Despite my annoyance, I can’t stop my mouth from quirking in a slight smile at his response. “You’ll be waiting for a while. I’m not sure what time I’ll be back,” I reply, watching him through the peephole.
He smiles and leans against the door. “Ok,” is all he says, as he pushes back and moves to sit on my front steps.
I assume that he won’t stay there for too long and move back to the couch to continue watching my movie.
“Perry,” I call, trying to get my preferred companion to re-join me on the couch. But he won’t budge from the door. He just sits there, looking at it, then at me as his tail wags impatiently. "I'm not letting him in. So you're wasting your time."
Perry starts whining then lifts his paw to scratch at the door. “Seriously Perry, what is your deal with this guy?" Perry responds by looking at me with his sad doggy eyes and continues to whine.
I roll my eyes and walk back over to the door. “Perry, if you still had your balls we’d be taking a trip to the vet after this. You’re supposed to be loyal to your owner. Not to some guy you’ve only met once.”
Seeing me place my hand on the doorknob, Perry’s tail starts to wag like crazy. I’ve never seen him so eager for me to let a visitor in.
“You might as well come in. My dog would like to see you,” I say as I open the door.
Marcus stands immediately and turns his charming smile toward me. “Your dog?”
“Yes. My dog.”
I stand aside as he walks in and immediately kneels down to scratch Perry behind the ears. “Oh you’re a good dog aren’t you?”
As I shut the door, I realise that I’m not really dressed for visitors. I’m just wearing black lounging pants, a white singlet top and an oversized cardigan with my ugg boots on my feet. My hair is twisted up in a messy bun on top of my head and I don’t have a scrap of makeup on my face.
“Well, you two have fun. I’m going to go and finish my movie.” I walk back to the couch and take a seat before pressing play again.
“Is this the one where he’s into the nun?” Marcus asks, as he sits down beside me. Perry, the little traitor, jumps up beside him and lays his head on Marcus’s lap. Once again, my eyes roll.
“She’s not a full-on nun. She was forced to become one. It’s not quite as sordid as you think,” I reply.
We sit quietly for a while, watching the movie together. This just feels so strange. There’s a man in my house, who I barely know and my dog would rather be pet by him than by me… I reach over and take a rather large gulp of wine.
As I place the glass down, I notice Marcus looking at me. “Oh… Do you want some? I mean, I know I said you can visit with Perry, but since he can’t offer you a drink, I guess I should…you know, to be polite and all…”
“Sure.”
I hit pause again and head to the kitchen to fetch a glass and fill it for Marcus. I also return to the lounge room with the rest of the bottle to refill my glass – I’ll need more wine if I’m going to get through this visit.
He thanks me when I hand him his glass and proceeds to watch me refill mine.
“Do I make you nervous?” he asks.
I lift my now very full glass and gulp down almost half of it. “Not anymore,” I say, tilting my glass toward him.
He nods slowly and takes a sip from his own glass. Perry just lifts his eyes and looks at me. He seems so at home right now.
I remain standing, still holding my glass while I use the other to wrap my cardigan tighter around my body. “Why are you here Marcus?”
“I told you. I want us to be friends.”
“Why? You can be friends with anyone.”
“That’s not true. It’s actually very hard for me to find a friend. Everyone wants something from me.”
“So this is because I didn’t know who you were the other day?”
He nods slowly. “That’s part of it.”
I move and sit on the single lounge seat instead of right next to him, tuck my legs up and take another drink from my wine glass. My head is starting to feel the dizzying effects of the alcohol, helping me to relax during this odd visit.
“I looked you up. I know who you are now,” I tell him, narrowing my eyes a little.
“Ok. Who am I?”
I blow out my breath slowly. “Existentially – I don’t even think you know the answer to that question. Your life seems to be too fast paced for you to have any idea.”
“Who am I theoretically then?” he asks, watching me over the rim of his glass as he takes another sip.
“Theoretically, you’re a typical rock star. Your life seems to revolve around parties and women - none of them keeping your attention for long. You’re constantly on the move, and beside the fact that you’re in your home town now, I’d hedge a bet that you’ve spent a hell of a lot of time not knowing where in the world you are…”
He nods and drops his attention to Perry as he runs his fingers over the dogs golden hair. “Call me Carmen Sandiego,” he smiles, making light of my assessment.
“I um, saw that YouTube video. The one with your old band.” He nods again, but doesn’t take his eyes off Perry. “Why did you do that to her? In the beginning, you say that you love her and then you humiliated her. Why did you do that?”
“There’s a thousand articles out there explaining what happened Lisa. If you looked me up you would have seen them.”
“Ok. Truth time?” I say, setting my glass down on the table beside me.
He nods.
“I only did an image search on you. I wanted to see how many women you were pictured with.”
He grins. “I see.”
“There were a lot.”
He nods again.
“I mean – heaps.”
“I know, Lisa.” His eyes meet mine for a moment and I see a flash of something in them. He wants me to stop talking about the women, but it’s not that he’s annoyed, it’s more like he wants to forget about them.
“Anyway, I found a bunch of pictures with you and your old band as well. And they led me to the video. That’s all the information on you I have.”
“Ok.” He frowns slightly, and I notice the muscle in his jaw tick.
“Listen. If you’re going to push this friend thing on me, then you’re going to have to do your own talking. I’m not going to read articles on you just to learn what the world knows about you. If you want to be my friend, then let’s do this like regular people. You share. I share. We build a friendship.”
“That’s a bit of an about-face. Earlier you told me I was only here for Perry.”
I shrug. “Well, it doesn’t help Perry if I refuse to get along with his friends. So you played the ‘dog likes me’ card and won. You’re in. I accept you.”
He laughs, and the sound is almost musical. “I’m flattered.”
“Just don’t push this friendship thing ok? I want to keep this all on the down low. I don’t want my face in the papers or the magazines. If someone asks you if you know Lisa Russell, I want you to say ‘who?’ I don’t need my life turned upside down just because you need a friend.”
“Ok. I can accept that.”
“Good. Now, I want you to tell me about that video and then we can let the whole fame thing go.”
“Why are you so interested in why I did it?”
“Because, she looked mortified. I don’t want to be friends with someone who would do that without a very good reason.”
Marcus
I really wish that Lisa hadn’t looked me up online. I was kind of hoping that she could be the one person in my life who didn’t know about the shit things I’ve done. It would have been nice to have a clean slate with someone and be able to base a friendship solely on the present.
But, that’s obviously not to be. I lean over and place my glass on the side table next to hers and instead of telling her the same story of heartbreak that I told the tabloids, I tell her the truth.
“I did it because I was jealous.” She sits and listens
as I tell her about my relationship with my brother, Theo. “I’ve always been insanely competitive with him, and really, he was just trying to do the things he loved. And I was always there making sure I was better than him at everything.
"He excelled at music, so I excelled at music, and I did it bigger and better than he did. If he was interested in a girl, I'd go and ask her out. No matter what I did to him - he took it.” I rub my hand back and forth over the top of my head. "I don't know. I guess I just wanted him to fight for something. But he never fought; he just accepted that I was better. He encouraged me, he helped me and did everything he could to be a good brother. And I just kept stomping all over him.
"I know why I did it. I just had this need to be the best, and he let me. Then we met Naomi. Naomi was this sweet girl who could see the good in everyone. She stood by me and continued to be my friend even though I kept screwing around leading her on.
"She was just so good, you know? And I didn't want to ruin it with my shit. Then I found out she was interested in my brother, and I couldn't stop myself. I started to pursue her.
"Long story short. I didn't win. She chose Theo. And I got so pissed that I got up on stage and almost ruined all our careers. I could have destroyed everything we'd been working for with that one song. Luckily, I didn't. But the fact of the matter is, I didn't care. I was so caught up in my own bullshit but I didn't even give a thought about anyone else. I was jealous. I was selfish. And I don't deserve this life I've been given as a result. Truth is, Lisa, I threw away my family that day. It’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.”
Lisa stands from where she’s been sitting, quietly listening and moves to sit next to me. “Ok,” she says, slapping her hands on her knees as if she’s made a big decision.
“Ok what?” I ask, genuinely confused. I just poured my heart out to her and she’s saying ‘ok’?
“Ok. I’ll be your friend. Perry’s a very good listener, but he doesn’t answer back. I do answer back. So…” She shrugs and looks all accepting of this thing we’re starting.
I laugh. I can’t help it. All of a sudden I feel lighter. I’ve been holding that truth in for such a long time now. I don’t know why I’m telling her things I’ve never spoken out loud before, but there’s something about her. I trust her.
“Just… no funny business ok? Friends is as far as this thing goes.”
“I can live with that,” I say, letting out a deep breath. She hands me my glass again and presses play on the movie. I watch for a few seconds then turn to her again. “I bet I can get you to change your mind.”
She glances over at me, her mouth turned up slightly in an amused grin. “Is that so?”
“It is. No mortal woman can resist my charms for too long.”
This causes her to drop her head back and let out this beautiful throaty laugh.
“Perhaps I am the exception to that rule,” she smiles, although when her eyes meet mine, they lock.
This feeling is often referred to as ‘something passes in the air between us’ but it feels more like our souls connecting and speaking to each other in a language we can’t hear. When we finally drag our eyes away from each other, I feel like I know her and she knows me.
I watch the movie, but I don’t really see or hear what’s happening on screen. Instead, I’m lost in my head. This isn’t something I’ve ever experienced before. Normally, I meet a girl, I find her attractive, take her to bed and when I’m sated – I move on. I certainly don’t seek them out and watch movies with them and their dog as… as friends.
This is all new to me. It’s the most normal I’ve felt for a long time, and you know what? I kind of like it.
I could really get used to this.
Chapter 6
Lisa
When the movie finished, Marcus stayed a while longer and we just talked. Surprisingly, it was kind of nice. And extremely normal.
I don’t know why Marcus felt safe enough to tell me the real reason behind what happened with his old band, but I’m glad he did. It made me see him as being more human than rock god, and guy-I-should-steer-clear-of-at-all-costs. And the fact that Perry really likes him is a huge factor in me being ok with him. Perry loves people, but he NEVER loves people like he loves Marcus. Dogs are good judges of character, so I’m willing to give Marcus a chance just because Perry wants me to. (Hey, don’t judge me - if I need to use my dog as an excuse to change my mind about someone, then I’m well within my right to. If you had some guy spill his guts to you like I did, then you’d probably change your mind about him too – with or without the dog vouching for him.)
A week later as I do my slow walk around the neighbourhood while Perry does his daily territory mark, I’m still thinking about all the things we spoke about. I think Marcus really needs to fix his relationship with his family. His parents seem as though they really miss him and his brother also seems more than willing to sort things out. I think the only thing in Marcus’s way is Marcus himself.
For a while there I thought about telling him a bit about my own family. But I realised that it would be pointless to do so. It could actually freak him out and since it’s highly likely that when Marcus needs to go on tour again, our friendship will be over, I just don’t see the point in getting into my own crap.
I’ve always been a firm believer that people come and go in your life when you do and don’t need them. I have a feeling that my friendship with Marcus is the universe’s way of getting Marcus to look at his life and make some changes and for me to stop being so instantly judgemental of people.
I mean, I immediately decided that Marcus wasn’t worth my time because of my own history. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind that there could actually be an actual person underneath that façade who is starved for some sort of meaningful human interaction.
My only problem with this whole ‘friendship’ thing is that I don’t really know what I should tell Sandra. Now, I know that there’s really nothing going on between the two of them. I know that Marcus is unlikely to even remember her. But I also know that she remembers him very well. And to my eyes, she seems hung up on him a little. If I let her know that he’s been visiting me it could really damage our friendship. I don’t want that. I’ve known for her over a year now, and I don’t want something that I know will be fleeting and is essentially unimportant, getting in the way of things.
But at the same time, I don’t want to give up on Marcus. After everything I’ve been through in my life, it would be nice if I could influence just one person to move forward and become more than a cliché.
I think I should keep it from her unless she asks me a direct question. I don’t see the point in upsetting her, especially when Marcus and I aren’t going to be anything more than friends. I think that’s best… right?
Perry stops at yet another tree and cocks his leg. As I stand there and patiently, lost in my thoughts, I wonder what I'm really worried about; it's not like I've actually heard from Marcus since last Friday night. He left a little after midnight and that was the last I saw of him (well, in person anyway… I may, or may not, have done another Internet search and seen photos of him with one of our upcoming musicians taken at some sort of event for the rich and fabulous.)
Perry pulls at his lead, snapping me from my thoughts so I start walking, before he settles in beside me at a happy trot. As we near our house, he lets out an excited yelp then surges forward, almost reefing his lead from my hand in his bid to reach home faster. Instantly I see why. Marcus’s car is parked out the front of my house again.
My heart starts to beat a little faster. “Looks like your man crush is here to see you,” I say to Perry as soon as we’re within Marcus’s earshot. He’s looking very casual sitting on my front step, in a pair of well-worn jeans, a faded red retro looking T-shirt, and a baseball cap for some team I don't even know. In his hands, he holds a pair of Ray ban Aviators as he swings them side-to-side by the arm.
“Hey,” he smiles, as Perry and I walk up t
he front path. Perry pulls forward, so I release the lead and let him run to Marcus.
“I feel like you and I are going to end up fighting for custody over him,” I joke, as I watch them greet each other.
Marcus takes a hold of Perry’s lead and stands to face me. “I thought maybe we could do something today? I could take you out for coffee or something? I would have called, but I forgot to get your number…”
I scrunch my face up a little. “I don’t know Marcus. I said I don’t really want to be spotted out with you. I’m a private person for a reason. I don’t want to draw attention to myself.”
“I’ll wear the hat and glasses. No one even notices me when I go out. I promise. Let me take you out for breakfast. It’s the least I can do after last Friday when I gate crashed your movie.”
I bite my lip in contemplation. “Ok,” I say. “But if even one photo of me and you ends up online or in a tabloid somewhere then you’re going to have to break up with Perry and leave me alone – alright?”
“Deal,” he grins, flashing me that disarming smile of his. I swear this man is lethal. He’s got me spending time with him when I swore I never would, and now he’s got me agreeing to go out in public with him. At what point am I actually going to be able to say no to him?
“I’ll just put Perry in the backyard,” I say, moving toward Marcus and holding my hand out for the lead.
“Ok.” He does that thing again where he brushes my hand as he passes me the lead. I hate that my breathing changes when we connect, and that for some reason, our eyes lock and I struggle to break away.
Clearing my throat, I drop my eyes to the ground and point at the house. “I’ll just…” I start to say as I move to head inside, but figure the pointing will suffice because, if I keep talking, I’ll end up rambling and looking all nervous and flustered – which I am, but he doesn’t need to know that.
Racing through the house, I unhook the dog leash and make sure Perry has fresh water in his bowl before I grab my purse and head toward the front door. Just before I get there, I see a flash of myself in the hall mirror and freeze, taking in my appearance.
A Beautiful Rock Page 5
