After Jar Jar Binks rescued Boss Nass’ niece Major Fassa from the jaws of a sando aqua monster, Fassa pledged a life debt to Jar Jar. Since Jar Jar was so clumsy, Boss Nass thought he was unworthy of Fassa’s pledge. Jar Jar had hoped to prove his strength and bravery in the Big Nasty Free-For-All, a grueling marathon in the Gungans’ annual Festival of Warriors. Much to his surprise, Fassa also entered the Big Nasty.
Just before the start of the competition, the Gungan Shore Patrol discovered mysterious tracks on a Lake Umberbool beach. The tracks appeared to have been made by droids from another world. In spite of this, Boss Nass ruled that the Big Nasty would go on as planned.
Major Fassa won the Big Nasty. Captain Tarpals came in second, and Jar Jar came in thirteenth place. During the course of the competition, Fassa prevented three droids from torpedoing the arena, then captured them and their sub. Much to the astonishment of the festival’s spectators, Fassa was at the controls of the defeated droids’ sub when she crossed the finish line.
Unbeknownst to the Gungans, the droids were the property of an alien invader named Captain Swagg. Swagg had wanted the droids to keep the Gungans busy at Lake Umberbool while he landed his starship near the Gungans’ sacred place. Hidden deep within a thick Naboo forest, the sacred place contained many ancient statues. Some beings might have seen the weathered statuary and carvings as mere ruins, but to Swagg, the Gungans’ sacred place was a treasure trove.
Captain Swagg was a pirate.
The sleek Rep heyblibber burst through the surface of the water and glided to the edge of the Naboo swamp. Recently, the same luxury submersible had been used by Rep Teers during the construction of the arena in Lake Umberbool. The vessel had required repairs after it had been attacked by a sando aqua monster, but it was once again in perfect running condition. It carried a single passenger: Rep Been, the Gungans’ most knowledgable historian.
After the heyblibber was anchored, Rep Been stepped out of the vehicle onto the swampy ground. He carried a spear in his right hand, just in case he was attacked by wild creatures. He crossed a narrow trail that led through high green grass to a nearby stream. The stream would lead him to the sacred place, which would be the location of the final ceremonies for the Festival of Warriors. As Rep Been made his way along the trail, he stepped carefully to avoid leaving any footprints that might lead an enemy to the sacred place.
Of the officers who made up Boss Nass’ Rep Council, Rep Been was the keeper of ancient records, and his duties included the preservation of the sacred place. Rep Been was one of the few Gungans who didn’t feel compelled to attend the competitions at Lake Umberbool. He was happy to be on his way to inspect the ruins of the ancient temple.
Like all Gungans, Rep Been was proud of his heritage. Whenever he visited the temple, he found himself thinking about the many generations of Gungans who had journeyed to gather among the tall stones. Despite the effects of weather and time itself, the ruins had survived for many centuries, and the place remained a cherished secret known only to Gungans. It was Rep Been’s very favorite place on Naboo.
He reached the stream that would guide him to the sacred place, and walked alongside it. Several minutes later, Rep Been climbed up a small hill and pushed through some dense foliage, but when he emerged from the thicket, his view of the ruins was blocked by something. Something very large.
A starship.
It was covered in green camouflage netting. Rep Been did not know the origin of the ship, but because its design was so angular, he was certain it did not belong to the humans of Naboo. Its covering made it clear that it belonged to beings who did not want to reveal themselves.
Rep Been’s keen eyes caught some movement near the ship. Six chrome-plated droids were loading a large statue onto a flatbed repulsorlift transport, which would take it up to an open hatch on the side of the ship. There wasn’t any doubt in Rep Been’s mind that the mechanical invaders were attempting to steal the statue from the Gungans’ sacred place. He was suddenly filled with anger.
Rep Been gripped his spear and prepared to approach the droids when he suddenly stopped in his tracks. If the droids were programmed to steal, they might also be programmed to kill. Although he was a cunning warrior, he was outnumbered. The best course of action was to alert the Gungan military. All he had to do was return to the Rep heyblibber and transmit a signal to Otoh Gunga.
Cautiously, Rep Been stepped backward. As he moved, he felt something snag his right ankle, and looked down to see his foot caught in a nooseshaped vine. There was a loud whipping sound, and the vine snapped up into the air, yanking Rep Been off the ground and causing him to release his spear. The other end of the vine was tied to a high branch on a tall tree, and Rep Been found himself dangling helpless and upside down over the forest floor.
Rep Been craned his neck to look at the ground below. The six droids left the repulsorlift cart and ran to Been’s position. One of the droids raised a comlink to the vocabulator set above its chin and said, “We caught a Gungan, sir.”
Seconds later, a humanoid emerged from the starship and walked down the ramp. He was blueskinned with red eyes, and clad in a red uniform and black leather boots.
“Well, well, well,” said the humanoid as he gazed up at Rep Been. “It appears one of our traps has snared a wandering native.”
“Yousa isa trespassin!” Rep Been snarled as he twisted at the edge of the vine. “Dis property belongs tada Gungans!”
“Not for long,” responded the humanoid. “My name is Captain Swagg, and I aim to give your statues a new home, far away from this wretched world.”
Rep Been couldn’t believe his ears. “Yousa nebber get away wit dis!” he said.
“Just watch me,” Swagg answered.
“Dare’s mure Gungans on dare way hair right now,” Rep Been bluffed. “Yousa best leave while yousa still breathin.”
Swagg smiled. “You’re wrong, my unfortunate friend. Except for you, the Gungans are all watching the Festival of Warriors. But don’t worry your head about me. I’ll be gone in an hour or so, along with the statues, of course.” Swagg turned to the droid with the comlink and said, “This Gungan’s clothes are dry, so I doubt he swam all the way from Otoh Gunga. Go with two other droids and find his vessel. If it fits in our ship, it can replace our lost sub. I’ll remain here and supervise the collection of the remaining statues.”
The droid kept its three photoreceptors on Swagg as it tilted its head toward Rep Been and asked, “What about him?”
“We’ll lock him up in the ship’s hold. If any of his friends come looking for him, we can use him as a hostage. Understood?”
“Yes, Captain,” the droid answered.
“Mesa no liken mackineeks,” snarled Boss Nass, ruler of the underwater city of Otoh Gunga. He stood inside an Otoh Gungan laboratory bubble, where the three deactivated droids were manacled to a metal cantilevered table. Even though the three chrome-plated droids had been switched off, they retained a menacing presence as they lay on the table. Each droid had a barrel chest, skeletal arms and legs, and three photoreceptors set into his head. All nine photoreceptors stared blankly up at the ceiling.
Following the Big Nasty Free-For-All, the three deactivated droids and their sub had been brought to Otoh Gunga. During the journey, Captain Tarpals and Major Fassa had worked together to remove the droids’ auto-destruct mechanisms and concealed weapons. Jar Jar Binks had also joined the group. Boss Nass wanted to make sure he’d stay out of trouble.
The lab bubble was maintained by a Gungan named Lob Dizz, an engineer who specialized in
submersible transport engines and guidance systems. Lob Dizz was famous on Naboo for her work on high-speed bongos.
While Tarpals, Fassa, and Jar Jar stood near the lab’s main door, Boss Nass peered over Lob Dizz’s shoulder as she pried open a circuit panel on the back of the third droid’s head. She had already examined two of the droids, but she had not yet commented on her findings.
Boss Nass was growing impatient. He wanted to resolve the situation with the droids so he could return to Lake Umberbool. Boss Nass leaned close to Lob Dizz and asked, “Any idea where dese mackineeks from?”
“No sir,” Lob Dizz answered. As she adjusted a liquid-lensed magnifier over the third droid’s exposed cranium, she added, “Mesa only sure of one ting: dese circuits is no like anyting on Naboo.”
Boss Nass was not surprised by this information. The droids, like their angular sub, did not look like anything that might have been produced by the humans of Naboo. Besides, the Naboo humans were diplomats, not warriors.
“Wesa gotta know why dese mackineeks isa on Naboo,” Boss Nass said. “Can yousa make dem talk?”
“Mesa let yousa know ina minute,” Lob Dizz replied.
Boss Nass frowned. Granted, he was proud that Fassa had captured three droids and won the Big Nasty Free-For-All, but he was more concerned about the fact that the droids were on Naboo in the first place. He wondered how the sub had been transported to Naboo, and why the droids had launched a torpedo at the arena.
The ruler of Otoh Gunga knew that droids seldom acted independently and usually were someone’s property. He guessed the droids’ owner was from another world, and that the owner knew a few things about Gungan traditions. That would explain the timing of the droids’ attack: if their owner was aware of the Festival of Warriors, such a villain would have known that this would be the perfect time to assault twenty thousand Gungans, all gathered as spectators within the arena.
Boss Nass also knew that droids, like subs, were expensive. So it was likely that the Gungans’ mysterious enemy was wealthy. A wealthy alien who knew about Gungan traditions, and who wanted to destroy the Gungans. Boss Nass believed he was on to something. But since the Gungans rarely dealt with outsiders, he didn’t have any idea of who might own the droids.
“Dis mackineek isa no use,” Lob Dizz said as she leaned back from the third droid’s head. “Its circuits isa complete-ly frazzed.” Lob Dizz nodded her head at the other motionless droids, and added, “Da otter two, dey showdabe able to spake, un dey no able to shut demselves off. Unfortunately, mesa not know how to make dem tell dare secrets. Dare memory circuits isa pitty fancy stuff.”
“Den wesa gotta figure outta way to make dem fess up,” Boss Nass said with determination. He wasn’t sure how to make a droid confess the truth. He didn’t think droids could be threatened, bribed, or frightened. He wondered how they might react if they knew they faced a horrible fate. “If mesa was a mackineek, what wouldabe mesa worst nightmare?” Boss Nass pondered aloud. As he looked at the droid with the ruined circuitry, he was struck by an idea. He turned to Lob Dizz and asked, “Yousa know howta wire comm talkie-speakers?”
“Sur, dat’s izzy job,” Lob Dizz replied. Indeed, she’d had a lot of experience with installing communication equipment and speaker systems into bongos and heyblibbers.
Boss Nass patted the ruined droid’s head and said, “Mabee dis mackineek cowdabe of some use after all. Boot wesa gonna need sumbotty whosa good at sounden dramatic.”
“Dramatic?” Lob Dizz echoed. “Like actin?”
“Dat’s right,” Boss Nass answered. “Sumbotty dat can sound disobediant, un also no too smarty.”
There was a very brief silence, then Boss Nass, Lob Dizz, Captain Tarpals, and Major Fassa all looked at Jar Jar Binks.
“Hey!” Jar Jar said with alarm in his voice. “Why’s everybody looken at mesa?”
Thirty minutes later, the two droids were reactivated.
As soon as the two chrome-plated droids were reactivated, they realized that they were manacled to a metal table. The table had been tilted so the droids had a wide view of their surroundings, which appeared to be some kind of windowless laboratory within a globular structure. There was a single oval door set into the curved wall, and the door hissed open to reveal a stout Gungan who wore heavy robes.
“Listen up, mackineeks!” the Gungan roared at the two manacled droids. “Mesa Boss Nass, da ruler of Otoh Gunga. Allow mesa to make meself berry, berry clear. Wesa got yousa sub, un wesa got yousa. Yousa bein trapp-ed”
One of the droids had a deep dent in its forehead, the result of its battle with Major Fassa. Both droids glanced at each other, then turned their heads and fixed their photoreceptors on Boss Nass. The droid with the dented forehead said, “You won’t learn anything from us. We are loyal to our master.”
“Isa dat so?” Boss Nass snorted. “Dat’s what da otter mackineek said too. No da one who set da mine, boot da one dat was wit yousa on da sub.”
The two droids exchanged another glance. Both droids knew that one of their fellow droids had been destroyed after it had set a mine near the first checkpoint of the Big Nasty Free-For-All. But they did not know what had happened to the other droid from their submarine.
“As my spake,” Boss Nass continued, “yousa friend isa inda hands of top Gungan engineer.”
“If your engineer attempts to retrieve information from us, we will shut down,” responded the droid with the dented forehead.
Boss Nass shook his head. “Yousa no can shut down by yousaselves. Mesa engineer say so. Yousa two gonna be wide awake longo time.” He shrugged his broad shoulders, then added, “Besides, mesa no interest-ed in hearen yousa information. Gungans no liken mackineeks, especially mackineeks dat set mines un fire torpedos. Wesa no have any use for yousa as is. So mesa tell our best engineer to make all-n yousa useful.”
“We will not obey your orders,” the droid said in defiance.
“Who say anyting about obeyen orders?” Boss Nass replied. “Yousa no gotta follow orders tabe useful. Mabee yousa understand better if mesa show yousa.” Boss Nass clapped his hands twice, signalling Lob Dizz to enter the lab. Lob Dizz stepped through the oval door, pushing a hovercart over the floor until she came to a stop in front of the two manacled droids. The hovercart supported a large, oddly-shaped object that was concealed by a white sheet. Boss Nass stepped over to the hovercart, reached for the sheet, and yanked it off the object.
The manacled droids’ photoreceptors went wide with surprise at the sight of the unveiled contraption. It appeared to have been hastily assembled from spare parts, all of which were chrome-plated. It looked something like a squat, armless throne, with a round seat and an elevated back that supported a box-shaped tank. On top of the tank rested the third captive droid’s bolted head.
The droid with the dented forehead looked at Boss Nass and said, “That is our comrade’s head. What have you done to his body?”
Boss Nass smiled and replied, “Wesa converted him into un garbage disposal.”
Boss Nass reached into one of his pockets, pulled out a triangular disposable handkerchief, held it up to his face and blew his nose with a loud honk. Then he balled up the handkerchief, tossed it into the disposal, and pushed a button on the side of the tank. From the inside of the disposal, there came a grinding sound.
“Now dat’s what mesa call useful!” Boss Nass commented as he turned to Lob Dizz. “Excellent job, Dizz. Yousa da best. Boot tell me, how comen yousa put da mackineek’s head on toppa da tank?"
Lob Dizz beamed with pride. “Isa special function, Boss. Dis disposal can spake! Mesa replace-ed da mackineeks vocabulator so now it spakes Gungan.”
From the top of the disposal’s container, the affixed droid’s head spoke in a digitized voice: “Yousa nebber make mesa tell yousa why mesa on Naboo!”
Boss Nass laughed. “A talken garbage disposal? Dat’s pitty funny, Dizz. Mabee after yousa turn da otter two inta disposals, wesa line all three of dem up inda same room
so dey can talk to each otter.”
“Goen ahead, turn mesa fellow mackineeks inta disposals too,” taunted the disposal droid. “Dey isa plenty tough, just liken mesa. No believe mesa? Turn ussens inta bathtubs! Turn ussens inta spi-toons! Turn ussens inta toilets! Wesa no scareed.”
The two manacled droids were unaware that their comrade was already ruined beyond repair when they arrived at Otoh Gunga. They also didn’t know that Lob Dizz had removed the ruined droid’s vocabulator and installed a small comlink. They had no idea that the voice that came from the disposal droid’s head belonged to Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar was with Major Fassa and Captain Tarpals in the hall just outside the laboratory, and Jar Jar smiled after he’d delivered his lines.
Boss Nass hoped the two manacled droids were concerned about their own immediate future, which was the entire purpose of his ruse with the third droid’s head. Boss Nass had a hunch that the two droids would rather tell him about their mission to Naboo than be converted into disposals. The manacled droids turned their heads to face each other. One of them whispered, and the other nodded.
The two droids turned their photoreceptors to Boss Nass, and the droid with the dented forehead said, “In exchange for our cooperation and information, will you guarantee that we will not be altered?”
Before Boss Nass could answer, Jar Jar — by way of the disposal droid’s head — exclaimed, “What’s dis? Yousa two isa cupple-a traitors!”
“Silence!” Boss Nass said to the disposal droid’s head. He studied the manacled droids, and asked, “What’s wrongo? Yous no like da idea of bein a disposal?”
“We’re not afraid of being turned into appliances,” responded the droid with the dented head. “Just keep your hands off our vocabulators. We don’t want to wind up talking like you.”
Boss Nass stroked his broad chin as he contemplated a deal. “What sorta information you got?”
“Our master is named Captain Swagg,” answered the droid. “His crew includes fourteen droids. Swagg sent four of us in a sub to Lake Umberbool as decoys to distract you. Obviously, we have failed. Ten droids remain with Swagg.”
Star Wars - Episode I Adventures 011 - Pirates from Beyond the Sea Page 1
