As their bodies united so did their spirits. Their hopes and dreams and aspirations were tied together. One’s happiness was the others. They smiled one smile. They cried the same tears. When one was sliced open by the sharp blade of life the other felt the pain. The blood that flowed was theirs. Their spirits embraced the future of each other and the power of love.
Steven and Jena were letting it all go. They were to be one forever. They were sharing their hearts and souls. They were leaving nothing inside to fall back on. They were exhausting every trace of their being into each other. They were giving their all to each other. Steven and Jena were making love.
Chapter 30
Jena felt his lips on hers. For a moment she couldn’t remember where she was. Then she opened her eyes. Steven was leaning over her. He softly kissed her lips again.
Steven was dressed and ready for work. She looked at the clock. It was 6 a.m.
“Hey, baby,” he whispered. “I gotta go to work. Try to sleep a little more. I’ll call you later today.”
“Okay,” answered Jena. “I’ll talk to you later.” She was still half asleep.
Steven pulled the covers over her shoulders. He kissed her gently one more time.
“Bye, baby,” she said with her eyes closed.
Jena rolled back over to go back to sleep. She heard the door close as he left the apartment. Then a harsh reality slapped her in the face like a bucket of ice water.
Steven was leaving today! He was flying back to Dallas this afternoon! He was leaving her!
Jena instinctively raised straight up. She tried to collect her thoughts. She could feel herself trembling.
Steven going back home was a subject they had swept under the rug. It was something they hadn’t really discussed. It was briefly mentioned yesterday at James Café, but they dropped it as quickly as it appeared. It was a downer that would take away from their precious moments together.
Neither of them wanted to fall from the cloud they were riding so high. It just felt too good. Both of them had blocked it from their minds. Whether it was intentional or their subconscious minds protecting them she didn’t know. All she knew now was that it hurt. It hurt bad.
Why did life have to be cruel? Why can’t something just go right for a change? How come everything has to be so damn complicated?
Jena wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. Maybe she would wake up next time and he would be lying beside her. Maybe her dream would never end. Maybe the dream was reality and reality was a dream.
Jena wanted to cry. How did she allow this to happen? Why did she once again let her heart run free? Why did she let her emotions overrule reality? Why was love always a double-edged sword that sliced to the bone?
Steven had placed her on a throne and anointed her Queen. He put her in a state of euphoric bliss. The world was hers and hers alone. Now the rug was being pulled out from under her and she was falling to the ground.
God, she was going to miss him when he went to Dallas. It was like a piece of her heart was walking away. She would miss his charm, his laughter, his easy-going presence that lit up the room. She would miss his touch, his kisses, the love in which he showered her. She would miss the exquisite pleasure of his lovemaking.
It wasn’t Steven’s fault. She knew his feelings were genuine. She didn’t know how she knew, but she knew. What they had was real. Steven felt as bad as she did.
It seemed they had never been in control. A greater power had possessed them from the very start. It was if someone had cast a magical spell upon them. It happened the moment they laid eyes upon each other. They were afloat in the sea of emotion. They would ride the rocky waves wherever they took them. They would sink or swim together in the waters of passion.
The last few days seemed like a fantasy. A powerful force had hijacked the both of them and carried them away. They were locked away in a prison of passion and pleasure. For four days they were fed nothing but love and lust. Now they were opening the cell door. They were free to leave, but their hearts remained in captivity. They were two hearts shackled together by the chains of passion, bound by the iron bars of love.
Jena pulled herself out of bed. Somehow she had to get through another workday. Today was Friday. There was nothing to look forward to but a lonely weekend. She had to survive the fall from ecstasy. She had to land on her feet and carry on. She had to have faith that it would all work out somehow.
Once again she had to rely on the power of positive thinking. She would not let the dark skies of heartbreak overcome her. She would not let the black rain fall on her parade of ecstasy. She would not let the gloom swallow her.
No, she would find that double rainbow and ride it to the end. She would find the sun and let it shine down on her. Somehow, someway, those golden rays of love would find her. The light of love would set her free.
Steven felt like crying. He wasn’t the type who wore his emotions for all to see. But this time he couldn’t help it. The sinking feeling in his stomach hurt like hell. His heart stung with an emptiness like he had never felt.
In six more hours he would be on his way back to Dallas. That mean ole airplane would be taking him away from his baby. The ruthless reality of having to make a living was dragging him away. He was leaving the greatest love he had ever known.
Jena had captured his heart. Four days ago he had arrived with no expectations. Yes, he thought they would hook up and rekindle their old friendship. And yes, he sort of expected to have sex with her. But no way did he expect this. No way did he think he would fall for her like he did.
Their friendship paved the way for the incredible sex. The fantastic sex became the glue for something else. What that something else was he never was really sure. That is…until now.
It was love. That was the only thing it could be. He thought he had experienced it in the past. Both of his past wives he cared for dearly. He never would have married them otherwise. At the time it felt like love. Looking back it clearly wasn’t the real thing. It wasn’t soulmates locked into each other. It wasn’t the chemical explosion that he had experienced the last few days. It wasn’t the feeling of oneness that Jena brought.
They were two women with whom he had shared a moment in time. They wanted it to be the real thing just as he did. They, too, probably thought it was real at the time. But what he had with Jena was more—much more. Theirs was a love that had no mercy. It cut deep and wide sweeping up everything in its path. And right now that cut hurt like hell.
Steven had four more hours of work. Then he would return his rental car. He would jump on their shuttle and head to the airport. He would get on that airplane and look out the window at the love he left behind. He would come down from the greatest high he had ever experienced. He would leave a piece of himself behind in California. Who knew how long it would be before they would see each other.
Of course they would try to make it work. Others had managed a long distance relationship. There would be weekends and holidays when they could see each other. They would certainly try. That much he knew for sure.
Steven knew what was behind the sick feeling in his stomach. He knew what was slicing his heart into pieces. It was a nagging fear that overwhelmed him. It was the fear of losing her. It was the thought of it all fading away.
What if the dream slipped away before it had a chance to become reality? What if their castle collapsed on them before they had a chance to move into it? What if it all slid away like sand in their hands?
Steven knew the odds and they weren’t good. He had experienced it and he’d seen others experience it. Life’s obligations always trumped the dream. The deck was always stacked in favor of practicality. Love could only bind for so long before it began leaking at the seams. People had to eat and put a roof over their heads. The grind of the day-to-day wore down the heart. Love became a luxury you simply couldn’t afford.
Steven took a deep breath. It was like that old song that he had heard so many times. You can’t always get what yo
u want, but you get what you need. Necessities were just that—something you needed to survive. Love wasn’t. That was easy enough to see. All you had to do was look around. It seemed everyone was walking around with a wounded heart. It seemed to be the hardest thing in the world to find true love.
People were surviving and going through the motions, letting life pass them by. Their hearts wore the armor of pain. Some pretended to be happy, but if you looked deep inside you could tell they weren’t. You could see the sadness dripping off of them.
Steven had a really bad feeling. It was gut instinct telling him that it would all fall apart. When he went back to Texas the cookie would crumble. Nothing would be left but the crumbs of love. One of them would find someone else. They would slowly drift apart. Time would work its magic and memories would feel the gaps. They would both look back at the one who got away. They would both live forever with a broken heart.
Time never healed anything. It was just medicine for the pain. It was an easy way to ride out errors from the past. It was an escape like everything else. It was the mask that hid the pain—a veil of protection from life’s suffering. It was ointment for the sting.
Steven bit his lip—hard. He wanted to feel the pain. He wanted to be reminded of how bad it hurt. He wanted to feel it rip his senses apart. He wanted to physically feel his heart break. Maybe that would shake loose something inside. There was no way he could allow this to happen. Going against his gut was something he never did. That was not his nature.
God damn it, he wasn’t going to let it happen. He would take action. He was a writer for God’s sake, a beacon of creativity. Surely he could find a needle in the haystack and make it work. There was one thing he knew. If he got on that airplane today it would be the biggest mistake of his life.
Taking no action was an action. It was a decision of weakness. If he did nothing he would lose everything. He would lose Jena.
No fucking way was he going to let that happen—No fucking way.
Chapter 31
Jena walked toward the copy machine. The stack of papers slipped from her hand and scattered across the floor. She knelt down and gathered them up. Her whole morning had been like this.
She mindlessly went through the motions at the copy machine. Her head was elsewhere. Her mind was on one thing—Steven and how much it would hurt to see him leave.
Jena walked back to her desk and sat down. She glanced at her phone. It had a text message from Steven. Her heart fluttered with anxiety. She clicked and opened it.
Hi, baby. I’m staying the weekend. Can’t leave you yet. I’ll call at noon. Steven.
Jena stared at the message. His words slashed through her like a bolt of lightning. For a moment she was breathless.
Yes! Yes! Yes! She could hold onto him for a little bit longer. For two more days he would be by her side. She wouldn’t let him out of her sight.
Jena took a deep breath. She let Steven’s text sink in. It was more than a matter of two days together—much more. It confirmed something she thought was true. It verified something she certainly hoped was true. Steven truly did feel the same way about her as she did about him.
Steven was experiencing the same emotional turmoil that she was. He was agonizing over their separation as much as she. The thought of them parting was tearing him up inside. Having to leave her behind was ripping him apart. The thought of one becoming two again was tearing at his soul.
Jena leaned back in her chair. Her mind was racing. Would she have to suffer through this same ordeal again in a couple of days? Would she have to undergo these same wrecked emotions again? Was it just a little tease of happiness shining through the dark clouds?
She would worry about that later. At least she had a little breathing room. She had a little time to think. She had two days or so to make a miracle happen. She had 48 hours to make her dream come true.
Now she absolutely knew that Steven felt the same way. It wasn’t some little fling for the memory bank. It wasn’t just a hookup between friends. It wasn’t only about the incredible, hot sex. It was as real for him as it was for her.
It was something she had heard about for years. It was always tantalizingly close, yet so far away. It was what Joan Dixon so eloquently expressed in her novels. The Queen of Romance made it actually seem possible. She made it seem real. She brought it to life with the words she wrote.
What she and Steven had was the real thing. It was nourishment for the human spirit. It stopped the bleeding of a wounded soul. It was a tourniquet for the heart. It was love.
All she cared about was being together. She didn’t care if they were living in Timbuktu. As long as he was by her side her world would keep spinning. As long as he was there to hold her tight she would make it. As long as she had love she would survive.
Steven was her life force. He was part of her DNA that made her complete. He was a primordial element of her being. His love empowered her, strengthened her—allowed the true Jena to shine. Steven was the light that she showed to the world. He was the smile on her face.
Steven was a drink for her thirsty soul. He was a ray of sunshine piercing through the dark mysteries of life. He brought awareness and understanding to the meaning of it all. He made everything come alive.
Jena knew it was meant to be. This was her one chance at the real thing. This is what Joan Dixon dangled in front of her readers. This was the sweet elixir that everyone chased. This was the underlying principle of life itself. It was the fuel that powered the soul.
She and Steven were riding their high. They were standing at the summit, the peak of the mountain, the pinnacle of love. And there they would stay. Nothing would break the embrace of love. They would roll in each other’s love forever. Together they would float through eternity.
Chapter 32
Jena looked at her phone—it read high noon. Just then it lit up with a call from The One.
“Hi, baby,” she said excitedly. “Thanks! Thanks! Thanks!”
“Jena girl, I just couldn’t do it,” answered Steven. “I couldn’t leave you. I can’t leave my baby.”
Steven’s voice carried a steely tone of determination. Jena then remembered. She had heard it before. It was a put-your-head-down-and go-for-it attitude that he possessed. It was toughness from within. It was a no-excuses full-fledged attack on whatever he set his sights. It was usually masked over by his easy-going manner. But when he decided to let it fly there was no mistaking it.
Only a handful of people on the planet had witnessed it. Jena and Shelly had seen it—and the successful results. It was Steven’s supreme confidence. It was his hidden competitive spirit. It was dogged determination pushing him forward. It was setting a goal and achieving it no matter the cost. It was what some called an insane stubbornness—a madman on the loose. It was Steven getting what he wanted. And right now he wanted her.
Years ago he would shift into that mode when he really desired something. Sometimes it would be something as simple as a pickup basketball game. He would take over the game as everyone seemed to move out of his way. He would win on will alone.
Other times it was just some crazy idea that he wouldn’t let go of. Once he decided to do something there was no stopping him. He couldn’t even stop it. It mattered not whether he was jumping on a plane venturing to a war zone…or to Belgium to drink beer. Once the fire blazed there was only one way to put it out.
Steven surprised everyone when he left college after three years. Why would he forego the last year of his education and his degree? Why leave school and spontaneously relocate to Seattle? People assumed he had dropped out.
It wasn’t until years later that people discovered the truth. Steven had graduated. Early on he had set a goal to earn his degree in three years. He methodically accomplished his goal by taking on the maximum credit hours every semester. He squeezed out his B’s and accomplished his goal. Then he quietly moved on to his next adventure. That was his stealth way of doing things. That was the mystery that was Stev
en.
“Jena, are you still there? Can you hear me?”
Jena didn’t hear a word he said. She was in another world. She was searching out memories of long ago. She was connecting the dots of yesterday and tomorrow. She was connecting the past and the present. Her future was before her—and it was Steven. Her mind kept racing.
Steven, oh, Steven…so many layers. There were so many mysteries that surrounded him. Maybe it was the adventurer in him that drove him so. Or maybe it was just his natural curiosity about the world. He was certainly blessed, or was it a curse, with an extreme imagination. His disposition for creativity was off the charts.
Steven’s open mind allowed the world to flow in. He would let it accumulate before sorting it out. Then out popped his version of what it was all about. Not surprisingly it would usually have an edgy uniqueness to it. He used to say that nothing is at it seems.
Steven expressed himself in ways no one else could. It seemed his brain was wired differently than the rest of the human species. His magical combination of intelligence and imagination could be remarkably entertaining. He always had a way with words. It’s no wonder he ended up being a writer. That reminded her.
She had never read any of his books! She hadn’t seen one word of his in print! She couldn’t even recall what it was he wrote about! That would change! Soon!
Yes, Steven was a real character. His warped sense of logic and unforgiving tenacity were an oddball combination that worked. His obstinacy pushed though a seemingly illogical methodology. He was a hard-headed genius who did things his own way. His route to success wasn’t always the conventional way, but somehow it worked.
Primal Impulse (Xtreme Edition) Page 16
