She chuckled softly. “Keep telling yourself that, Ember. Maybe one day you will believe it, and when it happens, I can say I told you so.”
We got to the salon and waited for the main girl to finish up with her current customer. When I sat in Daisy’s chair, Phoenix sat in the chair beside me flipping through hair magazines. “Off? How much?” The she ran her hands through my hair. Her fingers gauging the thick wavy strands that hung halfway down my back.
“To my shoulders, and maybe put a few chunky red highlights in it, maybe just in the bangs or something.”
“Are you sure? You aren’t going to hate me and yell at me?”
“No, I won’t be mad. I’m ready for a change.”
“Yes, of course.”
Phoenix was in the chair beside me. She was flipping through a magazine, but stopped when I described what I wanted. “That’s a big change.”
“Yes, but it’s what I need.”
“It will look great on you,” Phoenix said.
“Thanks. Have you decided what you’re going to get?”
“Just some highlights and low lights. If we have time, we should go get our nails and toes done. It seems like forever since I’ve done that.”
I smiled. “You’re just thinking of more ways to piss off Grit.”
“Damn straight.” She grinned.
We were in the salon about 30 minutes before Chink came in out of the heat. Phoenix grinned at me and called out to him, “I was wondering when you were going to break down and come in.”
He rolled his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall with his arms crossed. I looked in the mirror and saw Daisy’s wide eyes glued to him. “His name is Chink,” I said, getting her attention.
She blushed a deep shade of red. “Is he… Is he with y’all?”
“Not in the way you’re thinking.”
“Y’all aren’t his old lady?”
Phoenix looked at the girl. “No. How do you know about old ladies?”
Daisy looked away. “I read a lot.”
She was lying, Phoenix and I both knew it. “We belong to the Steel Demons in Belle,” Phoenix volunteered.
“Well, she does,” I said, nodding toward Phoenix. “I don’t belong to them.”
“Yes you do.” The deep voice came from the waiting area, we all looked over to see Chink looking at us. His eyes went to Daisy and stayed there. She broke eye contact and got back to work. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Chink looking at her curiously. She kept her focus on what she was doing, ignoring the brooding man, but from the way her hands shook, she knew he was watching her.
It was a few hours later that Chink finally started getting antsy. Well, at least he finally showed he was antsy. “Ladies, as soon as your nails are done, we’re paying and leaving.”
“Aw, come on Chink. We were headed to get some lingerie next.” Phoenix stated pouting her lip out at him. I couldn’t be sure, but I would have sworn I heard him say that he was going to kill Grit and Titan slowly, as he walked away.
“Are we really going to the lingerie store?” I whispered to Phoenix.
“We weren’t, but we are now.” She grinned.
“Just remember, I do have to go see Ink.”
“Oh, I forgot. Ok. We can forgo the lingerie store. It was just fun playing around with Chink.”
After our pedicures and manicures, we headed back to Belle. Phoenix decided to duck out of going to see Ink to get back to the bar. “I’ll drop you off. I want to see your tattoo. I might not come by today, but I’ll see you tomorrow.” I got out of her truck with more care than I had the first time with Titan, careful not to jar my ribs.
I went into the shop. Ink was sitting at the drawing table, and he looked up when the door opened. “Nice, I like the new look. You look like a badass,” he said as he walked toward me to give me a hug. I shrank away from him unconsciously when reached for me. I caught the look on his face and forced myself to make contact. I had hugged him before, but it seemed different this time. I had never been truly alone with Ink before.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to him as I gave him a hug and forced myself to not shrink away. If I was going to proceed with my plan, then I had to get used to physical contact and interacting with men.
“Don’t be.” He hugged me tight then released me. “You ready to look at the sketches?”
“Yes.” I looked over three of the images he’d drawn. The butterflies were different sizes and colors, the way he shadowed them made them look as though they were hovering above the page. The fourth one really captured my attention, the red and black butterfly was bound by ropes instead of chains and the ropes were coming loose, but it didn’t end there. He’d drawn an identical butterfly above it a little smaller, another above that a little smaller, and another above that. It was as though the butterfly was smaller because it was flying away. “This one,” I pointed to it.
He smiled. “I liked that one, too. I thought it suited you. Now more so with the red in your hair. So, where are you going to want it?”
Ink turned the music on as he worked, the beat lulling me to sleep as he worked to put the butterflies on my hip and up my ribcage. I didn’t realize that I had fallen asleep, I just know that I was being woken up by Ink.
“Ember! EMBER!” He yelled to bring me out of the dream. I was sweating and panting for breath, thankfully he didn’t have the tattoo gun near me because he would have totally messed up when I jerked upright. “Shhhh shhhh…” he tried to calm me down, but I jerked away from him again. The sheet that had been covering my naked lap, fell to the floor.
I went to the wall and slid down to the floor, hugging my legs to my chest. I was still in a daze from the dream. I tried to separate myself from it, but the nightmare kept pulling me under. The memories from my dream pushed forward, making me relive it all over again. I was trapped in the hell of the past. It took me a few minutes to become aware of what was going on and the fact that Titan was now in the room. He was calling my name, bringing me back to the here and now.
Chink had called me to tell me that he dropped McKenzie off at BAD. I asked him why the hell he didn’t go in with her. “Because man, she’s with Ink. She’s safe. I had to make sure that Phoenix got back to the bar safe too.”
I hung up on him and hopped on my bike to head toward the tattoo shop. The front room was empty when I went in, I didn’t hear anything, but I saw a few feminine drawings on his table, so I figured she was getting a piece of work done. I was about to go in search of them when I heard her screams echo through the back hall.
I ran to the door and opened it, unprepared for what I was about to see. She was completely naked from the waist down. A sheet was on the floor, and there were tears flowing from her cheeks as she leaned against the wall. Her eyes were vacant and unseeing. I grabbed Ink by the shirt and shoved him up against the wall. My arm was across his throat cutting most of his air supply off. “You better have a damn good reason for her being naked, screaming, and crying, brother, because I will kill you now.”
I eased up on the pressure across his neck to allow him to get a breath in and speak. “She fell asleep.” Breath. “Dream.” Breath. “Tattoo. Hip.” Breath.
I looked over at her. She was sitting against the wall now with her head resting on her knees. “Get out,” I growled at him before I let him down.
“Titan, you are my President, my brother, and my friend, but if you hurt her again, you will become my enemy.” Ink walked out the door and slammed it behind him.
Ink and I could get our shit worked out later. Right now, McKenzie was more important. “McKenzie.” I spoke gently, not sure what exactly she was going through in her head. When she didn’t respond, I spoke louder, with more force, commanding her to reply. “McKenzie. Look at me.”
When she still didn’t respond, I sat down beside her with my back to the wall. She was squeezed into the corner and, when my arm brushed hers, she whimpered. “McKenzie.” I slid my arms aroun
d her shoulders and pulled her into my lap. “Come on, honey, let me help you.” I rubbed her back and whispered in her ear that everything would be ok. It took a few minutes, but I felt her begin to relax against me. Just like at the party when she was overwhelmed, she subconsciously showed me trust. I just needed her to recognize it for what it was.
“I fell asleep. It wasn’t Ink,” she finally whispered against my neck.
“I know, he told me. Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” She pulled away from me and got up off my lap. She immediately went for her clothes.
“McKenzie, we need to talk about what happened to you.”
“Leave it, Titan, and call me Ember, dammit.”
“Fuck, no. You had a dream about it. If it’s affecting your dreams, then it’s affecting your sleep. You need to fucking talk about it. If not with me, then you need to go to a doctor.”
“Titan, if I wanted or needed your help I’d ask for it. I don’t. Now back the fuck off.” I watched as she walked out of the room. I leaned my head back against the wall, wondering how the fuck I was going to reach her.
I was still working on the house well after everyone else had gone home. Grit was at the bar with Phoenix and Ember, so Chink could have a break. I heard a bike coming up the drive, but paid it no attention. Tearing down the walls was relieving the stress I was feeling about McKenzie, and kept my mind off the fact that my balls were turning blue.
Ink silently started helping me tear down the wall. We worked together until all the light faded and we were forced to stop. I grabbed two bottles of water out of the ice chest and threw him one. We were outside, the air was still hot and sticky, even this late in October. “It’s not what you think,” he finally said when we went to sit on our bikes.
“What is it then?” He had strong feelings for McKenzie, anyone could see that. He made no attempt at hiding those feelings, but I had no idea what they were.
Ink looked away from me. His jaw clenched as he hesitated to tell me whatever it was he was about to say. “This goes nowhere, Titan. What I’m about to tell you goes nowhere.” I nodded, wondering what the hell he was hiding after all these years. “You, Legend, and Grit were lucky to grow up around Gavel, Stone, and the Demons. The club would have protected you from anything because you were, and are, family.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “I wasn’t so lucky. I have no idea who my real dad is, and my mother,” he scoffed at the term, “my mother was strung out on drugs half the time, and when she wasn’t she was looking for her next fix by bringing men home.”
Ink sent me a look that told me everything without it having to be said. “How old were you?” I asked, not really wanting to hear it, but needing to know what my brother went through.
“Six, the first time it happened. It was always the same guy. He would leave my mother after a while then come back for more from her and from me. I was nine when I finally got away from her. I was shuffled around the foster system until I aged out and enlisted. I connect with McKenzie, not because I’m in love with her, but because I’ve been there.”
“I’m sorry, brother, I had no clue.”
“I know. I wanted it that way. Hack promised to keep it a secret when it popped up in my background check.”
“This is how you recognized it in McKenzie from the start. Even before we knew, you suspected.”
“Yes. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t have proof, but I saw the signs. I recognized a lot of myself in her.”
“How do I help her, Ink?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. Her trauma was far greater than mine, and I’m not convinced we even know everything yet. The service helped me the most, and then you guys bringing me into the club. It gave me something to hold on to. She needs to find something to keep her grounded, to help her cope. She also needs justice.” I had no doubt in my mind that Ink got his justice. His eyes flashed with a satisfied fire as he said the word. Justice and revenge were in some cases the same. This was one of those cases where the two could not be separated. I got on my bike and was about to start it up, but I hesitated. My doubts about McKenzie plagued me.
When I made no move to leave, Ink said, “Time, Titan, give her time,” before starting his bike and heading to the clubhouse.
For the first morning in weeks, I woke up alone. Not that I actually slept much to begin with. The few times I actually fell asleep, I would wake up a short time later screaming, crying, and sweating from my nightmares. I forced myself to get up out of bed and freshen up before going downstairs.
Anita was cooking breakfast. Piper and Declan were at the table, and Titan was nowhere to be seen. I guess he spent the night at the clubhouse. Maybe he had finally given up and realized I couldn’t be what he needed. That there was too much damage done. The thought saddened and relieved me that he may have given up and moved on. Saddened because for some reason I felt safe with him, relieved because I felt like I could trust him, and that to me, is dangerous. My past had shown me how dangerous trusting a man was, and I was never going through that again.
Anita set a plate down in front of me, but I pushed it away. She frowned at me and nodded toward the food. “You need to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“You didn’t eat dinner last night.”
“I know, I’m just not hungry. I’ll eat lunch. I promise.”
Anita nodded and took two other plates over to the table for Piper and Declan. I sipped on my coffee, wondering where he was and hating myself for it bothering me. Piper pulled the chair out beside me and set her plate down.
“I love the new look. I really like the red streaks through the bangs.”
“Thank you. How are you liking working at the restaurant?”
She smiled. “It’s not like what I used to do, but it’s a new challenge. I like working with Hannah and Phoenix. I can’t thank y’all enough for everything you have done for Declan and me,” her voice cracked a bit with emotion.
“You’re welcome.” What was I supposed to say to her? I didn’t want to bring out my past and the fact that Phoenix and I had been through hell ourselves, so we would help someone who was going through their own hell. “What did you do before you came here?”
“I worked at a gym.”
“So, you can help me get rid of all this extra weight.” I had twenty pounds that I wanted to lose. I have been wanting to lose it for years, and no matter what the hell I did, I couldn’t get rid of the stubborn pounds.
“Sure, first things first, breakfast. You want to lose weight, you need to start eating right. Which means no more skipping breakfast.” She pushed the plate of eggs that Anita had tried to get me to eat earlier at me. “Eat. What kind of exercise do you like to do?”
“None. That’s part of the problem. Did you teach any classes?”
“Yes, I taught a few.”
“What kind?”
“Cardio, Spin and dancing classes, mostly the male trainers took care of the boxing and martial arts classes, though I really wish I had attended those classes myself.”
“What kind of dancing?”
“Nightclub, country, and pole dancing, mostly. I also did the Latin dance classes and mixed aerobics classes.”
“I want you to teach me nightclub dancing and pole dancing.” Learning those would help me to learn control over my body.
She looked at me with a raised brow. “Ok, we can do the nightclub dancing anywhere, but the pole can be done in the bar. Once you get the all clear from the doctor to start doing vigorous exercise, I’ll be happy to teach you. It’s the least I can do for giving me a job and a place to live. When is your next doctor’s appointment?”
“Four weeks from now.”
“Ok, get me a release form from the doc, and then we will start hitting the bar early in the morning.”
“Piper?” I asked her before she could get up from her seat. “Can we keep this just between us?”
“Sure.”
She smiled and walked back to the table to sit beside Declan. He was talking a mile a minute when she took her place beside him, he barely noticed because he had Anita’s full attention. She was smiling and hanging on every word he said. It seemed he needed a grandmother figure in his life, and she longed for a grandchild as well. An ache settled in the pit of my stomach for my own daughter. There were some days that I hated the fact that I had to give her up, but the truth is, I would do it again given the opportunity. She had a better chance with a couple who had their lives in order and were old enough to raise a kid. At sixteen, I couldn’t have done it. Even now, I’m not sure I could.
Shortly after Piper went to work, Anita had gone to the grocery store with Declan, leaving me alone with Chink. I was sitting on the couch. Chink was in the recliner, relaxing with his feet up. He didn’t want to be here sitting around babysitting me any more than I wanted him here. The silence was weird. I used to cut up with him and the other guys when they were working on the bar, but this was different.
“Why are you called Chink?” I asked him, breaking the silence that settled around us. If I was going to be stuck with the guy, I figured I’d find out a little about him.
He looked at me, his dark eyes met mine. They were filled with mirth. “I was learning to ride, and I thought I knew more than I actually did, so I started out going way faster than I should have. I ended up going through a chain link fence. It scratched the fuck out of me, and I had to wait for the guys to get bolt cutters to get the links from around my bike without doing any more damage than it had already done. From that day on, they called me Chink.”
I was laughing as he continued to tell me how, after that day, the guys never let him forget it. They ribbed him so bad for his chain link catastrophe. “So, what about the other guys? I mean, Ink is obvious, the tattoos and being a tattoo artist, but what about Roper?”
“Well, Roper got his name for two reasons. One, because he grew up on a ranch in Colorado, and went on to be in rodeos before he joined the service. After he got out, he tried to go back to ranching, but missed the sense of brotherhood, so he joined the Demons with the rest of us.”
Ember's Burn: A Steel Demons MC Novel Page 10
