by Fiona Palmer
‘He must get that a lot,’ she said.
Ryan chuckled. ‘He does. I was also shot in the leg and I was lying next to a guy with a bullet hole in his head. I can still picture that image. First time I’d seen a dead guy. He was staring at me lifelessly as a small trail of blood ran down his face — ’ She tensed. ‘Sorry, probably too much information, but that’s how I remember it. Lucky for us Tilly is a bloody great shot. So was Tim, the other guy, but he had all the luck because he came away unscathed.’
‘Did it stay with you? Did you get past it?’ She felt sleepy as his heart beat against her back rhythmically.
‘It’s still kind of with me, in the deep recess of my mind but I moved on. Figured out how to deal with it, which really came down to kill or be killed.’ A pause. ‘Jaz, I wish you hadn’t seen that. Hadn’t seen me…’ He stopped and took a few shaky breaths.
Jaz turned herself around in his arms and rested her hand against his face. The light from the bathroom glowed enough so she could see his eyes. The pain in his voice was so raw that she had the courage to face him, and was surprised when all she saw was his handsome face. He was so blindingly handsome, even when his eyes were filled with so much regret. ‘I wish I could have saved you from seeing that.’ His voice trembled. ‘It was supposed to be a simple intel pickup. I’m sorry. I hope you don’t hate me.’
Jaz forgot everything as she traced her finger over his face, her thumb across his lips. ‘It was going to happen one day, Ryan. And I could never hate you.’ Far from it.
Her words eased some tension from him, his eyes clearing. ‘Really?’
‘Yep.’ With a smile she said the first thing that popped into her mind. ‘If anything, you were really bad-ass.’ And he had been. She thought back to what Tilly has said, how those men had killed all those innocent people. Now there were three less killers out there.
Ryan opened his mouth as her thumb crossed his lip again and she felt the heat spread through her. This close to Ryan, her emotions shot to bits, and all she could think about were his lips. She wanted him, wanted to erase the bad memories and put new ones in its place. Leaning across, she kissed him. It was soft, gentle and he didn’t reciprocate at first. She brushed her tongue against his lip, urging him to play.
A growl rumbled up inside him as she stretched her hands over his short hair, pulling him closer. And like that, Ryan was won over. His mouth opened, drawing her in. Jaz was no longer sleepy, instead her nerve endings buzzed and her toes curled. He was better than she remembered. His tongue brought red-hot fire to her lower belly as she tried to drink him in.
Jaz moaned when his hand gripped her barely covered backside, drawing her closer to him and against his hard erection. She’d never wanted him so much as she did right now. She wanted to touch, taste and explore all of him. Her towel and his clothes were in the way.
Jaz shimmied the towel down, letting her breasts free. Pushing her hard nipples against his chest brought her tremors of pleasure. Ryan must have felt them too, for his hand found a soft mound. He pulled away from her mouth, breathing heavily as his finger rolled over her nipple, sending her body into shock with each brush. That animal growl came again as Ryan kissed her then moved his lips down her neck. He traced his lips along her collarbone, then down until he found her hard nipple and took her in his mouth. The wet roughness of his tongue was even more torturous than his fingers. Jaz was burning with the need for him, everything was hot, wet, wanting. She pushed herself against his arousal, gently rocking back and forth, sending her close to the edge.
‘Ryan, I want you,’ she said huskily.
He stopped abruptly. Slowly he pulled away from her, his breathing heavy. The next thing he did hurt. He pulled her towel up, unwrapped himself from her and skittled off the bed.
‘Jaz, this can’t happen.’ He stood there, his hand over his mouth, but he was still aroused. ‘This was wrong. So wrong.’
If she thought him jumping away from her hurt, it was nothing compared to his words. ‘Ryan?’
As he headed to the bathroom, his voice was gruff. ‘Get some sleep, Jaz. We still have to get home yet and I have to hide the documents.’ Then he was gone, shutting the bathroom door and encasing her in the dark.
Everything had been going amazingly and then he had stopped. And to say it was wrong? How could something so wonderful be wrong?
She heard the shower start up. A cold one this time? Maybe she should go in and join him but she was scared he’d reject her again. He was in there a long time, and the events of the night quickly sent her to sleep.
It felt like moments later that she awoke. Ryan had boiled the kettle. Could it be morning already? She was under the covers but it looked like she’d been in the bed alone, although faint memories of nightmares lingered. Had she screamed out? Were there tears and had Ryan really held her? Was it his voice softly telling her it was okay and to go back to sleep? If he’d been there, he wasn’t there long, as the bed looked unslept in on his side. Jaz turned to the other side, watching Ryan make some coffees. The wheelchair was ready and he was in his baggy clothes.
Jaz sat up in the bed. ‘What time is it?’ she asked, as she held the cover to her breasts. The towel felt like it had moved to the bottom of the bed. Had she been thrashing about in her sleep? It was gone and she was naked.
‘It’s nearly six. We have to head to the airport, so get ready.’ He only glanced at her before turning his back.
Jaz dug around in the bed until she found the towel and pulled it back around her before she got out. She tingled with the thought of last night, of Ryan’s mouth and his hands all over her. Did that really happen? Right now it seemed as if it was a figment of her imagination. Only Ryan’s refusal to meet her gaze made her think otherwise. Then she felt the anger and shame at how he’d left her.
Now that she was fully awake and upset, she got her clothes and headed into the bathroom to change.
When she came out, dressed in her jeans and olive long-sleeved shirt, Ryan handed her a coffee. ‘Eat up.’ Without facing her, he waved to a breakfast tray on the small table.
They ate in silence and then it was time to pack up and check out. As Ryan got himself set up in the chair, Jaz asked him where the documents were.
‘Hidden in here,’ he said shaking the colostomy bag.
Jaz screwed her face up at the brown muck in the bag. Not even she could see the documents hidden inside. Great hiding spot, she sure wouldn’t think to look there.
Ryan ran her through the day, and then she opened the door and their acting was back in place.
She was glad that Ryan could no longer speak. She didn’t have to worry about making conversation. Words would have escaped her. What did one say after what they’d just been through and done? How did one move on from that? And she wasn’t just thinking about the deaths. She’d given herself up to Ryan and he’d turned away from her. Now what?
Jaz was so preoccupied with her own thoughts, she spent most of the plane flights staring off into space and avoiding Ryan unless she had to pretend she was the doting girlfriend. She even forgot about putting a movie on for him. Funnily enough, she didn’t feel bad about that. Jaz wanted him to suffer because she was. It was only fair, right?
When they arrived back in Perth later that night, due to the time difference Jaz felt exhausted, mentally and physically. But it was so good to be home. Taking a taxi back to their original meeting point, she couldn’t help but take in the familiar sights of home. There was no place like it.
Chapter 19
‘Watch where you’re going, bitch,’ said Minka, as her shoulder collided with Jaz.
Jaz had been watching where she was going, sort of. She glanced at Minka with her perfect hair and nails and couldn’t even bother with a retort. Minka was nothing in this world. She should be sent to Pakistan so she could see some real stuff. With a sigh, Jaz continued on her way.
It was Friday; so hard to believe Jaz was overseas yesterday. Jaz had been walking around sc
hool in a daze, struggling with the whole jet lag, different world kind of thing, and the fact that people like Minka took this way of life for granted.
‘Hey, there you are. Man, am I so glad you got your phone back. Talk about feeling like I’d had my arm cut off, not being able to talk to you,’ said Anna, as she joined Jaz on the way to their next class. They had their end of year exams coming up so most classes were just revision and studying.
‘I know. I can’t believe I lost it before my trip with Marcus. Pax’s bathroom of all places.’ It was almost a truth. She’d left her phone at Pax’s in a safe place so it wouldn’t be found.
After leaving Ryan, Jaz had gone back to The Ring and found Pax home from the hospital.
‘I’ve already called your mum and said you are staying with me. I said you were in the shower after your camp so she didn’t bother talking with you,’ he’d said.
Lies. Lies. Everywhere. She could build a bridge with the lies they’d all told between them. Pax, Anna, and Jaz. Were her pants on fire?
He’d looked much better, but he didn’t let her get a word in about him and how he was feeling. Instead he’d bombarded her with questions about the trip, but Jaz kept it brief. A simple operation, she’d said. ‘We got the documents and got out.’ She was never in danger, never saw death, never nearly gave herself up to Ryan. The version she gave Pax seemed so perfect and he didn’t seem to detect her lies. He just seemed relieved that she was okay, and then went on to quiz her how they got the passport done. Did she do it herself?
She’d told him another lie. ‘Yes, I managed to figure it out.’
Anna stepped into rhythm beside her down the school corridor. ‘So how many texts did you have when you found it?’ asked Anna, snapping her back into the present.
‘Lots,’ said Jaz, laughing. She couldn’t tell Anna, but heaps were from Marcus. She’d rung him that night to explain how she’d lost her phone briefly. He’d been worried she’d changed her mind about him.
‘So what else happened with Marcus? I got all the scenery details, the romantic dinners, but anything else I should know about?’ Anna was twisting her hair through her fingers as they paused by the door to their classroom. She’d bugged Jaz all morning about her two days with Marcus. But Jaz kept it all minimal and knew she was going to have to keep Anna away from Marcus, so she didn’t quiz him too and unravel all her lies.
‘You’ve got it all, Anna. I told you. I’m not ready to go there yet, our relationship is still new.’
Jaz just about groaned when she saw the look Anna gave her. Even though it was filled with compassion, the ‘you’re not over Ryan’ sad smile irked her.
‘You can’t rush these things. What about you and Ricky?’ Jaz said quickly.
That changed Anna’s attitude. ‘Hmm. What you said. You can’t rush these things.’ She laughed as they went in to their seats.
Jaz pulled out her phone and found a message from Marcus.
I am so glad u have ur phone back. Can u come to dinner on Sat? Mum’s been buggin me about meeting u again
Sure. Time?
7.30. I can’t wait to c u
Me 2
Jaz smiled. At least Marcus couldn’t wait to see her. Ryan had left her with nothing more than a, ‘Thanks, Jaz. I’m sorry it didn’t go as planned but we got the documents and photos we needed to put this bastard away, and that’s what really matters.’
She’d wondered if that was his way of saying the stuff between them didn’t matter. Or was she just reading too much into it? It was hard to know. Ryan confused her. One minute he was all over her and she was sure he felt the same way, and then he’d be all professional and distant. He ran hot and cold, worse than a faulty hot water system. The worst thing was she couldn’t really move on with Marcus either, because that relationship was a total lie also. At times it felt real and normal and maybe that’s what Jaz liked so much. What she had with Ryan wasn’t real or normal, but he could ignite her body with a simple smouldering look or one of his little smiles. And to add to that she now she had hot memories of his touch to torment her at all sorts of random moments. Her head was so messed up. Bloody Ryan, she should send him her psychologist’s bill.
Jaz put her phone away and got out her books. She would try and lose herself in studying for her exams. The little kids she’d seen in Pakistan would never get this chance and it made her want to make the most of the opportunity.
‘Jaz, I feel like I never see you,’ said Tasha as Jaz came down to the kitchen.
‘I’m a teenager, Mum, you’re not meant to see much of me.’ Jaz gave her a smile.
‘I miss the days when you loved spending time with me. Before your friends were more important,’ her mum teased.
Jaz hugged her mum. ‘Aw, Mum, I still love you. Is that better?’
‘Thanks darling.’ Tasha’s mobile beeped and she jumped up and down when she read it.
‘You okay, Mum? You totally reminded me of Anna then.’
‘Yes, I’m great,’ she said excitedly. ‘Your dad’s home. Let’s go see him.’
Jaz raised an eyebrow. Her mum was far too perky for a late Saturday afternoon. Something was going on.
Tasha grabbed her hand and led her outside just as a black jeep pulled into the driveway. Paul got out with a massive grin. ‘Taadaaa,’ he said, waving his arms over the car.
‘Happy birthday, Jasmine,’ said Tasha. ‘I hope you like it.’
Jaz’s jaw dropped. It was the coolest looking Jeep Wrangler she’d ever seen. Rubicon was written on the side of the bonnet in white but that was all. The rest was black.
‘It’s a two door but there are four seats in it so you can take your friends or Simon to school,’ said Tasha.
But Jaz was already walking towards it, her mum’s words hardly registering. She was speechless. The jeep had a little black bull bar and a roof rack, tinted windows and awesome tyres.
‘Well?’ said Paul. His hands sat on his hips as he waited, still dressed in his office clothes.
‘Oh my God, I love it! It’s amazing. Is it really mine?’ She threw herself into her dad’s arms, hugging him tightly. She did the same to Tasha, who’d joined them.
‘Thank you so much. I can even help pay for it with my wages,’ she said as she gazed at her own vehicle.
‘It’s second-hand but well looked after. We’ve worked out a repayment plan for half of the cost, the rest is your eighteenth birthday present, even though we’re early,’ said Tasha. ‘Wanna take it for a spin around the block? I’ll just get Simon.’
Jaz got in, still in shock. ‘How did you get such a cool car?’ she asked Paul. This was a car she didn’t think her parents would ever think of. She’d imagined they’d come home with a safe sturdy Volvo. ‘I couldn’t imagine you guys ever letting me have something this cool.’
‘We’ve had some help. We wanted something reliable, but Taylor said it had to be something you’d love and this is what we ended up agreeing on. If it wasn’t for Taylor, we probably would still be refusing to get you a car, but you are nearly eighteen and we have to let you go at some stage. It’s hard to watch your little girl grow up,’ said Paul with a sad expression. He leaned in on the open window.
Jaz put her hands over his. ‘Thanks, Dad. I love you. And I’ll always be your girl.’ He may not be her flesh and blood, but Paul was her dad in every way that mattered. They had no similar features, but the love she saw in his eyes was the exact same look her mum gave her.
‘So you love it?’ he asked.
‘Totally.’ This was the best day ever.
Her family climbed in and they drove around the block, testing out everything inside the car. Then she pulled into Anna’s house and tooted the horn until she came out so she could take her for a ride.
‘You are so lucky,’ said Anna as they cruised the suburb.
‘I know. I thought I was gonna get a Volvo for sure.’
‘I probably will,’ said Anna screwing up her face. ‘I know it.’
&
nbsp; They had the windows wound down and drove around, feeling the freedom.
‘So, have you heard from Ryan? Do you know if the passport worked?’ said Anna carefully, as she played with the radio.
Jaz nodded. ‘As far as I know all was good. I haven’t heard from him since Thursday. Probably won’t for a while now. Except I did get an invite to his house next Friday for his parent’s anniversary dinner,’ she said, without thinking.
‘What! Really? Why didn’t you mention this before? So you have two dinner dates, one with Marcus’s parents and the other with Ryan’s parents. Man, you get everything.’
Jaz didn’t see Anna’s side at all. ‘I wouldn’t say that. I’m only going to Ryan’s because his sister asked me to. He’s never brought friends home before.’ Jaz stopped at a stoplight and turned to Anna. ‘Makes me feel a little sad for him and his family if that’s the case. I guess it’s hard in his line of work to have friends you can mix with and bring home. Sounds like they miss him a lot. To invite me, they must be desperate.’
‘Do they think you are going out?’
Jaz laughed and shook her head. ‘Steph, his sister, knows I’m just a friend, so I hope they don’t think we are going out. His parents would probably freak, knowing he’s friends with a schoolgirl,’ said Jaz, trying not to think how the dinner will go.
‘You are nearly finished with school and then it won’t even be a problem. They will see that you’re just friends,’ said Anna. ‘Because you are, aren’t you?’
Jaz ignored that question. She hoped his parents wouldn’t see anything but friendship between them. If Anna still could tell she had something for Ryan, would they?
‘I’ve got dinner with Marcus’s parents tonight to get through first,’ she said.
Anna cleared her throat loudly, obviously annoyed she didn’t reply to her earlier question. ‘At least you can drive yourself there, and if it all turns to shit you can drive yourself home,’ she teased, as she flipped open the glove box as if looking for hidden secrets.
