could remember, but he needed to go slow. He’d promised to go at Paul’s pace, and he meant it. Paul said he was feeling better and that Devin had helped him with some of the issues that had been haunting him, but Paul still had issues he needed to deal with. So Devin would let Paul set the pace of their relationship and respect Paul’s boundaries while trying to show Paul that he was a desirable man.
“Earth to Walker!”
Jill’s voice cut into his internal reverie, and Devin smiled sheepishly. “Sorry…. Look, Jill, I don’t want to say anything yet, all right? But I promise you the minute I can say anything, you’ll be the first to know. How’s that?”
Jill sighed dramatically. “I don�
��t have any romantic prospects of my own on this tub, so I have to live vicariously through my friends. But you better keep your promise to tell me, or I’ll have to start snooping.”
Devin solemnly crossed his heart. “You have my word,” he said, then started back on the lime still sitting half-sliced in front of him. “Though it could be a while. I’ll probably take Paul Bailey into town after we dock in Montego Bay this afternoon and show him around.” He kept his tone casual, so Jill wouldn’t suspect Paul was the one Devin was interested in.
“How’s that going? Is the corporate bigwig catching on?” Jill asked. “He seems pretty uptight. What’s he in, finance?”
“He’s not uptight,” Devin replied. It was hard not to sound defensive on Paul’s behalf, but he managed it. “He’s a nice person, once you get to know him. He’s just… cautious. He has his reasons for keeping people at a bit of a distance. Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve.”
“I’d bet money his heart has been broken,” Jill said, shaking her head. “Too bad. He’s really gorgeous, but I’m not looking to be anyone’s rebound relationship.”
You couldn’t heal his heart anyway, Devin thought with a flash of amusement. Jill thought Paul was straight, and that was fine.
The first customers of the day arrived, and he and Jill were kept busy for the rest of the morning, serving drinks and answering questions for guests who hadn’t decided what they wanted to do in port. Fortunately the ship was docking in Jamaica overnight, which gave them plenty of time to explore their options.
When his shift ended at one, Devin slipped away with a brief wave at Jill. The ship was docking at two, and he had just enough time to shower and change before going to look for Paul’s cabin. They hadn’t made any formal plans, but since Devin had been given time off from bartending to shepherd Paul, it seemed like a good idea to lure Paul into town.
