"No. They can't make it out here today. They asked me to bring you to the sheriff to have you shipped to Albuquerque."
"Shipped? What are they, produce?" Anita said before we could react.
"I told them it was all right for the girls to stay overnight," he said. He waited. "Is it?"
"Of course," Anita said. "You didn't have to ask," she added, and with tears in her eyes she got up to start bringing things back to the house.
Butterfly jumped up immediately and began picking up our bowls and dishes. When she had her arms full, she followed Anita. Tommy sat quietly.
"Anita," he began slowly, "has not been well since Annie's death. She has moments when she simply cannot stop crying and then there are times when she is so withdrawn, I feel she's not really there. Don't be upset with her."
"Oh no," I said.
"Never," Raven added.
"We understand what it means to lose someone you love," Crystal added.
Tommy smiled.
"I know you do, girls. Well, let's go to the corral and saddle up some horses. I might as well show you some of this reservation before you have to leave," he said.
"Can't we just ride around in your Jeep?" Crystal pleaded.
"It's not the same. You want to feel what it's like, experience authenticity. You're the one who's learning all about us," Tommy kidded.
Crystal's face fell.
"Stop worrying," Tommy said. "You'll do fine. I'll give you Horse With No Name."
"No name? Why doesn't he have a name?" Crystal asked.
"He never stands still long enough for us to get him to understand one," Tommy said.
"What?" She cried.
Everyone laughed. Then we got up and helped carry the rest of the dishes back to the house. Afterward, Anita came out to watch Tommy saddle the horses and the pony for Butterfly. He began with a little lecture about riding.
"Your horses will all follow mine," he assured us. "They are trained to do that, so don't worry. The key is never panic, never transmit your fear to the animal. He will sense it and he will become nervous. You're in control."
He helped Butterfly mount the pony. She looked like she had been put on a throne. Never had we seen her look more radiant and happy. When I looked back at Anita, I saw her standing there, her arms folded, staring with a small smile on her lips.
Tommy shouted something to her in language we didn't understand and she shook her head.
"You just be careful with them, Tommy Edwards, policeman," she warned. He laughed.
"Okay, girls. Do what I told you to do," he said. We nudged our horses with the heels of our shoes and they started after Tommy. Everyone bounced a bit. Crystal was holding on for dear life.
"Tommy said not to hold the saddle," Raven reminded her.
"I know what he said," Crystal quipped. She held her breath, closed her eyes and continued to look terrified as we trailed along toward the mountains, the four of us, never expecting in our wildest
imaginations to be on horses with a Navajo Native American showing us his world of natural wonders.
Despite her fears, Crystal enjoyed the ride as much as any of us. She and Tommy talked about rocks and animals, the desert and the Navajo people. Raven was a natural and Butterfly looked like she could ride forever on her pony. We really didn't go that far, but it seemed that way to us. At one point we stopped to rest and Tommy asked us more questions about our life back at Lakewood. Crystal explained why we felt trapped. That was when Tommy revealed he had been adopted, too.
"I was still with family," he said. "My uncle and aunt."
"What happened to your father and mother?" Raven asked.
"My mother had me out of wedlock. My father never acknowledged me and my mother's parents were very upset. You might have caught Anita smiling a little when you asked if I was a full- blooded Navajo. Some felt I wasn't. I think the most important thing is what's in your heart. That will tell people who you really are. All the rest is superficial. You know what that means."
"If we didn't, Crystal would jump to tell us," Raven inserted. Tommy laughed.
"You have a different sort of saddle sore, girls. It comes from traveling with each other," he added, laughing. "But," he added after a moment of looking at us, "I bet you would fight like a trapped mountain lion if someone tried to separate you all from each other now."
"Yes," I said. "We would."
He nodded, and a look of sadness crossed his face.
"The sun's descent tells me it's about threethirty. We had better head back. I have some chores to do and a short patrol before dinner," he added.
We mounted and started back, watching the sun reach the top of the mountains The shadows grew longer in some places, filling the crevices and valleys with a soft darkness. Above us a hawk cut a wide circle in the sky. Tommy said it could see a desert rat even from that height.
What a strange and wonderful world this place was, I thought. For a while it had made us forget our dreams. Raven hadn't talked about being a singing star. Crystal didn't mention school, and I had stopped fantasizing about finding my real mother.
Anita was waiting for us when we returned. We expected to get off the horses and that would be that, but Tommy explained that we had to walk them a little and he wanted us to help put away the livery.
"You must take good care of the things you love out here or you won't have them long," he told us.
"Sometimes, that doesn't help," Anita commented. Their eyes met for a moment and he looked away. Butterfly was excused to return to the house with her so she could wash up and help Anita prepare our supper. "I'll get the beds ready, too," Anita said.
"Wasn't there anything that could be done about Annie?" I asked Tommy.
"We tried, took her to the biggest hospital and they operated, but her heart was too small. Anita has been afraid of having another child. She thinks it will be born with the same or some similar defect. She's more superstitious than I am," he added sadly.
"There are ways to test the fetus as it develops," Crystal told him, "to see if there are any defects." He smiled at her.
"There is a different drumbeat in Anita's heart now. Maybe someday soon it will change."
We worked on our horses and then we all went into the house to wash up. Anita had fixed the two guest bedrooms for us. On one of the beds was a beautiful deerskin dress decorated with turquoise beads. She told Raven to try it on and she did. I had to admit that she looked fantastic. Everyone thought so.
"Maybe you have Navajo blood, too," Tommy laughed.
Raven asked if she could wear it to dinner and Anita told her she could. Before dinner Butterfly asked Anita about the drums she and Tommy had in the living room--den area. To Tommy's surprise and our delight, Anita played and sang a Navajo corngrinding song. Her voice was deep and rich and I could feel her heritage, proud and alive, still thumping in her injured heart. Tommy showed Butterfly some ceremonial dance steps and in seconds, she was doing it as well, if not better than he. Anita actually laughed, the sound of it cracking the layers of icy sadness that had fallen over the walls of this home.
For our dinner Anita, with Butterfly at her side in the kitchen, had prepared chicken fajitas with rice and beans. It was a Mexican feast and something none of us had experienced before.
"My stomach is grateful you girls got lost on the reservation," Tommy declared.
"Tommy Edwards, if you let these girls believe I don't cook for you otherwise, I'll scalp you," Anita snapped. He laughed and held up his hands.
"I'm just fooling, girls. She would do it."
The difference between the atmosphere at breakfast and now at dinner was remarkable. We were all more relaxed. It had been a wonderful day, a surprise of joy. The phone rang again before we had completed our clean-up and Tommy returned to tell us the FBI had located Gordon Tooey.
"He made it back to New York," he said, his eyes shifting to Anita.
"What's the rest?" she demanded.
"He got someone awfully
mad at him You don't have to worry about him coming after you anymore, girls," he added.
Despite our fear and dislike of Gordon, the news was shocking. We all looked at each other and felt our hearts skip beats.
"Louise will probably lose the foster home," Crystal remarked.
"Most likely," Tommy said. "They'll revoke her license. There is a big need for foster homes all over this country and it's growing," hp added.
"Where will they send us now?" Raven wondered.
The light, happy mood we had created dissipated like smoke and was soon replaced with a heavy air, erasing smiles, weighing down our moves, turning us into something mechanical. Raven decided to take off the Indian dress. Afterward, she joined Crystal and me outside on the porch. Butterfly was still helping Anita put things away.
"Wherever we go," Crystal said, "it won't be long for us. As soon as we turn eighteen, we'll be on our own. I'll go full-time to college," she added. "Maybe you'll go back to live with Todd, Brooke."
"I don't know. I haven't spoken to him. He probably forgot me already," I said.
"Not if he really felt something for you," Raven told me. "I'm still going to try to be someone in show business. I don't care what I have to do. I'll work as a waitress, clean houses, anything, until I get my big break. And if that never happens, I'll come live with you and Todd.-
"Stop rushing my life, you two. I have some things to do first, also," I said. "I still intend to go to California."
"How will you find her?" Crystal asked. I spun around.
"How do you know what I want to do?"
"You've let enough hints slip, Brooke. Actually, it's easier today to find someone than it used to be. Maybe you will," she said.
She reached out and I took her hand. I reached for Raven and the three of us sat there in the darkness with the stars twinkling in a clear desert sky above us. Somewhere in the distance there was a strange howl. Crystal said that was a coyote.
"She's right," Tommy said, coming out of the shadows. We didn't know how long he had been there. "How do you know the sound, Crystal?"
"There's this computer software program I used when I was doing a project for science class," she explained.
"School sure is different from when I went," he said.
"What time are we leaving tomorrow?" I asked him.
"Right after breakfast, I'm to take you girls to the sheriff's office in Gallup and the child welfare people from Albuquerque will take it from there," he said. "You're all great girls. I know you'll be fine," he said.
We were all silent.
"Well," he said, "I'm feeling tired. Around here, we're up with the sun. See you in the morning." "Good night, Tommy," I said.
We sat quietly for a while and then decided we were pretty tired too. We partnered up the way we usually did. The beds were very comfortable, the rooms all paneled yellow oak with southwestern style furnishings. The night air was cool and it made for pleasant sleeping, except none of us was able to put off our anxiety easily. Before Raven and I even tried to sleep, Crystal came in to tell us Butterfly was acting strange.
"She won't talk. She's curled up in her bed," Crystal said.
"We're all just tired," Raven told her. "You were right. It's exhausting to run away and too much for a fragile girl like Butterfly, especially if it's too much for us."
"Anita gave her a real Indian necklace. She's wearing it to sleep," Crystal said.
"That's nice," I said. "Anita's a lot, nicer than I first thought she would be."
"Everyone we meet seems wounded in some way or another," Crystal commented. It was one of those deeply philosophical statements she was capable of planting in my mind and then leaving to let it grow on its own.
She returned to her room. Raven and I were silent, not even saying good night to each other. She turned over and fell asleep before I did. I listened to the wind for a while, saw a small cloud touch the quarter moon and then I closed my eyes and finally drifted off, not waking until I felt my body being shaken vigorously. My eyes popped open. Crystal was standing there in a panic.
"She's catatonic, worse than I have ever seen her, Brooke! Hurry."
I jumped out of bed and we woke Raven. That was like waking the dead, but when she heard what was wrong, she moved faster and we gathered around Butterfly, who was, as Crystal had described, twisted tightly, her legs pulled up against her stomach, her arms turned in, the hands locked like claws, her eyes slammed shut and her lips glued together with just a line of drool trickling out of the right corner. She didn't even look like she was breathing. An electric surge of panic shot through my heart.
"Oh Crystal, I've never seen her this bad. Her face is so pale and her lips are turning blue." Crystal nodded.
"It's very bad," she agreed.
We joined hands and brought our heads down to Butterfly's. Crystal started the chant.
"We're sisters. We'll always be sisters. Nothing can hurt us as long as we're together."
Raven and I joined. Our voices grew more and more desperate as we finished a chorus and saw no change.
"Crystal!"
"Keep trying," she cried.
We chanted louder, the desperation building in our voices.
"What's going on in here?" Anita asked from the doorway.
We stopped. Butterfly was still catatonic. Anita came charging in and looked down at her.
"What's happening?" she demanded.
"She gets this way sometimes," Crystal said. "It's an emotional thing. We've always been able to help her by joining and reciting our chant. It usually brings her out of it, but it's not working."
"Oh, my God!" Anita cried. "She's stopping her own heart, her own breathing. Tommy! TOMMY!"
He came rushing into the room. The moment he saw Butterfly and heard the explanation, he scooped his hands under her and lifted her into his arms.
"We'll take her to the hospital," he said. "Hurry, Tommy," Anita ordered.
We all piled into his Jeep. Anita held Butterfly in her lap and the three of us squeezed in behind them. Tommy pulled away, bouncing over the dirt road. Still, Butterfly's eyes did not open. Anita rocked her and kissed her forehead. She stroked her hair and held her tightly. All of us looked at each other, each thinking the same thing. If Butterfly dies, it will be because we had decided to run away. It was our fault. Heads bowed, we prayed and held hands. The Jeep rocked as Tommy shifted down and made turns.
And then, miraculously to us, Butterfly moaned. Anita increased her consoling and kissing. She rocked her more and called to her and finally, Butterfly's eyelids fluttered. Color returned to her face.
"She's better, Tommy," Anita declared, laughing through her tears. "She's better."
"Good, great, but we still better take her to the hospital," he said.
By the time he pulled in, however, Butterfly was fully alert. She actually walked into the emergency room, holding Anita's hand. The three of us waited with Tommy in the lobby while Anita went into the examination room with Butterfly.
"That was the first time we failed to bring her out of it ourselves," Crystal reminded us. "It was Anita who did it."
Tommy's eyes widened and he nodded. Nearly an hour later, Anita came out to tell us Butterfly was doing fine.
"All her vital signs are good. The doctor feels it was caused by a psychological shock; which is not to say it isn't serious. She needs a great deal of care and nurturing," she said, telling Tommy more than us. He nodded. "She won't get it where she's going, Tommy "
He simply nodded.
Afterward, Tommy decided to take us to a small cafe nearby for breakfast. No one was really very hungry, however. We left more on our plates than we put in our stomachs. The ride back to the ranch was slower, quieter. When we got there, we organized ourselves, gathered what little we had, and waited for Tommy to take us to the sheriff's office.
"Anita gave me this dress," Raven said, showing us the beautiful deerskin garment. "She said it belongs to me because I wear it well. Tommy and
Anita have been so nice to us. I'm glad you ran out of gas when you did, Brooke."
"Me too."
It was finally time to go. Anita decided to go along and sat with Butterfly in front again. The social worker from the child welfare agency was waiting for us at the sheriff's office. She was a pleasant lady of about forty with curly, dark brown hair. While we waited, she went into an office with Tommy and Anita and caught up on details. They were in there a long time, and I could see through the windows that the woman, Mrs. Wilson, was on the phone. She talked with Tommy and Anita some more and then Tommy came out by himself.
"It will be a little while longer," he said.
"Where are they taking us?" I asked quickly.
"That's not exactly been determined yet, but it looks like you'll return to New York. Don't worry-- you won't be going back to the Lakewood House." He paused. "Mrs. Wilson would like to speak with Janet."
Butterfly, who had her head bowed most of the time, looked up with surprise.
"Is that okay?" Tommy asked. Butterfly looked at Crystal and Crystal nodded. Then she nodded. Tommy reached for her hand and took her into the office. He returned and asked us if we would all like an ice cream soda. "We have an old-fashioned soda fountain here," he said. "Come on."
We went out with him and down to a drugstore that had a fountain with booths in the rear.
"What's going on?" I whispered to Crystal. She shrugged.
"What's new about being caught up in bureaucratic delays, Brooke?" she said.
Tommy got us sodas and we sat in a red booth with chrome buttons.
"Every time I come here, I think I traveled back in a time machine," he said.
"It's nice," Raven admitted, gazing around and sipping her soda.
"You girls have been through a lot together. Years, huh?"
"Yes. There were times we thought, we hoped, we would be separated to go to nice homes, but as time went by, we realized it was getting less and less likely," Crystal said. She then told Tommy about the most recent chance Butterfly had had to be adopted and how Louise had sabotaged it.
He shook his head.
"It's very sad when people are cruel to children. I have something to ask you girls," he continued. "I know from the short time I've been with you that Butterfly would never do anything without your approval. We asked Mrs. Wilson if we could take her in with us, be her foster parents and eventually adopt her."
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