January 6, 1931
My darling sister,
I am back in East Tennessee, safe and sound, and none the worse for my journey. I quite like driving across the country! The time alone is perfect for meditation.
It was so good to see you again, but now that our visit is over, I find I am missing you more than ever. How I wish you could come stay in this beautiful old house with me! It feels quite empty with the Millers gone, but I have surprised myself in that I do not feel at all lonely. Rather, aside from missing you, I find myself feeling gloriously emancipated. I come and go as I please, although there are not very many places I have to go. Perhaps I will take advantage of the fine weather we are having and go for a drive up in the mountains to enjoy the spectacular winter wonderland.
I did enjoy seeing Jonathan again, but to be honest, Cecilia, he does not seem quite the dashing man I always have imagined him. I care for him, yes, but after getting to know the people here—their independence, their hardiness—Jonathan seems rather sedate and stodgy. He has his routines, his work, his friends. It is all so predictable. I am not certain I would be happy living the kind of life I have imagined living with any man from our set.
Enough of this! As I told you, I spent the whole trip back here, which I am beginning to consider “home,” in meditation, and have made some surprising discoveries about myself.
Much love,
Emily
January 6, 1932. I am over the moon! The wig company has sent me $43 and Mama $56!!! They said my hair was a beautiful color, and very much in demand, although it was so fine it could be made into only one wig. Mama’s hair is thick and over two feet long, and could be made into several. It is light brown, which is not as highly regarded as the color mine is. Now we are rich! Mama says this will be our special secret and we should not tell anyone about it, except Mrs. Carlton. She especially does not want Daddy to know about it because she wants to spend it the way she wants to, and not how he wants to. Her plan is to tithe ten percent, plus a little extra to go to missionaries in Africa or India, to help the children who are starving over there. The rest she will save for Sardius to go to high school next year. She might have to spend a little bit on the roof, also. Daddy does not like it when she gives money away, especially when she sends it to missionaries. He says we cannot afford to give money to savages over in Africa when we are all starving to death here. Mama sees it differently, though. She says if we give faithfully to the Lord out of the bounty we have received, He will always provide for our needs. That makes tithing the best investment there is.
Mama gave me $5 of my money to do as I wished. I decided to tithe on the whole $43 right now so I do not have to keep up with how much I owe the Lord. Ten percent of $43.00 is $4.30, which leaves me only 70c to spend, but it is better to make sure the Lord has His whole portion without having it hanging over my head. However, with Jake Hatton coming over so often, and getting me new customers, my money stash is growing quickly. Mama is right. I have tithed faithfully, and the bounty keeps coming!
The rest of my hair money she put into an envelope and hid under the floorboards under the rag rug in the front room. She said it should be saved for when I graduate from the eighth grade. I can use it to pay for room and board in Maryville if Daddy is not able to put me in his boarding house when I am in high school. Of course I want to save it. It is nice to know I do not have to worry about how much money Daddy will be making in a year and a half. I will be able to go to high school even if he has lost his job again.
January 7, 1931
Dear Jonathan,
I am back safe and sound, and as promised, here is the letter I said I would write to you as soon as I got the chance. The drive down was just lovely, and it gave me time to think about the conversations we had over the holidays.
I must admit, coming home for Christmas was not quite what I expected. The swirl of parties and all the excitement was more than I have become accustomed to, and I found it a bit overwhelming. You must forgive me if I seemed distant and preoccupied. I did not mean to—it’s just that I found myself feeling out of place. Dedicating myself to the Lord’s work has changed me in ways I did not imagine, and I find it difficult to step easily back into the gay life I once found so comfortable and fun.
As for our more private conversations, I admit that I am not fully resolved as to what the Lord is leading me to do. I know you think I will be best utilized in His work as your wife and helpmeet, but you have not seen the work that I do here, how important it is, and how much of a difference I am making in the lives of these people I have come to care for so deeply. Please forgive me for not being able to give you an answer at this time. I have much to take care of here before I can begin to consider moving back to Chicago. Getting some of the brighter children out of this unbearably hard life, finding a way to get them educated and on the road to reaching their full potential, is my first priority. I know you understand this, and I am so very grateful that you have gone to such lengths to help me.
I remain always your devoted friend,
Emily
January 7, 1932. Darlene did not come over today, and I had to tend to Ruby so I did not get to go over to her house. I hope she is well, but I am worried about her. It is probably too cold for her to walk over here. She has the new coat I won at Miss Weston’s contest, but being from a warm place, her blood is thin and she can’t stand the cold wind. I am glad Miss Janey Jo gave her those mittens, and now I wish she had a warm cap. Miss Janey Jo also gave me Mam-ma’s work boots, so I am wearing them when I walk to and from school. It wears me out to walk in them, but it saves my new shoes from the mud and the wet. I change into my new ones when I get close to school so no one sees that I am wearing a dead woman’s old shoes.
There is not much going on around here. Uncle Woodrow has disappeared again, Jasper is busy whittling out an airplane, and Sardius is studying. Beryl wants to play with her paper dolls, but Ruby will get into them and tear them up if we let her see them, so I have nothing to do but play with Ruby, and it is too cold to stay outside. I wish Darlene would come over.
January 8, 1932. I went over to see Darlene before supper just to say hello. Her mother met me at the door, but she did not invite me in. She just stood behind the door, cracked it opened a little bit and said that Darlene could not come out because they both were sick.
Mrs. Carlton was acting so funny I wanted to know if Darlene was really sick or if maybe Billy Ray had hurt her again. I climbed up on the roof and sat there a while, but I never heard anything, so I came on back down and came home. I sure do hope that it clears up over at Big Creek so Billy Ray can get back to work over there. Maybe he will go back and a big snow will come and he will freeze to death. He could thaw out in hell. That would serve him right!
Miss Weston came by soon after that with a pretty little sweater for Sapphire. She had already given her a blanket that day she came when I had to crawl in the back window and put on Mama’s skirt, but today she said she loves buying baby clothes. Since Sapphire is the only little baby she knows, she could not help herself.
Miss Weston also brought two dresses for Darlene! She said they were left over from the carnival, and she did not know what to do with them, and was hoping that Darlene could put them to good use, to keep them from going to waste. I was so happy about that I wanted to run get Darlene to come right over, but by then it was time for supper, and I remembered that she was feeling bad. I hope we can give them to her tomorrow.
Uncle Woodrow came in while Miss Weston was here, and she started acting funny. She kept glancing over to him and laughing at just about everything he said, and when Mama invited Miss Weston to stay for supper, she said she had to get on back home, and then looked at Uncle Woodrow and asked if it was safe to go out to her car in the dark by herself. He jumped right up to walk out with her. I think maybe she is struck on him. I wonder if he is struck on her, also. It would be wonderful if my Uncle Woodrow and Miss Weston got married! I wonder what I can do to mak
e them like each other better.
January 9, 1932. When Daddy got home this morning, he seemed very tired and sick. He and Mama went into the bedroom, and I could hear them talking. It made me sad. I wish I did not feel sorry for Daddy, but he did seem pitiful. I wonder if he does not like having to tell those hobos they have to get off the train? I surely would not like to have to do it.
This is a mean old Depression that is making everyone suffer, but Daddy says as soon as we kick the Republicans out of the White House, things will get back on track. Daddy thinks it will be between Mr. Smith and Mr. Roosevelt, and he is pulling for Mr. Roosevelt because he is the best man for the job. It is impossible that Mr. Hoover will be reelected because he has done everything in his power to ruin the country, along with all the other Republicans who have been in government ever since ugly old Abe Lincoln, who denied us our state’s rights.
I am happy that Mama will be able to vote for Mr. Roosevelt, too. Miss Weston says that women were not able to vote until 1920, which I think is the most disgraceful thing ever. Imagine, one half of the population the United States not being able to vote for who is going to run the country!
I think that women make better decisions than men do. They are not as hotheaded, and they do not get into shouting matches. It was women who got whiskey outlawed, also. Some of them got tired of seeing their husbands coming home drunk, spending all the money on liquor that was supposed to be used for food, that they just said they were not putting up with it any more. I am not sure how they did it, but they got the Constitution changed so that not a drop of whiskey is allowed to be in the whole of the country.
I wish Mama could just put her foot down like the women in the Temperance Movement did and not let Daddy make any whiskey, although if she did, I would not have a job today. It is funny to think about it. Not letting Daddy make whiskey would run me out of business, but not letting anybody in the country have whiskey makes me rich! If it had not been for the Women’s Temperance Movement, I would not have a job.
January 10, 1932. Beryl, Jasper, and I sang Shall We Gather at the River today at church. Miss Weston had not asked us to prepare anything, but just before the service started, she asked us if we could do it since we missed singing it back when Sapphire was born. Mama mentioned that the boys were good singers, too, so Miss Weston asked them to join us. Jasper did, but Sardius would not. He is too bashful to sing in public. We did a good job, I think.
Frozen days and nights.
Ice rims my banks,
I murmur quiet lullabies to my silver children.
They lie cold and languid in the deep shadows.
The Great Darkness suckles danger in the forest,
Even as the flaming Orb speeds his entry into the days.
January 10, 1932
Dear Cecilia,
It has been cold and dreary here. My classes are going well, but it seems that no one is as happy as they normally are. Today, I went to dinner as usual at the Aiken home, but a gloomy pall hung over the table. I am afraid Woodrow is sinking into a black mood. He did not even speak to me today, other than to greet me perfunctorily, and he barely looked at me during the entire afternoon. It was depressing to see him so low.
His black mood affected everyone else, as well. The conversation at the table is usually lively, but today hardly anyone spoke at all. I tried to initiate some banter, but it was lost in the general glum atmosphere. Now I feel strangely restless and lonely. Hopefully, tomorrow will be much brighter!
I miss you, dear sister.
Emily
January 11, 1932
My School Journal, grade 7, Miss Weston’s class
By Pearl Wallace
My Uncle Woodrow is a very fine man. He served in the Great War in France, where he learned to speak the language very well. He already knew French because he learned it as a child. He went to a very good boarding school where they taught him all the classics, including French and German. He also knows some Latin.
Uncle Woodrow also is good at fixing things. He helps out around our house a lot. He helps in the fields, plowing, planting, and harvesting. He also helped to fix our roof when it sprang a leak during a big storm recently. Uncle Woodrow is kind to animals and to everyone he meets.
I think it is time for him to get married. He would make a very good husband for a woman who is educated and who enjoys reading, especially if she knows the Bible well and likes conversations about it.
January 12, 1932. It was warmer today. Darlene and I went down to the creek after I got home from school. We were looking for crawdads, and all of a sudden, I could see Jake Hatton standing on the other side, hiding behind a tree, motioning to me. Of course, Darlene saw him, so I broke down and told her about my side business. I know I can trust her. We both have secrets that we can trust the other to keep.
Poor old Jake was twitchier than ever today, muttering and cussing, and that made Darlene get tickled. She kept a straight face while we were talking to him, but when we headed to the woodshed to get his whiskey, she got to snickering, and then she busted out laughing. I tried to shush her, but she laughed so hard she got me tickled, too, and the next thing we knew, we were about beside ourselves, laughing and running up to the woodshed.
She helped me to siphon off a half-pint, and then she decided she wanted to try some whiskey. I warned her about how nasty it is, but she just turned the jug up and took a big swig! You should have seen the face she made! I got tickled and laughed so hard that it turned over her funny box again, and we were just killing ourselves trying not to make any noise, but we did! Jasper stuck his head into the woodshed to see what the ruckus was about.
He caught us red-handed with our hands on the jugs, and of course, he thought we were drinking! He gave us a stern talking to, but we convinced him that Darlene just wanted to try a taste and that she hated it, and I hate it also. I think he believed us. I hope so. I made him promise not to tell Mama, and he swore he would not, if I promised him never to drink again. He made us leave the woodshed before he finally left us alone. We pretended that we were headed back to the creek, and then, after he left, we snuck back to finish pouring off a half-pint for Jake Hatton. We were able to slip back over the creek without anybody else seeing us. It was a close call, but it was funny at the same time.
It was all we could do to keep our faces straight while we were giving Jake his whiskey. Darlene kept turning her back, and I could see her shoulders shaking. It is a good thing Jake was so happy to get it that he did not even notice her. I told Darlene I could use another customer, if she needs me to supply her some whiskey, and she said I was crazy to even think it!
After we gave him his half-pint and I got my 25c, we went walking across the creek, over to the big beech grove. That is such a pretty place, even in the wintertime because the leaves stay on the trees and they are such a nice, buttery color that they make the cold winter sunshine glow as soft as summertime. The Cherokee believed that a beech grove was sacred, and so are oak groves and the groves of other trees that keep their leaves all winter long.
I got to telling Darlene a story about a haint who used to live in beech groves, and I had just gotten to the real scary part when we heard a rustling in a rhododendron hell right beside us. I about jumped out of my skin, thinking it was a bear, while Darlene thought it was the wood spirit coming to eat somebody. She grabbed onto me, about dragging me down to the creek! It turned out to be just her mother, thrashing her way through the rhododendron, her hair all messed up from getting it tangled up in the branches. She sort of looked like a haint for a minute! Darlene and I shrieked, and then, when we saw who it was, we nearly died laughing. How her mother got caught up in a rhododendron hell mystifies me! Once you get into those things, it is near impossible to get back out again. It would be like a wood spirit had got ahold of you. Mrs. Carlton jumped when she saw us, too, and she hollered out real loud, “Darlene! Pearl! How come you to be here?” Then we all had a good laugh over it.
January 13, 1932.
Beryl caught a chill and so did not go to school today. Sardius and I left early because it takes me so much longer to walk in Mam-ma’s old boots, so we got to the ridge in time to watch the sun come up. Although it was freezing, we stopped and sat on a log to watch it blaze up as if the world were on fire. It was one of the prettiest mornings I have seen in a while, and just about freezing to death was worth it to see that sunrise.
Today, Miss Weston asked Sardius to stay behind after school. After everyone else left, Otis Merriweather hung about at the door fussing with his coat and gloves. I could tell he was waiting on me. He always likes to tell me goodbye at the end of the day.
Miss Weston wanted Sardius to stay for about an hour, but he did not want me to walk home alone in the cold. Then, guess what? Otis Merriweather jumped up and offered to walk me home! It was a good thing no one else was still in the room to see that. I would have been scundered to death! Miss Weston put her hands on Otis’ shoulders and told him to take good care of me and to be a gentleman, and Otis turned about a hundred shades of red, but he promised solemnly, which made me feel like a grand lady.
I am glad I got to walk with Otis. I have been thinking about how his uncles and cousins took care of his aunt when her husband beat her, and I wonder if there is a way we could stop Billy Ray from being so mean to Mrs. Carlton and Darlene. I cannot imagine my daddy and my Uncle Woodrow going over to teach Billy Ray a lesson, so I asked Otis if his family ever go take care of women outside their clan. He said, yes, they keep an eye out in all the communities around here for anything that needs to be taken care of, and you do not have to be in the clan, or even Scottish, for them to come to your aid.
We talked a long time, and I ended up telling him about how Billy Ray Carlton beat Darlene bloody with a strop and hit her in the face, and how he knocked Mrs. Carlton’s head against the kitchen stove, and he said he would talk to his uncle about getting his clan over there to knock some sense into Billy Ray. I felt much better after talking to him. Otis is about the nicest boy I know outside of my brothers, although he is a little rough sometimes. I hope his uncle and cousins can make sure Billy Ray leaves Darlene and her mother alone from here on out.
In the Midst of Innocence Page 16
