He saw confusion flash across her eyes, and knew he’d hurt her again.
“Are you saying I was one of your flings?” she asked.
“Yes.” Ed made himself look her in the eyes.
“He’s lying,” Will said.
Ed kept looking at Addie. “I’m not. You know what I’m like. I’m a tart. I’ve slept my way through the office. Just missing an A.” Except he hadn’t slept with any of them, just taken them out and enjoyed their company.
“You can settle this,” Will said. “Choose between us.”
Ed wanted to be anywhere else in the world because this was hell.
“Maybe I should tell you both how I feel,” Addie said. “Ed, I think you’re the kindest person I’ve ever met. You’re thoughtful, sensitive, reliable and you’re funny. You make me laugh.”
“You missed good-looking,” Ed said.
Addie smiled. “Very good-looking. You have beautiful eyes and you always look happy, well nearly always. You’ve been there for me when I needed you. You wanted me when I most needed to be wanted. You’ll always have a piece of my heart.” Ed felt so ill he wondered if he was dying.
Addie turned to Will. “The other piece of my heart is yours because you gave me hope that I could be loved. You’re a good person, Will, and I know you never meant to hurt me.”
“She didn’t say you were good-looking,” Ed said.
“Shut up, Ed,” Will said.
“Will was the Noah straight out of my dreams. How could I not adore him?”
Ed knew he was going to be sick. He kept swallowing but it didn’t make him feel better.
“I love both of you,” she whispered.
“You must love one of us more,” Will insisted. “Whoever you choose, we’ll accept it. We’ve talked about it. We can do it. We can’t both lose you.”
Addie released a shaky breath.
“You don’t need to choose,” Ed said in a quiet voice. He saw what Will didn’t, that Addie couldn’t, wouldn’t choose.
“Shut up,” Will said.
“You’ve fallen out with each other because of me,” Addie said. “You don’t want to work together anymore. The pair of you won’t even sit on the same couch and I’m the only one who can put this right. Go back to London. Keep working together and stay friends. You’ll never see me again. Remember you both made me happy.”
“And we both made you sad,” Ed said. “Will loves you, Addie. You love him.”
Addie wrapped her arms around herself. “I know what you’re trying to do, Ed. I said you were the kindest person I’d ever met and I know what you’re doing.”
“Let me,” he pleaded. “Let me do this, please. You love Will. I know you do.”
Ed’s heart was doing acrobatics in his chest. He didn’t want her to choose. He didn’t want to know.
“Ed, would you go and make me a cup of coffee?” Addie asked.
He got up without a word and left them alone.
Addie crossed the room and sat by Will. She took hold of his hand. His fingers were shaking, his stomach in knots. If she chose Ed, Will would never see his brother again because no matter what he’d said to Ed, he could never bear to see Addie again, not if she was with Ed. He looked at her beautiful face, her eyes staring into his and he knew. His world began to dissolve like snow falling into water.
“I won’t choose,” Addie said. “I can’t. Ed saw that. I don’t want to hurt either of you, but if I choose one, I hurt the other. Ed’s given me up for you. He loves you that much, Will. I don’t think you’d have done that for him. You couldn’t give up Vee for me.”
“I tried.” He could barely force the words from his mouth.
“I know you did and I know what she’s like. I understand how hard it was. But you had the chance to show me what I meant to you by being honest with me, more than one chance.”
He chewed the inside of his cheek and tasted blood in his mouth. “I never wanted you to be hurt.”
“I know. You tried to do the right thing for everyone, but you didn’t see that you couldn’t do that without people getting hurt. Most of all, you needed to do the right thing for yourself. Somehow that got lost.”
“She’s gone now,” he said in desperation.
“I’m glad for you because you can move on, but not with me.”
Now she’d said it, Will crumpled. He clutched her fingers. “How am I going to survive this? When I look at you I can’t breathe. How can I stand it?” A tear ran down his cheek.
“The same way I’ll stand it.” Addie stifled a sob.
“Can I kiss you?” Will asked. “Our last kiss?”
Before Addie could answer, he pulled her into his arms and speared his fingers through the hair at the back of her head, pressing his lips against hers. It was the sweetest, gentlest kiss he knew he’d ever given her. He wanted to change her mind, but knew it was too late.
Ed hadn’t listened to what they were saying, but when the murmur of voices stopped, he pushed open the door. When he saw Addie in Will’s arms, his pulse rocketed and he went back into the kitchen. This was what he wanted, wasn’t it? Addie and Will together? For them to be happy? He’d survive. He’d put a smile on his face and be glad for his brother. Glad for Addie. He could let them be happy. He’d only see her with Will on special occasions. Christmas and their mother’s birthday.
He slipped out of the house. He’d leave Leeds in the morning, go down to see his mum and then go before Will got there because Addie would be with him. Oh God. His heart hurt.
Ed got lost driving back to Alwoodley. He wasn’t thinking straight. He was half way to York before he realized his mistake and turned round.
When he saw Will’s Lexus on the drive he almost didn’t stop. But he found Will alone and packing.
“Are you leaving already?” Ed asked.
“Yes.”
“Look after her, Will,” Ed whispered.
“Addie’s not coming with me.”
Will thrust his shirts into the case without folding them. If his voice hadn’t already told Ed something was wrong, that action did. Will emptied his boxers and socks straight from the drawer into the case.
“I saw you kissing her,” Ed blurted.
“Nothing there anymore. The spark’s gone,” Will said in a flat voice.
“I don’t believe you.”
Will looked up from his suitcase. “And I don’t fucking well believe you.”
A lump the size of Vesuvius rose in Ed’s throat.
“She didn’t understand why you’d gone without speaking to her, but that’s what you do, isn’t it, Ed? Sneak off in the morning before they wake up. Why did you have to want her so much? She’s nothing like the ones you usually go for. Was it because she was mine, because you finally had a chance to get one up on me?”
Ed pushed his trembling hands into his pockets. “Is that what she thinks—it was some contest?”
Will shrugged. “You walked away. What’s she supposed to think?”
“But you’re leaving her?”
Will took a deep breath. “Because I know it’s not me she wants.”
Ed saw the tears in Will’s eyes, watched as they rolled down his cheeks. He wanted to hug his brother, but he was scared Will would push him away. Let him try, Ed thought, and pulled Will into his arms. After a moment, he felt Will return his hug.
“Look after her, Ed. If you hurt her, I’ll kill you.”
Chapter Forty
When Addie heard the doorbell ring it was five minutes past midnight and officially Christmas Eve. She lay on the couch watching the Christmas tree change colour.
She felt too sad to move. It was easier to wait for sleep to overwhelm her.
The bell rang again.
It couldn’t be carol singers. Probably some drunk, but it rang again and again and eventually she stamped into the hall and flung open the door, ready to yell. Instead, she gasped.
Standing in front of her was a parcel taller than her, wrapped in Christmas
paper featuring red-nosed reindeer throwing snowballs. The parcel coughed and the paper twitched where a tag was attached. Addie pulled it off.
“FREE TO A GOOD HOME”
OhGodohGodohGod. Please let this be him.
Addie unwrapped from the bottom upwards, fingers shaking, ripping away the paper faster and faster until she’d uncovered the man she wanted. She released a shaky breath and then smiled.
Ed’s face lit up and Addie felt it kick-start her heart.
“I thought you didn’t want me,” he said.
Addie chewed her lip.
He pulled her into his arms and pressed his forehead to hers. “Only I realized I’m yours whether you want me or not.”
She wrapped her arms around him and held tight. “I do want you.”
“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and I’ve never told anyone I loved them until now. Only Mum.” He smiled. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Addie whispered.
His eyes shone with unshed tears. “Say it again.”
“I love you. I fell in love with you bit by bit. When you managed not to laugh after I fell off the treadmill. When you were so proud of that pizza. When you left the teddy bear. Everything you did for me made me like you more. It turned to love when you looked after me at the hotel and didn’t do anything about your little problem. I—”
“Ah, well I need you to sort that out for me now and not so much of the little.”
He kissed her and kept on kissing her, pulling her body tight to his. Addie’s hands moved to his backside, urging him even closer. She couldn’t breathe and she didn’t care.
“Hey, can you get Santa to bring me one of those?” called a woman’s drunken voice from the street.
“And me,” someone else shouted.
Ed and Addie broke apart laughing. She pulled him into the house and closed the door.
A moment later she opened the door again and Ed went to collect his bag from the car while Addie scooped up the wrapping paper.
He dropped his bag on the hall floor, then closed and locked the door before he leaned back against it.
“If you knew how much trouble I had, wrapping myself in paper while standing on your doorstep with every passing drunk making a suggestion.”
“What sort of suggestion?”
“That I’d missed a bit, that I should miss a bit. Was I naked? Could they check? And that was just the men.”
Addie sniggered.
“Anyway, now you’ve unwrapped me, you can’t send me back,” Ed said.
“I could if I had the receipt.”
“Will’s holding it for safekeeping.”
She flinched at the mention of Will’s name.
“It’s okay, Addie. We talked. Will understands. Well—no, he doesn’t but he’ll try. He promised to try.”
Ed walked toward her and took hold of her hands. “Am I really what you want?” he asked in a whisper. “I mean, do you want to send me back? I guess I’m a little shop-soiled.”
“Maybe I’d better finish unwrapping you and check,” she said.
Ed smiled.
She lifted his sweater over his head and unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it from his shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. His stomach and chest were smooth and Addie slid her hands over the gentle contours, circling his nipples with her thumbs, trailing her nails across his firm abdomen. His skin fluttered, and under her palm pressed against his chest, she felt his heart beating as fast as hers. When her hands moved to his chinos, he drew in his breath. But in the middle of unzipping him she stopped and stepped back.
“I think I’ll save the rest for Christmas morning.”
“I don’t think so,” Ed growled. “I’ll give you a hand.” He kicked off his shoes and pulled off his socks.
“Are you one of those sorts of presents that need batteries?” Addie asked.
“Oh, that was a challenge if ever I heard one.”
She felt the flush sweep up her neck, over her face.
“I don’t have a bed fit to sleep in,” she whispered.
“Who needs a bed and who said anything about sleep?” He took a step forward and Addie staggered back and hit the wall. Ed put his hands on the wall either side of her head. “Well?” he asked.
“Well what?” She could barely stand up, let alone think straight.
“Are you going to finish unwrapping your present or shall I start unwrapping mine?”
Ed flashed his electric smile and she melted. Addie was so nervous, she felt sick. “Ed,” she whispered.
Uncertainty returned to his face and he winced. “Too fast? I can take this slow. I can do whatever you want.”
Addie thought about that. “Can you do a back flip?”
“I could try, but then you’d have to take me to hospital.”
She laughed.
“You are so beautiful,” he whispered.
Desire rolled up from deep inside her and she sighed. “No—”
Ed put his finger on her lips. “Don’t you dare. You are beautiful.”
She slid her hands over his shoulders and down his back, loving the soft roll of his muscles and the feel of his taut skin under her fingers. Ed bent his head, cupped her jaw and kissed her. Addie’s heart beat so hard she thought he must be able to hear it, feel it. His lips moved all over her face, nuzzling, nibbling, teasing until she caught them with her lips and then the moment was perfect. He was here. He was hers. She was his.
Their breath mingled as lips brushed lips. Ed tasted sweet and warm and minty. Their tongues touched, a first tentative sweep like shy lovers, then a more firm caress as they began to dance and play. Addie was lost. If the house had fallen around her, she couldn’t have moved. She was almost afraid her joy-swollen heart would stop, she felt so happy.
Their kisses grew wetter and deeper. Angles changed, mouths fused as they groaned into each other’s throats. Ed’s hand dropped from her chin to her neck and caressed her there. The hairs on Addie’s arms prickled and her legs trembled. White flashes illuminated the darkness behind her eyelids and her head felt heavy. Ed yanked his mouth away.
“Breathe,” he gasped.
Addie gulped air into her lungs. Ed panted with her. He stepped closer again and she felt his leg pressing between hers, his erection hard against her belly. Her body tensed from her toes to her scalp. When she groaned into Ed’s mouth, an echoing groan came back. Addie moved her arms to the front of his chest and slid them up between their bodies until she could reach his nipples. They hardened under the caress of her fingers and she pressed her face into his neck and nipped his skin.
Ed shuddered. “Oh shit. Do that again.”
Her nipples tightened as she played with his and Addie smiled into his neck. She ran her teeth up and down his throat, nipping and then licking the places she nipped, and Ed whimpered. “I changed my mind. My knees are shaking. You have to stop.”
“Sorry. Can’t. You’re my present. I can do what I like with you.”
She lifted her head, reached for his neck, and as she threaded her fingers in his hair, she stroked his cheeks with her thumbs.
“You’re the best present I’ve ever had,” Ed said.
“You’re the best present I’ll ever get.”
He ran his tongue along the edge of her lips and Addie opened to him. She loved him so much she wanted to scream it to the world, except Ed was her world. When their tongues met Addie moaned. The kiss sped straight to hard, fast and deep, their bodies plastered against each other. Ed ran his hands down the sides of her hips, and Addie clutched at his back. She could feel everything inside her drawing in, winding like a spring that wanted to be as tight as possible before the instant of release. Almost as though he knew what was happening, Ed held her closer and nudged harder between her thighs with his leg. Addie continued to twist in a mounting spiral, not wanting the feeling to stop. Then the pleasure of what was happening inside her body overrode the attempts of her brain to hold back and she came undone.
As she gasped, shook and trembled, Ed held her. He buried his face in her neck, and Addie panted in his arms. As her breathing eased, he pulled away a little and looked straight at her. “I love you.”
Addie’s heart jumped into her mouth and came out with words all on its own. “I love you.”
They both smiled.
“In case you think I say that a lot, I don’t,” he said.
“You mean you won’t tell me again?”
“You know that’s not what I mean. I’m never going to stop saying it to you. It makes me so happy, I can’t… Oh God, I love your sweet lips, your pixie ears, your long legs, your cute nose and I especially love the way you think bad things.”
“What?” Addie’s eyes opened wide.
“You’re thinking you’d like to get me naked.”
“Am I?”
Ed nodded. “And you’re thinking you’d like to be naked too.”
“I am?”
“Guess what I’m thinking,” he said.
She put her mouth to his ear and Ed laughed. “Don’t you dare! I have that particular activity scheduled for 2:15 a.m. Right, I’m going to count to ten and then I’m inside you wherever you are.”
“I need the loo.”
“Ten, nine, better be quick.”
Addie squealed and fled down the hall.
She heard Ed counting outside the door. “Four, three.”
“Stop it. I can’t pee if you make me nervous,” Addie shouted.
“Two and a half, two and a quarter, two.”
Addie had stripped off and now stood trembling, her fingers clasping the door handle, unable to turn it.
“One and three quarters, one and a half, one and a quarter. Hurry up, my maths is crap.”
She took a deep breath and opened the door.
“Three quart—” The word died on Ed’s lips.
Her heart thumped against her ribs.
“Oh, Addie,” he sighed. “Forgive me if I drool.”
She didn’t feel shy anymore. Her nerves disappeared under Ed’s wide-eyed gaze.
“Do you always take off all your clothes when you use the loo?” He gave her an eager look.
“Only on Christmas Eve.”
Doing the Right Thing Page 36
