Miss Weston’s eyes bugged out, and then she stammered out, “I am terribly sorry I have come unannounced. I will call again another time.” Then she ran out the door. Daddy bumped into her on the porch and called her a very bad name, telling her to get off his property before he took the shotgun to her. All I could do was wish I were dead.
October 17, 1931
My Dearest Cecilia,
I have done something terrible, and I think I have ruined any chances of encouraging Mr. Wallace to give up his sin of drink! This morning, I went to visit the family and to take a few baby items to Mrs. Wallace. She looks to be coming close to her term, and I wanted to welcome the new little one to the family. I also was hoping to learn more about the little mixed child who lives next door and perhaps find a way to meet her. It is important that I serve all the members of the community, no matter what their race, and I had hoped to discover if it would be too presumptuous of me to invite her to attend school with the other children.
I should have known better than to go unannounced. When I arrived, the family was not dressed to receive me properly, and Mr. Wallace was not only very intoxicated, but also violently angry that I had come! I had inadvertently left the gate open and one of his purebred foxhound puppies had escaped from the yard as a result. His language to show his displeasure would have made a sailor blush.
Now, I have embarrassed Mrs. Wallace and her children so badly that I do not think they will recover from the incident for a long time. I know I will not! I am so ashamed that I do not think I have the nerve to face them, but I know I must find a way to apologize and let them know all the error was on my part. I wonder if Mr. Woodrow might be able to help me smooth things over? What do you think I should do?
Love,
Emily
Cool, waning days, cold nights.
I taste shame and sorrow among my upright children.
The father weeps upon my banks.
He cannot tame the restlessness of his spirit.
The young ones are wounded in their souls.
The stranger wants more than she can understand.
The mother fears for all.
I turn my face from them,
To the silver Orb who begins to beckon.
The urge to dance rises in me.
October 18, 1931. We did not go to church today. I do not need to say why. None of us can face Miss Weston after what went on yesterday. Mama did not even get out of bed all day. Daddy is creeping around lower than a snake’s belly. I hate it that Beryl and I missed getting to sing “Shall We Gather at the River.”
October 18, 1931
Dear Jonathan,
I have been thinking of your kind offer to help me find a way to help my students. I have decided to establish a scholarship fund to enable the brightest and most motivated of the children here to attend high school, and college as well, when that is warranted. I have a little money from an inheritance, and although it is too small to go very far, I think it could be the beginnings of something substantial, if I had help.
Sadly, my Father is not forthcoming with assistance. He is holding a grudge, I believe, because I came here against his will, and he wants to teach me a lesson about familial duties and the consequences of disobeying one’s parents. Although I understand his position, I am more determined than ever to find a way to pull the children from these beautiful mountains out of the poverty they face.
Ever since you let the cat out of the bag, Father and Mother think I should waste no time in coming home to marry you, and while I appreciate and understand their desires for me, I cannot think of my own happiness when so many of these children are suffering. If only I could find a way to help them further their education beyond the elementary years, I might be more inclined to think of my own future. There is no schooling available for them once they have completed the eighth grade! Can you imagine what it must be like to not be able to attend high school? Dear Jonathan I would be ever so grateful if you could help me find a way for these deserving students. Please think hard about what we can do together!
Fondly,
Emily
October 19, 1931
My School Journal, grade 7, Miss Weston’s class
By Pearl Wallace
When I grow up and become a missionary, I will do everything I can to serve God to show Him how much I love Him. I will be a faithful servant all my days, even if I have to go to darkest Africa or India, where the people do not even know how to dress properly. I will bring them all nice clothes from my own store of dresses, skirts, and blouses.
Sometimes, girls and women have to wear trousers if they are going to be riding a horse or if they are going fishing or hunting and have to traipse through blackberry patches that will scratch their legs to pieces if they have on a dress. Otherwise, they should always wear dresses in order to be pleasing in the sight of the Lord.
October 20, 1931. I have not been to school for the last two days, I was so miserable, thinking about what Miss Weston is thinking about us, and Mama did not make me. She has not been out of her bedroom much these past two days, either. I know she is past mortified. Daddy acts as if the world has come to an end.
Sardius and Beryl went to school, though, and they brought me back my lessons so I could keep up. Miss Weston sent a nice note saying she was sorry she intruded upon my family during a difficult time.
Darlene has been a big help. I went to the creek just to get out of the house. I was just moping around when she came skipping through the woods like a little fairy, with the sun glinting off her hair so pretty. We ran off to the woods and had the best time playing, climbing trees, and pretending to be pirates and brigands. I told her about William Wallace, and then she pretended to be Edward the First, and we had a sword fight. We had so much fun I almost completely forgot about Miss Weston and how mortified I am.
Daddy has been sober since Saturday, and this morning he said he was sorry about showing himself in front of Miss Weston. After that, he went to town, saying he was going to look for a job again, which made us all feel better, even though we know he is not likely to find one. It is just nice to get him out of the house when he starts acting pitiful and sorry. It is more like he is sorry for himself than he is for what he did.
October 21, 1931. It was a very exciting day! Daddy woke us up early this morning and told Jasper to run over to Pap-pa’s house and bring back Miss Janey Jo, and the rest of us needed to go get firewood for the stove and cook us all up some breakfast because Mama was too tired and he was too busy tending to her. She had been out in the cabbage patch all night picking out a baby, and she was so worn out that she could not get out of bed.
I wish Mama would not do that. If she wanted more babies, she should send me or Jasper out to find them for her. To tell the truth, she does not always pick the best ones. They always are skinny, pitiful little things, and the last baby she brought back died before his first day was out. Mama and Daddy both cried for days, and Daddy got drunk for a whole week. We were all very sad, thinking about that poor little baby boy, not any bigger than a minute, who did not stand a chance from the beginning. I am sure it did not help that he probably had been out in the snow all night before Mama got to him. I would wait until summertime, when the nights are warm, and I would pick out big, healthy ones with pink cheeks and wads of fat up and down their little legs.
I fussed at Daddy and told him that Mama would be a lot better off if she would send me out to pick out babies for her, and he kind of laughed a little, then tears came into his eyes and he said that the baby Mama picks out may not look the best to us, but we do not know what special feeling Mamas have for their little ones, and he reminded me that no one thought Ruby would make it, she was so little, but she turned out to be a good one. I had to admit he was right. I cannot imagine anybody other than Ruby being with us.
The new baby, which Mama named Sapphire, is very tiny. She feels no bigger than a little sugar pumpkin in my hands. She never cries but only squeaks a little now and
then. Mama looks very tired and sick. She worked too hard, trudging all over these hills from cabbage patch to cabbage patch to find the one baby that gave her that special feeling. It was especially hard on her since she was so wore out from harvest season. Why she picked this time to go, I cannot fathom. You would think she would at least wait until she had rested up a little bit. I reckon I do not know what all is involved in baby-picking, so I will just keep my mouth shut.
Miss Janey Jo came over and started tending to Mama and Sapphire, and you would never know there was any harsh feelings between them. Janey Jo acts as if Mama is her best friend and she chatters to her while she plumps up her pillows and brings her soup. Mama does not say anything much at all. She just holds the baby and looks ascared.
After we all had a chance to see Sapphire and hold her for a minute, Daddy loaded us all up in his automobile and took us over to Pap-pa’s house to keep him company while Miss Janey Jo is over at our house looking after Mama. I told him we could take care of Mama just fine between us all, particularly since Mama was not overly fond of Janey Jo, but he said that they had patched up their old bitterness and would be good friends from now on and it would be good for them to spend some time together to get to know one another better.
October 22, 1931. Today was much better. We all laid out of school again. Pap-pa took us to the fair because Jasper and Sardius entered their calf, Dandyman, for the calf judging. Guess what? He won a red ribbon! Right off, they got an offer of $75 for him, which they will take, of course, and as soon as the fair is over, they will have their pockets loaded with money. They say they will buy us all something warm for winter. They will save a little to buy feed for next year’s calf, and then give the rest of the money to Mama. Daddy would love to get his hands on some of it, but Mama hides it from him. She needs every penny she can get just to keep us going. Daddy would just buy up a lot of corn and sugar so he could make whiskey, and if he had more, he would get another dog. If he could get enough, he would even buy himself a horse. Not a good, strong one that we could hitch to a plow, either, but one for chasing after hounds. A horse like that probably would not eat anything but good oats and would drive us straight to the poorhouse.
Pap-pa said we did not have time to go by the house after we left the fair to see Mama and Sapphire, and besides, they needed their rest. We just came on back here to stay the night.
Cool, waning days, brightening nights
The great orb’s belly grows large.
She calls to me in sweet song.
I yearn for her, reaching up, as she pours down.
New life whimpers in the warmth indoors
As Death lurks hungrily.
He lusts, but he will be denied.
I taste victory for Life.
October 23, 1931. I went back to school today. It was good to be back. Miss Weston did not say a word to me about missing nearly a whole week of school, and she was as nice as could be. She also did not say anything about Daddy’s drunkenness or Mama and Ruby not being properly dressed when she called. Or me not being properly dressed, either.
Although I hid out from Miss Weston as best I could for most of the morning, she smiled extra special to me at dinnertime, and she came over to have a nice talk. She told me she was very happy that I have a new sister and that she hoped she would grow up to be a Godly young lady like me, and that she would be a blessing to all our household. She did not say a word about Mama looking so slovenly or Daddy cussing at her. I am feeling better. Miss Weston is very kind and good.
We went to our house after school to check on Mama and Sapphire and to take care of the chores. Sapphire is the tiniest little thing. She sleeps on a pillow in a dresser drawer, and she looks just like a little baby doll, so perfect and so tiny. I cannot believe she is real! I just love her, and even though she is not the kind of fat baby I would have picked out, I think she is just right the way she is. I have to say that Mama ended up picking out the best one after all.
Daddy has not had a drink since he showed himself so bad when Miss Weston came to visit, and he is being the very picture of a perfect husband and father. He waits on Mama hand and foot, he sings to us, and today he got his banjo out and picked until his fingers got sore. I would rather stay at home with Mama and Daddy when we have good times like this. We did not want to go back to Pap-pa’s house because it was so much fun there at home, but Daddy said they do not need us underfoot, keeping Sapphire and Mama from getting their rest, so we brought Ruby and came back to Pap-pa’s house for the night.
Jasper stayed at home because he is bringing in the rest of the harvest with Uncle Woodrow. I wish he could have come with us. It more fun being at Pap-pa’s when all of us young’uns get to be there together. Pap-pa’s house is so big we have plenty of room to spread out, and Miss Janey Jo really knows how to put a good spread on the table.
It is farther to walk to school, and we had to leave before daylight this morning, but the weather is very nice, so the walking was not troublesome. The sun came up just about the time we hit Johnson’s ridge, and it is the most beautiful thing you ever saw. The maple trees along there are red and gold, and the sky turns from deep blue to pink and orange, and then, all of sudden, the mist vanishes and the day becomes light blue and gold right before our eyes. I just want to stay out as long as I can, even if it means missing school, but I am glad to get to go to school, too. It is hard to make the choice to go inside sometimes.
October 24, 1931. We are back home now. I am glad to be here, although I also miss Pap-pa and Miss Janey Jo. We did not get to go to church today, because Mama is still very tired from being out all night looking for Sapphire, and Daddy has to stay here to look after her.
Daddy is not good at cooking, so Beryl and I are in charge of supper. Thank goodness for Miss Janey Jo, who brought over some cold ham, sausages, a couple of pies, and a pot of beans. All we have to do is heat it up and make up some hoecake or cornbread. The boys help us wash up. Mama sits in the rocking chair with Sapphire while we fix supper, and it is a good, friendly time together. Daddy milks Buttercup every morning and evening so we do not have to.
I have ordered myself some new shoes from the catalog. These are getting tight. It is too bad that with winter coming on I will need stout ones rather than pretty ones, so I had to get some clunky old brogans. It breaks my heart, but at least my pretty ones are still in such good shape, they will be good for Beryl in time for Easter, so I can enjoy seeing her wear them. I also ordered some diapers for Sapphire. The ones we have are so old and worn out they do not hardly do much good. Mama has taken to tearing up old flour sacks to wrap her in.
October 26, 1931
My School Journal, grade 7, Miss Weston’s class
By Pearl Wallace
I have a new baby sister! Her name is Sapphire, which is one of the precious stones found in the Throne of God. Sapphires are blue, which is perfect because Sapphire has blue eyes. Mama says they might change, but for now, they are the color of sapphires, which are very pretty.
Sapphire is tiny, but she is perfect. She is the most darling baby I have ever seen! I love her very much and pray that she will grow in wisdom, and in stature, and in favor with God and men. (Luke 2:52). I will do what I can to help her to become a Godly woman.
October 26, 1931. We have a full moon tonight. It is the full hunter’s moon, and ordinarily Daddy would not miss the chance to go run with his hounds on this biggest hunting night of the year, but lo and behold! He did not go! He stayed home to tend to Mama and to help with the chores, then after supper he went over to Pap-pa’s place to collect some flour sacks so Mama could make Sapphire some diapers. Mrs. Carlton and Darlene came over for a little while to meet Sapphire and to bring over a cake. You should have seen how they made on over Sapphire! Darlene wanted to see her little bitty tiny toes, and Mrs. Carlton danced around the room with her, and just laughed up a storm when she sneezed a tiny little sneeze.
Mrs. Carlton was wearing a yellow dress with a full skirt. Whe
n she twirled around, dancing with Sapphire, it fanned out around her knees, and I could see how ragged it was at the hem, with a big tear right in the back, and how it was too short, even though she had let it out all the way, and her long legs were showing up past the knees. That tear in the back sometimes flapped open, and you could see way up the back of her thigh. Uncle Woodrow and the boys all stared at it, and I wanted to tell them to stop because it is not nice to let people know you can see how ragged they look, but I did not have the chance. It was like they had never seen people with ragged clothes before. I was scundered for her. They kept right on staring until Mrs. Carlton sat down and handed Sapphire back to Mama. Thank goodness both Darlene and her mother were both too taken with Sapphire to notice.
It turned out to be a very nice evening. We lit the fireplace in the front room for the first time this season and made popcorn. Mama went to bed, and so it was just Uncle Woodrow, Mrs. Carlton, and all of us young’un’s out there, having a good time, passing little Sapphire around so we could make on over her. She slept in my arms for a good bit. I just cannot get enough looking at her! Uncle Woodrow is very happy about Sapphire, also. You should have seen how much he laughed and talked.
They stayed for a good while, then Mrs. Carlton said they had taken up enough of our time and stood up to leave. I sure hated to end the evening, but I know she was nervous about Daddy coming home and catching them there, so I did not beg them to stay, as I wanted to. Bless Uncle Woodrow’s heart. He jumped right up and offered to walk them home. He is such a good man. Just when Mrs. Carlton is feeling bad about Daddy having a mean spirit toward Darlene, he bends over backward to make her and Darlene feel important. I just love him.
Cool, waning days, cold nights.
The earth grows drowsy,
Life stirs in my upright children
Just as it snugs down deep in my silver ones.
Softness settles like a mantle.
My desire rises in a sweet frenzy
To dance in the silver light with the great Orb.
In the Midst of Innocence Page 7
