by Ivy Smoak
"Penny." He coughed. "Damn it." His knuckles were turning white, holding himself up on the bed.
I should have gone to him. I should have comforted him. But I couldn't. "We're broken, James. You broke us."
He didn't look sad anymore. He looked angry. "What was I supposed to do, Penny? I wasn't going to let Isabella dictate how I lived my life. I wasn't going to let anyone do that ever again. I'm so sick of people telling us we can't be together. Choosing to be with you is the only good decision I've ever made in my whole fucking life. No one is ever going to tell me that we can't be together. Fuck that."
"Then why would you risk your life knowing you had a DNR? You basically signed your death certificate. You never really wanted this. That hurts even more than the secrets and lies. The fact that you'd leave me without fighting. The fact that you'd throw this all away. How could you?"
"I don't have a DNR."
"Stop lying to me. I thought we were finally on the same page. I thought we were finally okay. I'm going to go see how Rob is."
"Don't walk out like this. You told me you'd stay with me. You shouldn't have been in our apartment anyway. Why did you go when you said you wouldn't?"
"Because I was trying to take care of you!"
"And that's no different than anything I did."
"I didn't purposely put myself in danger, James."
"Well you were in danger anyway. Penny." He reached one of his hands out to me. "Please."
"And you should have told me about why you really married Isabella."
"I did tell you."
I shook my head. "I know about the baby."
He sighed. "You don't understand. Give me a chance to explain."
"I've given you a million chances." I couldn't look at him anymore. I couldn't see him in pain and feel so much anger toward him. It was too hard. I couldn't do this.
He called after me as I closed the door. Nothing he could say could make me understand.
***
"Are you going to come in or just stare at me?"
I hadn't realized that Rob had seen me. I was lost in thought. I smiled and walked into his room. The doctor told me that he had woken up as soon as he got to the hospital. They had put a cast on his leg and taken the bullet out of his arm. He had a concussion and a lot of blood loss. But he was going to be okay. And he already looked more animated than James. "How are you feeling?"
"Like shit." He laughed. "I can't believe I got beat up by a girl."
"I heard she took you by surprise and whacked you in the back of the head."
"Still. It's embarrassing."
"Does it help to know that I knocked her out with a frying pan?"
He smiled. "A little, yeah." He stared down at the cast on his leg. "The doctor said I would have bled out if someone didn't find me."
I wasn't a hero in this scenario. I had been so blind to not see what had been unfolding. "Rob." I sat down next to his bed and grabbed his hand. "I thought...I thought you were dead. I've never..."
"Being beat up by a girl is embarrassing enough. Being murdered by one? Now that's an awful way to go."
I laughed. "I'm being serious."
"I hate serious."
I shook my head. "Still. I was so upset that I'd never get to tell you that you're one of my best friends."
"One of your best friends? I'm honored. Does that mean I get to sleep with you like Tyler did?"
"Ugh." I removed my hand from his and gently slapped his forearm. "Seriously, I didn't have siblings growing up and I just feel like you're the brother I never had."
"Stop getting sentimental on me, sugar tits."
"You're the worst," I said with a laugh.
"Is that the kind of thing you say about one of your best friends?"
I sighed and leaned back in the chair. "Where's Daphne?"
"Getting me pizza."
"Are you allowed to be eating pizza?"
Rob shrugged. "Ow, fuck." He looked down at his shoulder. "When have I ever not done something I wasn't supposed to?"
"Fair point."
"So..." he let his voice trail off as he looked at me.
"So, what?"
"Did you tell James that he's going to be a dad?"
"We didn't get around to that yet."
"What? How could you have not told him that immediately when he woke up?"
"He was supposed to be resting. And I didn't want to upset him. And now...now I'm too mad at him. He knew, Rob. He knew Isabella was going to try to hurt him."
"I knew that he knew. That was the whole reason why I was looking for the evidence."
"You could have been killed."
"But I wasn't." He flashed me a smile. "So what's the problem?"
"I'm so mad at him."
"Then why are you in here talking to me instead of fighting with him?"
"I don't want to fight with him. He's supposed to be resting."
"And when has James ever not done something he's not supposed to?"
I put my chin in my hand. God, they were so similar. "I want to tell him on his birthday. All the presents I got him suck."
"You've never been good at getting him gifts. I'm telling you, for the hundredth time, all he wants is head."
I rolled my eyes.
Rob smiled. "But telling him you're pregnant might beat it."
"Yeah?"
"I'd do both just to be safe."
"You're the worst."
Rob laughed. "I love you too."
Chapter 33
Thursday
"I'm sorry," James said as soon as I walked back into his room. He was lying in his bed again. He looked completely out of energy.
"Me too." He didn't invite me, but I climbed up onto his bed anyway and rested my head on his shoulder.
He immediately put his arm around me, placing his hand firmly on my hip. I hadn't realized how much I had missed this. I needed his touch. Somehow it was the only thing that sustained me.
"I'm so sorry," I said. "With everything that's happened...I was just so overwhelmed. But all that really matters is that everyone's okay."
"What about us? Are we okay?"
"Just because I'm mad at you doesn't mean I don't love you. I'll always love you."
He stayed silent. I listened to the sound of his heart beating. It seemed to be the only thing that could calm me down recently. My emotions were everywhere. The doctor had said that was normal. Apparently my hormones were crazy right now. She had even said the word crazy, which made me feel even crazier.
"I should have told you about the baby," James said. "I don't like to think about that time in my life. It's hard for me. And when Isabella lost the baby, that was hard too. Especially because I never really believed her. I thought she had been lying about being pregnant. And when she lost the baby I felt so guilty for never accepting it in the first place. For being mad at it. That baby was just another reason why I had to marry her. I still feel awful about what happened. I still feel guilty for never wanting it in the first place."
"James, she was never pregnant."
"She was. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you..."
"No, she lied. She told me that she faked it. All of it."
He exhaled slowly. "God, I'm such an idiot."
I lifted my head so I could face him. "She's very convincing. I understand why you believed her."
"I should have known. I had already suspected it. But then I was so blinded by my guilt. Fuck, she must have seen that too." He looked up at the ceiling.
"You would have been a good father."
He laughed, exasperated. "No. That's the whole thing, Penny. I didn't even want it. I think I proved that I'd be a terrible father. Everything else I told you is true too, though. How I'm worried about being like my dad. How I'm worried I won't be present because of my own issues. I'd make a shitty father."
"That's not true."
"I like it just being the two of us. Father's have to be selfless. And I'm too selfish. I want you all to myself."
He kissed the top of my head.
I blinked away my tears. "James, you are selfless. Everything you do is to protect me. That's kind of the whole reason we were fighting in the first place."
"I'm not selfless. Being an addict has put my family through so much pain. A selfless person wouldn't have done that. I wouldn't have been so consumed with my own pain that I stopped caring about everyone else."
"Everyone makes mistakes."
"You don't. You're perfect."
I laughed. "I'm not perfect."
"No." He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "If you were perfect, you'd be kissing me right now. Because we haven't kissed since our wedding day."
I put my hand on the side of his face. "James, I'm sorry about earlier. I'm just so happy that you're awake. I'm so happy that..."
He grabbed the back of my head and lowered my face toward his until our lips met. It was everything I had been missing. He had looked completely spent, but his kiss made it seem like he wasn't. I let myself melt into him. I tried to completely forget the horrific events of the day. But there was still one thing bothering me.
I pressed my forehead against his and breathed him in. "James, why did you have a DNR? It hurt me so much to find that out. I just don't understand why you'd have that."
"I don't know why you keep saying that." He ran his finger across my lower lip. "I don't have one."
I lifted my face away from his. "You do. Your lawyer had the forms."
He lowered his eyebrows. "I had one. Years ago. Before I met you. Because I wasn't happy in my life. Because I didn't have anything I cared about. But I got rid of it when I moved to Newark and filed for divorce. I was trying to start over. I'd never have one now. You know that."
"I don't know what to tell you. You do have one. The hospital is worried that you're going to sue them for restarting your heart. I had to beg the doctor. And if she didn't know..." I cleared my throat. I'd tell him on his birthday. Not right now. "If she hadn't made that decision, you would have died."
"Well, the lawyer was wrong."
"Rob basically harassed him trying to get him to change it. He was rather insistent that he couldn't." Isabella's words came back to me. When I had asked her who was working with her. "Does Isabella have the same lawyer as you?"
"No. I got a new lawyer during our divorce."
"I bet she somehow convinced your lawyer to change it."
"He'd get disbarred. There's no reason why he'd agree to that."
"Yes there is. Money."
James nodded.
"We need to talk to the police."
"Isabella is in jail. Right now we're safe. And I'm exhausted. We can talk to them in the morning. Please."
"Of course." I rested my head back down on his shoulder.
"Don't leave this time." He yawned.
"I won't. I promise."
Chapter 34
Friday
"Hey, lovebirds," Mason said.
Bee laughed.
I slowly opened my eyes. James was smiling. He looked so handsome. He looked just like himself again. Everything was going back to normal. Everything was good again.
"Hey, guys," I said and sat up. "It must be a good sign if they're letting non-family visit."
"I think so," Mason said. "Although we would have snuck in either way. Doctors are the worst." He looked so much better than he had the other day.
I knew it was his investigators that had helped find out that Isabella had snuck into James' hospital room. It was because of him that Porter had come up to my apartment. It was because of him Rob and I weren't dead. But before I could say anything, James cut in.
"Congratulations, you two," James said and tried to sit up. He grimaced a little less than he had yesterday. "I'm so sorry I missed it. Tell me everything."
"What?" Bee said.
Mason was rapidly shaking his head.
"Still a little out of it?" Bee asked and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Yeah, I guess."
"We were so worried about you. You really didn't miss much. We've just been waiting for you to wake up." She smiled at him.
"Yeah, man," Mason said. "We only left the hospital to eat and sleep. He put his hand on Bee's shoulder. When Bee turned back toward us, Mason shook his head again and repeatedly mouthed what I thought was, "Shut the fuck up."
James yawned. "It's so good to see you guys. Thanks for sticking around. Sorry I made you wait so long."
"Nowhere we'd rather be," Mason said with a smile. Whatever he had been secretly trying to tell James, he seemed content that James had gotten the hint. "You gave us all a scare."
"Getting shot will do that, I guess."
"It's seriously too soon to joke about it," Bee said. "Can we get you anything?"
"No. You guys should go home. Spend some time just the two of you."
"What the fuck?" Mason mouthed silently at him.
"Are you sure?" Bee said. "We thought maybe we could all have breakfast together.
"We have to talk to the police anyway," James said. "There's still a few more things we need to sort out."
"I think we're being dismissed," Bee said with a laugh.
"Yeah," Mason said and gave James a death stare. "Let's go home. I really am exhausted." He wrapped his arm around Bee's waist. "And I could use some alone time." His hand slipped to her ass.
"Oh my God." She shoved his hand away. "We'll be back later. Stay out of trouble, you two."
"Maybe we should be saying that to you," I said with a laugh.
Bee laughed and Mason pulled her to the door.
"I'll be back in one second." I slipped off the bed and ran after Mason.
"Mason!" I said. He turned around and gave me a small smile. Almost as if he had put on a show for James. So that James wouldn't really know how much Mason cared. I'd never understand men.
"Thank you, Mason. For everything." I gave him a big hug.
He patted my back. "What exactly are you thanking me for?"
"Porter came up to the apartment because of what your investigators found out. If it wasn't for you..."
"You mean, if I hadn't interfered James would be single right now? I finally could have had him all to myself!"
"Mason!" Bee said and lightly shoved his shoulder.
"I'm just kidding, Penny."
"And thank you for being here. For both of us."
"I meant what I said. There was nowhere else I'd rather be." He squeezed me and then released me from his hug.
"And thanks, Bee." I gave her a hug too.
"These past few weeks have been such a rollercoaster ride," she said and hugged me back. "I hope that you know you can count on me now."
"I know. And I already knew it." I stepped back. "I love you guys."
Bee smiled. "We love you too."
Mason nodded. "Go back to your husband. I'm feeling weirdly emotional and if you ever saw me cry I'd never live it down."
"Maybe if Rob saw you cry. I wouldn't judge you."
"Not a risk I'm willing to take." He winked at me.
I laughed. "I'll see you guys later." I watched them walk away toward the waiting room. James and I were so lucky to have them in our lives. I slowly walked back into James' room and sat down on the bed beside him. "So, what was that about?"
"What was what about?"
"You congratulated them. And then Mason kept shaking his head."
"Yeah, I don't know. I guess I must have had a weird dream or something."
"I know that you're lying. And now that we're married you said you could break bro-code." I lay down next to him.
"I probably should have never agreed to that."
I laughed. "Come on, tell me. I'm not going to stop nagging you until you do."
He smiled. "I thought they'd be engaged."
"What?"
"They were supposed to meet us in Venice last Saturday. Bee's always wanted to go to Italy too. I'm guessing they didn't go?"
"They've been here this
whole time, waiting for you to wake up."
"Shit. He's been planning it for over a year. Or at least, he's been worrying about it for over a year."
"You know, he said there was nowhere he'd rather be than here."
James laughed. "Yeah that was nice, but he didn't mean it. I fucked everything up."
"James, he did mean it. You should have seen how upset he was when you were in your coma. I've never seen him like that."
James' lips parted like he was about to say something, but then he closed them again.
"Besides, I'm sure he has a backup proposal plan," I said.
"I don't think he thought he'd need one. And he's been so nervous about it."
"Why would he be nervous? Bee is definitely going to say yes."
"That doesn't make it any less scary. I was terrified when I proposed to you. I thought you'd say yes, but it had only been two months. And even if we had been dating for a few years, I still would have been nervous."
"I would have said yes no matter when you'd asked." I looked up into his dark brown eyes. "And I don't think you need to worry about ruining anything for Mason and Bee. This city is where they met. It means so much to both of them. He really should be proposing here. I mean, isn't it nice that we can go visit Main Street whenever we want to reminisce? You even bought the coffee shop so that it would never change."
He smiled. "That's true."
"Actually, I have a bet for you."
"And what is that?"
"I bet you that he ends up proposing at the top of the Empire State Building. Whenever Bee and I pass it, she still gets stars in her eyes. She told me that everything changed for them when he took her there on the Valentine's Day after they met. Actually, she said she had been worried he was going to propose and that it was too early. But I bet she wouldn't be worried this time."
James laughed.
"I feel like I should text Mason and tell him that."
"That would be cheating on our bet. Besides, I've been interfering in their relationship since the very start. Let him do this his way."
"He probably will propose there without me saying anything at all. It just makes sense. Besides, if I've learned anything the past couple weeks, it's how sweet and caring Mason is. Behind that rough exterior. I still remember when I first met him. When we ran into him in that hotel. His gaze chilled me to the bone. I'm pretty sure Bee saved his soul."
