“Jah. January 14.” Before she realized she was doing it, Grace lifted her chin again, like she had something special to prove. When she noticed that he noticed her slight movement, she blushed.
Oh, but he had an awful way of making her feel ridiculous. “Are we close, John Michael?”
“Hmm? Oh, jah. Just a little bit farther.”
She looked around, eyeing the rolling hills, the brown trees lying dormant until spring, the frozen creek bed. It was a lovely farm. “I don’t remember your family having so much land. I guess I didn’t think about things like that when I was younger.”
“I doubt you worried about acreage, but your memory isn’t wrong. We didn’t have as much land until Miss Schultz sold her farm.”
The name rang a bell . . . though, she and her sisters had always called her Miss Dorma. On its heels rode in sweet memories of a kind lady who baked up a storm, and always had some kind of toffee or taffy in her purse. Any child lucky enough to sit next to Miss Dorma during church would be given a treat to tide them over until the preacher finished his sermon.
In spite of the awkwardness of the situation, Grace smiled. “I haven’t thought about Miss Dorma in years. She moved far away, didn’t she?”
“I don’t believe so. Last I heard, she was living with some distant relatives in town.” His voice drifted off. “I’m a little ashamed to admit that I haven’t thought about her in months.”
“Next time I go to Bill’s Diner, I’ll ask about her. Maybe one of the servers has seen her or is part of her church district.”
“That’s a gut idea.” His voice warmed. “No doubt she’s still bringing treats to the kinner there.” He pointed toward a pile of straw, food scraps, and what looked like shredded newspaper about six or seven yards away. “Snooze likes to nose around that.” He held out a hand. “Come, I’ll take you there.”
She ignored his hand. “Snooze!” she called out, increasing her pace.
“Careful! Silly, the ground is a little uneven over there. It can be treacherous when it’s covered in snow.”
“I’m fine.” Then, as if on cue, she stumbled and twisted her ankle. It stung, but she righted herself . . . just as she stumbled again.
“Grace, wait.”
Whether it was because she was embarrassed or had finally decided to stop being so prideful, she did as he asked. But, boy, it was difficult to spy that familiar look of concern in his features. Was she ever going to be grown up and poised in his eyes?
He reached for her hand. “Are you okay?”
Unable to ignore his touch, she gripped his fingers. “Jah. Danke.”
Then, realizing what she was doing, she laughed softly. “I promise, I’m really not that clumsy anymore.”
His hand floated back down to his side. “I don’t remember you being clumsy in the first place,” he murmured before continuing in a bright tone of voice. “Usually, Snooze is right . . . here.”
She hurried to a mound of straw and what looked to be the last of the fall leaves . . . and a pile of apple peels.
Nestled in the middle of it was a sleeping Snooze. “Thank you, Jesus!” she murmured as she carefully knelt down and scooped up the pup.
To her relief, the dog was warm and seemed fine. He didn’t appear sick or chilled, only sleepy. Snooze opened his eyes, sniffed her coat, then yawned.
“Oh, Snooze. Thank goodness you were here.”
For the first time since she’d begun to watch him, the dog snuggled closer instead of stiffening and attempting to spring free.
It seemed that bit of trust was all her body needed to finally let down her guard. She hadn’t lost him! He wasn’t hurt. He was going to be just fine.
Tears in her eyes, she turned to John Michael. “I’m so grateful for your help. You saved the day!”
“I don’t know about that.”
“I do! If you hadn’t found me, Snooze would still be alone, and I would be wandering in the woods by myself without even a coat on. Thank you so much for helping me.”
“You’re welcome.” His voice sounded a little thick. He wasn’t smiling now, either. Just looked at her intently.
Which made her heart beat a little faster.
Which was wrong.
Feeling more confused than ever, Grace backed up. “I should leave. I’m sure Snooze is ready to snuggle under his favorite quilt.”
“There’s a lot of snow on the ground now. How about you let me hitch up the sled? You’d get home much faster.”
Gliding across the snowy hills next to John Michael? Sitting so close to him that their bodies would touch? All while wearing his coat?
That was a recipe for disaster. “Danke, but nee. My cloak fell off almost as soon as I started running. I need to retrieve it.”
“I’ll help you find it. There’s no need to go alone.”
There’s no need to go alone. A shiver ran through her. Hadn’t that been what she’d been trying to do, with rather poor results? “That is too kind of you. Danke.”
“Do you want to come inside my house for a few minutes first? I could make you some hot cider or tea.”
No matter how cozy his coat was, her cheeks and nose were chilled. Sipping a hot drink and resting her sore ankle for a moment sounded heavenly, as did taking a moment to relax.
However, being around John Michael after all this time was proving to be anything but relaxing. The sparks of desire that she’d so unsuccessfully tried to tamp down all those years ago had flared again. Embarrassing her. She knew she could never, ever be with the one man who’d broken her sister’s heart. Beth would never forgive her.
And, maybe, she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself?
There was only one decision. “I better not.”
“You are in that big of a hurry to get home?”
She could lie and take the easy way out . . . but she wasn’t going to do that anymore. “You know why I’m saying no, John. It’s for the best.”
“Is it?” Before she could figure out a way to remind him that any friendship between them would be difficult on account of her sister’s feelings, he shook his head. “You know what? Forget it. Let’s go, Grace.”
She’d stood up for her sister. She was going her way, and she’d deftly sidestepped his offers and kindness. She should feel pretty good.
So why did she feel so awful about the new barrier that was between them?
Her mind a muddled mess, she followed him across the fields again, all the while wishing she could have handled their reunion a better way.
Chapter 3
John Michael had hoped he would never be alone with Grace King again.
She made him feel too vulnerable. Too tentative, too not like himself. Though he was by nature reticent, there was something about her that made him feel like he was only a couple of minutes away from baring his soul and confessing his darkest secrets.
Thinking back to when he’d been courting her older sister, Beth, John Michael knew there were several times when he’d almost told her far too much.
All that was why for the last three years he’d kept a healthy distance from Grace King. It had been a challenge. They lived in a close-knit community. Practically every person of Amish faith knew everyone else. However, he’d become adept at avoiding any singings or gatherings where the King girls were going to be.
A lot of people probably had no idea he was keeping his distance. His mother and father were not among them. Over and over, they’d questioned his choices.
More than once his father had advised him to move on. He’d remind John that even though he’d hurt Beth, he was only human. He was going to make mistakes, he was going to change his mind, and he was going to need forgiveness at times, too. He also reminded John that dwelling on the past never did anyone much good.
All of his father’s words made sense. But it didn’t mean they were easy to put into practice.
Now, as he slowly walked beside Grace in the snow, John Michael was struck by two things. The first was
that Grace had grown into an attractive woman. While he’d always admired her full cheeks, slightly crooked nose, and easy smile, there was now a confidence about her that was compelling.
And even more mesmerizing were her eyes. An unusual combination of gray and green, they were also wide-set and so filled with innocence.
Whenever she gazed at him directly, he could hardly look away.
She’d always reminded him of one of those orphans he’d read about in Oliver Twist. Wanting to trust other people, but still staring at the world with a healthy dose of trepidation.
As he continued on by her side, John Michael mentally rolled his eyes. Here he was, waxing poetic about her. Comparing her to an orphan in a Dickens novel.
Hmm. Maybe he was like one of those characters, too. Maybe he was the Artful Dodger, speaking out of both ends of his mouth and wanting too much.
And that, he realized, was the crux of it all. He was still infatuated with Grace. He still ached to know her better. Still ached to be close to her. Wanted to be special to her.
The realization shamed him.
When he’d first met Beth, he was dazzled by her beauty, and then captivated by her outgoing, gregarious family. Those strong descriptors weren’t used by accident. He’d felt as if everything about their family could be described in superlatives.
They’d welcomed him into their family with open arms, not caring that he was a Kentucky transplant. They’d embraced his cautious ways, never seeming to notice that he sometimes didn’t know how to act around them, thanks to his parents’ far quieter manners.
Instead, they seemed to accept him how he was—and then they had taken the time to introduce him to everyone, which made him and his parents feel like they all belonged in Hart County.
But as he got to know Beth, he felt an emptiness in their relationship. He blamed it on their youth. Then her need to manage him.
Then himself and his stupidity.
As the weeks passed, he’d begun going to their house not to just see Beth but also her sister. Grace. He’d rarely felt so guilty or out of control with his body. It was as if his heart refused to listen to his brain.
“Do you like being a firefighter, John Michael?” Grace asked, interrupting the silence that had fallen between them.
“I do. It’s challenging and always busy. I never know what each day will bring.”
She looked up at him, intrigued. “I guess it keeps you on your toes.”
“It does at that.” Thinking about some of the calls he’d gone on, he added, “I’ve learned so much. Each time we get called out, I feel like I’m pushing myself both physically and mentally. I make a difference, too, which is gratifying. Then, of course, I value the friendships I’ve made with the other men at the station. In some ways, I feel like the people I work with are my second family.”
Still hugging Snooze close to her chest, she glanced up at him again. “What do you do when you aren’t fighting fires?”
“I’m on call for twenty-four hours at a time. When I’m at the firehouse I train, help clean the station, and assist everyone with inventory for both the trucks and the ambulance. And sleep and eat,” he added with a wink. “I even had to learn to cook for us.”
Her eyes widened. “Truly?”
“Yep. All of us are on a rotation. I cook every fourth night when my team is together. I have to tell you, some of my first attempts were awful. I’ve gotten better, though. Now I make a pretty good plate of spaghetti.”
She shook her head. “I never thought about firemen cooking.”
“When I first started, I was surprised by how much we do during our shifts.”
“You work with Englishers, don’t you?”
“There are a couple of Amish men who volunteer if they’re needed. Oh, and we recently hired on an Amish man to be an EMT. It’s Noah Freeman. Do you know him?”
She smiled. “Jah. I know Noah.”
There was a warmth in her voice that he hadn’t heard directed toward him. Though he had no business feeling that way, it made him jealous. “He recently married.”
“I know. We went to his wedding. I’m surprised you weren’t there.”
“I was on call.” He’d asked to be, so he wouldn’t have to cross paths with Beth or Grace.
“That’s too bad. It was a lovely day—and a mighty big wedding. Three hundred people!”
“I hated to miss it,” he lied.
She paused, pointing to her right. “This way?”
“Uh-huh. It’s not much farther. You should see the Lees’ house after we climb up this next hill.”
She shifted Snooze in her arms.
Belatedly, he realized that he should’ve been carrying the dog. Snooze wasn’t big as far as dogs went, but even carrying a dog his size through the snow could become tiring. “How about you let me take a turn carrying the hund?”
“Nee,” she said sharply, before catching herself. “I’m sorry. Thank you, but no. I’ve got him.”
“I bet you don’t want to let him out of your sight.”
“I don’t. But that isn’t the only reason.” Looking pleased, she added, “This is the first time Snooze has let me hold him without tensing up. We’re making progress.”
“I’m sure he likes being in your arms.”
She looked at him sharply. Seemed to consider saying something, but then shut her mouth.
He didn’t blame her for being flustered. His comment had been inappropriate.
It really was time to try to smooth things over. They couldn’t continue on this way. He couldn’t. “I guess we should talk about the elephant in the room, Grace.”
“What room is that?”
He wasn’t sure if she was teasing him or not. “That’s an expression. I guess it’s an English one. It, uh, means that we should probably stop avoiding the topic that is on both our minds.”
“And what might that be?”
“Beth.”
She inhaled sharply. “John Michael, I don’t think that’s a gut idea.”
He didn’t either, but he also knew that they had no choice. “How is she?”
“Well enough.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that she’s doing just fine, in spite of the fact that you broke her heart.”
“I’m not going to deny that I could have ended things better, but that was three years ago. Surely, she’s moved on?”
Her voice turned hesitant, as if she was trying her best to say what was expected of her instead of what was from her heart. “She’s moved on, John. As you said, your relationship ended a long time ago.”
“If that’s really the case, then why have you been acting so flustered and uneasy around me? Did I do something to you that I wasn’t aware of?”
“Of course not. It’s just that—” She stopped herself. “Never mind.”
“Never mind? I think not. We should clear the air. Talk about everything.” Though it would be as painful as getting his teeth pulled, he added, “I could even tell you my side of the story.”
Eyes wide, she stared at him for a second before averting her eyes. “I don’t believe that’s necessary.”
“Grace . . .”
“It’s freezing out here and you have no coat on.”
“I told you I was fine. Besides, it’s stopped snowing.”
“We need to look out for my cloak.”
“I’ve been looking. If we don’t find it today, I’ll come out and look tomorrow. Now, tell me Grace, has Beth found someone else?”
She sighed. “Jah. I think so.”
Grace sounded so vague. Was she evasive on purpose or because she really didn’t know? “I hope she has. I’d like her to be happy.”
“You really mean that, don’t you, John Michael?”
“Of course.” As much as Beth had proclaimed at the time to be heartbroken, she’d accepted his decision rather quickly. Though Beth hadn’t ever said the words, he’d always gotten the feeling that she, too, had been wishing t
hat there was something more between them. “You might never believe me, but I felt she and I were never meant to be together. Something was missing. I tried to make things better, but I couldn’t add something to our relationship that simply wasn’t there.”
She stopped and stared at him like he had told her something she’d never thought about before. “What was missing?”
How did one describe something that he couldn’t explain clearly even to himself? “Something intangible.” He pressed a hand to the center of his chest. “A feeling that she was the right woman for me and I was the right man for her.”
Grace seemed to dwell on that for a long moment before speaking again. “Beth was practically planning her wedding.”
He’d known that—and it had grated on him, too. “That wasn’t my fault. I never proposed to her.”
“She seemed to think it was understood, though. You came over every Sunday for months. As far as we knew, you didn’t visit any other women.”
“I didn’t. Of course I didn’t.”
“You befriended all of us. My parents considered you to be one of their own. We all grew attached to you.”
“I loved being around your family.” That wasn’t a lie . . . but, unfortunately, it also wasn’t the complete truth. He’d also begun to notice one specific member of the family too much. “Grace, marriage is a bond between two people. It’s stronger than families getting along. Even if it wasn’t right, I always felt that Beth and I wouldn’t be a good match at the end of each day.”
She slowed, finally looking like she believed him. “I guess I never thought about relationships that way,” she said slowly. “Maybe—Oh! There’s my cloak!”
She darted through the field, Snooze lifting his head and looking back at him in alarm as she ran.
“Yeah. I know the feeling, buddy,” he muttered, even though he knew the dog couldn’t hear him.
His insides felt tangled and twisted, almost as if he had been plunged back into a crevice he’d already climbed out of.
All because he’d come face-to-face with Grace King again. Pretty, quiet, awkward Grace. The girl he’d tried not to notice but had always seen.
The person his heart had told him would give him everything he’d been missing . . . who was also off limits.
His Promise Page 2
