And she was right. He was a coward. Hiding behind his supposed protective instincts to protect himself. He was terrified of making mistakes. Of not being good enough. Of not living up to the name he’d been burdened with at birth. Of letting everyone down. Again.
Of being hurt.
But this hurt so much. And he was so confused.
Her rejection enraged him. As for the thought of her finding another man who could satisfy her needs... That thought just about sent him insane. And that had been the problem. That had been when he’d lost control completely.
Yet when she’d asked him about his future wife he’d gone cold. Marriage was the last thing on his mind. All he wanted was Kassie at his side—in the secrecy of his home. He wanted her to be his alone. His secret. His treasure. He didn’t want to share her with anyone. He didn’t want her to be at risk or have to perform.
She made him feel so vulnerable. And why was that?
He closed his eyes as the painful truth hit him.
He’d thought he was so controlled. That he’d always done what was best for everyone—as if he was so damn all-knowing. But the only person who’d benefited had been him. He was the one kept safe.
He’d thought he was playing his role perfectly. Instead he was just a pompous ass. Emotionally lazy and never putting himself at risk. Not in any real sense. Maybe it was time to be the ordinary guy he truly was. The ordinary guy who’d made massive mistakes in the past and who’d just made another one. He’d pushed Kassie away because she threatened everything—his whole ordered world. But the truth was she was everything. She was his world.
Her words haunted him. ‘You can’t give me what I want...’
He’d been too caught up in his own petulant outrage to ask the obvious question—what did she want? Initially she’d wanted an affair, but not any more. He knew what she didn’t want—to be hidden away as his mistress, unacknowledged and having her value belittled...to be second-best to nothing. But he’d done exactly that to her.
He hadn’t meant to. He’d been so thrown by his explosive loss of control, so afraid he’d ruined it, he’d wanted to buy some time to explore where this was going in private. He’d felt as if he was on a damn runaway train, and he’d wanted to pull the emergency brake for a moment to catch his breath. But he was a coward—because he’d already known where it was going.
She was right. It was time to make some changes. Not just within himself, but within the palace. He would put up a damn painting that he liked—one that hadn’t already been there for centuries. One of his sister’s. How had he been so obtuse as not to even let Eleni put up her beautiful paintings? He’d offered nothing but a total lack of support.
Kassie had put up Eleni’s pictures in her office. Kassie had instinctively seen her depths and her value. Kassie saw the good in people—in her patients. She believed in them. She was kind and supportive and caring. All she’d wanted was the same in return. And he’d failed her.
But now he knew how much he needed her—wanted her. Loved her. She was the one—the only one for him. But he’d hurt her. She’d gone into orbit at the thought of being his ‘kept’ lover, long-term. Of being his secret. He’d retaliated emotionally—irrationally—and she’d wounded him with deadly accuracy.
But how did he become the man she needed him to be? How did he convince her to believe in him now?
He needed time, and a place where they wouldn’t be interrupted. And, as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t kidnap her a third time.
CHAPTER TEN
KASSIE HURRIED UP the path to her apartment. The security guard that she couldn’t get rid of and was secretly grateful for had kept the photographers at bay, but she could barely contain her emotions until she got safely inside. Once in, she dumped her heavy bag, unable to attempt reading the report the senior researcher had sent across that afternoon. Not yet. Not now she was finally alone.
Hurt. She was still so hurt.
Hot tears streaked down her face. She’d been holding it together all day and now she could curl into a ball on the floor and howl her heart out. Again. For the fourth day in a row. When was she going to start feeling better?
A loud knocking on her door made her jump. She froze. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this.
‘Open up, Kassie, I know you’re in there.’
Giorgos? No, no, no.
‘Kassie?’ He thumped the door again. ‘Open up.’
He wasn’t being quiet either. Furious, she wiped her eyes with her hands and unlocked then opened the door.
He took up almost all the space. He’d dressed down in jeans and a tee, with a cap tugged low on his forehead, but he was all King. The clothes made no difference. And he was gazing at her with such intensity—none of that regal remoteness in his hot expression.
His mouth flattened as he took in the signs of her distress. ‘May I come in?’ he muttered roughly.
She wanted to say no. To scream it.
‘Of course.’ She stepped back politely.
‘I’ve learned not to invade your privacy without permission.’ He looked pained momentarily. ‘I’m not incapable of learning, Kassie.’
She closed the door but remained in the small hallway, determined not to let him get past the fragile defences she’d whipped into place. ‘What do you want?’
He cleared his throat but kept his green gaze right on her. ‘I wondered if you had plans for dinner tonight?’
She stared at him blankly. ‘Are you asking me...?’
‘On a date, yes.’ He rolled his shoulders, looking awkward. ‘I’ve never really asked a woman on a date before. You’ve been asked lots of times, and I know you tend to say no, but I was hoping you might go gently with me.’
She lifted her chin. ‘Because this is all about you?’
The twisted smile faded. ‘This is all about me and you. About us.’
‘There is no us.’
‘There is—there will be. There can’t not be,’ he said tightly. ‘We just need to go gently with each other. I want the time and the space to get to know you. To court you. To do the things normal people do when they’re starting a relationship. But unless we date in secret everyone is going to watch. I just—’ He broke off. ‘I’m just asking for one dinner. One date.’
Kassie stared at him, her pulse drumming. What did he mean by ‘starting a relationship’?
‘It’s not that I don’t want people to know we’re involved,’ he added suddenly. ‘I just want us to have the chance to take this further without the burden and pressure of public interest.’
To take what further?
‘It’s not just sex, Kassie. We both—’
‘You don’t have to do this. I know you don’t want to.’
She turned away. She couldn’t cope with what she was reading in his eyes. She couldn’t trust—
‘If you’d let me actually finish, you might find out what it is that I do want.’
She glanced back at him.
‘I told myself I was wary of scaring you off and coming on too strong,’ he said softly. ‘Really, I was the one who was scared. And you, like me, need certainty and security.’
She couldn’t interrupt him now. The lump in her throat was too huge.
‘I said some things I didn’t mean the other day, and I didn’t say the things I should have. My emotions got the better of me and I stupidly thought I could...’ He drew in another breath. ‘I thought that if we could talk over dinner then we might get somewhere.’
‘Dinner?’
‘Yes.’
‘Where? When?’
‘I took a chance and ordered pizza.’
‘Pizza?’ she echoed numbly.
‘It should be here in about five minutes.’
She was lost for words.
‘Say yes, Kassie,’ he coaxed.
She had the feeling that if she did she’d be saying yes to so much more. And she wasn’t ready to do that.
‘I’ll have some pizza,’ she said guardedly. ‘But that’s all.’
‘Great.’
His smile flashed, hitting her all the way to her toes.
‘I’ve thought about this for days,’ he said, slowly strolling towards her. ‘What to say...how to say it.’ His gaze didn’t leave hers. ‘May I ask you another question?’
‘Already?’
She should have known he’d immediately want something more. He was too close. She backed up, but got blocked by the wall.
‘Isn’t this moving too quickly for a first date?’
He kept walking until he was only an inch away from her. ‘You know I can go from merely holding your hand to muffling your screams as you orgasm in less than a few moments.’
Heat flooded. ‘You’re—’
‘Able to be myself around you. Able to take risks that I can’t with anyone else. Because I know I can trust you. But you don’t feel you can trust me because I let you down. And I’m so sorry about that. Give me another chance. Give us a chance.’
She shook her head and pressed her hand on his chest to stop him—but at the same time she was checking he was actually there. That this wasn’t all in her head.
‘Don’t use our chemistry to convince me,’ she begged him.
‘You’re already convinced. You know how good we are.’
‘It’s just—’
‘No. It’s not just sex. It never was.’
‘Who’s the one interrupting now?’ She glared at him.
‘I wondered about a public display. A moment of totally open vulnerability. Being that human guy, not the remote, bloodless King... But then that makes it all about me again, doesn’t it?’
She stared at him silently, wondering what he was meaning now.
‘And it limits your options,’ he mused. ‘How could you answer honestly if all the world is watching a public proposal?’
A proposal? Was that what this was? Kassie’s legs trembled.
‘How could you do anything other than say yes? Which would work in my favour, I guess—but then, this is you, and you don’t tend to do things the conventional way. And besides, I don’t want to manipulate you. You need to know exactly what you’d be walking into.’
‘What would I be walking into?’ she whispered.
‘Madness. All those cameras. All that judgement. I always said I never wanted to put a woman through that. I watched my mother struggle with it. I wanted to protect my sister from it. I saw all those society women turn themselves inside out and change themselves to try to be someone else... I didn’t want you to change. But I’ve realised I’m all too human, Kassie, and I’m completely selfish. I want you. Even though it’s not in your best interests.’
‘Are you still of the belief that it’s up to you to decide what is in my best interests?’ She stared at him. ‘Seriously? You’re still being over-protective?’
‘It’s a very hard habit to break.’ He sighed, resting his hands on the wall on either side of her as he gazed into her eyes. ‘I’m so sorry, Kassie. I’m sorry I let you think I was offering less than all of me. That you thought I wanted to keep you like some dirty little secret I was ashamed of. It wasn’t like that at all. It’s just that you are so precious to me that I feel scared. I want to lock you up and keep you safe.’ He shrugged. ‘I’m still working on that urge. The truth is I love you. I was just too stunned to realise it.’
She stared, still speechless, unsure she’d heard him correctly.
‘I love you,’ he repeated, and this time he smiled as he said it. A tender, wary, but fierce smile. ‘I want to be with you and for you to be with me. And all that entails.’
‘It’s too soon,’ she whispered. ‘You barely know me.’
‘I know you’re honest and loyal and funny and serious. I know that you care about people, that you love to help people. And that you’re lonely. I know that you deserve to be loved utterly...’ He suddenly fell silent and a frown threatened. ‘But if you think it’s too soon for me to love you...then I guess you don’t love me.’
He cleared his throat awkwardly and sucked in another deep breath.
‘That’s why I’m asking for time. It’s what I meant the other day, only I butchered it because I wasn’t thinking clearly. I want you to get to know me properly. To trust me again. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I broke your faith in me.’
Deep distress welled up in her. She didn’t want him to think that she didn’t care. ‘I was scared,’ she whispered. ‘I wanted so much more. I’d done exactly what I told myself I wouldn’t do.’
‘What was that?’
‘Fell...’ Her eyes filled with stupid tears and she shrugged her shoulders, because she couldn’t put it all into words. ‘For you...’ she whispered.
His kiss was the gentlest thing, and it didn’t last anywhere near long enough before he pulled back.
‘Here’s the thing...’ He reached into the pocket of his jeans. ‘Tradition dictates the King’s bride wears the Cristallino Diamonds. This is the ring and this necklace is part of the set. There’s also a tiara to match, but I couldn’t fit it in my pocket.’
She blinked at the dazzling waterfall of sparkling stones cupped in his hand—polished, stunning, priceless. Her pulses roared as she shook her head. ‘I can’t... We can’t.’
‘Of course we can. I’m the King—I decide. I can marry who I want. And I want you.’
He tossed the necklace and the ring to the floor and framed her face with tender hands.
‘You’re not exactly disreputable, Kassie. Truth is, I don’t deserve you and we both know it. But while the diamonds are beautiful and traditional, and full of meaning and importance, I want something just for you. Not traditional. Not because history says I have to. Just for you. Something that I chose in the hope that you would like it, because even though it hasn’t been very long I hope I know you.’
He reached into his other pocket and drew out a small box. He fumbled slightly as he lifted the lid so she could see the contents.
She gasped on seeing the ring resting on black velvet. The ruby was the richest red she’d ever seen—darkly passionate, it almost seemed to glow with an internal fire as it sat snug in its deep gold setting.
‘You like it?’
A tear trickled down her cheek as she nodded. ‘It’s beautiful.’
‘Like you.’ He took the ring and tossed the box, and gently slid it down her finger. ‘Beautiful inside as well as out. Hidden fires.’
His hands shook ever so slightly and he wouldn’t let her fingers go.
‘You don’t have to choose,’ he muttered. ‘I hope you’ll accept both. The public will expect to see the diamonds...without them they’ll be sceptical, superstitious...but between us...I want this just for you. I want to be just for you. I need to be just for you. That’s what I wanted when I made that stupid offer. For you to be mine. I was being greedy and I didn’t realise it. I wanted to have you and protect you at the same time.’
‘How many times do I tell you that you don’t have to protect me?’ Her voice cracked.
‘Like you can’t help yourself from caring?’ He shook his head. ‘I can’t be something I’m not. You can’t ask me to stop caring if I show it in wanting to protect you from a level of public scrutiny that only someone in my position can truly understand. You might as well ask me to cut off my arm. I can’t do it.’
She gazed at him. ‘We could do it together,’ she suggested shyly. ‘If you can trust me, I’ll tell you when I need you to take me away and we can escape just the two of us to the Summer House.’
He stood very still. ‘You’ll tell me?’
‘You know I will,’ she teased, but her eyes filled.
He laughed s
uddenly. ‘Yes. I love you, and I’m quite prepared to spend the rest of my life proving it to you.’
But then he frowned, his grip on her tightening.
‘I couldn’t admit even to myself the truth about how I was feeling. That afternoon with you when I... I’ve never taken that risk with anyone, Kassie. Not even all those years ago, when I was an arrogant, dumb youth, determined to score every woman he could—high on exhilaration and the power I had. I never once went without protection. But with you? I lost all control of myself, and that scared me. And then the thought of you pregnant with my child... It wasn’t terrifying—it was thrilling. Which in turn was appalling. Was I suddenly some Neanderthal beast who wanted nothing more than to impregnate you and keep you locked in my cave for ever? So manipulative. And I denied the truth of that subconscious action and pushed you away.’
He drew in a ragged breath.
‘I need to earn the right to have you by my side. Become the man you to want to be with.’
‘You wanted me so badly you didn’t bother to stop and think. I was exactly the same. I felt it too. And I wanted it. I was every bit as complicit.’
‘But you knew pregnancy wouldn’t happen. I didn’t. And I took the risk anyway. It was the most selfish moment of my life. And the most telling.’
‘I was hurt that you didn’t even discuss it with me. You were just going to get your doctor to come and make me take that medicine. I thought you were horrified at the thought of any kind of future with me.’
‘I couldn’t bear the thought of manipulating you into a situation that you didn’t want to be in. Of imprisoning you with me.’ He closed his eyes. ‘But at the same time I wanted it so much. Too much.’
‘So you made yourself give it up?’ She understood now. ‘You really don’t think you deserve happiness.’
‘Then I realised that in pushing you away I might be hurting you. I was denying you. And in the end I couldn’t do it even to myself. I don’t want to let you go.’ He drew in a breath. ‘But you need to know what you’d be signing up for. Mine isn’t a normal life. I have to let you choose.’
‘How can you think there is any choice?’ She gazed at him. ‘Don’t you get how much I love you? I’d do anything for you. I’ll put up with anything I have to in order to be with you. I’m not afraid of the media or public interest. I don’t care what they think or how they judge me. People have judged me all my life—it wasn’t them I hid from. I learned to ignore them and carry on regardless. I’ll just put my head down and do what I need to do. And what I need to do is love you.’ Her eyes filled. ‘All I want is to be able to love you the only way I know how.’
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