“I won’t hunt it down and kill it as long as it keeps away from the base. How’s that for a thank you?” He chuckles. It’s a warm, deep, intoxicating chuckle.
“Fair enough,” I confirm. We wrap ourselves in each other’s arms and close our eyes, enjoying the feeling of the sun beating down on us.
Eventually necessity forces us to continue our long walk. Ryan leans over and presses his cheek to mine. “We need to leave,” he whispers in my ear.
“I know,” I sigh, and allow Ryan to pull me to my feet.
We don’t walk as we did before. Now we alternate between walking hand-in-hand and wrapped in each other’s arms. It feels natural, as if we have skipped over the initial awkwardness that new couples usually go through. I can’t believe I fought against this for so long.
Chapter 24
Making camp that night, we have to reconsider our sleeping arrangement. It now has a new meaning for us. “We both need to stay warm,” I point out.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he insists.
I smile. “I’m very comfortable in your arms.”
“You know what I mean,” he scolds.
“Look, we’re just going to sleep next to each other like we’ve been doing all these weeks.” I slide into the sleeping bag and pat the spot beside me.
“It’s not the same now.” Ryan crosses his arms; he isn’t planning on leaving his side of the igloo.
“If it makes you feel better we can give each other some ground rules. Our hands remain above the waist, and the sleeping bag is just for sleeping.”
“Can I at least kiss you goodnight before we fall asleep?” He smiles his crooked grin at me.
“Don’t push your luck.” I laugh, but I know if he starts kissing me, I won’t want to stop.
“So, seeing we’re already on the topic, we’re taking things slow, right?” He slides into the sleeping bag next to me.
“I think that’s best, until we get home, at least.”
I close my eyes and breathe him in. It feels so good to finally have his arms around me, and to know it’s for more than warmth or keeping nightmares at bay.
“Me too. Sweet dreams,” he whispers.
“You too,” I murmur back.
I’m asleep before I realize it, and I start to dream. In my dream, Ryan is walking across the base towards me. He smiles at me, and I smile back. It feels so good to be back at home with him. As he comes close I raise my arms to hug him, but he brushes right by, knocking my hand out of his way. I turn bewildered and see Kelly standing behind me. Ryan wraps his arms around her and gives her a long kiss.
“I’ve missed your touch, Kelly; there’s nothing like it,” he coos in her ear.
“I’ve missed yours too, baby,” Kelly replies. She pulls him back to her and starts kissing him again, chirping and purring.
“Hey, wake up, sleepy.” I feel a kiss on my neck.
“You’re breaking the rules already. The sleeping bag is for sleeping,” I grumble.
“I’m not in the sleeping bag, so technically I’m not breaking any rules.” He tussles my hair and laughs at me. “Besides, if you don’t get up Caper’s going to have a fit. He’s not used to having you sleep so soundly.”
I certainly don’t feel like I slept soundly. “Okay, I’m up.” I stretch.
Ryan reaches to kiss me, and I push him back. “Morning breath,” I warn. He laughs and settles for my forehead.
As we eat breakfast, I find myself staring at Ryan. His hair had grown pretty shaggy over the last month. I like the look on him. I muse about what it will feel like to kiss him without the soft tickle of his beard and to feel his bare, warm cheek against mine.
“What?” he finally demands – I haven’t stopped staring.
“Can you do me a favor when we get back home?” I ask in a coy tone.
“Depends on what is,” he cautions me.
“Keep the hair and lose the beard.”
“Does the beard bother you when we—” His voice trails off, and his face drops in disappointment.
“No. No, it’s nothing like that. I’m just curious what it will feel like to kiss you without it. You can always grow another beard later if you want.” I reach over with my fingers and play with his facial hair.
“Sure,” he replies shrugging his shoulders, but I see the relief in his expression.
We begin to pack up camp. My finger brushes against something hard in my pack, I look and see that it’s Brody’s ring. We’re both anxious to get home, but I’m dreading telling Brody.
“Wait.” Ryan grabs me around the waist and pulls me to him. “I still haven’t had my morning kiss.” He leans down and gently kisses me. I feel a warm rush of emotion flood my body and begin kissing him back. Too soon he pulls away. “If we don’t stop now, I’m liable to spend the whole day with you here.”
Reluctantly, we both grab our packs and head out.
It’s quiet most of the morning as we walk. I can’t shake last night’s dream and what it means. If I’m right about the pods, as soon as we start sleeping in them again we will have renewed feelings for Kelly and Brody, and that’s the last thing I want.
It’s so remarkably different kissing Ryan than it is Brody. With Brody, my body overrides my mind and takes control. With Ryan, all my senses are sharpened, combined together in the moment. Brody’s kisses leave me wanting more, yearning for something unnamed. Ryan’s kisses leave me satisfied, complete, whole. It only reinforces my theory on the pods. I need to figure out how to avoid the pods from changing our feelings. We’ll be placed in quarantine when we get back, so I won’t have a chance to get Andi’s advice.
I try to remember what I can about the pods. A laugh escapes me – the solution is so simple.
“Something amusing?” Ryan looks over at me and brushes my cheek.
“Just a random thought,” I answer.
He quirks an eyebrow at me. “Care to share?”
“Not really.” I reach over, pull Ryan to me, and kiss him. It’s not fair, but it distracts him for me. Besides, I feel like celebrating. All I have to do is convince him to sleep upside down in his pod, and we’ll be all set.
“You should have random thoughts more often,” he chuckles, and we continue walking.
In the beginning of the week, the terrain starts to look familiar. By the end the week, we’re seeing familiar landmarks from our maps and we know we’re almost home. Begrudgingly I tackle the elephant we’ve been avoiding. “Have you decided what you are going to do about Kelly?” I ask.
Letting out a long, frustrated sigh, Ryan says, “I’m going to have to tell her.”
“Yeah, I know. But have you thought about just how are you going to? Do you know what you’re going to tell her? First she thinks you’re dead, then she finds out you’re alive, then you break up with her. She’s going to be an emotional wreck.”
Shrugging his shoulders, he says, “I can always hope she’s moved on to someone else.” He looks down at the ground, kicking aside pebbles as he walks.
“I know this isn’t a comfortable topic, but we both need to figure out what we’re going to do.” I sigh. Being the other woman isn’t something I’m comfortable with. It’s not a role I’d ever thought I’d have in my life.
“Have you any ideas?”
“No. Not really.” I can’t think of any way to spare their feelings entirely; all I can think of is how to soften the blow.
“But…?” Ryan prompts, guessing correctly that I have more to add.
“The only kind thing I can think of is giving them some time to get over the shock of seeing us alive again.” It’s my turn to look at the ground and kick the pebbles.
“So what you’re saying is we keep our relationship a secret when we get back.” Ryan pulls his hand out of mine.
“Ryan, please don’t be like this. I’m not asking you to keep it a secret forever. If there was no one else involved, I’d shout my love for you from the rooftops.” I swallow my breath as I
realized what has just slipped from my mouth.
Ryan stops in his tracks. “You love me?”
My face flushes red, and I start to panic. I hadn’t meant to say love. I don’t want to freak him out. Saying the L word too soon could ruin any relationship. “Well, um… don’t freak out. That’s a bit strong of a word. What I really should have said was—”
I stop in mid-tongue-tied-sentence as Ryan pulls me to him and kisses me hard. I grab onto him for balance and kiss him back. I truly feel weak in the knees and I know that no one has programmed me to.
“I love you too,” he whispers in my ear, and then proceeds to kiss my neck.
“Really?” I breathe.
“Really.” He grabs my face in his hands and stares at me. I smile back, overwhelmed by emotions.
We spend the next hour walking wrapped in each other’s arms. Periodically Ryan leans down and kisses my neck or forehead. I’m elated. He loves me too.
“So for how long do you want to keep us a secret?” Ryan asks, busting my blissful trance.
“I don’t really want to keep it a secret at all,” I sigh. “Well have to keep it quiet through quarantine, and then maybe give them a week to let them down easily.”
“So are you planning on kissing Brody for that week while you’re together?” Ryan’s voice sounds angry, and I’m surprised by tone of jealousy I detect.
“No! I wasn’t planning on having you kiss Kelly either,” I snap back, hurt by his accusation.
“Then what do you plan on doing for the week after quarantine?” Ryan growls at me.
“If you’d calm down and let me explain—” I cross my arms and wait to see if he’s going to interject again. Then I continue, “I’m planning on telling Brody as soon as possible about my change of feelings. I thought it would be kind to give him a week to get used to the idea before we showed ourselves in public together.” I glare at him and cross my arms.
“I’m sorry. I never liked seeing you with Brody. The thought of you kissing him again—” His voice gets thick and trails off.
“What do you mean you never liked seeing me with Brody?”
“I liked you back then too. That night you invited me to the greenhouse, I wanted to kiss you, but you didn’t give me the chance. The only reason I never tried again was because I met Kelly. But I still had feelings for you, and every time I saw his hands on you, I’d get angry. I convinced myself that it was just because Brody was all wrong for you.” I notice Ryan’s entire body had tensed up just from the memories.
I grab his hands and give them a squeeze. “I felt the same way every time I saw you with Kelly. I told myself that I had no right to. I had picked Brody, but it didn’t stop the jealousy I fought.”
“What do you mean you picked Brody?” Now he’s staring at me, his face hurt and confused.
I groan. Why does my mouth like to betray me? “I knew you wanted to kiss me that night. I had just had my first date with Brody, and couldn’t kiss you too, despite the fact that I wanted to. I was still wrestling with my feelings the next day, but then I saw you with Kelly as I left the library.”
“So I kind of picked Brody for you,” he say glumly.
“In a way, yeah you did. I resented you for a bit after that day with Kelly,” I admit as I cuddle myself against his chest.
“You must have thought I was a shallow jerk, just going for the first pretty girl that would have me.”
“Are you saying I’m pretty?” I tease.
Surprised by my question, he blurts out, “Have you ever looked in a mirror? You’re beautiful.”
I blush. “Not like Kelly is. She enters the room and everyone notices,” I argue.
“Wow, I didn’t think I’d get to see your jealous side so soon.” He feigns shock. “Kelly’s a flashy pretty and a lot of it is make-up. You, on the other hand, are a natural beauty. You don’t need an ounce of makeup for your beauty to shine through. But when you do dress up, no one can take their eyes off of you. Didn’t you notice at the Fourth of July dance we went to? There was barely a guy in the room that could help staring at you.”
He leans down and kisses my forehead.
“Not that I’m saying your assessment of the dance is right, but is that the only reason you’re with me?” I tease.
“You’re also smart and strong, and you don’t take crap from anyone. I think it’s kind of hot having a girlfriend that could verbally and probably physically kick my butt if she really wanted to. What I don’t understand is why you want me.” He chuckles.
“Well I certainly like your looks, especially after seeing you swim,” I tease. “But mostly it’s because you’re complex. You’re smart and strong, but you’re also gentle and caring. Even when you lose your temper, it’s usually out of concern for someone else.”
“I’m working on the temper.” He touches his hand to my cheek and lets it rest there. With his thumb he traces my jaw line.
“Speaking of the past and your temper, why did you have such a problem with me when I first became team lead? Was it because I’m a girl?” I demand.
I watch him stiffen and scowl at my accusation. “Is that what you thought?” He shakes his head at me. “I’m not sexist. It’s hard to explain. I felt all mixed up between you and Kelly. Then you were acting so cold, I thought you were mad at me. So, when you became team lead, I guess I sort of expected you to make my life miserable. By the time I realized that you never told Dr. Brant about the grass, it honestly didn’t matter. I had already figured out that it was much easier to hate you than to deal with the guilt and mixed-up feelings I had.” He looks ashamed of himself as his eyes plead for my forgiveness.
I wordlessly end his misery with a gentle brush of my lips against his.
Two days later we finally hear other people in the distance. I feel a wave of butterflies in my stomach. I look at Ryan and squeeze his hand. I wonder if he’s as nervous as I suddenly feel. He pulls me to him and kisses me.
“I’m going to miss being able to do this,” he murmurs in my ear.
“Me too. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks. Can you do me one favor when we get back?” My stomach is tied in a knot now.
“Sure. What do you need?” he asks casually.
“Can you sleep upside down in your pod?” I brace myself and wait for his reaction.
“Huh?” he says, dumbfounded by my request.
I swallow hard and explain, “I know it sounds silly, but I have a theory I need to test out.” It’s mostly the truth.
“If it makes you happy, I’ll sleep on my head.” He laughs and plays with my hair.
“That won’t be necessary.”
I reach up and we kiss one last time. I try to freeze the moment in my memory: the soft, warm pressure of his lips, the sweet taste that lingers on his tongue, and the incredible way it makes me feel. I force myself to remember our friends, our new family, who are now so very close, and I let go of him. I’m full of hope, relief and apprehension as we walk side-by-side towards the voices we hear.
Toward home.
* * * * *
About the Author
Tracy Rozzlynn is a Science Fiction and Fantasy, Young Adult author. She lives in New England with her daughter and several pets.
Tracy Rozzlynn has three ongoing series.
The Verita Series: The 2nd book – Concisus – is due out Fall 2011.
The Fast-Track Trilogy: Fast-Tracked is now availible. The 2nd book - Fast-Trapped - is expected Christmas 2011.
The Darkened Trilogy: The 1st book - Darkened Shadows - will be out September 2011.
Connect with Me Online:
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TracyRozzlynn
Blog: http://TracyRozzlynn.com
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/TracyRozzlynn
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/TracyRozzlynn
Read an excerpt from the first book in the Fast-Tracked Trilogy –
Fast-Tracked now available
While Mrs. Doulette’s gra
duation speech droned on, I naively gobbled every word of it up. Study hard and you’ll be rewarded. It had been drilled into me my entire life, and I wholeheartedly believed it. Our system was simple and straightforward – a high assessment score guaranteed a great career and a great life. I had no idea that, in just a few days, I would find out exactly how screwed up that thinking was.
I glanced to my right and noticed Byron sitting just a few seats over. He looked impatient to get on with the party portion of the evening. It struck me just how handsome he was in his charcoal gray suit and tie. I watched as he ran a hand through his wavy, light brown hair. To me Byron’s face had always been honest, kind, and loyal, but recently it had become ruggedly handsome. But it wasn’t his looks that had changed. He had always been considered handsome. With his mesmerizing blue eyes, perfectly balanced features, and athletic build, I was used to other girls fawning all over him. I found it amusing. Or, at least, I had – before my feelings for him had changed.
He caught me looking and smiled, before miming hanging himself from boredom. I smiled back and pretended to fan myself, hoping he’d think my sudden redness was a result of the heat.
Byron and his younger sister Camille had been my neighbors and best friends since we were little kids. We had shared everything together from scraped knees to our recent first kiss. Well, the kiss had been just me and Byron. Thankfully, Camille had been nowhere in sight for that. But she didn’t need to be there; the second she caught sight of us, she had known our relationship had been irrevocably changed, and she couldn’t have been happier.
Of course, I now suspect that Camille knew what was happening between Byron and I long before the two of us ever had a clue. During the year, Camille had constantly made plans for all of us to get together. Then, at the last moment she would cancel, conveniently leaving the two of us alone. Coincidentally, throughout the entire experience, the venue of each excursion kept getting more romantic, until the night we finally kissed. After that, all of Camille’s planning ceased. She must have figured that we were finally able to come up with secluded and romantic places all on our own.
Verita Page 24
