by Susan Ward
I vigorously pull my fingers through my curls to get the cream rinse out. Guys become annoying the second you let it show that you’re even a tiny bit interested in them.
Why are all guys jerk-guy underneath?
When I come out from beneath the water he’s watching me. “My turn to ask questions. What was all that junk between you and Daryl about? Is that something you expect a guy to do with you?”
My face colors in a burn.
Something you expect—jeez, Louise, he didn’t even ask it directly and, fudge, I’m cringing from head to toe, when I’m not the least bit embarrassed about the things I did with Daryl.
“I’m not answering that.”
His brows shoot up. “What? You’re the only one with a right to have basic knowledge?”
That makes me sound arbitrary so I ignore it.
“How many boyfriends have you had?” he asks, going in another direction.
“I don’t know if you could call any of the guys I dated before Daryl my boyfriend. Dance takes up a lot of time. It doesn’t leave much for anything else. Not if you want to be good and get somewhere with it. But a defined boyfriend, only one: Daryl.”
“And have you done that with any other guy?”
I lift my chin. “That? It’s called kink. Not something people don’t do. Try Googling once in a while. And no, I never did it with anyone but Daryl because I’ve never slept with anyone but Daryl. That is until you.”
His features contort. “I can’t do that junk. Not ever.”
Oh, so that’s what these humiliatingly probing questions are about. “I don’t recall asking you to.”
He studies me, confused, shaking his head. “Why did you do the tie-me-whip-me thing with Daryl? I don’t understand that. You’re a smart girl and that’s not a smart thing to do. Not with any guy.”
My face scrunches up until my eyes are shut.
It keeps getting worse no matter how he phrases it.
Worse—and weirdly sweet.
Protective Jacob.
I don’t know why protective Jacob appeared in the shower at this moment, but as awkward as it is, I can’t escape the fact that it’s—no other word—sweet.
I exhale slowly then open my eyes. “It’s something I read about and wanted to try. I liked it. It kept sex from being overly emotional and mostly physical. I can’t let anything interfere with my focus, especially not some high school romance that would have never gone anywhere other than ending, since that’s what happens when school’s over. I’ve got to stay one hundred percent dedicated to dancing. I’ve only got three, maybe four years to earn a principal rank with a company. Then I’ll be too old and won’t have a shot of ever being a prima ballerina.
“Right now my life is about balance, limiting things, so I don’t miss my only opportunity to become a professional dancer. I didn’t want to get too connected with Daryl and have it turn into one of those overly dramatic and overly goal-destructive things, but I like sex. Shoot me. Who doesn’t? But I can’t let myself get all obsessed with a guy. The tie me whip me, as you so cutely phrased it, was good and kept things in check—and stop looking like I killed your dog. I liked last night being with you more. Kink was a good thing with Daryl. I don’t think it would ever be something I’d want with you, so can we stop talking about this?”
I’m shaking like Jell-O as I wait for his response. All those words poured out of me without thought, a neat little speech to explain me when I don’t ever even try to most of the time, and it wasn’t until I said it that I felt how true they were.
I like being with Jacob how we are, even if I am sort of crazy-girl infatuated this morning, and I was right to worry about what could happen letting loose my feelings for a guy, because I’m in deep after one night and overly emotional with him.
Crud.
Are we done with this yet?
I peek at him. He looks like he’s trying to form his next question.
“That’s really your shelf life to make it as a dancer? Four years?”
Not the question I expected.
I nod.
“I like how we are, too,” he says, and then I’m lifted from the tile and we’re going like a runaway freight train again.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Madison and Nick are in the kitchen waiting when we finally leave the bedroom.
“About time,” Maddy exclaims, but she’s smiling.
In fact, she has the most ridiculous grin on her face, blue eyes twinkling knowingly. Crap, can she be any less subtle? Teasing and invasive about to come my way.
She crosses her arms. “I said an hour. It’s been two. Rude, Krystal. I’m starving.”
I lean with my stomach against the counter. “Why did you schedule the cleaners so early after a party?”
“I didn’t think it would be an issue. Three hundred sixty-five days a year you’re out the door by seven to run. How was I supposed to know you’d stay in bed half the morning today?”
I fight it but my cheeks flush.
She’s being obnoxious.
“So what are we doing today?” I ask.
“I thought we’d go to Carlitos for breakfast,” she announces as she gathers her things from the kitchen island. “I’m in the mood for some huevos rancheros. Then we can bum around Santa Monica Pier or West Hollywood until the cleaners are gone.”
Yuck, none of that is high on my list of fun activities: huevos rancheros, Santa Monica Pier, and West Hollywood. A typical Maddy day.
“Do you want to do something else, Krystal?” Jacob asks, standing behind me, one hand planted on the counter close to mine.
Maddy’s brows shoot upward, annoyed. “Oh, so that’s how things work today? If it’s not good with Krystal we’re not doing it. Are we a freaking democracy this morning?”
Nick chokes back a laugh.
“It’s a democracy when she wants it to be,” Jacob counters quickly, dropping a kiss on my head. “She doesn’t like to be told what to do. I respect that. You should, too, Maddy.”
Her eyes bug out.
She’s loving this.
“Thank you for the clarification, Jake. Can we go now? I’m hungry.”
I can feel Madison studying me as we head to the front door. Outside, she pulls me to a stop as the guys go on to the car.
“Don’t leave me hanging here,” she whispers, her voice feverish and excited. “I’m not waiting the entire day to get you alone to find out the details. You leave the party pissed off and by yourself. And this morning, crackling tension gone, Jake is all happy-boy trying not to smile, caveman protecting his girl, and you’re glowing and dressed like that. Did you guys have a huge fight and end up having angry sex the rest of the night? You’re a couple now, right?”
Am I glowing?
And why does her saying that make me feel shy about this?
“We didn’t get into a fight, Maddy. It wasn’t like that. More of a calm discussion to reach an understanding. And we’re not a couple. That one isn’t right either.”
Maddy looks at me in disbelief. “That boy has been bagged, tagged, and pounded. You both look that way. Stop denying it.”
I wonder if that’s true. Do I look bagged, tagged, and pounded? I’m girl-drunk over Jacob, no doubt about that, and I’m sure I’d be panicking now if I didn’t know I was leaving on Tuesday.
“I’m happy for you. Jake is a good guy.”
“Don’t make more of this than it is. I leave Tuesday, remember? Can we let it alone, Maddy?”
Her features alter into something wistful and she slaps her mouth with her hand. “Me and my big mouth. I’m sorry, K-bell. I forgot that part about you moving away. God, life sometimes has the worst timing. It doesn’t seem fair.”
Her distress settles like a rock in my stomach because I’m suddenly aware Jacob has become very quickly part of what’s going to hurt when I leave.
My eyes focus on Madison.
It�
�s hard to hold the smile on my face.
“It’s OK, Maddy. You don’t have to worry about me. I knew what I was stepping into when I did it. Crummy timing. But there are worse ways for a relationship to end than because it has to.”
* * *
It’s afternoon and we’re heading back to Malibu. I sit slouched in the backseat of the car with Madison, and I can’t stop laughing.
“You are out of control today, Krystal,” she taunts. She makes the passenger seat bounce with her leg. “What did you do to her, Jake? She’s exhausting this way.”
Jacob looks back from the front seat and smiles. “Nothing. Krystal is always like this when you don’t force her to do things and ask her to do them instead.”
They square off with their eyes and I wonder what that one was about.
Maddy drops her gaze first, peevish. “This equal vote thing has got to go.”
I roll my eyes at her, amused. “I don’t see why. We did everything you wanted to. Carlitos. The pier. West Hollywood. Even with us voting, it still works out your way, Maddy.”
She frowns. “Yeah, but I didn’t expect you to have more fun than me. Half the fun of picking things you don’t like is watching you get irritated.”
“Thanks a lot.” But I’m laughing.
Nick looks at us in the rearview. “What are we doing when we get home?”
“Napping.” Madison moans. “Late night. Early morning. Krystal hyper all day. I’m exhausted. I need sleep, Nick. We can figure out what we’re doing tonight later.”
Jacob swivels in the front seat to give me a quiet smile and it’s hard to contain my smirk as I meet his gaze. God, I’m like a girl in heat. Every look, every smile, every touch from him I’ve felt in my panties.
Maddy playfully slaps me. “You’re such a brat today. First you made us ride every ride. Then you drained all the energy out of me with those lame carnival games on the pier.”
I lift the plastic bag from my lap. “The games weren’t lame. You’re sulking because you didn’t win anything and Jacob won this great fish for me. You’re competitive about everything. Even midway games.”
“It took forever to do that,” she scoffs. “I would have screamed if it’d taken any longer.” Her fingers close on the back of the seat and she jerks herself forward to look around the headrest at Jacob. “You have no hand-eye coordination for ex-military, and damn, you’re stubborn.”
“I can drill a dime at a hundred yards,” Jacob informs her, laughing. “What I can’t do is concentrate when both of you won’t stop bugging me.”
She makes a playful growl. “Fine. You’re the man.”
Madison plops back against the seat, pulling her fingers through her golden hair then clenching as if willing herself to stay awake. “You should have just bought Krystal a fish. It would have been cheaper and faster.”
“I didn’t want him to buy it,” I exclaim, outraged. “It wouldn’t be special if he bought Rambo.”
Special, she repeats mouthing the word as she tosses a glare at my fish. “You are annoying when you get what you want, Krystal. Do you know that?”
Smiling, I watch my little prize swimming in his two cups of water. “I can’t believe you’re jealous I got Rambo and you didn’t get that stuffed bear.”
“I’m not,” she protests heatedly. “And that’s the stupidest name ever for a fish. I say we feed him to your dad’s koi and erase him from our memories.”
I wrap my arms around him protectively. “Lay one finger on my fish and I won’t talk to you ever again. I’m keeping him forever. Do you think I can take him on an airplane, Jacob? He can be my first pet for my new apartment.”
My mood soars. My new apartment. I haven’t seen it yet, but whatever it is, it’ll be perfect. My first place all my own—well, except that part where my parents own it.
“I don’t know, Krystal,” Jacob says, his hazel eyes bright with amusement. “Maybe. I’ve never tried to board a plane with a fish before.”
Madison sits up. “You can’t take him on a plane. You’re not allowed to have more than, like, four ounces of fluid or something. Rambo’s travel day ends the second you reach security.”
I gnaw on my lip. “You’re being mean. That can’t be right.”
“Fine. Don’t listen to me. You never do. Take him to LAX and see what happens. Consider it your first real world teachable moment. Commercial airline security check.”
“They check you for fish?” I tease, busting out laughing as she rolls her eyes at me for the hundredth time since we left the house.
“You’ve never been on a regular plane before?” Jacob asks, his shock evident.
I look away from Maddy and something about his expression makes me flush. “No, I haven’t. I’ve never been anywhere alone and my dad doesn’t fly commercial. Not ever.”
“Trust me,” Maddy pipes up. “Jacob’s trying to spare your feelings. Rambo won’t get to travel commercial. Say goodbye to him now and make it a happy parting. Clean endings. Always the best. TSA will flush him.”
Nick laughs, but the rest of us lapse into silence on the car ride home. I stare out the window, feeling deflated. I was only giving Maddy crap about the fish but, boy, did that backfire on me. I’m not sure why, but Jacob lost his happy after that and has been sitting in the front staring forward without quick glances and smiles anymore.
Inside the Malibu house, Madison pokes her head into rooms as we make our way to the back. “See, nothing to worry about, K-bell. All traces of the party gone.” She leans into Nick, staring up at him. “I need sleep. Let’s go to our room for a while.” Her gaze shifts back to me. “Give us a few hours. Text us when you two decide what you want to do tonight, Krystal.”
I follow Jacob down the hall and my nerves start to prickle. Oh, something is definitely off here. He hasn’t said a word in twenty minutes and is now quiet on the way to the bedroom.
Maybe it was all that talk about me leaving. It wasn’t smart to bring up New York since it makes it impossible not to remember we won’t see each other again after this weekend. It’s a good thing we’re ending before either of us gets too caught up in anything. It’s nice Jacob’s obvious that he doesn’t like that I’m leaving, but it’s awful how it’s abruptly changed things between us. We feel awkward and out of sync again.
“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” I ask, my heart beating faster since I’m sure we both know what I mean by something.
All day laughing and being touched by him has been like delicious foreplay, and my want to be with him is pumping through my veins and elsewhere.
I stand in the middle of the room watching Jacob as he starts taking stuff from his pockets and setting it on the bedside table.
He gives me a slight smile over his shoulder. “Not now. I’m with Maddy. I could sleep a few hours.”
I fight to contain my reaction to that. Sleep? It didn’t feel like we were heading back here for sleep when we climbed into the car.
I set down Rambo on my dresser, kick off my shoes, then stretch out on the bed. Fully clothed, Jacob settles on his pillow beside me, and a few minutes later he’s asleep.
* * *
The room is full of soft moonlight and I turn on my other side. I shoot up into a sitting position. I’m pissed. I dozed off watching Jacob and he left without waking me.
Before my mind gave up, over and over again in my head I replayed the car incident and how he was when we got back to the house, but the more I did it the less it made sense.
How quickly everything changed is weird. But then everything that’s happened between Jacob and me—the good and the odd—is plain weird.
Indifferent to each other for months.
Hot for each other the second we touch.
One step forward.
Five steps back.
In the same moment then worlds apart.
Like now. Nothing says guy taking back space faster than waking up alone in bed
after you’ve gone to sleep next to him.
Jerk move, but communicating with inescapable clarity.
Fine, he wants to dial us down.
Consider me dialing.
I shake my head, frustrated. Why are even the uncomplicated things in life never simple?
I scramble from the bed and turn on a light. The air holds that chilly dampness of fog rolling in from the ocean, and I rub my hands on my bare arms as I try to find something to change into.
I swap out my shorts for a pair of leggings then grab a loose cashmere sweater to wear over my tank top. I kick my hoochie-mama shorts toward my bag. A lot of good those did me. Infatuated girl dressing like a hoochie mama, laughing and flirting all day, went to bed with a guy and didn’t get laid.
Shit, I wanted to get laid. As confusing as it is being with Jacob, that part isn’t confusing. We are incredible together in bed. It would be wonderful if having a relationship with a guy was just incredible sex, stable emotions, and a laugh now and then. But it never works out that way. Which is why most dancers don’t do the relationship thing. Guys take over your mind the second you let them in, and there goes focus and all possibility at succeeding at anything.
As I march down the hall I give myself a mental pep talk. Time to take the first shuttle back to planet reality. You don’t need Jacob, he’s nothing to you, and you’re over tomorrow so get over this.
Hearing sounds from outside, I head toward the wall of glass. Patio empty. But they’ve got to be somewhere. There’s music coming from the beach. I step outside and hear laughter. My emotions turn. Jacob’s laughing. So glad he’s having a good time after ditching me.
I step onto the sand then halt. They’ve built a bonfire and I can tell by how they’re lounging around they’ve been drinking and whooping it up for a while. They’re poking chopsticks into cartons of Chinese food, and Maddy has that glow she gets when she’s finding something hilarious.
Great, have fun without me. Who cares if Krystal’s not here?
A peevish thought, one I can do without, but one I can’t block.
