Twenty-Five
Certain aspects of automobile ownership continue to escape me. Like being cognizant of how much gas I have in the tank. Back at the farm, when I start the engine, the low-gas light blinks on. Because I have to stop on the way to the hospital for gas, my mother beats me there. When I arrive, she and Brian are having a hushed but heated conversation outside of Opal’s room. Brian is barring the door so Mom can’t get in. As they stand face-to-face, the resemblance between brother and sister is so remarkable I’m surprised I never noticed it before. Long graceful limbs with the same handsome profile—high cheekbones and strong jawlines.
I feel like such a fool. I’m so over the lies. If not for Jazz and Jack, I’d pack up my things and leave Hope Springs forever. But where would I go? Certainly not back to New York. And why would I leave when I’m finally getting what I’ve always wanted? Family. Opal, my grandmother. Brian, my uncle. Because they didn’t trust me to tell me the truth. And I can’t build a relationship that isn’t based on trust.
Mom’s face is inches from her brother’s. “You can’t stop me from going in there, Brian.”
His blue eyes are dark with anger. “I can and I will. She’s too sick for visitors. Your drama is the last thing she needs.”
Mom places her hand on her heart. “I won’t upset her. I promise.”
“Just seeing you will upset her.”
Mom tugs on the sleeve of his white starched shirt. “Please! Just ask her if she wants to see me. I bet she’ll say yes.”
“I can’t let you in, Hannah. Especially not today. She had a rough night, last night. But, if I have my way, you won’t see her until she’s fully recovered.”
“What if she doesn’t get well? I have a right to see my mother before she dies.”
The muscles in Brian’s face tighten. “She’s not going to die. Not on my watch.”
“Since when are you a doctor? Our mother has leukemia. She could totally die!” Her voice rises to a level loud enough to be heard through Opal’s closed door.
I step between them. “What is wrong with the two of you? This is a hospital. And Opal can hear you.”
Mom and Brian look at me, as though startled to see me.
“Let’s take this conversation outside.” Grabbing each of them by the arm, I march them down the hall to the elevator. On the way to the lobby, they stare at their feet, but I catch them sneaking glances at each other. Their hostility sucks up all the air, and when the doors open, we flee the elevator cart. Oblivious to others in the lobby, they immediately start bickering again, and I shepherd them through the revolving doors and down the sidewalk to the tranquil garden. Fortunately, no one is in the garden.
Mom stops in front of the water fountain and turns to her brother. “When did you and Mom move to Hope Springs?” she asks, her tone less angry.
“A very long time ago,” Brian says. “After everything that happened with you, and when Opal’s divorce from Dad was final, we decided we needed a change.”
“What?” Mom says with furrowed brow. “I didn’t know Mom and Dad divorced.”
“That’s your fault for not keeping in touch,” Brian says.
“My fault.” She thumbs her chest. “How can you say that after what you did to me? You turned our mother against me.” Hannah’s arm shoots out, finger pointed at me. “My daughter blames me for keeping her grandmother from her, when it’s really your fault.”
“That’s all on you, Hannah. You’re the one who chose to live an alternative lifestyle.”
“I didn’t choose to be gay, Brian.”
He rolls his eyes. “Now you sound like the poster child for the LGBT community.”
“What happened to you, big brother? You were always the kid rooting for the underdog. I would never have taken you for a homophobic.”
The cords in Brian’s neck stand out. “I am not a gay basher. I know plenty of gay people. And I consider every single one of them a friend.”
Mom plants her hands on her hips. “Then explain why you took Billy’s side against your gay sister.”
“Because I agreed with him. Billy loved you. We both did. We knew the life you were choosing would be challenging, potentially full of heartache, not only for yourself but your child. We wanted you to have a more conventional life. A life Billy could provide.” With outstretched arms, he adds, “Here in the mountains, with all this fresh air, at the inn you loved so much.”
She looks away, staring off at some point in the distance. “Don’t think for a second I didn’t consider that when I got pregnant. But I chose Marnie. If I had to do it all over again, I would make the same choice.” Hannah looks back at her brother. “Did you ever marry, Brian?”
“Nope. You ruined it for me. I could never trust a woman again after the way you destroyed Billy.”
Mom tosses her hands in the air. “Why not blame all your problems on me?”
“If the shoe fits. I’ve been too busy taking care of our mother all this time while you’ve been off doing god knows what with your wife.”
Mom points her finger at his nose. “See, you are a gay basher.”
He brushes her hand away. “No, I’m not. You just bring out the worst in me. You always have.”
“Here we go again. Everything is my fault.”
With hands pressed against ears, I scream, “Please! Stop arguing! Instead of blaming each other, why not find a way to work past your differences?”
Mom’s blue eyes fill. “There’s no way I can forgive and forget. Too much water has flowed under the bridge.” Tossing her bag over her shoulder, she runs off toward the parking lot.
I look up at Brian and he shrugs, but neither of us go after her. He drops to a Chippendale wooden bench, and I sit down next to him. Neither of us speaks for a long while. I replay the argument in my mind, checking off the questions I now have answers for and adding others to my list.
Finally, I break our silence. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before? You’re my uncle. Opal is my grandmother. I have a right to know my family.”
“You have no idea how difficult it’s been for Opal and me to keep that knowledge from you. But Billy and I agreed you should hear both sides of the story. When I first came to see you in New York, my hope was that you would tell your mom about your inheritance, and she, in turn, would tell you about her past.”
“Sorry. I was too angry to talk to her.”
He chuckles. “My fondness for you grew when you made the decision to come to Virginia without consulting her. But that put me at a disadvantage. I knew all about you, but you didn’t know my true identity.”
“Is that why you kept your distance in the beginning?”
“Exactly.” He angles his body toward me. “You see, Stella, I couldn’t tell you what I don’t know. I haven’t talked to my sister in nearly three decades. I don’t know why Hannah has stayed away all these years. Or why she never invited us to visit her in New York. Or why she refused to let Billy have visitation after he dropped the custody suit.”
“She told me some of it earlier today. Why did Billy drop the custody suit?”
“Billy was angry and hurt when Hannah turned down his marriage proposal. He thought her being gay was a passing fancy. Growing up, Hannah was always the first to try something new and the first to get bored with it.”
I think back to the different hobbies Mom has taken up over the years. Cooking. Yoga. Photography. None of them held her interest for long. “She’s still like that with certain things. But not with Marnie. Their relationship is real and lasting.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” he says with a genuine smile. “Anyway, the custody suit was Billy’s way of testing Hannah’s resolve. When he realized she wasn’t coming back to him, he dropped the suit, hoping she’d allow visitation. But Hannah shut us out. No matter what my sister tells you, she definitely pushed us away.”
“Can you blame her? You ganged up on her with Billy. And she was worried he’d sue for custody again.” I look awa
y from Brian. “From what I’ve heard today, it doesn’t sound like either of you made much effort to get in touch with the other.”
“There’s some truth to that. So many hurtful things had been said, we all retreated to our own corners to lick our wounds.”
A thought suddenly occurs to me. “You were Billy’s attorney. Did you represent him in the custody fight?”
Brian gives me a somber nod. “At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was protecting you.”
A wave of sympathy for my mother washes over me. How hard it must have been for her family to turn on her. I get up from the bench and walk over to the fountain, dipping my hands in the cool water.
Brian joins me at the fountain. “Billy was my best friend, Stella. He talked about you often. He would’ve given anything to have had you in his life.”
I pick up a pebble and drop it in the water. “If that’s so, why didn’t he try to contact me once I became an adult?”
“Because, by then, he was a very sick man. He didn’t want to be a burden to you. And he didn’t want you to remember him as being weak and frail.” Hands on my shoulders, Brian turns me toward him. “Your father denied you the chance to know him, but he’s giving you now the life that he loved so much.”
“Who knows? If I’d been given the chance to know him, my presence in his life may have made a positive impact on his health. The one person I feel sorry for is Opal. I can’t imagine how difficult all of this has been for her.”
Brian removes his hands from my shoulders. “The mountain living is good for her. And she has her art. But she hasn’t been truly happy since Hannah left. Until you came along. I’ve seen a renewed spark in her these past few weeks. I’m only sorry she got sick now, when she finally has the chance to know her granddaughter.”
“Me too.” We turn away from the fountain and stroll toward the parking lot. When we reach Billy’s Jeep, I ask, “Do the doctors think she’ll beat the leukemia?”
Brian’s face is grief-stricken. “They’re giving her a fifty-fifty chance. The chemo has hit her hard. That’s why they’re keeping her in the hospital.”
“Let me see her, Brian. I’ve missed having a grandmother for thirty years. Please don’t keep me from her now.”
He inhales a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I thought I was doing the right thing in restricting her visitation. But what you said earlier about your father really hit home. You’re right. Your presence in Billy’s life could have made a positive impact on his life. Who am I to stand in the way of you doing that for Opal?”
Twenty-Six
Back at the farm, exhausted from my dramatic morning, I fall fast asleep in the hammock Katherine recently installed between two trees in the small side lawn of the cottage. Jack and Jazz wake me when they return from tubing around five. While Jazz rides her bike on the road in front of the cottage, Jack crawls into the hammock with me, and I tell him everything I’ve learned today.
My conflicting emotions make my head spin. I’m angry with Mom one minute, and Brian and Billy the next. But Jack finds all of them at fault.
“They used you, an innocent child, as their pawn. They should’ve found a way to work it out. Instead, because of their petty vindictiveness, you were deprived of the opportunity to know your family.”
“It’s not that simple, Jack.”
He hugs me close to him, kissing my head. “It seems pretty simple to me.”
I’m beginning to see that the world according to Jack Snyder is simple. He believes in right and wrong and not a lot in between.
“I promised I’d wait until Opal’s feeling better to visit, but I’m counting on her to tell me the unbiased truth.”
“For your sake, I hope she does,” Jack says in a skeptical tone.
When we move inside to start dinner, I text Mom, inviting her to join us. When she declines, I say to Jack, “I hate the idea of her being alone.”
“After what she’s been through today, I imagine she needs some time to herself.”
Removing the meat from the refrigerator, I say, “I bought an extra steak. Should I take her a plate?”
“She’s a grown woman, Stella. She has a car. Let her fend for herself.” He takes the steaks from me and begins seasoning them. “I’m sorry if I sound harsh. But it’s time someone looks out for your best interests for a change.”
“You’re too good to me, Jack Snyder.”
“Because you deserve it, Stella Boor.”
I hug him from behind, resting my head against his back. I appreciate Jack wanting to protect me. But this very thing, people wanting to protect me, has cost me the opportunity to know my family. Going forward, I will make my own decisions.
After dinner, Jack and I take Jazz on a ride in the golf cart—another one of Katherine’s latest additions to the farm. When I spot Mom down by the lake, sitting on the pier with her legs swinging over the side and staring into the water as though in a trance, I ask, “Should we go check on her?”
“It’s getting late. We should put Jazz to bed.” Jack whips the golf cart around and heads in the opposite direction.
Despite my earlier resolve to make my own decisions, I don’t argue with him. Because it is late, and Jazz is tired. And Mom and I both could use a cooling-off period.
I sleep in fits and rise early the following morning. When I take my coffee out to the porch, I’m surprised to see Mom’s car is gone from the carriage house. Would she leave Hope Springs without saying goodbye? Would she go back to New York when there’s so much unfinished business here?
An hour later, I’m helping Jazz gather her things for her first day of bible camp when I receive a call from Brian. He sounds out of breath, and I hear music from his car radio in the background.
“Have you seen your mother this morning?” he asks.
“No,” I say, stuffing a change of clothes in Jazz’s backpack. “Her car’s not at the carriage house, though. I was wondering where she went.”
“Hannah did exactly what I asked her not to. She came over to the hospital at the crack of dawn this morning and got Opal all worked up. I’m due in court in Roanoke in an hour. Mom is asking to see you. Is there any chance you can sit with her for a while this morning?”
“I would love that. I’ll drop Jazz at camp at nine and head straight over.”
Brian exhales loudly. “Thank you, Stella. I don’t think she will, but if Hannah comes back to the hospital, don’t let her near Opal. Call security if you have to.”
“I understand.”
I have a vision of a brawny security guard tossing Hannah out of the hospital on her butt. Fifteen minutes later, I’m relieved when I pass Mom’s rental car coming up the driveway as Jazz and I are leaving the inn. Jazz, who has expressed hesitation in going to bible camp, is thrilled to find three of her friends from school have been assigned to her designated group. She’s already forgotten me by the time I wave goodbye to her at the door.
Stopping in at Caffeine on the Corner, I order a mocha for me and a chocolate chip croissant and green tea for Opal. At the hospital, I’m pleased to find her looking remarkably well considering the poison pumping through her veins.
When she spots me in the doorway, she holds her hand out to me. “My sweet granddaughter. I’m so happy to see you.”
Squeezing her hand, I lean down and kiss her cheek. Her skin is soft and warm beneath my lips. “I’ve been begging Brian to let me visit. He’s quite the gatekeeper.”
Opal presses her lips into a firm line. “He’s overprotective is what he is.”
“I’m mad at you for not telling me you’re my grandmother. But you’re the only one in this mess I forgive.”
She grimaces. “Because you know my hands were tied.”
“That, and because I already love you so much. Having you as a grandmother is a bonus.”
Her eyes cloud over. “I do believe that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
I drop the bakery bag on her bed
table and place the tea bag in the cup of hot water. “I brought you a croissant and some tea.”
“Thank you, sweetheart. The food in this place sucks.”
I giggle. “Opal, watch your language.”
Once the tea has steeped for five minutes, I remove the bag and raise the head of her bed so she can drink it.
Opal tears off a piece of croissant and dips it in her tea. “I had a visitor this morning.”
“That’s what I hear. How did it go?”
“Not well, as I’m sure Brian told you.”
“He didn’t provide any details, except to say Mom upset you. I’m sorry, Opal.”
“She blames me for everything. But that’s my Hannah—pretty to look at on the outside but eaten up with bitterness on the inside.”
“I don’t want to upset you, Opal, or tire you out. But if you feel like talking, I’d love to hear your perspective.”
“I’ve waited a long time for the chance to tell you my story.”
I flash a stupid grin, all teeth and gums. “I still can’t believe you’re my grandmother. We have a special connection.”
With a twinkle in her olive eyes, Opal says, “We met once before, you know? In New York City, a very long time ago. You were five years old at the time.”
My eyes grow wide. “Was that you? In front of our apartment building?” My mind travels back a quarter of a century “You gave me an Indian arrowhead. You said it was from the Spring of Good Hope.” I palm my forehead. “Wow. Now it all makes sense.”
I still remember what my mother told me when I asked about the woman with the long gray braid. She’s just some crazy homeless person. “Mom was so rude to you that day.”
Opal shrugs as though it doesn’t matter. “I should’ve told her I was coming. Hannah never liked surprises.”
“That’s no excuse. You were my grandmother.” I sit back in the chair, sipping my mocha. “Did you ever try to see us again?”
“I couldn’t. Hannah made it clear she didn’t want me in her life.” A faraway look settles on Opal’s face. “I flew home to Richmond that same afternoon. The very next day, I put my house on the market and moved to Hope Springs to be near my child who did want me in his life. Moving turned out to be the best decision I ever made. Billy, who had always been like a second son to me, needed me too. He was so lost after his brother and parents died. And when he became ill, I helped nurse him. In some strange way, I felt I owed him. After all, it was my daughter who broke his heart.”
Dream Big, Stella! Page 19
