Witch Tricks

by Sibéal Pounder

  ‘Her family invented the spell that turns witches into cats,’ Idabelle said. ‘Obviously.’

  ‘My family then changed their name to Catcat,’ Catriona explained snootily.

  ‘Why not just go with Cat?’ Tiga asked. ‘Why Catcat?’

  ‘Because we invented two award-winning cat spells.’

  ‘If your family invent another spell to do with cats, will you become Catriona Catcatcat?’ Fluffanora asked, as she tried to stifle a snort.

  Catriona stared up at the trees, thinking hard. ‘Hmm, I’m not sure …’

  ‘Well, just don’t invent too many cat spells or else you’ll be Catriona Catcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcat!’ Tiga said, practically rolling off her rock in a fit of giggles. When she came up for air she saw everyone glaring at her, apart from Fluffanora, who was purple in the face from trying not to laugh.

  ‘That’s not funny,’ Catriona Catcat said through gritted teeth. ‘Why did we invite them, Idabelle?’

  ‘Oh, come on, it was a bit funny,’ Idabelle said, waving her hand and turning the green flames of the fire to black.

  Patricia the producer came flying past again, this time next to Crispy.

  ‘I told Fran she wasn’t allowed real rainbows for the set,’ she huffed. ‘Those things are expensive and Fran never returns them in one piece. You wouldn’t believe how much the fines are for broken rainbows.’

  Fluffanora dived to the ground and covered her head.

  Melodie blew a bubble so big it almost touched Patricia the producer’s face.

  ‘They can’t see us,’ Idabelle said with a smirk. ‘We use advanced magic to keep our secret meeting place hidden. When they look at us all they can see are trees.’

  Crispy turned her head and stared straight at Tiga. Her wings slowed. Tiga looked to see if Fluffanora had noticed too, but she was climbing back on to her stool. She was positive Crispy could see her. She was looking straight at them!

  ‘Now,’ Idabelle said. ‘Let’s begin. As per Points rules, we each tell a spooky story.’

  ‘But I haven’t prepared anything,’ Tiga said.

  ‘Francesca will go first and that’ll give you time to think,’ Idabelle said. ‘You tell a spooky story, and then we vote. If it’s good, you’re in. If it’s not, you’re out. We all have to agree.’

  Fluffanora rubbed her hands together. Spooky stories were her speciality. She could always be counted on to terrify everyone at a sleepover. Peggy said she’d never look at a toilet the same way after Fluffanora told the Flush Parrot tale.

  Francesca stood up and walked straight into the fire.

  ‘What’s she doing?!’ Tiga cried, but the flames didn’t burn Francesca to a crisp. Instead, they swirled up around her, creating a strange seat. She hovered above them, suspended in the fire.

  ‘Whoa,’ Tiga breathed.

  ‘My spooky story,’ Francesca Fignettle said, ‘is about an old ghost called Gordon. He bought a hat with “HUGGABLE” written on it – even though he wasn’t huggable. It was confusing, because everything went through him – witches, walls, whining people – but the hat sat right on his head. How? And how did he hand over the money for the hat when he couldn’t hold sinkels? Now that’s spooky.’

  ‘NEXT!’ Idabelle shouted, rolling her eyes.

  A VERY OLD RITZY CITY POST

  TOP STORIES TODAY: THE RITZY SIX ARE ON THE LOOSE, AND A NEW RITZY CITY CAFÉ, CLUTTERBUCKS, OPENS ITS DOORS FOR THE FIRST TIME.

  A new and exclusive café called Clutterbucks has opened for the first time! Owned by the Clutterbuck sisters and conveniently located just off of Ritzy Avenue, the place looks set to be a hit with delicious cakes and a menu of bubbling things that they call Clutterbucks cocktails. Entry is exclusively granted by the Clutterbucks themselves and no evil witches will be allowed.

  Now on to more pressing matters. Our one and only reporter interviews local Ritzy residents about the threat they face from the devious Ritzy Six gang.

  Reporter: We are here with young Mavis, who dreams of opening her own jam stall when she grows up. Mavis, what’s been happening with the Ritzy Six?

  Mavis: Oh, they’ve been dreadful – causing all sorts of trouble. They each possess a rare magical talent and are being really disruptive.

  Reporter: Now, they go by the names One, Two, Three, Four, Five and Six. Can you tell us what their talents are?

  Mavis: Yes. Their talents are: Air, Fire, Water, Earth, Jam, Hair.

  Reporter: I am most afraid of the hair one.

  Mavis: For me it’s the jam one. They keep splatting it everywhere and soon every witch in Sinkville is going to hate jam, thus destroying my future career ambitions.

  Reporter: Have the Ritzy Six targeted you?

  Mavis: Yes, One, whose power is air, blew me on to the roof of the Ritzytwig Theatre, and I was stuck up there. Everyone thought it was a play and gathered around to watch. I performed for five solid days until someone realised I was actually in distress.

  Reporter: And what is the worst thing you’ve heard about the Ritzy Six?

  Mavis: Well, the fairy thing, definitely. Imagine! Wanting to eat fairies! The poor things have had to go into hiding, because if they eat them, the Ritzy Six believe they will become immortal. There are plans to capture and trap the Ritzy Six. My suggestion is that we put them in a jam jar! I’d be willing to look after it.

  Reporter: Thank you, Mavis, and good luck with your jam stall dreams.

  A FINAL NOTE FROM OUR REPORTER: Please do not try to eat a fairy. Mostly because the small bits on their wings will get stuck in your teeth, and it’s the olden days so dentist witches haven’t been invented yet.

  IN OTHER NEWS: Fairy breaks rainbow and is ordered to pay one million sinkels.

  Fairy Fightz Goes Live

  ‘Welcome!’ came Crispy’s less than enthusiastic voice from behind the camera. ‘To FAIRY FIGHTZ.’

  A glitter cannon exploded at the side of the stage as two fairies flew into the tiny wrestling ring. Cardboard rainbows hung around it at lazy angles.

  Fran flew to her corner and sat with her arms tightly crossed. ‘The real rainbows were much better. Couldn’t we –?’

  ‘NO, Fran,’ Patricia the producer hissed.

  ‘Today,’ Crispy went on, ‘something is stirring in the Fairy Realm! A villain! A criminal! A really, really bad thing! She’s here to destroy the world!’

  Julie Jumbo Wings flew around shaking her fists and flapping her wings, knocking bits off the set as she went.

  ‘This is the evil, evil Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy!’

  The crowd of witches surrounding the tiny stage booed – and all around Sinkville, where witches were watching on the backs of spoons, they booed too.

  ‘Her jumbo wings wouldn’t be able to break real rainbows,’ Fran said, but Patricia the producer pretended not to hear her.

  ‘But! There is hope. A saviour! A fabulous fairy!’

  Patricia the producer stood behind Crispy nodding as Fran waved grandly at the crowds.

  ‘It’s … PEEEEEEANNNNUUUUT!’

  Fran stopped dead in her tracks and Julie Jumbo Wings ploughed into the back of her. She glared at Crispy.

  ‘I thought her stage name was going to be Her Fabulousness or Fairy God?’ Patricia the producer whispered.

  ‘We agreed to change it to Peanut at the last minute,’ Crispy lied, her grin growing wider. ‘Fran loves it.’

  ‘Pea-nut! Pea-nut! Pea-nut! Pea-nut!’ the crowd chanted, as Fran reluctantly flew on.

  The fairies met in the middle of the ring and pre­tended to attack each other. Flappy flapped in Peanut’s face. Peanut whacked Flappy with her beehive.

  ‘You can do it, Peanut!’ the crowd cheered.

  ‘Destroy her, Flappy!’ one witch cried.

  ‘DON’T CHEER FOR FLAPPY!’ Peanut roared. ‘SHE’S THE RUBBISH VILLAIN!’

  Peanut got Flappy in a headlock. The lights dimmed.

  ‘Oh no!’ came Crispy’s voice. ‘It looks like Flappy�
�s called for backup.’

  A bead of glittery sweat ran down Peanut’s face as Flappy shot free of her grasp, flew down to the ground and high-fived … Donna!

  The crowd went wild as Donna the fairy, wearing a tutu and a hairband with two glittery fists on springs, took a deep bow.

  ‘IT’S TINY FISTS!’ Crispy bellowed.

  ‘Fly, Donna,’ Julie Jumbo Wings whispered as Donna walked lazily across the wrestling ring.

  ‘What? Just because I’m a fairy I have to fly? Give me a break!’

  Donna promptly lay down and fell asleep.

  ‘You’re meant to fly,’ Julie Jumbo Wings said in disbelief. ‘It’s in the script.’

  Peanut laughed and grabbed Flappy, flinging her across the stage, into one of the cardboard rainbows.

  ‘POWERFUL ME!’ Peanut cried as she twirled up and tied Flappy’s wings together.

  ‘None of this is in the script!’ Julie Jumbo Wings protested.

  There was a huge bang, and the ground began to rumble.

  ‘What was our budget for this?’ Patricia the producer asked Crispy. ‘That sound effect sounded expensive – and how did you make the ground rumble?’

  ‘Glittery dust,’ Crispy said, pointing at Fran, whose legs were bulging in her jumpsuit, little trails of glitter falling from her ankles.

  Flappy spiralled down, landing with a thud on top of Tiny Fists.

  THE CROWD WENT WILD!

  Fran punched the air in triumph.

  ‘PEANUT WINS!’ Crispy cried. ‘But will the evil duo be back in episode two?’

  The crowd erupted into whoops and cheers and leapt to their feet – Fran bowed to the standing ovation in front of her, then turned and flew fast towards Crispy.

  ‘Peanut?’ she spat. ‘Seriously. PEANUT?!’

  ‘PEA-NUT! PEA-NUT! PEA-NUT!’ the crowd chanted.

  ‘It’s stuck now,’ Crispy said with a smirk.

  ‘Well, maybe Peanut could have a name change to Superior Being of Fabulousness or something?’ Fran suggested. ‘Oh, I know! Fairy God.’

  ‘No,’ Patricia the producer said firmly. ‘You can’t change your character name now, Fran. In Fairy Fightz you play the role of Peanut.’

  ‘Can I have your tiny autograph, Peanut?’ a witch squealed in Fran’s face.

  The fabulous fairy turned to Crispy, a black look in her eyes. ‘I will get my revenge, Crispy.’

  ‘Take the pen and sign the paper, Peanut,’ Crispy said mockingly, as Fran grabbed the huge witch-sized pen with both hands. It was too heavy and slipped right through her arms, hitting the floor with a clang.

  ‘I’m going home,’ Fran said, her beehive flopping. ‘Peanut OUT.’

  RITZY CITY POST

  EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH FRAN, THE FAIRY FIGHTZ STAR WHO PLAYS THE ROLE OF PEANUT!

  Reporter: Are you actually … a peanut?

  Fran: PARDON?

  Reporter: You smell a bit like a peanut. And your face looks a bit like –

  Fran: MY FACE LOOKS FABULOUS AND NOT AT ALL PEANUT-LIKE.

  Reporter: What inspired you to call your character Peanut?

  Fran: Crispy named me.

  Reporter: Oh, we should interview Crispy then.

  Fran: But –

  Reporter: Crispy, why were you inspired to call Fran’s character Peanut?

  Crispy: Because she is actually a peanut.

  Fran: I’M A FAIRY!

  Crispy: A peanut that thinks it’s a fairy.

  Reporter: Fascinating.

  BOOM

  Tiga squinted as she stepped into the flames to tell her story. She was the last one. The Points had been impressed and terrified by Fluffanora’s tale of the killer cat that could slide through keyholes. Even Idabelle had shivered.

  ‘Um, I don’t know many spooky stories,’ Tiga began. ‘But there is one. In a dark forest, just like this one, but above the pipes, there was a ghost. They say she roamed the forest in perfect circles looking for living people who she would guide to a deep, dark well. She kept them there for ever, and with every one she collected, she came a little bit more back to life.’

  ‘TIGA!’ Fran cheered, waving from a leaf on a nearby tree.

  ‘Wait,’ Idabelle said, glancing around. ‘How did you get in?’

  ‘Oh, you thought you did a secret meeting spell, did you?’ Fran said, rolling her eyes. She flew up to them and landed on a little rock next to Fluffanora, leaning back like she was lazing on a sun lounger. ‘Those spells don’t work on fairies. Our eyeballs can see right through them.’

  ‘I knew Crispy saw me earlier,’ Tiga said. ‘She looked straight at me.’

  ‘You know,’ Fran continued, ‘that’s why I’m trying to convince Peggy to let us fairies be the police force in Ritzy City. We could be called THE FABULOUS FORCE! And we could use the outfits we wear for Fairy Fightz.’ She pulled at her jumpsuit, making it stretch and ping back into place. ‘They are stretchy and good for crime fighting.’

  Idabelle groaned.

  ‘So what are we doing?’ Fran asked.

  ‘This is a Points meeting,’ Catriona Catcat said, pointedly. ‘You can’t be here.’

  ‘We’re telling spooky stories,’ Tiga said.

  ‘Oh,’ Fran said with a smirk, rubbing her tiny hands together. ‘I have a spooky story.’

  ‘SHE’S NOT ALLOWED!’ Francesca Fignettle shouted. ‘WE DIDN’T INVITE HER. AND HER WINGS ARE HITTING MY SPIRIT MOUSE RIGHT IN THE NOSE!’

  Idabelle pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘She can tell her little story.’

  ‘It’s quite big, actually,’ Fran said, puffing out her chest. ‘It’s about a terrifying group of flying monsters. One has a melted-looking face and the other has jumbo wings.’

  ‘Those are your friends,’ Melodie McDamp said. ‘Crispy and Julie Jumbo Wings.’

  ‘Crispy and Julie Jumbo Wings are not my friends,’ Fran scoffed. ‘I just spend all my time with them because …’ She trailed off and pretended to spot something interesting in the trees.

  ‘There is nothing spooky about your little fairy friends,’ Bertha Bram said, holding the remaining jam stars as far away from Fran as possible. ‘These snacks are for invited witches only. You weren’t invited, and you’re not a witch.’

  ‘She’ll have to leave before the next bit,’ Melodie McDamp whispered to Idabelle. Tiga heard every word clearly and watched as Fran’s beehive tilted to the side, which was what it did when she was listening.

  ‘Well I’ll be off,’ Fran said, shooting Tiga a knowing look. Then much to Tiga’s surprise, she shot through a bush, out towards the fairy caravan park.

  ‘That’s not like Fran,’ Tiga said quietly.

  Fluffanora looked at her watch. It had two witches on it – one tall, one short – as the hands, and the numbers were twelve different types of shoe. ‘Just look at the time! It’s a short witch past the slippers, Tiga, so we should be off.’

  ‘Wait,’ Idabelle said. ‘For the finale of all our meetings, we try an ancient dead spell.’

  ‘Why?’ Fluffanora said with a shiver. ‘Ancient spells are out of date and dangerous. They’ve expired. They’re dead.’

  Idabelle cackled and grabbed a jam star, squishing it in her fist before lobbing it on to the fire.

  ‘That’s what they tell you, but no spell really expires. It just becomes old and twisted. But twisted spells can be fun!’

  ‘I think we should go, Tiga,’ Fluffanora said, with a hint of panic in her voice that Tiga had never heard before. They both stood up, but Idabelle flicked her finger and shoved them back down on their seats.

  ‘Do you know who started the Points?’ Idabelle asked Tiga.

  Tiga shook her head helplessly. She glanced at Fluffanora, who was trying to lift herself off the stone. She was struggling, like her body and the stone were one and the same thing.

  ‘The Ritzy Six,’ Idabelle rasped. ‘A mysterious group of witches who lived a long time ago. Each of the six had a special power, and they caused glori
ous havoc in Ritzy City. Then one day, the Ritzy Six were caught and trapped somewhere, but only a few good witches knew where. However, before they were captured, they hid their magic at the very top of Pearl Peak, in a sealed house that no one but them could enter, ready for their return. And so the question remains: where are the Ritzy Six? It’s Sinkville’s biggest secret.’

  Tiga breathed a sigh of relief. Thank goodness they were trapped somewhere. She’d been half expecting Idabelle to reveal they were hiding in the trees around them!

  Idabelle whipped out a jam jar. ‘This is where the Ritzy Six are hidden!’

  Tiga let out a surprised scream, causing Bertha Bram to drop the plate of jam stars.

  ‘It took ages to figure it out,’ Idabelle said proudly. ‘But I found an old Ritzy City Post interview with Mavis who owns the jam stall. She was the one who suggested a jam jar to trap the Ritzy Six, and she volunteered to look after it. Once I knew that, I got Melodie to distract the old fool by pretending to be interested in her jam jars shaped like cats. I sneaked behind her jam stall and I GOT IT.’

  ‘That makes Mavis Sinkville’s biggest hero,’ Tiga said. ‘Well, until she let the jam jar fall into your hands.’

  ‘This has all got really weird,’ Fluffanora said, sweating slightly as she tried in vain to pull herself off her stone stool. She stopped and tapped her watch. ‘And now it’s five tall ladies past the slipper. It’s practically one short lady on the boot, so really we’d better be going.’

  Idabelle smirked and began to slowly twist the jam jar lid.

  ‘For years, the Points have tried to track down the Ritzy Six. Our heroes! The very reason we sit here around this fire today. They can teach us to be more powerful than any other witches in the world! They can get to the magic at the top of the mountain! And now all I have to do to bring them back is use an old, expired spell.’

  ‘Which one?’ Fluffanora demanded.

  ‘The Green Blood – you say the spell with the names of the witches you want to bring back, while in the presence of green blood. It only expired because no witch could work out the green blood bit. But I realised, Tiga is green – green because she’s a new witch in Sinkville, plus her real surname is Green, so we’ve got all bases covered. No one is more of a green blood witch than Tiga!’