She could not even tell herself that it was the pain of the first time. When Gervaise awoke, it was much the same. It had gone on in that way for three days at each stop they’d made, until she’d managed to lock the door of the room before he could enter. He’d complained bitterly about the unfairness of it. But she’d shouted back at him that he had no right to upbraid her, that he was lucky to have had as much as he had and that, no matter what had happened, she would not marry him now if he was the last man on earth.
She had wished then that she could go back to Drusilla and demand an explanation, or at least some reassurance that it would get better with time. But when she had run away, Silly had known even less about the physical aspects of love than she did and would do no more than give her a scold and drag her back to London.
Instead, the Drusilla who’d found her had been starry eyed with love. She had seen the kisses that her older sister had shared with Mr Hendricks and known that there was poetry in love somewhere. But apparently it had not been meant for her.
Now everyone assumed that she was to belong to the Duke of Reighland. She had never met a soul more devoid of music in her life.
Until tonight’s kiss, at least. He had been understanding about her flight from the dance floor. The stolen moments in the garden had been the sweetest that she had ever spent. Even now, the gentleness of the single kiss managed to quiet her heart, which was still beating hard from the exertions of the dream.
Without being able to help herself, she was drawn to Reighland. There were a hundred ways it would not work, of course. He was too close to her father. He was too powerful. He might seem gentle, but so had Gervaise, at first. Things would change the moment they were truly alone.
She rolled and punched at the pillow, trying to find some cool place where she could lay her head and rest. The Duke of Reighland might not love her, though he at least appeared to be fond of her.
But that would not overcome the very obvious fact that she did not think, no matter how gently he treated her, that she could face performing the marital act again. If it had been bad with Gervaise, then what would it be like with this hulking stranger? Tenderness would not make him any smaller. And if he chose to be a vigorous lover?
Her palms curled in on themselves and she squeezed until she felt the pain of her nails, imagining herself clutching the bed sheet as he pummelled her, wishing the image were in any way erotic, so that she might trick herself into believing she wanted this. No matter what he would do, it would hurt her. And he would want it again and again, for the rest of her life.
Until such time as he grew bored with her, anyway. Then he would take away the pain and the pleasure as well. He would take away his gentle understanding, his dry jokes and his sweet kisses, and spend them on some other woman.
She stared at the ceiling and willed herself to sleep. Her last thought before the dreams returned was that the end of any physical pain Reighland might cause would be unequal to the agony of loss that might follow.
Chapter Eight
This could be yours.
It was impossible not to think it at least once upon seeing such a house. Once she’d admitted to it, she could rest easy and think no more about it for the rest of the evening.
Priscilla surveyed the foyer of Reighland’s London home, the paintings on the walls, the thickness of the hall carpet and the perfection of the ballroom, with a critical eye, exercising her covetousness like an atrophied muscle. It all could be hers, if she married him. But she did not really wish to marry any man simply to gain control of his house. If she had learned nothing in the last months of seclusion, it was her ability to do without.
He had probably hoped to inspire just such a reaction by inviting her here. She had suspicions that this rather grand event had been organised so that she would visit his home and admire his wealth. He’d made no mention of a rout when they had been alone at the ball three days ago. But the invitation had arrived the next morning with the first post. She expected he had kept some poor servants up half the night gathering guest lists and scratching out addresses to meet his impulsive demand. In response, it appeared that half of London had cleared its schedule and called for a carriage.
But now Reighland was pushing his way through the crowd towards them, holding out a welcoming hand. ‘Benbridge, Lady Benbridge, welcome. And Lady Priscilla, of course.’ He was favouring her with a rare smile, which did nothing to diminish his intimidating nature.
‘Your Grace.’ She made a polite curtsy, then let her mind wander from the exchange of greetings, talk of the weather and of politics.
Reighland broke off suddenly, as though sensing her lack of enthusiasm. ‘But my talking nonsense with your father can hardly be of interest to you, Priss.’
The slight to Papa made her flinch, as did the use of her nickname. She had given him no permission to use it, but she could not very well object to it in front of Ronnie. It was clear that the rest of her party would accept any familiarities foisted upon her with enthusiasm. ‘It is all right, your Grace. Pray, do not let me interrupt your conversation.’
‘No, it is not. I would never forgive myself if your first visit to my home was less than enjoyable. If you will excuse me, Benbridge, I will escort your daughter around the room. I am sure that I have some delicacy here that will tempt her.’
‘She would be honoured,’ Veronica said firmly, before Priss could think of a plausible objection. ‘And we would be happy to relinquish her. Come, Benbridge. We must not monopolise our host.’
Father allowed himself to be led off with only a token objection, proof that he was as complicit in the illusion as Veronica. Once again, she was alone with Reighland—or as alone as one might be in a packed ballroom. But considering her precarious position in society, that sometimes felt quite alone indeed. Now Reighland was smiling down at her like a child presented with a new toy.
She returned a jaundiced stare. ‘So, what are these temptations you speak of? Or was it merely a ruse to spare yourself my father’s company?’
He dipped his head, as though it was possible to talk intimately with a voice that boomed as his did. ‘If I made up lies to spare myself the company of everyone I find tiresome, I suspect that I would speak no truth for the rest of the evening. Come, I have prepared a treat for you.’
‘Not another lemonade with brandy, I hope,’ she said.
‘Not unless you wish it,’ he said. ‘Hopefully, now that I am proving myself to be no threat to you, we will not have to resort to such fortifications.’
She glanced at the refreshment table, which was as perfectly done as the rest of the room. ‘I am not interested in prawns or sweetmeats, either. Perhaps, if you had somewhere quiet that I might sit…’ she gave him a firm look ‘…in privacy. I fear I have a bit of a megrim.’
‘Really?’ He gave her an equally firm look. ‘Is that the best you can do to put me off? Threats of a headache will not work with me, I assure you. If you will look around, you might discover the entertainment I have provided.’
She could not think what he meant. The music was lovely, but no different than many other parties. The women were the same tiresome crowd that she saw wherever she went. And no gentleman would dare encroach on her space if she was to be perpetually set upon by Reighland.
Then the crowd parted and she saw what he must mean. Her brother-in-law was chatting amiably with a man on the other side of the room. She tried to appear unmoved while searching the room for any sign of her sister. But even a sight of Mr Hendricks was a treat so rare that she could barely contain her surprise.
Reighland, ever observant man that he was, noticed the change in her and said, taking a sip of his drink, ‘John Hendricks is in attendance tonight, if you desire to speak with him. I understand you have a family connection.’
‘He is family,’ she admitted
, ‘but I am discouraged from talking to him.’
‘How unfortunate,’ Reighland said, giving her a curious look. ‘I had hoped that you would have a chance to converse. He seemed eager to speak with you. But if you are not so disposed…’
‘No,’ she said hurriedly. ‘I have no difficulty with him. But Father did not approve of Dru’s marriage. He will be livid when he realises that they are in attendance.’ She felt the skin tense at the back of her neck, as though her body was bracing for a confrontation.
‘I expect he will,’ Reighland said nonchalantly. ‘If his opinion mattered to me, I would have given him the guest list to approve. I arranged this for your benefit. Does it please you?’
Please her? Her heart was galloping. How did he know, on such a limited acquaintance, that this visit was more precious than jewels? She stared hungrily across the room at Mr Hendricks. If she could manage it, she would have time enough to apologise to him for the first and only impression she’d been able to give. He must think her a wilful, selfish fool after the way she’d behaved on the road to Scotland.
If she could gain his attention for a few moments, before Father and Veronica realised what she was about and forced her to leave, there might be some little, precious time. ‘It pleases me very much,’ she said, trying not to show the extent of her elation as her mind raced to think of all the things she wished to say and to ask.
‘Your sister would be here as well, but she was indisposed.’
Indisposed to see her, perhaps? Or her father. Priss’s spirits fell a little. Perhaps she could get Hendricks to reveal the truth and take some message back to Silly. But the fact that she could talk to him at all would be a special treat. ‘I understand.’
‘There will be other opportunities to see her,’ Reighland added, as though it were the most natural thing in the world to force her father to associate with the working class. ‘Do not fear Benbridge’s reaction. He would not dare confront me in my own home on my associations. Even if he did, I doubt it would matter. I am quite enjoying Hendricks’s company. He is a dashed clever fellow and I prefer a quick wit to an old title. I fear, if you take me, you shall have to put up with my quirks on that.’
‘I will?’ As though it would matter to her. ‘If you were expecting a scold from me, your Grace, I will disappoint you as well. I would most like to see more of Mr Hendricks.’ Without meaning to, she smiled at him as though he were a favoured suitor who had rewarded her with such flattery as to be worthy of distinction.
Surprisingly, when confronted with the full force of her carefully nurtured beauty, the duke blushed. It made her colour as well. In her months of reclusion, she had forgotten how to flirt. In days past, she would have cooled his heat with a snap of her fan, perhaps catching the eye of some other swain with a fickle comment. Then she’d have led the pair of them a merry dance for the rest of the evening, playing one against the other.
Instead, she stood before a pink-faced Reighland with a silly smile on her face and they stared at each other as though there was no one else in the room. She dropped her eyes and fumbled with her reticule. He searched the room, catching Mr Hendricks’s eye and signalling him to come. ‘And here he is.’ He looked relieved as he made the introduction. ‘John, so good to see you again. Of course you know my guest of honour?’
‘I do indeed, your Grace.’ Mr Hendricks bowed and gave a subtle half-turn of his body that closed their little conversational circle off from the rest of the room. ‘Lady Priscilla?’
She reached out and clasped his hand, feeling him start against the sudden contact. ‘It is so good to see you, Mr Hendricks. So very, very good. Tell me, my sister, is she well?’
‘Unfortunately, no. She is ill this evening.’ He did not glance at Benbridge, or show any disapproval of her that might demonstrate it was a lie, but then he was the most subtle of creatures. He would not have admitted to anything so rude as a harsh truth.
Reighland turned suddenly and then looked back at them with a warning smile. ‘Perhaps the two of you would like to continue this conversation in the card room or in some out-of-the-way spot. I see another guest who deserves my attention.’ Then he turned and said with false jollity, ‘Benbridge! A moment of your time.’
Dear, sweet Robert had foreseen the problem with her father and was giving her time before action could be taken that would part her from her prize. She seized Hendricks by the arm and did her best to propel him in the opposite direction. ‘A turn about the room, Mr Hendricks? I feel a sudden need for fresh air.’
‘I suspect you do,’ said Hendricks, regaining his calm. ‘And how is your father, Lady Priscilla?’
‘Much the same, sir.’
‘How unfortunate for you.’
‘But tell me of Silly. Drusilla, I mean,’ she said, abandoning the childish nickname for her sister. ‘It is nothing serious that keeps her at home, I hope.’
‘A passing indisposition, I am sure.’
‘Be honest with me, Mr Hendricks. Father’s presence here was not the thing that upset her, was it? Or mine?’ She added the last a bit more quietly, afraid of the answer.
Hendricks laid his hand on hers, in an awkward show of sympathy. ‘Not at all, Lady Priscilla. She is truly ill. And very disappointed to be at home tonight. She misses you terribly.’
‘And I her. Your words are a balm to me, Mr Hendricks. The house is quite empty without her.’ She looked away hurriedly and fluttered her fan. ‘Not that I do not wish her to be happy, sir. And she is happy with you, I am sure. She looks much better than she did at home. Softer, somehow. She smiles more. I have seen her about town, even though Veronica does not allow me to speak to her.’
‘Ahh, yes. The new Countess of Benbridge,’ Mr Hendricks said with a knowing smile. ‘What is she like? We have not been permitted an introduction, you know.’
Priss burned with shame at being on the wrong side of this foolish argument. ‘You are not missing much, sir. She is well suited to my father, I think. Grasping, ambitious and full of her own importance. And very eager to secure her place in the household, before Father comes to his senses. You can tell my sister it is probable we will have a brother before the year is out.’
‘My felicitations to her,’ he said. ‘And to you as well.’
‘Me?’
‘On your impending nuptials. The ton can talk of nothing else.’
‘If you are speaking of Reighland, it is not set in stone, just yet,’ she said. ‘I barely know his Grace.’
Hendricks laughed. ‘He said much the same of you, only a few days ago. He is a very cautious man.’
‘He does not seem so to me,’ she said, risking a moment of honesty. ‘He is pursuing me most shamelessly.’
‘That is because he is smitten with you,’ Hendricks said.
Smitten. Of all the possible reactions from a suitor chosen by her father, she had not expected that one. ‘You must be mistaken.’
‘On the contrary. He has spoken to me about you. I am afraid you have made a conquest.’
He had spoken to Reighland. Dear God, what secrets had they shared with each other? Between her admission to the duke, and Hendricks’s knowledge of the past, she wanted to sink through the floor. ‘It was never my intention to snare him. But he is most persistent.’
‘And you have been honest with him,’ Hendricks said, admitting his knowledge without saying another word. ‘That was kind of you, I think.’
‘He deserves the truth, if nothing else.’
‘He is surprisingly tender-hearted, despite his rank and appearance.’
Was Hendricks warning her not to break poor Reighland’s heart? The idea was so outrageous it made her laugh. ‘I will do my best to let him down gently, then. I do not think we will suit.’
‘You do not?’ Hendricks seemed genuinely surpris
ed. ‘I am sure your father would say otherwise. Personally, I could not imagine a better catch for you.’
‘But from what you know of me, given a little time, you could imagine a better catch for him, I am sure.’
‘I would never—’
She cut off his objection. ‘Without the family connection, you would not be so kind, sir. There are many other girls, some of them here tonight, who are my equals or superiors in birth and more proper and agreeable as well. It would content me to see him married to any of them and for Father to cease his scheming and let me retire to country spinsterhood.’
‘You would not have to do that, even if the duke does not take you. There are other men, I am sure…’
‘And I do not want any of them,’ she said with a sigh. ‘You know me. Better than you would like to, I’m sure. I am willing to admit that I am not fit to be the wife of a worthy man. There is sufficient money for me to cede the field and live quietly alone. Is it really such an unrealistic demand?’
Mr Hendricks looked worried and adjusted his spectacles, as though it might help him to see what she was seeing. ‘It is a very sensible idea. And I would encourage it, if it were not my wife’s sister suggesting it.’ He patted her hand again. ‘Dru would rather see you settled nearby. Away from your father’s influence, but close enough so that you might visit.’
‘Dru has always wanted more for me than I deserved,’ she said simply. ‘Tell her not to worry. Whatever happens, I am sure I shall be fine. If I can manage to get Father to send me away as I wish, then I shall certainly write to her often. But for now, I do not think we should risk my father’s displeasure any more than is necessary. I would hate to think that Benbridge tried to make difficulties for the two of you, because of my carelessness.’
Hendricks gave her a curious look, followed by a nod of approval. ‘You must not worry on our account, Lady Priscilla. My position in society is secure, even if your father attempts to discredit it. But I thank you for your concern and will relay the message to your sister. We shall meet again soon, I am sure, and you will be able to tell her yourself. And here is Reighland again.’ They had completed a circuit of the room and he was offering her arm to the duke as though she were some precious item that he had been allowed to borrow for only the briefest time.
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