Witch Tricks

by Sibéal Pounder

  Idabelle whipped around. ‘Well, come on out, don’t hide.’

  Mavis popped up from behind the sofa, pushing the others down. ‘Oh hello, I am obviously in the wrong place … I was just delivering the latest jam to the Top Witch, but I … can’t find her, so …’

  ‘Terrible liar,’ Felicity Bat whispered. ‘Idabelle won’t be fooled.’

  ‘A jam delivery?’ Idabelle said with a smirk. ‘Well, Peggy doesn’t need any jam, because Five here can make as much jam as Ritzy City needs with a magic flick of the finger. Your stall will be useless. No one will visit it.’

  Two flicked her finger and just outside the window, behind the roaring crowds, Mavis’s jam stall burst into flames.

  Mavis put her head in her hands. ‘You know, I’d like there to be just one Tiga adventure when my jam stall did not break.’

  ‘Oops,’ Idabelle said.

  Felicity Bat flicked her finger and a stream of water fell from a pipe above, putting out the flames.

  ‘Hey!’ Idabelle cried. ‘Who did that?’

  She stopped and growled.

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Why did you do that?’ Tiga whispered.

  ‘It’s Mavis’s dream, Tiga. Have a heart,’ Felicity Bat hissed, just as her sister jumped up on the sofa and leaned over.

  ‘AHA! I KNEW IT!’

  Tiga, Felicity Bat, Fluffanora and Peggy rose to their feet.

  ‘Nice hair,’ Francesca Fignettle said genuinely. ‘My spirit fly is jealous of you all.’

  ‘HELP!’ Fran squealed.

  ‘We’re trying,’ Tiga said, as One, Two, Three, Four and Six circled them.

  ‘What are they going to do?’ Fluffanora said, hiding behind Peggy’s extra-long curtains of hair.

  ‘We’re going to eat her,’ Six said with a smirk.

  Fran gulped. ‘Her as in … me?’

  Six nodded.

  ‘Wait a second,’ Two said. ‘If you eat that fairy, then you become immortal. What about us?’

  ‘You should share her!’ Three shouted. ‘We each get a bit!’

  Fran grabbed hold of her beehive.

  ‘You need to eat the whole fairy,’ Six snapped.

  Four threw her hands in the air. ‘Who says you get to eat it?’

  ‘Me!’ Six screamed. ‘Because I’m in charge!’

  ‘YEAH!’ Idabelle shouted. ‘GO, SIX!’

  ‘I’m so sick of you,’ Six grumbled, sending Idabelle crashing through the window and into the crowds outside.

  Tiga saw Felicity Bat quickly flick her finger, breaking Idabelle’s fall.

  ‘Who did that?’ Idabelle shouted. ‘Who made me float like that?’ But the crowd swallowed her up with hugs and shouts of ‘BRAVO!’

  ‘EXCELLENT SPECIAL EFFECTS!’ a witch outside shouted, staring in awe at the broken window.

  ‘NOW STAND BACK!’ Six said, holding up Fran. ‘I have waited a long time for this moment.’

  ‘YAY!’ someone from the crowd shouted.

  She opened her mouth wide.

  ‘WAIT!’ Fran cried. ‘I HAVE FRIENDS!’

  Everyone in the room stopped.

  They turned to look at Fran.

  And so did everyone outside.

  ‘Oh, now we’re her friends,’ Julie Jumbo Wings said. ‘Did she write this into the script?’

  ‘I don’t think this is a show,’ Crispy whispered.

  ‘LOOK!’ Fran shouted. ‘THERE THEY ARE! Now if you find Donna as well – she’s always walking so is less easy to spot – then four of you could become immortal. Or three of you, if you chose to save me because I’ve been so kind in telling you about some of my friends that you could eat.’

  ‘Fran!’ Tiga cried in outrage.

  Fran rolled her eyes. ‘OK, you can perhaps eat a little corner of my beehive. As long as you promise to pay for my hairdressing bill.’

  Felicity Bat’s eyes darted from the crowds to the Ritzy Six to Fran and back again.

  ‘She’s trying to get us eaten,’ Julie Jumbo Wings said to Crispy.

  Six nodded at the crowd. ‘Well, if you others want a fairy, then go get them. I’ve got mine.’

  She opened her mouth wide again.

  ‘NOT PEANUUUUUT!’ the crowd cried. ‘NOT PEANUT!’

  She stopped and stared at them ‘Who is Peanut?’

  ‘The shoe,’ Fran mouthed at Tiga. ‘Get the boot.’

  ‘I think she wants new boots,’ Peggy whispered.

  Tiga dived to the floor. She knew what Fran wanted her to do! She grabbed Felicity Bat’s heavy boot.

  ‘Six!’ she shouted. ‘Catch!’

  Everything seemed to go in slow motion – Six looked up as the boot tumbled towards her. Felicity Bat turned slowly, watching the boot go. Six reached out a hand, closer and closer, and then –

  THWUNK!

  ‘YES!’ Tiga roared.

  With the panda inside, the boot was so heavy that Six tipped straight over, just like a bug on an aggressive seesaw. Fran sprang from her other hand, went flying across the room and hit the wall with a splat.

  The crowd went wild!

  ‘NOOOOOOW!’ Fluffanora roared, grabbing Peggy’s long hair and lassoing the Ritzy Six in a nice tight knot.

  Mavis pulled a jam jar from her pocket and threw it through the broken window. Only it missed the broken one and shattered the one beside it.

  ‘EXCELLENT SPECIAL EFFECTS!’ the witch in the crowd shouted again.

  Felicity Bat grabbed the jam jar and began to mutter a spell.

  ‘Wait,’ Idabelle said. ‘How do you know the spell to put them back in the jam jar?’

  ‘Because she’s now read every book in the Linden House library,’ Peggy said. ‘Apart from the Batty Boo series, because she’s not interested in a bat-loving witch. She’s definitely seen that jam jar spell somewhere.’

  ‘NOOOOOOOO!’ the Ritzy Six wailed as they were sucked towards the jam jar – apart from Two, who chirped, ‘BYE AGAIN!’

  A second later, they were gone.

  Mavis dived through the window and screwed on the lid as Felicity Bat landed in an exhausted heap on the floor.

  Tiga knelt down and put Felicity Bat’s heavy boot back on her foot.

  ‘Thanks,’ Felicity Bat said, getting to her feet. ‘Now I’ve got something important to take care of. I have a panda to return to the world above the sink pipes. And please can someone arrange to pay him for his work on Fairy Fightz before we leave?’

  ‘What does she mean?’ Mavis whispered.

  ‘And I do not expect to have to save the day ever again,’ Felicity Bat snapped, before levitating out of the window.

  A dishevelled-looking Idabelle leapt from the crowd and tried to grab Felicity by the boot, but even when she was lopsided, she still levitated too high. ‘You meddling little witch!’ she shouted after her before turning her attention to Tiga.

  ‘You, Tiga,’ Idabelle shouted through the window, ‘ARE DEFINITELY NOT IN THE POINTS!’

  Tiga smiled and linked arms with Peggy and Fluffanora. ‘Why would I want to be?’

  ‘Come on, Points!’ came Idabelle’s furious shout from outside the window.

  Catriona Catcat, Francesca Fignettle and Bertha Bram looked at her and then scuttled over to Melodie McDamp.

  Melodie blew another bubble. ‘What?’

  ‘Looks like you’re in charge of the Points now,’ Tiga said with a smile.

  Meanwhile, outside, the crowd was going wild, high-fiving Peanut as she soared above them.

  ‘I WON!’ Fran cried, smooshing herself against the window. ‘I DEFEATED THE MOST EVIL WITCHES FROM SINKVILLE’S HISTORY – THE RITZY SIX ARE NO MATCH FOR PEEEEEANUUUUT!’

  ‘PEA-NUT! PEA-NUT! PEA-NUT!’ the crowd cheered.

  ‘I wonder what Fran would taste like,’ Peggy said.

  ‘Chewy,’ Fluffanora said. ‘And arrogant.’

  ‘I bet she goes well with jam,’ Peggy joked. And they burst into a fit of giggles.

  Witches Together


  ‘It’s time for a new episode of FAIRY FIGHTZ!’ Crispy’s voice boomed from the spoon. ‘Just to confirm, the incident at Linden House yesterday was not an episode, it really was Fran almost being eaten by the Ritzy Six. BUT BACK TO THE SHOW!’

  ‘I can see why witches are going crazy for this!’ Tiga said to Mavis, as Peanut flew into the ring and kissed the camera lens.

  ‘Don’t kiss the lens,’ they heard Crispy hiss. ‘It smudges it.’

  A tiny finger wiped the screen and the ring came back into view.

  ‘Peanut avoided being eaten by some new and mysterious characters who probably won’t be in the show again for quite complicated reasons, but now she has been reunited with her sidekick, GIGANTICO!’

  Patricia the producer marched on to the set with her fringed jumpsuit, squashing the ring completely.

  ‘Will Tiny Fists and Flappy ever be able to stop them?’

  Tiga put the spoon away and said goodbye to Mavis. She grabbed a pot of jam, then ran up the steps to Linden House and rang the bell.

  ‘Sleepover time!’ Peggy said as she threw the door open. Fluffanora was already there with a tray of Clutterbucks cocktails.

  They sneaked upstairs and along the corridor to Felicity Bat’s room.

  ‘SURPRISE SLEEPOVER!’ Tiga cried as they burst in.

  Felicity Bat put down the Batty Boo book she was reading and glared up at them. ‘I don’t do sleepovers.’

  ‘Yes you do!’ Peggy said, jumping into the bed next to her.

  Felicity Bat tried not to smile.

  Tiga pulled a tiny toy panda from her jacket. ‘Fluffanora made it for you.’

  ‘I knew you wouldn’t want one of my outfit designs,’ Fluffanora said with a smile.

  ‘I’M HERE, FEL-FEL!’ came a cry, and Aggie Hoof cantered into the room. She dumped a pile of old Toad magazines on the floor.

  Fluffanora picked one up and began flicking through it.

  Felicity Bat grabbed two Clutterbucks cocktails and handed one to Tiga.

  ‘We’ve come a long way since the Witch Wars days,’ Peggy said. ‘Remember when we all fought against each other?’

  ‘It was the competition,’ Felicity Bat said. ‘It wasn’t nice to pit us against each other.’

  ‘But we knew better,’ Tiga said. ‘And look at us now – looking out for each other.’

  Felicity Bat gulped down a spoonful of jam. ‘It’s like that old Witchoween chant: WITCHES TOGETHER ARE STRONGER THAN SPELLS.’

  Fran shot through the door and dunked herself in Tiga’s Clutterbucks cocktail. ‘Witches together are not stronger than Peanut. My character in Fairy Fightz will go down as the strongest character of all time.’

  They laughed.

  Tiga smiled and raised her Clutterbucks. ‘Very well. WITCHES TOGETHER ARE STRONGER THAN SPELLS, BUT NOT STRONGER THAN PEANUT FROM FAIRY FIGHTZ.’

  ‘See,’ Fran said. ‘Now that’s catchy.’

  Prologue

  Mermaids have been flop ping all over this planet for a really long time. And yet no submarine, ship or sinking scientist has ever discovered their whop ping world.

  Only mermaids know how to get to the Hidden Lagoon. Deep down beneath the waves, just past the NO LEGS BEYOND THIS POINT sign, is a small shell, and inside that shell is a keypad made of old pearly buttons. To open the gates to the Lagoon and all the cities within it, all you have to do is type in the secret code. The code that for thousands of years has kept mermaids hidden from human sight –

  The unbreakable!

  The UNFAKEABLE!

  Ihavenolegs.

  1

  In a Fish Tank on Land

  ‘May I borrow a pen please?’

  ‘A pen?’ an excitable lady squawked, waving her arms elaborately like someone swat ting at least forty flies. She tottered over to the fish tank, her large feet clad in spotted socks and squeezed into a pair of stilettos.

  ‘Yes please, a pen,’ came the tired voice from somewhere in the tank’s murky water. An elegant hand, fingers adorned with pearl and crystal rings and a wrist stacked with swirly shell brace lets, flopped out of the tank.

  ‘WE’RE COMMUNICATING!’ the excitable lady wheezed with joy. She tossed a pen into the tank. ‘Me and you. You and me. You and your fin. Me and my socks.’

  There was a sigh from inside the tank.

  ‘I heard that!’ the excitable lady snapped. ‘I’ve installed very sensitive microphones in that tank.’

  There was a deliberately loud burp.

  ‘And that,’ the excitable lady groaned. ‘Oh, I can’t wait to show you to the world! I’ll be famous. They won’t believe how I got you! NOW GIVE THE PEN BACK.’ She banged on the glass before reaching a hand in and wrenching the pen from the mermaid’s grasp. ‘You’re mine now, Arabella Cod.’

  ‘No!’ Arabella Cod gasped. ‘I hadn’t finished!’

  The excitable lady squealed as she caught a flash of pearly fin. ‘What did you write?!’

  ‘Nothing,’ Arabella Cod said quickly. ‘I … just wanted to hold it.’

  The excitable lady twirled around the room, laughing uncontrollably. ‘WHAT A DAY!’ she roared, punching the air. ‘ARABELLA COD, THE MER ­MAID QUEEN, MY PRISONER FOREVER!’ A tiny crab hastily heaved itself out of the tank and scuttled quickly along behind her, carrying a sloppy lump of seaweed.

  The excitable lady twirled in its direction.

  It froze.

  She twirled on her heel once more to face the tank, peering eagerly inside and stroking the glass affectionately. The crab took its chance and scuttled out of the door.

  ‘Don’t stop until you get there!’ Arabella Cod shouted after it. ‘I’m sure they’ll figure it out! They have to …’

  The excitable lady turned to the door. But the crab was gone.

  ‘Who on earth are you shouting at, you strange lump of fish?’ she spat.

  But Arabella Cod said nothing.

  Failing to see that crab would be the biggest mistake the excitable lady ever made.

  2

  Crabagram!

  ‘CRABAGRAM!’ Beattie roared as she slipped her feet into a pair of purple wedges and clattered out of the door, letting it bang loudly behind her. Her friends Zelda and Mimi were sprawled on the sofa, napping. On a night like this! It was just like them to be dribbling and snoring away on crabagram night.

  She raced along the promenade, the warm Californian breeze whip ping about her plaited hair. She took it all in. The jingle of shop doors closing, the smell of hot pavements and plastic pool toys.

  ‘Nice night for a run!’ a girl called out from the little lopsided ice-cream stall that sat in front of an old, sprawling factory. Her creamy complex ion was decorated with swirls of sunburn. She waved a claw like hand, bent from constantly holding icecream cones.

  Beattie smiled and waved back as she tore along the wooden pier, each faded plank decorated with carvings and doodles – names, insults, a little crab drawing Beattie had carved on her first day there. She leapt and landed in the soft sand, plonked herself down and pulled her skirt over her temporary knees.

  It wasn’t there. Not yet.

  ‘Well, I tell you, I can’t wait to get rid of these cumbersome bananas!’ Zelda said, slap ping her legs and making Mimi snort. Zelda had got into the habit of using human words like banana to incorrectly describe stuff like legs. ‘And I’ve only had the bananas for two weeks.’

  The two of them joined Beattie on the beach, sloppy hotdogs in hand. Although they were twins, they looked nothing alike. Mimi was the shorter of the two, clad in gold sandals and topped with messy hair pulled into two loose plaits.

  ‘Well, hello there, good sir,’ she said, nodding at a folded sun lounger.

  Beattie and Zelda both stared blankly at her.

  ‘What?’ Mimi whispered. ‘You don’t know what can hear you on land.’

  ‘Usually just the stuff with ears,’ Zelda whispered back, taking a big bite of her hotdog and sending a spray of mustard on to
her ripped jeans.

  Zelda was taller, with short, perfectly groomed hair, flicked for effect, and eyes so packed with mischief her eyelids looked like they were straining to contain it all. Her nails were short, bitten obsessively. Beattie had known them both forever and the three of them did everything together, which was why Beattie had managed to convince them to do a summer on land, with legs.

  ‘Where’s the crabagram?’ Beattie said, pacing back and forth by the water’s edge.

  Zelda looked at Mimi, who poured some sand on her hotdog and took a bite.

  ‘That’s not what humans put on hotdogs,’ said Zelda.

  Mimi eagerly dipped her hotdog in the sand and took another bite. ‘If I could, I’d tell the humans that sand is the ketchup of the sea! But then they’d know I was a mermaid, so I can’t.’

  ‘Wait,’ Beattie said, squinting in the darkness. ‘There it is!’

  Zelda rolled her eyes. ‘I’ve never seen someone so excited to read Clamzine.’

  Beattie waved a hand dismissively. ‘It’s our only link to home right now, Zelda. And my mum’s latest adventure article will be in it!’

  A crab scuttled up the beach, wonkily and with urgency, holding a chunk of seaweed care fully like it was cradling a sloppy baby. It placed it gently on Beattie’s big toe.

  ‘Thank you, madam,’ she said, yanking the loose sheets of seaweed out of the slippery envelope.

  © Richard Grassie

  Dear Honorary Witches Above the Pipes!

  Thank you very much for reading this book. I really hope you enjoyed it and Fran wasn’t too unbearable.

  FRAN IS THE BEST THING IN THIS BOOK AND EVERYONE THINKS SO.*

  Chances are, if you’re reading a book, you really like stories, and – if you’re anything like me – you probably like making them up and writing them down too.

  A lot of the stuff in this book I made up when I was about seven or eight. I used to peer down the plughole and say, ‘We just don’t know what’s down there.’ But I loved witches, so I imagined a huge, weird witchy world below the pipes – and that’s where the idea for Sinkville came from!