“You’re not going to invite me in?” says Jeff, putting the car into park, and shutting off the motor.
“Oh,” I say. “That’s fine I guess. Come on.”
“Just a second,” says Jeff, gesturing to his cock. “I have to wait until it calms down before I meet your mom.”
“Good idea,” I say, punching him hard on the arm.
“Ouch,” says Jeff. “Shit, that hurt.”
“I thought it would distract you from being so fucking horny all the time,” I say.
And sure enough, it works. I watch as Jeff’s bulge sinks down in his jeans.
“Jeez,” says Jeff. “You ever thought about playing professional football? I’ve taken some bad hits before, but nothing like your punch.”
“Oh shut up,” I say, punching him again lightly in the same spot and giving him a smirk. “Come on, let’s go meet my mom.”
“Isn’t this like a big relationship step?” whispers Jeff to me, on the doorstep of my mom’s house, only a moment after I’ve rung the bell. “Meeting your parents?”
“Isn’t that why you wanted to meet her?” I say.
Jeff shrugs his shoulders.
Suddenly everything inside me goes cold. What does that shoulder shrug mean? I guess we’re still at the stage where one little miscommunication, one little wrong gesture can send me into a wave of minor panic attacks that crash over my body like a storm.
“You mean you don’t know if this is serious?” I whisper back at him.
But it’s too late. My mom opens the door just as I say this.
“Oh my!” says my mother, who’s still wearing her nightgown. She’s holding Mia in her hands in front of her, cradling her like she was her own child. “A famous quarterback on my doorstep! Why, you must have had quite the time last night, Lexi!” She gives me a very obvious wink that I know Jeff can see too.
“We’re just here to pick up, Mia,” I say, trying to rush past all the discussion that I want to avoid.
I just want to get out of here and get into the car with Jeff alone (and Mia, of course) and find out where he thinks this relationship is going, if it’s going anywhere.
“But don’t you want to show Jeff your old bedroom, Lexi?” says my mom.
I inwardly groan.
No, the last thing I want to do right now is show Jeff my old bedroom.
“I think we’d better get going,” I say. “I have to go into work today.”
“I wouldn’t mind seeing it,” says Jeff.
“Maybe another time,” I say.
“Well can I make you both some coffee?” says my mother. I’m still groaning inside. Why can’t she just let us go? I mean, it’s not like I don’t appreciate what she’s done, by giving me last night with Jeff, by taking care of Mia and everything. But, still, I just know she’s going to accidentally let it slip that Mia’s Jeff’s daughter, provided we’re all sitting around the kitchen table sipping on coffee and nibbling on the donuts that my mother always has around.
Finally, I manage to get us out of there without seeming too rude.
“Cute baby,” says Jeff, looking down at Mia. “Can I hold her?”
“No,” I say, as we’re walking back to the car, clutching Mia like she’s the most important thing in the world to me. And she is the most important thing in the world to me, more important than Jeff, or any other pro quarterback, no matter how hot. “I’m sorry,” I say, suddenly realizing how rude I must have sounded. “No, I mean, she’s not used to strangers, you know?”
“Oh,” says Jeff, looking a little puzzled. “That’s fine. I mean, I’m no baby expert or anything. For all you know, I might drop her.”
Yes, that’s exactly why I’m not letting him hold her. I know he’s only joking, but is Jeff fit to even hold Mia, let alone be her father? Sure, he may have made some changes, but has he really changed deep down inside?
19
Jeff
I drop Lexi and Mia off at Lexi’s house, and find myself alone in the car, with the whole day free to myself. I’d been hoping I could spend the day with Lexi, and maybe even Mia, but Lexi was insistent that she had to get to work. She was going to bring Mia along, to give Joanne and her mother a break.
I offered to watch Mia, but I knew the moment I said it, that Lexi would never accept that offer. After all, like I admitted freely, I don’t know the first thing about babies.
I’ve never been interested in them before, but there’s something about Mia that was unusually interesting. I feel drawn to her in some way, like I want to care for her and protect her. What a weird feeling to have towards the baby of some other dude.
Lexi’s never mentioned anything about the father since that first time that I asked her. Who the hell is this bastard, and why won’t he help Lexi out with the kid? It’s not like she isn’t already stressed enough…incredibly stressed.
It looked like Lexi’s eyes were about to pop out of her head from the pressure from the stress.
I wish I knew how to help her.
But I tried… I offered to hold Mia when Lexi already had her hands completely full with diaper bags and all the stuff that goes along with having a baby, all the strange bags. But she looked at me like I was an insane mad man just wandering the streets. She looked at me like I was a real danger.
Apparently Lexi left me last year because she was so concerned about me being a danger to her…and to her kid.
But why? Something about this isn’t adding up.
All I know right now is that Lexi was acting weird as fuck around me and Mia. At first, it was almost as if she really didn’t even want me to meet Mia. Why? It’s not like I’m going to be a bad influence towards the baby, right? Mia can’t even talk yet, and probably doesn’t have the slightest clue to anything that’s going on around her.
This is a weird neighborhood that I’m driving through. These used to be the houses that the dock workers would live in with their families, all crammed together, God knows how many people shared a single room. That was back in the day when Boston had a booming whaling business, not to mention general fishing.
There’s still a little bit of that culture left, but most of it’s long gone. Now the fisherman live outside the city, or in Southie, wherever they can afford, and this neighborhood has become completely gentrified, with young hipsters moving in every day, the house prices rising rapidly.
What used to be a burned down corner store is now an upscale luxury dog food store. Hey, I think to myself, whatever floats your boat, you know? I’m just a football player—I can’t make sense of stuff like this.
Suddenly, something clicks in my head.
No, it can’t be…
What if it’s true?
Mia’s three months old, which means she was conceived one year ago, provided my somewhat fuzzy pregnancy math is correct. (To be honest, I have somewhat fuzzy normal non-pregnancy math skills.)
And who was Lexi with a year ago?
Me.
Fucking me.
Fucking Jeff Tallborne, that’s fucking who.
How did I not realize this?
I’m scraping my memory for the little scraps of things that she’s said to me since we’ve started seeing each other again…didn’t she say something about another guy? I honestly can’t remember right now. She definitely hasn’t told me that Mia’s my daughter, though. That kind of thing would stick in my head for sure.
This all sounds crazy to me, but in a weird way it kind of fits.
It would certainly explain Lexi’s bizarre-as-fuck attitude towards me being near Mia. It would also explain why she left me right around that fight, right? Well, I’m not really sure how soon a woman will know that she’s pregnant? Is it a couple days after, an hour, or a month? Shit, I should have really paid attention more in health class.
But fuck, I’ve never had time for that. I’ve been too busy getting laid. Of course, I always make sure to wrap it up. Put a condom on my cock,
that is.
But…
Wait a fucking second.
I’m like fucking freaking out right now.
That night…didn’t we do something different? Didn’t I not have a condom or something? Didn’t she say she was on the pill?
The timing would be just about right, and this theory would explain all of Lexi’s weird-as-fuck behavior.
But could I really be a dad? Could Mia the baby really be my daughter? And could Lexi really have kept this a secret from me?
But, hell, I’m sure women have done similar things in the past. Hell, that’d be just my luck for Lexi to pull something like that.
Just when I find a good woman…there’s some big problem like this.
Well, fuck, if Mia’s my daughter I’m going to do whatever it takes to be there for her, whatever it takes, whether or not Lexi wants to be with me…would that mean marrying her and living with her the rest of my life? Fuck, this is overwhelming. I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of commitment.
Sure, it’s been fun not too mention really fucking hot…but marriage…
I mean, I know I’ve matured, but have I matured that much?
Fuck…
A bunch of weird emotions are flooding over me. As the shock starts to dwindle, the doubts become less and less. As I keep driving, the wind blowing in my face, and the sun shining in my eyes, nearly blinding me, the more and more convinced I become that I’m definitely Mia’s father.
I mean Lexi really isn’t the type of woman to go around with a ton of different guys. Didn’t she say I was the only guy she’d been with in quite some time, and that she was just trying to de-stress after a year of doing nothing but work?
All signs point to Mia being my daughter and Lexi lying through her teeth about it.
I’m starting to sweat, and my heart is pounding as if I’m in in a pro game. I’m getting mad. How dare Lexi not tell me? I mean, come on? If I’m really the girl’s father, don’t I have a right to know? Was she just going to never tell me?
And I’m a father…the shock hits me again. Shit, I don’t think I’m ready for this shit.
But this could all be some kind of weird delusion I’m having. After all, just because all the signs point to it, doesn’t mean that it’s true.
I’d better check with Lexi before jumping to any conclusions. I pull out my phone and hit Lexi’s number. The phone starts ringing.
“Jeff?” says Lexi. “I’m really busy at work right now. Can you call back later?” She says all this without giving me a chance to speak. I guess I’m not that important to her…just like I thought.
I open my mouth but no words come out. I hang up the phone.
Shit. What the hell am I doing?
Without realizing it, I’m driving faster and faster, pressing harder down on the accelerator pedal, so that my speed corresponds with my anger.
I’m driving fast, cruising by houses that become a blur. This is a residential street, but I’m speeding like there’s no tomorrow, like I’m a stuntman in some street racing movie.
Shit, this car can really fucking move. It’s been a little while since I really pushed this thing to the edge, really pushed it as far as it can go.
Suddenly, there are sirens.
Oh shit, not another run in with the law. This is exactly what I need, with my court date coming up.
I check in my mirror and sure enough it’s a cop car with its sirens blaring. The cop’s flashing his lights at me, signaling that I need to pull over.
That would be easy enough.
But I’m so full of anger… I’m aware that I’m not making rational decisions, but I’m so angry I just don’t give a fuck.
How could Lexi do this to me? I thought everything was going well between us. And she doesn’t have the gall to tell me? I guess that shows me how important I am to her…
I stare straight ahead, adjusting my mirror so that I can’t see the cop car behind me, and jam my foot onto the gas pedal. Just as I do this, I jam in the clutch. The tachometer goes wild, shooting into the red zone. I shift down two gears, and there’s a horrible scraping and sliding sound that comes out of the roaring engine and gearbox. I’m stripping gears like hell but I don’t care.
When the gear finally catches, the car jumps forwards like I’m a horse taking off on a dirt track.
I’m thrown back in my chair.
Good thing I’m wearing my seat belt. The houses are rushing past me like nothing I’ve seen before.
The speedometer is above 100 MPH but I don’t even have time to look at it.
The sirens are far away in the distance. Have I left the cop car behind?
No way to check, since I’ve spun the mirror all the way around, and there’s no time to turn my head, since I’m likely to crash into something at any moment.
Maybe I can’t hear the cop car sirens because my own engine is roaring so loudly.
There’s a side street here. Maybe I can turn off onto it and lose the cop. I know this neighborhood like the back of my hand anyway, and with any luck the cop is some young rookie from another state or city…there’s no way someone can know these streets as well as me.
I grew up here anyway, back when my father worked on the docks.
Those weren’t fun days, and just thinking about them makes me even angrier.
The anger is just spurting out of me, and I’m pressing the accelerator down even harder.
I’ve had to overcome so much in my life…my Dad beating me with his belt when I was a kid…the people who never thought I’d play football…starting off as the water boy on the high school team and working my way up to the pros…and then there were those who thought I’d run The Tanks into the ground. Well, I showed them. But now I’m a dad and the mother doesn’t even have enough respect for me to tell me that I’m her daughter’s father…shows pretty clearly that she doesn’t want me in her daughter’s life.
What, am I some kind of bad influence?
Am I really that bad?
I’ve cleaned up my act, haven’t I?
The corner’s rapidly approaching. I’m going to fast too take it normally.
But I’m Jeff Tallborne. There are four things I know how to do: punch like no one else, fuck like no one else, throw a football like no one else, and drive like no one else.
I know what I have to do.
I pull the wheel sharply, as hard as I can, without taking my foot off the accelerator. At the same time, I pull up the emergency brake with a hard jerk.
The car skids wildly to the side.
I’m going to make it!
But at the last second, everything goes wrong, and the last thing I see is a lamppost rapidly approaching from the passenger’s side. The car’s skidding sideways, the engine’s roaring crazily, and I’m pulling on the wheel like crazy, but it’s not making any difference.
I’m powerless to do anything.
The car slams into the lamppost, and everything goes blank for me.
20.
Lexi
I’m at work, nursing Mia because I forgot the bottles and breast pump at my mom’s house. I was too preoccupied with what was going on with Jeff and not letting my mom tell him that he’s Mia’s father.
As I watch Mia’s adorable face starting up at me, with her wide blue eyes, I see so much of Jeff’s face in hers, that I resolve right here and now to call Jeff and tell him once and for all that he’s Mia’s father.
If I’m not able to tell him in person, then I’m just going to have to call him and tell him that way.
I have to do it.
But just as I pick up my phone, there’s a call coming in.
“Hello?” I say, picking up the call that just says “UNIDENTIFIED” on the caller ID.
“We’re calling to tell you that Jeff Tallborne, who listed you as his emergency contact, is in the hospital.”
“What? Oh my god! What happened?”
“He was
in an accident. I’m afraid that’s all we can tell you on the phone.”
“No! Tell me! I need to know. You don’t understand. He’s my daughter’s father!”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s all I can say.”
I get the name of the hospital, hang up the phone and slam it down on my desk in a mixture of anger and fear.
Mia’s looking up at me, with a slightly confused look on her face.
“Lexi, do you have a minute?” says someone poking their head into the door, and knocking on it lightly, even though it’s open. I’ve always hated when people knock on an already-open door for some reason.
“Not now,” I say. “It’s…emergency…hospital…”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the male voice. “Is there anything I can help with?”
“I have to…hospital…get…” I’m trying to talk but the words are coming out all jumbled. Why is everything always so fucked up? Why can’t my life be easy?
“Is that your daughter?”
I finally look up and see Mr. Posh standing in my office in his expensive suit, with his bald head gleaming under the fluorescent lights. Yes, it’s that Mr. Posh, of Cremway and Posh himself, the second most senior partner that there is at the law firm. I’ve only talked to him once in person, and that was only to just briefly shake his hand and say “hi,” as I was made partner.
“Mr. Posh…” I say, still dumbstruck for words.
My insides feel all twisted in agony, terror, and anger. Why couldn’t they just tell me what the hell happened to Jeff?
“Maybe this isn’t the best time,” says Mr. Posh, sitting down in the chair on the other side of my desk.
I quickly try to cover up with a baby blanket that I had in one of the baby bags. Why did I have to need to breast-feed Mia today, of all days?
I catch Mr. Posh staring for a moment at my naked breast, right before I pull up the blanket, and a creepy shill runs through me. I didn’t realize this guy was such a creep, but the way he’s sitting there, so calmly, staring at my breast, right when I tell him I have to leave to go to the hospital…it gives me a terrible feeling in my stomach. What a fucking asshole, is all I can think, the anger taking over, pushing the terror aside for a moment.
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