by Dale Mayer
“Is that so hard to believe?” she asked, eyeing him with an odd look. “Do you really not expect to ever fall in love again?”
“I guess I just don’t expect anybody to love me again,” he said. “I don’t consider myself much of a catch.”
“That goes back to that hanging-around-with-the-girls thing again,” she said. “For real women, it’s all about the inside. Remember?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I still think it’s all about who’ll be capable of protecting you and being there when the chips are down.”
“Protecting and looking after are two different things,” she said, her hands on her hips as she studied him. “And you’re the one who’s down right now,” she said. “Helping you is a whole different story. Getting you back on your feet so that you’re a vibrant contributing member of society,” she said, “is what we’re all about here. How you deal with the physical is the rehab, but how you deal with the emotional and the mental side of you is a whole different story. We see progress happen on one level, but then it stalls because it has to happen in all three areas.”
“Does that make me a triangle or something?” he asked with a half laugh.
But she could see that he didn’t really believe her. “It’s okay,” she said. “You’ll see.”
“What will I see?” he asked, as she walked toward the doorway.
“You’ll see that your progress is important to move ahead on all levels,” she said.
“I hope so,” he said. “I’d like to think that the physical was the furthest behind.”
She gave him a brilliant smile. “I hope so,” she said. “I’m really looking forward to getting to know who you are on the inside.” And, with that, she was gone.
That was a very strange nurse. At least in his experience, they rarely got personal. They asked questions about how you were doing, but they didn’t really want to hear the answer. Yet Jessica appeared to be unique. But then, over his first few days at Hathaway, he had already realized the truth of Iain’s statement about how different this place was. In fact, Iain wasn’t even around anymore. He’d moved on, or rather he’d moved up and moved out. Maybe that was a better way of looking at it. Lance still hoped to see Jaden, and that hadn’t happened yet either. Just then Lance heard the sound of crutches coming toward his door. When he looked up, there was Jaden himself. But it was a Jaden whom Lance didn’t even recognize.
“Wow,” Lance said, feeling older, frailer, and more broken than ever. “Aren’t you looking vibrant and healthy?”
Jaden gave him a half smile and took several more steps inside Lance’s room on his crutches. “Well, I am better,” he said. “I still don’t get to leave for a couple months yet though.”
“You look amazing,” Lance said, in shock. “I would have thought you were ready to be discharged.”
“Not according to them,” he said. Leaning over, he grabbed the visitor’s chair, pulled it to him, and slowly, using the chair for support, sat down. “As you can see, I’m still moving pretty slowly.”
“But you’re moving,” Lance said, “and that’s nothing like what you were doing back at the old place.”
“I know, and that’s why, when I came here, I didn’t believe Iain either. But now that I’m here, you realize that I’m halfway there—or, no, I’m probably 65 percent of the way there or maybe even 70, if I’m lucky. But Iain’s like, good Lord. He looks like he’s a bodybuilder or something.”
“It’s hard to believe,” Lance said. “When I first got his email, I didn’t believe him. I figured the joker would make a joke out of me, and I didn’t want to be anybody’s laughingstock anymore.”
“Understood,” Jaden said. “I have to admit that I was a little concerned about that too. We all knew what Iain was like, but I don’t think we understood that the Iain back then wasn’t the same as the Iain right now.”
“Is he really different?”
“Chalk and cheese,” he said. “As in seriously different chalk and cheese. Before he was a joker, always making light of everything. Now he’s seriously built, and he’s got plans of setting up a center to help other vets like us get a new start in life,” he said. “He’s here with his partner, Robin, who works downstairs in the vet clinic. Robin’s brother is even here,” he said. “That’s Keith, and he arrived about a month ago. Iain has helped him get on his feet a lot faster than I would have expected Keith to.”
“Sounds like Iain has made a complete change in his life,” Lance said. “That doesn’t mean it’s the same change that’s available to us all.”
Jaden looked at him, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. “And I think that’s one of the realities we have to come to. We come with hope, but we don’t really expect anything better. We can see that other people have done better, but we always expect that our recovery will be the one case that can’t be improved upon.”
Lance winced at that. “I have to admit that I’ve thought that a time or two.”
“Of course you have,” he said. “And things will improve. You’ll be challenged physically. Your mind-set will be challenged, and your emotional balance will go off-kilter. Your physical balance will go off-kilter before it gets better probably,” he said, “and there’ll be this moment, before dawn, where you think it’s not worth it, that you should never have come, and that it’s all a terrible waste. Then you’ll make this decision that you have to live with what you’ve got and have to stop monkeying around, wasting everybody’s time, and just move on.”
Lance stared at him in surprise. “Have you been through all those stages?”
Jaden nodded. “I sure have,” he said, “and it’s not an easy thing. But I’ve come out the other side so much better.”
“Don’t tell me that you’ve also got a partner,” he said. “That I will not believe.”
“Actually I do,” he said with the gentlest of smiles. “Brianna. And that’s something I really didn’t expect. But the woman is fantastic, and, well, I mean, I didn’t think this was possible, but she loves me too.”
Instantly Lance felt jealousy spear right through his core. “I didn’t expect to ever hear any of us say that again,” he said softly. “I think, back at the VA hospital, we all expected to be alone for the rest of our lives.”
“I did,” Jaden said with a nod. “But, looking back, I wasn’t fair to the other women in the world either. I assumed that nobody would want me because I was broken and would never be at the same physical level I had been before,” he said. “Even with all the surgeries, I always assumed that I would never be as complete,” he said. “Now I realize that I’m more complete but in a very different way, and the physical level isn’t the prime consideration in my world. I’ve grown so much more on an emotional and a spiritual level,” he said. “And I don’t mean to go off all New Agey or religious or anything, and I can’t really prepare you for what’s still to come. All I can tell you is that a ton of change is available for you here,” he said, “but it’s a ton of work and not something you can just reach out and say, I’ll take it. You must decide you’re ready for it and see if you can make it all happen, but it’s still not that easy.”
Jaden stopped, shook his head, and said, “I’m not explaining myself very well. I guess what I really would say is just be open. Be open to whatever comes your way. Be prepared to work for it, and, if you do the job and show up every day and do the best that you can at this job,” he said, “I promise you the reward will be way past what you ever thought you could have.”
“Still sounds New Agey,” Lance said with a laugh.
Jaden grinned. “I know. I tried to not sound like that, but it is what it is. You know?”
“I got it,” he said, “and thanks. I’ll keep it in mind.” He motioned at the crutches. “At least you’re on crutches. That’s awesome.”
“I actually can walk,” he said, “but I overdid it yesterday, so I’m paying for it today.”
“Overdoing it doesn’t sound so bad.”
“No,�
�� he said. “Overdoing it is what we end up doing sometimes when we keep trying to do stuff.”
“I get it,” he said, “and I can see that I’ll have days where I’ll pay for it too.”
“Yep, there will be lots of those,” Jaden said. “I tried to get down to see you over the previous days, but your door was closed a lot.”
“The transfer wasn’t very easy,” he admitted. “So I kind of feel bad, but, at the same time, I accepted that I needed some adjustment time.”
“You do,” he said. “Have you made it to the cafeteria for food yet?”
“No, not on my own. So far the meals have been delivered.”
“Well, I could coax you to come down to breakfast with me.”
At that, Lance slowly sat up. “You know what? I wouldn’t mind that at all,” he said. “It feels too much like being a patient when you’re in bed all day.”
“It always feels too much like being a patient when you’re in bed,” he said. “Just like being in a wheelchair is much better than being in bed, and being on crutches is much better than being in a wheelchair. But, when you can finally put down those crutches and walk on your own steam and be totally independent,” he said, “that is the very best feeling of all.”
“I’m a long way from that yet,” Lance said with a smile. He let his legs hang over the side of the bed. “These chicken legs,” he said with a shake of his head. “I have more screws and metal plates in my leg—”
“I hear you,” he said. “The thing is, around here, a lot of us are just like you.”
“At the last place too,” Lance reminded him.
Jaden grinned and said, “Yep, but what you’ll see here is people making progress—not those who have accepted their fate and are just living with it. Many of the people here are striving for more.”
“Well, in that case,” Lance said, “if I can get off this bed and into that wheelchair, you can show me.”
Chapter 3
When Jessica came to grab breakfast, she was surprised to see Lance at a small table with Jaden. But then again she shouldn’t be because she remembered hearing that Jaden had put in a good word for his friend. Same as Iain. Apparently they all knew each other from a previous center. Better still, Lance had come down under his own steam. She liked that too.
As she stood here, studying his color, Dennis called to her and said, “You can’t just stop there, mooning over people,” he said. “My heart won’t take it.”
She chuckled as she walked toward him. “Dennis, your heart is already stronger than anybody’s I know.”
“Maybe,” he said, “but you know I consider all of you to be my special ladies.”
“And then you lose us, one by one,” she teased.
He passed his hand over his heart and said, “Yes, and it’s just devastating.” Then he grinned at her and said, “What can I get you for breakfast?”
“I was going to have some yogurt and fruit,” she said, “but I’m wondering if I need a bit more protein.”
“How about a parfait with seeds?” he asked. “I’ve got chia seeds, pumpkin, sesame, and more fruit. And we could do a little bit of cheese on the side.”
“Maybe I’ll mix up something,” she said. Walking over and picking up a bowl, she started with fruit on the bottom, then yogurt. She added a heavy layer of seeds, more yogurt, and topped it off with fresh berries. She looked at it and smiled. “This looks perfect.”
“Couldn’t have made it better myself,” he said with a chuckle. “You should enjoy that.”
“I absolutely will,” she said. Then she walked over, poured herself a cup of coffee and an orange juice, put a spoon into her bowl, and, with her tray in hand, she headed out toward the sun. When she heard a voice, she turned to see Lance, calling out to her. She walked over with a smile and said, “Wow, it’s good to see you up.”
With a motion to the gentleman across the table, he said, “I presume you know Jaden, right?”
“Yes, we’ve met several times,” she said cheerfully. “Is it you we get to thank for bringing Lance out of his bed?”
“Hey,” Jaden said, “I just invited him to have breakfast with me.”
“And I’m glad you did,” she said.
“I would have come earlier,” Lance said, “but I was struggling with the whole getting-out-of-bed thing.”
“Bed is an easy and comfortable place to stay,” she said with a laugh. “So it only makes sense that you wanted to stay there.”
“I guess that’s the problem though, isn’t it?” he said. “It becomes too comfortable.”
“Often, yes,” she said with a smile. “But that’s not the issue. Right now the fact is, you’re up, and you’re moving, and I’m sure the rest of the team will be happy about that.”
He winced. “So now they’ll put me to work, won’t they?”
“They sure will,” she said, chuckling. “So eat your breakfast. Just don’t eat too much.”
“Will I regret getting up?”
“Had to happen one day,” she said with a gentle smile. “And no better day than today.”
And, with that, she picked up her tray again and headed out to the sunshine. If there was one thing she absolutely loved about Hathaway House, it was the location of the center. She could see the animals and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. The food was great too, and it was hard to argue with very much about the place. She had worked in this field for some time and was thrilled to be working at this center that achieved such amazing results.
The fact was, she also got to meet some pretty special people, whether they believed in themselves or not. She had suspected that Lance would be another one who struggled with self-confidence now that his whole world had shifted. But maybe he’d surprise her. Maybe his problems would be something completely unrelated. She knew that, over time, they’d find out one way or another. This place was all about wiping out the false fronts and making the real person show up. Good, bad, or ugly, each was forced to deal with who they really were on the inside. Sometimes it was painful, and sometimes it was incredibly invigorating to watch. The bottom line was, she looked forward to seeing who Lance was on the inside.
“You haven’t been here very long,” Jaden said. “Yet it looks like you’ve already got Jessica’s attention.”
“She’s the nurse who’s been looking after me since I first arrived,” Lance said, by way of explanation. “Now that I’m up and about, I feel like I’ve been hibernating in my room. I’ll have to kick that habit pretty fast. I don’t want anyone to think I’m not pulling my weight or taking this opportunity for granted.”
“Give it your best, and you’ll move on,” Jaden said. “The thing about Hathaway House is that only so many beds are here. So they really need to have people who will make good use of it.”
“Right,” he said, wincing. “Definitely time to get going on that then.”
“Don’t push yourself beyond what you can do,” Jaden warned. “But, when you find you can do more, do more. If you give it your all, you’ll leave here with no regrets.”
“Glad to hear that,” he said, and he listened to the words of his friend over the next few days, as he went through testing, testing, and more testing.
When Shane looked at him at the end of a session, he said, “You look disappointed.”
“I guess I figured I’d be doing something constructive by now.”
Shane laughed. “You are doing something constructive. Or I am, at least. I get it, but it’s all about finding the starting point. In order to do that, we have to find out what’s wrong.”
“I would have thought that was pretty obvious,” Lance said.
“To you, yes,” he said, “but I need the details, so I can fix things.”
“If you say so,” he said.
“Have you met with everybody on your team so far?”
“Except for the shrinks, I think,” he said with a mock shudder.
Shane laughed. “Everybody has the same reaction,” he said. �
�Don’t worry. Even the staff who works here have to see them twice a year,” he said.
“Why is that?” Lance asked.
“Because our mental health is affected by being around all these patients all the time,” he said with a grin. “But it’s all good.”
“So, these shrinks aren’t something I have to be scared of?”
“I hope not,” he said. “They’re just here to help you. Remember that. And, if you have trouble and need a little room, just ask them to back off a bit.”
“I wonder what they’d think of that,” Lance said with a laugh. “I doubt if too many people tell them to get out of their heads.”
“Actually I think a lot of people do,” he said, “but it’s all about setting boundaries. The thing is, it’s better to set a boundary and to know that both of you can cross it, if you need to, than to slam a door shut and lock yourself inside. Because we can’t help you if you’re locked up inside.”
“You aren’t the first person to mention something like that to me,” Lance said.
“Good,” Shane said. “Give it some thought. So, I want to see you tomorrow at nine a.m. here, in shorts and a muscle shirt, ready to work.”
“Is that a warning?”
“Not necessarily,” he said. “Just letting you know that the testing is over for now, and it’s time to go to work.” He looked at his schedule and said, “Speaking of that, you’re heading for the shrink today, aren’t you?”
“Apparently,” Lance said. “Dr. Monroe.”
“He’s new here,” Shane said. “Let me know what you think of him.”
“Will do,” he said, and he slowly pushed his wheelchair out of the large gym area and through the door. He stopped in the hallway and tried to get his bearings.
Shane called out behind him, ‘Turn left and then take the first right.”
“Thanks,” he replied with a wave, then headed out, thankful for the assist. He got to a small office and knocked on the door. Almost immediately he heard a voice call out a reply.
“Come on in.”
Pushing his wheelchair back, Lance reached forward, grabbing the door, then awkwardly managed to get around it.
