The Girl in the Mirror (Sand & Fog #3)

by Susan Ward

  “Stop, you’re going to make me cry again.”

  Madison’s nose scrunches up. “No, don’t cry, you’ll ruin your face.”

  As they laugh, their heads rest against each other, and when they pull back I run my palms slowly down Krystal’s quivering arms.

  I feel a heavy stare and shift my gaze to Madison. She smiles before she plops around to face the wall. “Roll film, Nick.”

  Music pours from all around and on the wall in front of us begins Tiny Dancer: Our journey with Krystal.

  Kaley Rowan fills the wall in front of us. “Hi, K-bell. If I know you, you’re sitting there serious on the inside, bright smile on your face, apprehensive and wondering what has Kaley done now? Don’t worry—”

  The room fills with laughter.

  “—and really, how shocking could I make your life? You are a real-life angel. You’re beautiful, funny, smart, sweet, talented, and you’re going to go great places in your life. Don’t doubt it, baby girl, because we don’t.”

  The film moves through video of her dancing and then Christian Parker appears. “Krystal danced from birth. I felt a little bad about it. You could see she loved it, but I was pretty sure she’d inherited her coordination from me…though maybe Alan…I’m not really sure…what I’m trying to say is we were very worried. All parents want their children to have their dream, but it didn’t seem possible, well, that is until she could walk. And I realized, she couldn’t dance yet because she couldn’t walk. Relief and joy for me, and off you soared. There is no one else like you, baby girl, and I couldn’t imagine our family without you. You fill our world with laughter, happiness, and love always”—Chrissie scrunches up her nose—“though there were times…”

  Groaning, Krystal covers her face as the video progresses into what can only be called family bloopers. My face starts to hurt from smiling. Who would have thought she was a clown and troublemaker?

  “I’m going to give you the same advice I gave your mother and your sister when they left home for the first time,” Jackson Parker says. “I know you think you have a set road map for your life. But some of the best roads are the ones we least expect. Take time in New York to get lost now and then. Sometimes getting lost is the only way you can find yourself.”

  “I love you, Poppy,” I hear Krystal whisper on mostly breath before she makes another fierce swipe at the dampness on her face.

  “This is the part where Kaley said we have to say something nice to you,” her brother Eric states, and Krystal starts giggling. “But instead, I’m confessing because I’ve felt bad about this for a long time. It was me, Krystal. Not Kaley. You can stop carrying a grudge now. I destroyed Ballerina Barbie. Which didn’t do anything because you kept the darn thing. But I really hated Ballerina Barbie.”

  He holds a mutilated creation up to dance on the screen. She falls back against me, laughing.

  “I’m confessing, too,” Ethan adds in his placid voice. “I hacked your cloud to get video and the pictures for Kaley. It took me two seconds. Haven’t you learned anything being in this family? Change your passwords once in a while. Now I have stuff to blackmail you with forever.”

  Groaning, her eyes go wide as I’m sure never-before-seen pictures start to fill up the walls around us.

  Laughter escapes from deep in my chest, even as I try not to let it because Krystal’s face is cherry red. “Those have to be the worst collection of selfies I’ve ever seen. You’re a goof.”

  Looking over her shoulder, she pouts to hide her smile. “Don’t make fun of me. I was bored and largely forgotten as a child. Don’t let them fool you.”

  “No, never,” I whisper close to her ear, but I pull back quickly.

  Watching this is like drowning in her. I’m seeing parts of her I hadn’t seen before working at the house or even in Malibu, things I couldn’t see being only in her world and not in her life. Things that make me want her more.

  I tilt my head back against the wall as I watch the video of her. The silly side. The unsure hiding behind an overly exaggerated expression—it makes her looks so like her mother. The fragility in her eyes no matter what she does. The quiet determination claiming her body even when she’s alone in her studio.

  Turn Krystal and she shines differently, and every facet is amazing. Chrissie named her perfectly.

  My mood plummets and I close my eyes. Nothing has ever made me more aware how unattainable she is for me than this. For a moment I forgot who she was. Girls like her are not for guys like me.

  I need to figure out a way to step back from where I left us in the driveway. It doesn’t matter if she wants to pursue whatever that was we were both feeling out there. It doesn’t matter if holding her and sharing this with her feels like the most right thing I’ve ever known with a girl. This film is a blast of instareality.

  What the hell would she need with a guy like me?

  She lives a life filled with extraordinary.

  I’m a guy from Ohio whose best gig in life will be working for her father.

  That math won’t ever add up.

  “Hello, sunshine.” A raspy voice causes my eyes to fly open and Alan’s there on the wall in front of me, staring out, making every nerve in my body zap.

  “I know you wanted me there tonight and Chrissie was wrong when she said, ‘Alan, that’s mean. You’re not going. No girl wants their father at a party with her friends.’—”

  I straighten up, loosening my hold on Krystal.

  “—My response was ‘Of course she does, love. Who wouldn’t want me at a party?’ But you can see who won. Or did she? Maybe I haven’t arrived yet.”

  Krystal’s lithe body shakes from her laughter.

  Alan brushes back the hair from his face, then flashes his megawatt rock-star smile. “I’ve been trying all day to figure out what I should say to you. One would think five kids and having Kaley already off into the world would have provided some inspiration. Something wise. Something profound. Then I realized you don’t need advice from Pop. Who you are is more than enough to achieve anything you want. You’re a remarkable girl. Everything you do, you do brilliantly. There are only two things a man should say to his daughter at this moment. First, I love you, sunshine. And second”—Alan’s penetrating black eyes go wide and intense—“don’t trash the house, love.”

  And his thundering laughter fills the room.

  “Don’t trash the house, love,” Chrissie says, mimicking Alan to perfection.

  “Don’t trash the house, love,” Kaley orders and then arches a brow in the exact image of her father.

  “Don’t trash the house, love,” Eric and Ethan shout in unison.

  Khloe holds up a sign: Don’t trash the house, love.

  “We love you, Krystal,” screams the entire family in the final frame, then the lights turn up to a soft dim with colored streams darting through the glass from outside.

  Krystal is a tight ball, hugging her legs as she laughs through tears. Her body is pulsing with emotion and I have to fight not to touch her as she struggles to hold it back.

  She turns her head, looking over her shoulder at me, her eyes sparkling. “I can’t believe they did that. You’ve known about the party all day, haven’t you?”

  I nod, smiling.

  “I can’t remember ever being as blown away by anything. I have a pretty nice family, don’t I?”

  I touch her cheek. “Nice? No, Krystal, your family’s incredible and everything anyone could want.”

  She nods, choking back more tears.

  “Well, that’s all folks,” Madison exclaims, and I turn my head to find her standing in the center of the room. “Let’s party.”

  Music fills the air, and everyone starts to move out onto the patio and the roped-off section of beach beyond.

  I disentangle from Krystal, stand, and help her to her feet.

  “Do you want to go walk on the beach?” she asks, sinking her teeth into her lower lip to hide her smil
e. “Talk now?”

  I step back. “Not yet, Krystal. There’s something I have to do. Go have fun with your friends. I’ll catch up with you later.”

  Her eyes change into a blend of hurt and confusion, and inwardly I groan. That sounded like a brush-off and no matter how I handle putting the brakes on with Krystal, only a first-class jerk would do it in the middle of a party.

  Her gaze rapidly dissects my expression. “Why does it feel like everything has gone wrong between us again?”

  I run my hand over my hair to keep from touching her. “There’s something I have to take care of, Krystal.”

  Her brows pucker. “Whatever it is, can’t it wait? Or is it that you don’t want it to wait?”

  The way her gaze clouds before it lowers to the floor makes my heart clench because I know it must seem to Krystal like I’m blowing randomly hot and cold in prick mode.

  I don’t mess with girls’ emotions—I’m no player. Far from it—but that’s how my stepping back after kissing her is going to seem no matter how I do it.

  Damn.

  “Brayden’s out front. I don’t know who else from the security company is working the party for your parents. It’s a good idea for both of us for me to check that out.”

  “Oh.” She looks up. “The way you said catch up with you later, it sounded like—” She shakes her head and then makes a face. “Never mind.”

  I feel like an asshole because I panicked and lied, and I’d have to be a moron, after watching that video, not to understand what’s really underneath the bright smile and her silly expression.

  “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” I assure her.

  She smiles and leaves the room. I stay rooted in place, following her with my gaze through the wall of glass until she’s swallowed up by her friends.

  I go out the front door into a courtyard of fountains and potted greenery toward the walk-in gate. Brayden is sitting on a stool, smoking, as he talks to another Black Star employee I haven’t met before.

  Brayden spots me, frowns, and then says to the guy with him, “Why don’t you go walk the perimeter? Make sure everything is still good. You haven’t done that in a while.”

  I wait until we’re alone. “Thanks, Bray. Who is that?”

  Brayden shrugs. “No one you need to worry about. Everyone here except me is just a floater to fill in when Jared’s short of guys for the schedule. No one is here from the team who works for Alan.”

  I nod.

  Well, that’s something.

  One less thing to worry about.

  “What are you doing, Jake?”

  Good question.

  Brayden frowns at me and then sharply rebukes me with his eyes. “I saw you with Krystal in the driveway. Then you went right past me like you had a right to be here and weren’t an employee. But come Monday, Jake, you’re an employee. That girl, whatever happens the next two days, walks away from you when the weekend’s over. You’re in denial if you think this goes any other way.”

  I wish that were true and I could still feel like I did before the party and that film. No, I’m not in denial about anything.

  “I’ve got it all under control, Brayden. No one knows better than I do what happens after this weekend.”

  The look on his face grows grimmer. “You and Krystal—never going to happen, Jake.”

  “I know that.”

  “Then wake up before you ruin your life.”

  “It’s not like that, Bray. I’m doing her a favor. That’s all. Can you let it go?”

  His eyes lock on me, openly speculating. “Looks to me more like you’re trying to do yourself a favor. What do you think is going to happen back in Pacific Palisades on Tuesday when she finds out everything?”

  Not answering that one, Brayden.

  I don’t know what happens.

  I only know what I want to have happen.

  Instead of going inside to the party, I cut around the side of the house and head for the beach.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “Krystal”

  By 3:00 a.m., I’m feeling like a fool. The guests have cleared out and Jacob’s still a no-show on the patio. Oh, I’ve laughed, I’ve danced, and smiled with my friends. Wasn’t about to let him ruin this awesome party Maddy put together. But that doesn’t change anything.

  I feel like a fool.

  As I lie on a lounger, scrunched between Nick and Madison, my gaze strays to the beach. Stupid. Jacob disappeared from the sand hours ago. Wherever he’s taken off to doesn’t matter. It’s not anywhere near me. Pretty clear confirmation I misread the driveway scene.

  Halfway through the night I concluded that kissing me had been another Jacob decoy, like Sierra over lunch, and only about getting me into the party. And to add insult to injury, he avoided me the rest of the night to make that clear.

  It’s stupid to feel so butt-hurt. When did I become this pitiful over guys? I read that one wrong. But then I’d felt drunk in his arms and butterflies in my stomach, and he smiled that cute, shy smile, and like a fool I’d thought it meant something.

  I rub my eyes, glad not to find tears there because if I cry over him—a guy I’m not even involved with yet—I will lose my last shreds of self-respect.

  Pushing against the cushion to sit up, I look over at Maddy. “I’m going to bed. Thank you for the party. I’m blown away you did this.”

  Madison smiles, drowsy and happy. “It was pretty amazing, wasn’t it?”

  “Oh, definitely.”

  I kiss her on the cheek. “Love you.”

  “Love you.”

  As I scramble off the chaise, they collapse into each other, obliterating the space where my body used to be. “Behave yourselves, you two.”

  Madison stretches and yawns. “Don’t go off on Jacob, OK? He probably felt awkward, all your friends and everything.”

  It isn’t worth pointing out that I have no intention of going off on Jacob or even thinking of him ever again.

  “Cleaners come in the morning,” Madison calls out as I cross the patio. “Figure out what you guys want to do while they’re here.”

  Madison thought of everything, even how to make the house perfect again. I shouldn’t have panicked in the driveway when I saw the party. And if I hadn’t panicked, Jacob wouldn’t have kissed me and I wouldn’t be feeling like an idiot.

  Time to figure out how to keep my big girl panties on 24/7. Not sweat the little things anymore like unexpected parties hitting me out of nowhere and unexpected guys stumbling into my life as well.

  Jeez, in three days I’ll be living in New York, and Jacob will be in the rearview mirror permanently. If anything had happened between us, it wouldn’t amount to anything anyway. This isn’t even a what could have been moment since what could have been has always been nothing. In fact, I should be glad that I didn’t start anything with him.

  Feeling emotionally in control again, I open my bedroom door and my eyes go wide.

  Jacob is sitting on the floor, hunched over—a yellow note pad?—running his fingers through his hair, staring intently at the paper as though whatever is there is something mind-boggling.

  He’s changed into loose gym clothes, like guys wear to bed when they decide not to sleep in the buff. His man bun is gone, and he looks slightly overwhelmed and—crap—really adorable.

  I close the door behind me and he startles.

  We stare at each other wordlessly for a moment and those hazel orbs make my pulse jump yet again, which is pathetic because he gave me a slap in the face by ditching me, but maybe it’s because of how his expression has changed. Nervous, like I’ve caught him at something he didn’t want me to see. Happy, like he’s glad I’m here. Tense, like he doesn’t know what he should do.

  I lean back against the door.

  “Do you want to tell me what you’re doing in my room?”

  “No, not really.” Jacob flips the pages over on the pad as if to hide whateve
r is there. “I’ve been sitting here thinking.”

  OK, sitting in my bedroom thinking.

  After ditching me at a party.

  Frustrating.

  Jerk-guy move, not jerk-guy staring at me.

  I exhale slowly, trying to decide if it’s even worth the effort to try to figure this one out or if I should tell him to leave.

  “You think with a pen and paper—” He starts to talk and I lift my hand as a stop sign. “And you do this during parties after kissing girls then blowing them off?”

  He flushes, shrugging. “Sometimes. It helps me organize my thoughts.”

  “It’s a shame it doesn’t help organize your mouth. Or do you just get off stringing girls along?”

  The color on his face darkens. “I can see how you’d think that.”

  Ya think?

  I start moving toward my bathroom. “Go away, Jacob. I’m tired and I don’t want to deal with you.”

  He shakes his head, raking his fingers through his hair, agitated. “I knew it was a mistake to wait for you.”

  I freeze in midstep and whirl to face him. “Oh. That one you could figure out. But that it was kind of not nice to ditch me at a party—that one went over your head.”

  Jacob’s eyes drill into me. “I didn’t ditch you. I came in here to figure out if I should stay. What the right move is.”

  He catches me off guard with that, and there are tears stinging my eyes. I shake my head. I’m not looking at Jacob anymore. “What’d you decide?”

  “I’m here, aren’t I?”

  His voice causes me to glance at him and, crap, the butterflies come back. He looks vulnerable and unsure and…like a nice guy caught in something he didn’t expect.

  Strange, but that’s how he looks.

  I sink down on the floor to sit on my knees facing him. “So you skipped out on me tonight so you could hide in here to figure out what to do about me, and writing it down helped you?”

  He laughs, embarrassed. “Dumb, huh?”

  Original, I’ll give him that.

  I crinkle my nose. “Maybe a better word is weird. A little weird. What did you and your trusty notepad decide to do about me?”