Nate took a deep breath. He knew she was upset, and he needed to remain calm. “No. That’s not it at all. I wanted you to know that you’re special to me.”
She put her hands up in the air and shook them. “I can’t deal with this right now. Now, I have to feel guilty about you, too.”
Nate took a step back. “I see. Guilty because you don’t feel the same way.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you didn’t not say that.” This was not how he had imagined it going when he pictured telling her that he loved her. “You know, I never took you for a coward. Who cares what your in-laws think? If you want to be with me, then you should be with me.”
She huffed. “I can’t believe you just said that to me. You, Mr. I Don’t Do Relationships Because My Mommy Died.”
“Whoa.” He couldn’t believe she’d just said that. That was a low blow.
She pointed to her chest. “I lost my husband. I’d put myself out there and fallen in love, and I lost.” She pointed to him. “You. You won’t even consider giving a relationship a chance. You lost your mom. Yes, it was sad. But she wasn’t your wife.”
“Well, Piper, I guess you’re right. The only women I’ve loved left me. First, my mother and then my grandmother. Even though they didn’t leave on purpose, it still cut deep. So, maybe I did close myself off from relationships. Easier not to get hurt that way. But you’re also wrong, Piper. Because I did give a relationship a chance. I opened my heart to the one person I thought wouldn’t hurt me, and she did. Thanks for reminding me why it’s better to stay single.”
And, with that, Nate spun on his heel and walked away.
As Nate walked away, Piper collapsed onto the grass and sobbed.
She let herself cry for a solid ten minutes. She cried for Jordan. She cried for herself. And she cried for Nate.
She was a horrible person. If she hadn’t felt guilty before, she sure did now.
The look on his face when she’d said that about his mom. She couldn’t believe those words had come out of her mouth. Ten minutes ago, she’d thought the night couldn’t get any worse. Boy, was she wrong.
She already regretted what she’d said to him. He’d just kept pushing her, and she’d exploded. Not that it was an excuse to attack him like that.
She owed him the biggest apology in the history of apologies.
She was exhausted and felt like shit, and she just wanted to go home, hide under the covers, and forget tonight ever happened. She wanted to wake up and have it be fourteen months ago when Jordan was alive.
But that would be taking the easy way out. Because, if Jordan were still alive, then she wouldn’t have to deal with grief and her guilt. Nothing she did would bring her husband back, and did she really want to erase everything she now had with Nate?
The answer was no. Nate had taught her that life wasn’t over.
But did she love him, too? More importantly, was she willing to let herself love him? Could she let go of Jordan and move on?
Piper stood. She brushed the grass off her bridesmaid dress and did her best to straighten it.
First things first, she had to go inside and finish her mother’s wedding. She didn’t need another thing to feel guilty about, and she needed to give Nate some time to cool off. He didn’t get mad very often, but when he did, it was best to give him some room.
She did send him a quick text though.
Piper: I’m sorry. Can we talk later?
She waited a minute, but there was no response.
She sucked up her emotions and went back to the church. She snuck into the restroom and tried to get rid of the tearstains on her face. It was hard when her purse with her makeup was sitting at the table in the banquet room, but she managed. Thankfully, the lights were turned down for the dance.
Piper finished up in the restroom, put on her best fake smile, and went back to join the crowd. She made small talk with her relatives and helped her mom and Don pack up all the leftover food and centerpieces.
She hadn’t seen Nate since he left her outside.
Her mom and Don had decided to get a hotel room for their wedding night, so Piper went home alone. When she got there, the guest bedroom was closed. She thought about knocking on the door, but if Nate was sleeping, she didn’t want to wake him.
They had made plans to spend the night together since it would be just the two of them in the house, but instead, Piper climbed into her bed alone.
It was a long time before she fell asleep.
Nate woke to his four a.m. alarm and got on his phone to order an Uber to pick him up in twenty minutes. In the meantime, he dressed and packed up his belongings. His flight was at seven a.m., but before Nate left Nebraska, he needed to make one more stop.
His phone alerted him to his ride being there, and Nate left the guest room. He paused at Piper’s door but didn’t knock. It was ridiculously early, and he wasn’t ready to talk to her. He didn’t want her to think he was ignoring her, but he couldn’t face her yet. And he couldn’t spend another day there with the tension between them. He didn’t want to ruin the rest of her trip with her mother. And he didn’t want a six-hour car ride filled with awkward silence. It wasn’t healthy for either of them.
He was still hurt, and he didn’t want to say anything he’d regret. Although he doubted things would ever be the same between them.
Nate stopped in the kitchen and grabbed a notepad and pen. He wrote Karen a note to thank her for everything and apologized for leaving. Then, he hopped in the Uber.
When they arrived at the cemetery, Nate asked the driver to stay and promised him a big tip. Then, he had to do a bit of hunting before he found Jordan’s grave.
“Hey, buddy.” He knelt in front of Jordan’s headstone. “So…you probably know everything that’s going on, but I figure I owe you an explanation. I have no idea what you meant when you told me to take care of Piper, but I’ve tried my best. As I’m sure you witnessed, I told her I loved her last night, but, buddy, I don’t think there’s any competing with you.” Nate was joking, but it was partly true.
“I had this strange conversation with my stepmom a few weeks back. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Really? Really, dude. She basically told me that just because Piper loved you didn’t mean she couldn’t love me.” Nate laughed, but it wasn’t really funny. “But you, man, you are irreplaceable. But I already knew that. I think I was fooling myself, thinking that Piper would ever love me.”
Nate paused and collected his thoughts. “Your wife sure knows how to cut to the heart of things. She told me I didn’t date because of my mother. She’s probably right. And maybe that’s why I fell in love with her. Because I could never really have her, and I could prove to myself that I’d been right all these years. Relationships aren’t worth it.”
Nate sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dump all that on you. But I needed someone to talk to, and I guess you’re perfect. You can’t tell anyone else what a lovesick sap I am.”
He looked down at the ground. “Anyway, I came here to apologize. I’m sorry I didn’t do as you’d asked. I’m sorry I’m the reason you’re in the ground in the first place. I’m sorry I didn’t take care of Piper the way I should have. I am really failing at the friend thing, aren’t I?” Sigh. “But please don’t worry. I will let Piper know I’ll be there for her if she really needs me. I know we can’t be friends like we were before, but that’s probably for the best.”
Nate stood. “I hope you can forgive me for everything. I’m sorry I took you away from Piper. I’m sorry I thought I could ever fill your shoes. I’m sorry I ever tried. I miss you, buddy. I’m sorry we don’t get to spend any more time together either.”
Nate looked toward the car waiting for him. “I’d better go. Love ya, man.”
He took his time walking back to the Uber. There was a feeling of finality as he made his way back, and he tried to stretch it out. But that only la
sted a minute.
Nate opened the car door and got inside. “Airport, please.”
Piper woke up to noises coming from the rest of the house and her stomach growling. She rolled over and looked at the clock. It was after ten in the morning.
It had taken her forever to fall asleep, but once she had, she had been out. She hadn’t woken up once last night.
Piper’s stomach grumbled again.
“Okay, okay, I’m getting up,” she told her empty belly.
She pushed off the covers and did a quick hair and face check in the mirror before leaving the bedroom. After their fight last night, Piper didn’t want to see Nate while she looked horrible.
The newlyweds were in the kitchen, making goo-goo eyes at each other.
“Good morning,” Piper called out.
Piper’s mom jumped and blushed. “Good morning, Piper.”
Piper went to the cupboard to grab some cereal and to the fridge to get the milk. “So, where are you two going to live now that you’re married?”
“We were actually just talking about that.” Her mom looked to her new husband. “We think we’re going to put both of our houses on the market and buy a new one together.”
Piper spun around from where she was pouring her cereal in a bowl. “What?” But she’d grown up here. Her mom couldn’t move.
“Yes. I lived here with your father, and he lived in his house with his first wife.” Her mom pointed to herself and Don. “We want something that’s ours together.”
Piper’s heartache must have been written all over her face because her mother stepped forward and pulled Piper into her arms.
“Don, can you give us a minute?”
“Of course. I’ll be in the other room if you need me.”
Her mom let go of her and met her eyes. “I’m sorry, honey. This probably comes as a surprise to you.”
Piper felt a tingle in the backs of her eyes. She couldn’t believe she was going to cry over this. “More like shock.” She didn’t understand why this was upsetting her so much. She hadn’t lived here for years.
Her mother gave her a sympathetic smile. “Does this have to do with Nate leaving?”
“What?”
Her mom winced. “Yes, honey. He left Don and me a note, thanking us for everything and apologizing for leaving.”
Her mom grabbed the note off the counter, and Piper snatched it from her mother’s grasp.
It was true.
Piper dropped the note and ran to her room. Her phone wasn’t next to the bed, where she usually kept it, so she practically ransacked her room, looking for it. She finally found it in her purse. She unlocked the screen as quickly as she could with shaking fingers and went to her messages.
Nate: I decided it was best for me to head home. I don’t want to ruin the rest of your trip with your mom. We will talk soon. Right now, I need some time.
She read the words over and over as her mom stood in her doorway.
Piper crumbled onto the bed. “He really left.”
Her mom came in the room and sat next to Piper. “What happened, honey?”
“We had a fight.”
“You really care about him, don’t you?”
“I do,” Piper said. She hadn’t really understood how much until this moment.
“So, what happened?”
“I saw Jordan’s parents.”
“Ah.”
“Ah? What does ah mean?”
Her mother smiled. “Just that they’ve never been the nicest people. What did they say?”
Piper replayed the conversation with her in-laws, and then she had to confess about the horrible things she’d said to Nate. “I know it’s not an excuse, but I felt so confused, and at the time, I felt like he was pushing me to make a decision.”
“Do you feel that way now?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“I have a question for you.”
“Okay.”
“Let’s say that you and Jordan had never met. You’re not a widow. There isn’t a certain amount of time required to grieve. Everyone is different. With all that said, how do you feel about Nate? Do you want to be with him?”
Easy answer. “Yes.”
“Do you love him?”
Easier answer. “Yes.”
Her mom put her arm around her. “Then, you need to cut yourself some slack. If Nate makes you happy and treats you right, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”
Piper laid her head on her mother’s shoulder. “Thank you.”
“Ah, honey, you know I’m always here for you.”
Piper took a deep breath. “I don’t know how I’m going to fix this.”
Her mom gave her a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
Piper did not figure it out.
It was the Thursday after her mother’s wedding, and she still hadn’t talked to Nate. Sure, she’d gotten home late on Monday evening and had to work all week, but there was still extra time in the day. Had she met up with Nate though? No. And he’d canceled on their usual Wednesday night dinner last night.
They’d texted some. He wasn’t ignoring her. But he wasn’t his usual self, and it seemed like all their conversations were short, polite, and initiated by her. She felt like she was messaging with a stranger.
“Hey, aren’t you leaving early today?” Simone asked Piper.
She looked at the time on her computer. “Crap. Yeah, I’d better get going.”
Lainey peeked her head around the corner. “Make sure the doctor gives you the strongest birth control there is because Nate could knock a girl up just by making eye contact with her.”
Piper forced a laugh. “I’ll make sure and tell my OB/GYN that.”
She hadn’t said anything to her friends yet about what had happened over the weekend. If she told them, it would be like admitting things might really be over with Nate.
Maybe she wasn’t so different from her in-laws after all.
The only reason she kept her doctor appointment was so she could leave work early, and she felt like she was breaking the rules if she left and didn’t go to the clinic. Because she had a feeling that she wouldn’t need birth control now that she probably wasn’t going to have sex again for a very long time.
She told her coworkers good-bye and made it to her appointment with five minutes to spare. After waiting twenty minutes, she was called back to see the doctor.
They asked all the normal questions. Blah, blah, blah, but when they got to her last period, she realized she was late.
“Not again.”
“I’m sorry?” the nurse who was taking the initial notes and vitals asked.
Piper pulled out her calendar and gave the nurse the date of her last period. “I’m late. This isn’t the first time this has happened.” She didn’t want to tell the nurse when it’d happened before because she really didn’t feel like getting sympathy about her deceased husband. The focus right now needed to be on if something was wrong with her and if she’d ever be able to have children. “I’m ninety-nine percent sure it’s stress-related,” was all she said.
The nurse smiled. “Okay, I’ll put it in your chart, and you can discuss it with the doctor.”
“Thank you.”
Five minutes later, Dr. Palmer walked in.
“Hi, Piper.” The doctor sat next to her. “You’re here for the pill, but I hear you’ve been under some stress, and you’re missing your periods again.”
Her OB/GYN already knew her history with her husband passing away and how she hadn’t menstruated for a couple of months. Dr. Palmer had long brown curls and brown eyes, and she was about Piper’s age, which made it easier to talk to her.
“Yes. I started seeing someone.”
“Oh, that’s great.”
“But I think we’re over.”
“Ooh. I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“And it wa
s kind of messy. I haven’t talked to him since my mom’s wedding.”
The doctor started typing on the computer. “So, your mom just got remarried, and you broke up with your boyfriend?”
“Yep.” She held up a finger. “And my mom is selling the house I grew up in.”
The doctor winced. “Have you been experiencing anything else that’s different?”
Piper shrugged. “I’ve been a little tired lately.”
The doctor typed a few more words and then turned to Piper. “You know, your husband has only been gone a year. And then a new relationship, your mom’s new marriage, and your breakup…that can be a lot on the body. Are you still seeing the psychologist I recommended?”
Piper looked away. “No,” she admitted. Piper wasn’t opposed to therapy; she was just opposed to therapy with that particular person. “I went a few times, but we just didn’t click.”
“That’s okay, Piper. I can give you a couple of more names. But I really think you need to talk to someone.” She held up a hand. “Now, I’m not saying there can’t be a physical reason for your symptoms, but the mind is powerful, especially when you’re under stress. I’ll run some tests today, but I would really like it if you gave therapy another try.”
“Okay,” she reluctantly agreed.
“Great. I’m going to send you off to the lab, and then you can come back here and wait in this room.”
“No pap smear?”
The doctor smiled. “Nope, you just had one five months ago. So, we’ll run some other tests, and if those come back okay, you can start the pill after your next period.”
Piper went to the lab, had her blood drawn, and came back to the room to wait. She thought about what the doctor had said, and she picked up her phone. But, instead of texting, this time, she hit Call.
Nate picked up on the third ring. She didn’t know if that was a good or bad sign. But she knew that, until she talked to Nate, she wouldn’t feel better.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Nate.”
“Piper?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
Nate didn’t say anything, so she plowed through.
Nasty Page 20
