by Kelly Link
“I can’t smell the pine trees either,” Mr. Rook said. “I have to appreciate the irony in that. You’ll have to forgive my wife, if she seems a bit awkward at first. She’s not used to strangers.”
Rachel danced out onto the porch. “Dinner’s almost ready,” she said. “Has Daddy been keeping you entertained?”
“He’s been telling me all about your farm,” Carroll said.
Rachel and her father looked at each other thoughtfully. “That’s great,” Rachel said. “You know what he’s really dying to ask, Daddy. Tell him about your collection of noses.”
“Oh no,” Carroll protested. “I wasn’t wondering at all-”
But Mr. Rook stood up, dusting off the seat of his pants. “I’ll go get them down. I almost wore a fancier one tonight, but it’s so windy tonight, and rather damp. I didn’t trust it not to rain.” He hurried off into the house.
Carroll leaned over to Rachel. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he said, looking up at her from the porch rail.
“What?”
“That your father has a wooden nose.”
“He has several noses, but you heard him. It might rain. Some of them,” she said, “are liable to rust.”
“Why does he have a wooden nose?” Carroll said. He was whispering.
“A boy named Biederbecke bit it off, in a fight.” The alliteration evidently pleased her, because she said a little louder, “Biederbecke bit it off, when you were a boy. Isn’t that right, Daddy?”
The porch door swung open again, and Mr. Rook said, “Yes, but I don’t blame him, really I don’t. We were little boys and I called him a stinking Kraut. That was during the war, and afterwards he was very sorry. You have to look on the bright side of things – your mother would never have noticed me if it hadn’t had been for my nose. That was a fine nose. I modeled it on Abraham Lincoln’s nose, and carved it out of black walnut.” He set a dented black tackle box down next to Carroll, squatting beside it. “Look here.”
The inside of the tackle box was lined with red velvet and the mild light of the October moon illuminated the noses, glowing as if a jeweler’s lamp had been turned upon them: noses made of wood, and beaten copper, tin and brass. One seemed to be silver, veined with beads of turquoise. There were aquiline noses; noses pointed like gothic spires; noses with nostrils curled up like tiny bird claws.
“Who made these?” Carroll said.
Mr. Rook coughed modestly. “It’s my hobby,” he said. “Pick one up if you like.”
“Go ahead,” Rachel said to Carroll.
Carroll chose a nose that had been painted over with blue and pink flowers. It was glassy-smooth and light in his hand, like a blown eggshell. “It’s beautiful,” he said. “What’s it made out of?”
“Papier-mache. There’s one for every day of the week.” Mr. Rook said.
“What did the… original look like?” Carroll asked.
“Hard to remember, really. It wasn’t much of a nose,” Mr. Rook said. “Before.”
“Back to the question, please. Which do you choose, water or love?”
“What happens if I choose wrong?”
“You’ll find out, won’t you.”
“Which would you choose?”
“That’s my question, Carroll. You already asked yours.”
“You still haven’t answered me, either. All right, all right, let me think for a bit.”
Rachel had straight reddish-brown hair that fell precisely to her shoulders and then stopped. Her eyes were fox-colored, and she had more small, even teeth than seemed absolutely necessary to Carroll. She smiled at him, and when she bent over the tacklebox full of noses, Carroll could see the two wings of her shoulderblades beneath the thin cotton T-shirt, her vertebrae outlined like a knobby strand of coral. As they went in to dinner she whispered in his ear, “My mother has a wooden leg.”
She led him into the kitchen to meet her mother. The air in the kitchen was hot and moist and little beads of sweat stood out on Mrs. Rook’s face. Rachel’s mother resembled Rachel in the way that Mr. Rook’s wooden nose resembled a real nose, as if someone had hacked Mrs. Rook out of wood or granite. She had large hands with long, yellowed fingernails, and all over her black dress were short black dog hairs. “So you’re a librarian,” she said to Carroll.
“Part-time,” Carroll said. “Yes, ma’am.”
“What do you do the rest of the time?” she said.
“I take classes.”
Mrs. Rook stared at him without blinking. “Are your parents still alive?”
“My mother is,” Carroll said. “She lives in Florida. She plays bridge.”
Rachel grabbed Carroll’s arm. “Come on,” she said. “The food’s getting cold.”
She pulled him into a dining room with dark wood paneling and a long table set for four people. The long black hem of Mrs. Rook’s dress hissed along the floor as she pulled her chair into the table. Carroll sat down next to her. Was it the right or the left? He tucked his feet under his chair. Both women were silent and Carroll was silent between them. Mr. Rook talked instead, filling in the awkward empty pause so that Carroll was glad that it was his nose and not his tongue that the Biederbecke boy had bitten off.
How had she lost her leg? Mrs. Rook watched Carroll with a cold and methodical eye as he ate, and he held Rachel’s hand under the table for comfort. He was convinced that her mother knew this and disapproved. He ate his pork and peas, balancing the peas on the blade of his knife. He hated peas. In between mouthfuls, he gulped down the pink wine in his glass. It was sweet and strong and tasted of burnt sugar. “Is this apple wine?” he asked. “It’s delicious.”
“It’s strawberry wine,” Mr. Rook said, pleased. “Have more. We make up a batch every year. I can’t taste it myself but it’s strong stuff.”
Rachel filled Carroll’s empty glass and watched him drain it instantly. “If you’ve finished, why don’t you let my mother take you to meet the dogs? You look like you could use some fresh air. I’ll stay here and help Daddy do the dishes. Go on,” she said. “Go.”
Mrs. Rook pushed her chair back from the table, pushed herself out of the chair. “Well, come on,” she said. “I don’t bite.”
Outside, the moths beat at his face, and he reeled beside Rachel’s mother on the moony-white gravel, light as a thread spun out on its spool. She walked quickly, leaning forward a little as her right foot came down, dragging the left foot through the small stones.
“What kind of dogs are they?” he said.
“Black ones,” she said.
“What are their names?”
“Flower and Acorn,” she said, and flung open the barn door. Two Labradors, slippery as black trout in the moonlight, surged up at Carroll. They thrust their velvet muzzles at him, uttering angry staccato coughs, their rough breath steaming at his face. They were the size of small ponies and their paws left muddy prints on his shirt. Carroll pushed them back down, and they snapped at his hands.
“Heel,” Mrs. Rook said, and instantly the two dogs went to her, arranging themselves on either side like bookends. Against the folds of her skirt, they were nearly invisible, only their saucer-like eyes flashing wickedly at Carroll.
“Flower’s pregnant,” Mrs. Rook said. “We’ve tried to breed them before, but it never took. Go for a run, girl. Go with her, Acorn.”
The dogs loped off, moonlight spilling off their coats like water. Carroll watched them run; the stale air of the barn washed over him, and under the bell of Mrs. Rook’s skirt he pictured the dark wood of the left leg, the white flesh of the right leg, like a pair of mismatched dice. Mrs. Rook drew in her breath. She said, “I don’t mind you sleeping with my daughter but you had better not get her pregnant.” Carroll said,
“No, ma’am.” “If you give her a bastard, I’ll set the dogs on you,” she said, and went back towards the house. Carroll scrambled after her.
On Friday, Carroll was shelving new books on the third floor. He stood, both arms lifted up to steady a wav
ering row of psychology periodicals. Someone paused in the narrow row, directly behind him, and a small cold hand insinuated itself into his trousers, slipping under the waistband of his underwear.
“Rachel?” he said, and the hand squeezed, slowly. He jumped and the row of books toppled off their shelf, like dominoes. He bent to pick them up, not looking at her. “I forgive you,” he said.
“That’s nice,” she said. “For what?” “For not telling me about your father’s – ” he hesitated, looking for the word, ” – wound.”
“I thought you handled that very well,” she said. “And I did tell you about my mother’s leg.”
“I wasn’t sure whether or not to believe you. How did she lose it?”
“She swims down in the pond. She was walking back up to the house. She was barefoot. She sliced her foot open on something. By the time she went to see a doctor, she had septicemia and her leg had to be amputated just below the knee. Daddy made her a replacement out of walnut; he said the prosthesis that the hospital wanted to give her looked nothing like the leg she’d lost. It has a name carved on it. She used to tell me that a ghost lived inside it and helped her walk. I was four years old.” She didn’t look at him as she spoke, flicking the dust off the spine of a tented book with her long fingers.
“What was its name?” Carroll asked.
“Ellen,” Rachel said.
Two days after they had first met, Carroll was in the basement stacks. It was dark in the aisles, the tall shelves curving towards each other. The lights were controlled by timers, and went on and off untouched by human hand: there was the ominous sound of ticking as the timers clicked off row by row. Puddles of dirty yellow light wavered under his feet, the floor as slick as water. There was one other student on this floor, a boy who trod at Carroll’s heels, breathing heavily.
Rachel was in a back corner, partly hidden by a shelving cart. “Goddammit, goddammit to hell,” she was saying, as she flung a book down. “Stupid book, stupid, useless, stupid, know-nothing books.” She kicked at the book several more times, and stomped on it for good measure. Then she looked up and saw Carroll and the boy behind him. “Oh,” she said. “You again.” Carroll turned and glared at the boy. “What’s the matter,” he said. “Haven’t you ever seen a librarian at work?”
The boy fled. “What’s the matter?” Carroll said again.
“Nothing,” Rachel said. “I’m just tired of reading stupid books about books about books. It’s ten times worse then my mother ever said.” She looked at him, weighing him up. She said, “Have you ever made love in a library?”
“Um,” Carroll said. “No.”
Rachel stripped off her woolly sweater, her blue undershirt. Underneath, her bare flesh burned. The lights clicked off two rows down, then the row beside Carroll, and he moved forward to find Rachel before she vanished. Her body was hot and dry, like a newly extinguished bulb.
Rachel seemed to enjoy making love in the library. The library officially closed at midnight, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he was the last of the staff to leave, Carroll left the East Entrance unlocked for Rachel while he made up a pallet of jackets and sweaters from the Lost and Found.
The first night, he had arranged a makeshift bed in the aisle between PR878W6B37, Relative Creatures, and PR878W6B35, Corrupt Relations. In the summer, the stacks had been much cooler than his un-air-conditioned room. He had hoped to woo her into his bed by the time the weather turned, but it was October already. Rachel pulled PR878W6A9 out to use as a pillow. “I thought you didn’t like books,” he said, trying to make a joke.
“My mother doesn’t like books,” she said. “Or libraries. Which is a good thing. You don’t ever have to worry about her looking for me here.”
When they made love, Rachel kept her eyes closed. Carroll watched her face, her body rocking beneath him like water. He closed his eyes, opening them quickly again, hoping to catch her looking back at him. Did he please her? He pleased himself, and her breath quickened upon his neck. Her hands smoothed his body, moving restlessly back and forth, until he gathered them to himself, biting at her knuckles.
Later he lay prone as she moved over him, her knees clasping his waist, her narrow feet cupped under the stirrups of his knees. They lay hinged together and Carroll squinted his eyes shut to make the Exit sign fuzzy in the darkness. He imagined that they had just made love in a forest, and the red glow was a campfire. He imagined they were not on the third floor of a library, but on the shore of a deep, black lake in the middle of a stand of tall trees.
“When you were a teenager,” Rachel said, “what was the worst thing you ever did?”
Carroll thought for a moment. “When I was a teenager,” he said, “I used to go into my room every day after school and masturbate. And my dog Sunny used to stand outside the door and whine. I’d come in a handful of Kleenex, and afterward I never knew what to do with them. If I threw them in the wastebasket, my mother might notice them piling up. If I dropped them under the bed, then Sunny would sneak in later and eat them. It was a revolting dilemma, and every day I swore I wouldn’t ever do it again.”
“That’s disgusting, Carroll.”
Carroll was constantly amazed at the things he told Rachel, as if love was some sort of hook she used to drag secrets out of him, things that he had forgotten until she asked for them. “Your turn,” he said.
Rachel curled herself against him. “Well, when I was little, and I did something bad, my mother used to take off her wooden leg and spank me with it. When I got older, and started being asked out on dates, she would forbid me. She actually said I forbid you to go, just like a Victorian novel. I would wait until she took her bath after dinner, and steal her leg and hide it. And I would stay out as late as I wanted. When I got home, she was always sitting at the kitchen table, with the leg strapped back on. She always found it before I got home, but I always stayed away as long as I could. I never came home before I had to.
“When I was little I hated her leg. It was like her other child, the obedient daughter. I was the one she had to spank. I thought the leg told her when I was bad, and I could feel it gloating whenever she punished me. I hid it from her in closets, or in the belly of the grandfather clock. Once I buried it out in the strawberry field because I knew it hated the dark: it was scared of the dark, like me.”
Carroll eased away from her, rolling over on his stomach. The whole time she had been talking, her voice had been calm, her breath tickling his throat. Telling her about Sunny, the semen-eating dog, he had sprouted a cheerful little erection. Listening to her, it had melted away, and his balls had crept up his goose-pimpled thighs.
Somewhere a timer clicked and a light turned off. “Let’s make love again,” she said, and seized him in her hand. He nearly screamed.
In late November, Carroll went to the farm again for dinner. He parked just outside the barn, where, malignant and black as tar, Flower lolled on her side in the cold dirty straw. She was swollen and too lazy to do more than show him her teeth; he admired them. “How pregnant is she?” Carroll asked Mr. Rook, who had emerged from the barn.
“She’s due any day,” Mr. Rook said. “The vet says there might be six puppies in there.” Today he wore a tin nose, and his words had a distinct echo, whistling out double shrill, like a teakettle on the boil. “Would you like to see my workshop?” he said.
“Okay,” Carroll said. The barn smelled of gasoline and straw, old things congealing in darkness; it smelled of winter. Along the right inside wall, there were a series of long hooks, and depending from them were various pointed and hooked tools. Below was a table strewn with objects that seemed to have come from the city dump: bits of metal; cigar boxes full of broken glass sorted according to color; a carved wooden hand, jointed and with a dime-store ring over the next-to-last finger.
Carroll picked it up, surprised at its weight. The joints of the wooden fingers clicked as he manipulated them, the fingers long and heavy and perfectly smooth. He put it down again. “It’s
very nice,” he said and turned around. Through the thin veil of sunlight and dust that wavered in the open doors, Carroll could see a black glitter of water. “Where’s Rachel?”
“She went to find her mother, I’ll bet. They’ll be down by the pond. Go and tell them it’s dinner time.” Mr. Rook looked down at the black and rancorous Flower. “Six puppies!” he remarked, in a sad little whistle.
Carroll went down through the slanted grove of Christmas trees. At the base of the hill was a circle of twelve oaks, their leaves making a thick carpet of gold. The twelve trees were spaced evenly around the perimeter of the pond, like the numbers on a clock face. Carroll paused under the eleven o’clock oak, looking at the water. He saw Rachel in the pond, her white arm cutting through the gaudy leaves that clung like skin, bringing up black droplets of water. Carroll stood in his corduroy jacket and watched her swim laps across the pond. He wondered how cold the water was. Then he realized that it wasn’t Rachel in the pond.
Rachel sat on a quilt on the far side of the pond, under the six o’clock oak. Acorn sat beside her, looking now at the swimmer, now at Carroll. Rachel and her mother were both oblivious to his presence, Mrs. Rook intent on her exercise, Rachel rubbing linseed oil into her mother’s wooden leg. The wind carried the scent of it across the pond. The dog stood, stiff-legged, fixing Carroll in its dense liquid gaze. It shook itself, sending up a spray of water like diamonds.
“Cut it out, Acorn!” Rachel said without looking up. All the way across the pond, Carroll felt the drops of water fall on him, cold and greasy.
He felt himself turning to stone with fear. He was afraid of the leg that Rachel held in her lap. He was afraid that Mrs. Rook would emerge from her pond, and he would see the space where her knee hung above the ground. He backed up the hill slowly, almost falling over a small stone marker at the top. As he looked at it, the dog came running up the path, passing him without a glance, and after that, Rachel, and her mother, wearing the familiar black dress. The ground was slippery with leaves and Mrs. Rook leaned on her daughter. Her hair was wet and her cheeks were as red as leaves.
