Hope

by Lesley Pearse

  ‘You will come home with Albert and me,’ Nell murmured into Hope’s hair as she rocked her younger sister in her arms to comfort her.

  They were all in the cottage garden, the family and a few neighbours. It was lucky the sun was so warm, for no one seemed to want to go inside. Toby and Alice would be leaving soon for the long walk back to Bath, and Mr Francis had offered Joe and Henry a room above his stables and a wage each if they would take over the work their father had always done.

  ‘Albert won’t want me there,’ Hope sobbed. She had seen him looking at her grimly several times since the funeral. He wouldn’t want anyone, not even a dog, cluttering up his extraordinarily tidy gatehouse.

  ‘Don’t be foolish,’ Nell said, stroking her hair. ‘Albert knows as well as anyone that you can’t stay here alone. I spoke to Lady Harvey yesterday and she said it would be fine, and she thought maybe you could help Cook out in the kitchen.’

  Hope dried her eyes, not because she was satisfied she was really wanted, but because she knew there was no alternative. No one else had offered to take her in, and she loved Nell and liked the idea of helping Cook at Briargate. She would just have to put up with Albert.

  Nell washed up the last of the cups and plates, wiped over the table and then sat down for a moment to rest. Albert was talking to Mr Merchant, Matt’s father-in-law, and he seemed to have forgotten he was anxious to get home just fifteen minutes ago.

  Albert had no real idea how she felt. He seemed to be missing the part which enabled most people to understand another’s grief. She’d had more sympathy from Lady Harvey, Baines and Cook than she’d had from Albert. Only this morning he’d said, ‘You’ll feel better after the funeral.’ As if she could just forget twenty-seven years of memories the moment the earth was shovelled over the coffins!

  She was utterly devastated at losing her parents, and she wished to God she’d defied both Albert and Lady Harvey and come to the cottage before it was too late. Maybe she couldn’t have done anything to save them, but at least she wouldn’t have this terrible guilt that she had done nothing.

  Yet she was even more ashamed that she hadn’t been brave enough to put her foot down with Albert right from the first day they were married, and insisted on spending her afternoons off with her family. What right did he have to say her place was in their home and her parents weren’t important? In three years of marriage she’d only spent a total of perhaps five or six hours with them, and that was mostly on the way home from church with Albert. She got the family news second-hand through Ruth, and she hadn’t once been able to sit down and really talk to her mother and father and explain things.

  But she supposed that if she had had that opportunity she might have revealed to her mother that she regretted marrying Albert and admitted that he often hit her.

  She glanced out through the door, almost as if she believed he was capable of reading her thoughts. But she’d got so used to him ordering everything in her life, from what she cooked to how the furniture was arranged, how she swept the floor or did the washing, that she didn’t even feel her mind belonged to her any longer.

  He was still deep in conversation with Mr Merchant. That was another thing about Albert; he would only talk to people who were successful or well-bred, and the Merchants qualified because they owned their own farm. He once remarked ‘how wise’ Matt had been to marry Amy! As if wisdom had come into it! Matt had acted on his heart, nothing else.

  Sadly, Nell realized that Albert had only married her because she was so close to Lady Harvey. He didn’t want to live above the stables with the grooms, he wanted a house of his own and someone he could lord it over. He knew the mistress wouldn’t want to lose Nell, and the gatehouse cottage was empty.

  How well it had worked out for him! A wife who obeyed him implicitly, a cottage furnished with castoffs from Briar-gate, and he could act the big man in the ale house in Chelwood because he was favoured by Sir William.

  Nell often wondered what those same men would think of the ‘big man’ if they knew he had a marriage in name only. There was no married love: he slept in the bed with her, but nothing else ever took place. She felt he despised women, for when she’d tried to tempt him into it when they first got married, he’d slapped her and said she was a dirty whore. She’d never tried it again.

  She could almost resign herself to a life without love, and to being less than his maid of all work, but she couldn’t accept that she would never have children of her own. That was too cruel.

  Glancing out of the door, she saw Hope sitting alone under the apple tree, staring at the view as if trying to hold on to all the good memories it evoked. Nell’s tears began to flow again, for she loved Hope so much and couldn’t bear to see her so unhappy. She wanted and needed to take her home with her, but she was afraid to. Albert didn’t want her there.

  He hadn’t said it in so many words. He couldn’t because everyone at Briargate, including Lady Harvey, expected him to welcome Hope. No one who knew the child would consider her a burden, and Albert would be thought at best uncharitable, at worst a brute, if he refused to take her in. Today, talking to Matt and James, he’d acted as if he welcomed the idea of a child about the house.

  But Nell knew the truth. Albert thought only about Albert. He had no tenderness, no compassion. He wanted his life to be like one of his wretched flowerbeds. He dictated what was to go into it. He would whisk anything out that wasn’t exactly as he planned, cut back anything that threatened to dominate.

  Hope wouldn’t fit in at all.

  Chapter Five

  1844

  ‘Hurry up, Hope,’ Nell whispered. ‘He’s getting cross.’

  Hope said nothing, and continued to tie her bootlaces at the same leisurely pace. Albert liked to ape the gentry, insisting Nell should lay the breakfast table properly every morning and wait on him. He also expected Hope to be completely ready for work before joining him at the table.

  She thought it was ridiculous laying the table when there was nothing more to eat than a slice of bread. Her father used to swig his tea down as he got dressed, then grab the bread and eat it on the way to his work. But then, he preferred to spend an extra ten minutes cuddling her mother in bed, and he wouldn’t have dreamt of giving her the extra work of laying the table at five in the morning.

  Hope couldn’t voice her opinion because Albert would take it out on Nell, so the only form of protest open to her was to be so slow getting ready that she didn’t have to sit there with him.

  Albert got up, his chair scraping on the stone floor. ‘Right! Nothing for you,’ he snapped at her. ‘Nell, clear the table. She’s got to learn the hard way.’

  Hope stifled a giggle. She didn’t want any bread anyway; when she got to the big house Cook would give her porridge with honey on it.

  Nell had put his coat in front of the fire to warm it, another thing Albert insisted on. He snatched it up, then turned to his wife. ‘Don’t you dare give her anything,’ he said, pointing a finger at Hope. ‘I shall check the bread when I come back later.’

  He left without a goodbye, and slammed the door behind him. Hope giggled.

  Nell half-smiled, for she knew about the porridge – she always had some herself too. ‘I wish you wouldn’t tease him that way. Can’t you do what he wants, just for me?’

  ‘I would if it made him nicer,’ Hope said wistfully, and she went to her sister and hugged her. ‘I’m never going to get married if that’s what men are like.’

  ‘They aren’t all like it,’ Nell reminded her. ‘Remember Father, and look at the way Matt is. But you’d better go, or you’ll be late.’

  ‘Not me,’ Hope grinned. ‘I’ll be there before Albert.’

  Once outside the cottage door, Hope broke into a run. Albert was half-way up the drive, but she knew she could beat him to the house easily. She liked running, especially on a frosty February morning like this one, even if it wasn’t considered ladylike. She would arrive at Briargate with rosy cheeks, warm inside a
nd out, and it would even make her forget how much she hated her brother-in-law.

  She ran past him at full pelt, and once she was well out of his reach turned round to face him and waved cheekily. With luck he would be freezing cold all day working outside. If he’d only learn to be nice to people, Cook would let him into the kitchen to get warmed up and give him porridge too.

  It was only four months since her parents had died, but it seemed like years. Some days the ache for them was so acute she thought she could die of it. Their faces were imprinted on her mind, she heard their voices inside her head, and curiously, it was the things that she’d hardly noticed when they were alive that she missed most. The way Father would cluck her under the chin when he came in from work or Mother would always kiss her forehead when she’d finished brushing her hair. This was tangible evidence of their love for her, for neither of her parents was the type to put their feelings into words.

  Yet they had been so big on communication in the family. They wanted to know everything everyone had done each day; no one ever escaped being questioned about who they’d seen or talked to.

  Nell had been just the same before she married Albert. Every time she came to the cottage she wanted to know every single thing that had happened since her last visit. Hope’s earliest memories were of vying with Joe and Henry to get to her lap first and Nell sitting on the floor so all three of them could have a bit of her. She was so gay and fun-loving, always ready to play with them, but so tender and caring too.

  Hope thought she wouldn’t miss her parents so much if Nell had still been that person, but she was tense and watchful now, rarely laughing when Albert was there, and for ever cleaning and tidying. There was no conversation at all between Nell and Albert. Nell might ask what he’d done during the day, but his curt replies implied he resented her even speaking. It wasn’t even possible for Hope and Nell to talk together, either, for he would glare at them, and that made Nell more nervous.

  Albert was a tyrant, just as Hope had suspected. He showed no love for Nell; in truth he treated her as though she was his servant. He never lit the fire for her or brought in a pail of water. He would watch as she struggled to empty the tin bath or chop wood. He looked for things out of place – mud on the floor, the rug not straight in front of the fire, dust on the mantelpiece – and then he’d drag Nell over to it, pointing at it as if she were a dog who had pissed in the house.

  Once she’d forgotten to make their bed, and when she got back from Briargate late in the evening, he pounced on her and, holding her by the ear, dragged her upstairs to point out her mistake. He seemed to forget she had a job too, and that sometimes she worked far longer days than him. It was always ‘What’s this?’ ‘Why have you done that?’ or ‘How many times do I have to tell you?’ He seemed incapable of praise, gratitude or even plain kindness.

  The only good times were when he went to the ale house at Chelwood. Hope and Nell would get right up close to the fire and chat about the past, and things that went on in Briargate. But even then Nell couldn’t relax completely for she always had one ear cocked for Albert returning, and if he was tipsy he could be even nastier than usual.

  Sundays were simply interminable. Nell went off to the big house very early, and Hope had to make the long walk to church alone with Albert. He never spoke, and although once they got to the village the sight of all her old friends and neighbours made her feel the loss of her parents even more keenly, he would not allow her more than the briefest of greetings. If Lady Harvey had guests, Nell had to return to Briargate after church, and Hope had to cook Albert’s dinner. Nothing she ever did was right, even though she’d become quite good at cooking since helping in the kitchens.

  Later, he would sit right in front of the fire, blocking any heat from her, and he wouldn’t allow her to read anything other than the Bible. Those hours alone with him were the ones she dreaded most, for he was a violent man when crossed. He had hit her on several occasions and she knew he often beat Nell, even if she refused to admit it. So, alone with him, Hope had to be extra careful she gave him no excuse to round on her.

  Working at Briargate was the only thing that made her life tolerable. She could forget about Albert there because she saw Ruth and James every day, and Cook, Mr Baines and the other servants made her feel she was part of a big family again. Like any family, they were sometimes grumpy and short with her, but she knew in her heart that they liked her, and that went some way to compensate for Albert.

  During the time she’d come to Briargate to play with Rufus she had never imagined that one day she’d be expected to scrub pots and pans in the scullery, or spend hours cutting up vegetables, and sometimes she resented that she had to. She so much wanted to go beyond the kitchen, to walk up that beautiful staircase the way she used to and go into the nursery to see Rufus.

  But that wasn’t allowed. She had to refer to him as Master Rufus now, just like everyone else. The closest she got to him was when she helped with the laundry and had to wash one of his shirts or undergarments. Occasionally he came down to the kitchen to see Cook, and from her position in the scullery she marvelled at his clear, rather high, commanding voice, for she remembered him with a babyish lisp. If she peeped round the door it was hard to believe that the little gentleman in a stiff collar, dark jacket and breeches was the same boy who used to roll around the nursery floor with her, dressed in a sailor suit.

  She did, of course, see him at church almost every Sunday. But as the Harveys’ pew was right at the front of the church, and her family sat at the back, she only got a glimpse of his blond hair. Before her parents died, Hope had often tried to speak to him in the churchyard, but though his little face would light up when he saw her, Miss Bird, his governess, prevented him from coming to speak to her.

  Her mother had always said she’d better learn quickly that gentry didn’t want their children mixing with common folk, but Hope didn’t see herself as that. She had, after all, been brought up with the story that she was a fairy child, and to her that meant she was destined for better things. While for now she knew she had to keep her place and do whatever she was ordered to do, she comforted herself with the thought that one day she’d be her own mistress.

  Baines was very fond of saying that there were few opportunities for girls other than going into service, but then he’d been a servant since he was twelve, so what did he know of the real world? Cook would smile knowingly whenever Hope spoke of wanting to do some other kind of work; she seemed to think marriage was a far better option. But any romantic notions Hope might once have held about marriage had been killed off by observing Nell and Albert. To her, being in service or marriage amounted to much the same thing, a lifetime of drudgery. She wanted something better for herself.

  Hope was cleaning some silver in the scullery in the early afternoon when she heard Rose come into the kitchen.

  ‘Captain Pettigrew’s come a-calling again,’ she said importantly to Cook. ‘Funny he always comes when the master is away!’

  ‘Rose!’ Cook exclaimed. ‘You shouldn’t say such things. If Mr Baines was to hear you!’

  Hope was out of sight of the two older women but well within hearing distance. She had to hope Baines wasn’t too, because Cook was right. Hardly a week passed without him reminding them all that they should not repeat anything they heard or saw their master and mistress doing.

  Baines was tall and whip-thin, and in his grey striped trousers, tailed coat and stiff wing-collar, with spectacles perched precariously on the end of his overlong nose, he put Hope in mind of a heron.

  He had the sharp eyes, grace and patience of the heron too. He missed nothing, not a smear on a knife or a napkin not properly ironed, and he expected all the servants to maintain the high standards he set so much store by. But for all that he was a kindly, fair man, and he seemed to have the answer to any question and the solution to any problem. Cook always said he was the first butler she’d ever worked under who wasn’t an arse-wipe.

  Cook a
lso said that when Rose first came to Briargate, she had set her cap at Baines and been very disappointed when he didn’t respond. Now in her late thirties, a plain, angular woman who knew she was destined to remain a spinster, she was over-fond of poking her nose into other people’s affairs, be that her master and mistress’s or the other servants’.

  ‘The Captain’s charming, I grant him that,’ Rose went on, seemingly not put off by Cook’s warning. ‘Devilish handsome too! Nell got all in a fluster when she saw him.’

  Hope’s antennae became finely tuned at Nell’s name, and although she continued polishing the candlestick in her hand, she slowed down so she wouldn’t miss anything.

  ‘I’d get in a fluster over a charming man too if I was married to Albert,’ Cook retorted and chuckled.

  Hope smiled; she was always glad when one of the servants admitted they didn’t like Albert. They were discreet in front of Nell, but away from her they agreed he was pompous, self-righteous and entirely lacking a sense of humour. Hope could easily have added half a dozen more bad traits, but for Nell’s sake she kept those to herself. She had never admitted to anyone, not even James and Ruth, how bad it was living with him.

  ‘I don’t mean that I think Nell’s sweet on him,’ Rose said quickly. ‘It’s more like she saw Old Nick come through the door. Is she afraid for the mistress? Or has the Captain done something to her?’

  ‘If you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep such thoughts to yourself,’ Cook retorted sharply.

  Hope was brimming over with curiosity now; she had to take a look at this man who flustered Nell.

  Unfortunately she had no excuse to go anywhere in the house. She was a kitchenmaid, and the kitchen was where she had to stay.