by Ruby Steele
"I hope it's a baby and not, like, an iguana." Tiff takes my arm and leads me to the living room. "If it's a lizard, though, I'm not helping you take care of it."
"Thanks. I think?"
"But what are you going to do?" Beth presses. She looks so worried that I want to comfort her, like she's the one who's eggo is so very preggo.
"I guess...I have to tell him. Right?" Of course I have to tell Gabriel. He can suck rocks, but I would never keep a father from his child.
Although just thinking about seeing him, and telling him, and having to be around him...I collapse onto the couch with a groan.
Tiff strokes my hair. "Don't worry, babe. We got your back. We're going to make the most amazing aunties. Isn't that right, Beth?"
"I can always help with babysitting," Beth adds.
I smile. "Thanks, guys. You're already making me feel a little better."
"You know, when you were upchucking earlier, I had a feeling it was because that asshole's swimmers got too frisky," Tiff says. "Or did you guys not use condoms? Tell your Auntie Tiff everything."
I blush furiously. No, we didn't use condoms, and God only knows why. I clear my throat. "Uh, contraception might've been forgotten. More than once."
Tiff tsks. "Bad, Kate! I've seen your Gabriel. He looks like he could get you pregnant from just his smolder."
"He does look very fertile." This from Beth.
I roll my eyes. "Well, it's too late now." I touch my stomach, wondering what this little bean will grow up into. If it'll be a boy or a girl, if it'll look like me or its daddy. Maybe both.
"I need to tell him," I say to no one in particular. Sitting up, I add, "But how? Do I just go to his house and tell him, 'hey, I'm pregnant?'"
"You might want to lead in with something less shocking," Beth says with a smile.
"Who cares about trying not to shock him?" Tiff's eyes widen. "You should go back to the office and shout the news so everyone can hear it. 'Gabriel Carter knocked me up! And he has a small wang!'"
"He does not!" I blush again as Beth and Tiff laugh at me. "Anyway, I'd rather not have everyone know what happened."
Tiff snorts, but Beth agrees. Beth is really the person I should listen to. Tiff is full of terrible ideas, although I love her anyway.
We all put our heads together to come up with a plan on how to tell Gabriel. I'm tempted to send him an email and leave it at that, but that would extra shitty of me.
"Not, you know, that he wouldn't deserve it," Tiff says sagely.
"I'll probably need to at least try to be polite to my baby's father," I say.
Tiff wrinkles her nose. "Gross. I think we should run him over until he's mostly dead but not totally dead, so then you get his money and you don't have to listen to him say stupid shit but you don’t go to jail for murder."
At that, I hug both of my best friends, infinitely grateful that even if I don't have the man I love, I have two of the best friends a girl could ask for.
16
Gabriel
Standing in front of the tall windows in my living room, looking out onto the city, I can't help but wonder what Kate's doing right this moment. If she's thinking about me at all. If she misses me, if she still wants me.
I scoff. I drink the rest of my whiskey and go refill it.
It's been a month since I've seen Kate. She was true to her word: when she said goodbye, she meant it. I was tempted to go after her, demand that she change her mind, but I'm not a man who begs. I've never begged in my life, and I'm not about to do it now.
Although that doesn't help the sinking sensation in my gut every time I wake up and see that Kate's not there.
Her scent has faded from my pillows, and I hate it. I hate going into the office, knowing she's not going to be there. I hate that I can't kiss her, touch her, make her moan my name. And I hate that I can't see her smile, or blush, or tremble.
The whiskey barely burns at this point. Maybe if I get drunk enough, I'll forget about Kate.
When I hear the knock on my door, I freeze. Kate. Is it Kate?
I force myself to walk slowly. I open the door with a neutral expression on my face, which fades quickly when I see it's not Kate.
It's Diana.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I growl. Any politeness I may have been capable of disappeared ages ago.
She just gives me a catlike smile. "You look like shit." She pushes past me, and I'll admit, I'm curious enough to let her say whatever she thinks she needs to say.
Besides, I'm bored. Without Kate, there's not much to hold my attention lately.
"I wanted to know how you were doing," Diana says. She goes to my liquor cabinet and pours herself a tumbler of brandy. She sips it delicately, her nails a deep red that matches her lipstick.
"I'm fine. Finish your drink and go." I turn away.
She laughs a little, and I'm irritated to feel her hand on my shoulder. She presses against my back, all curves and heat.
"I know your little affair with that girl ended. Tough luck. But she wasn't the woman you needed, you know."
Her words curl around me, make me wonder. Had Kate ended things for more than one reason? But I wait, letting Diana do the talking for now.
I know her well enough to know that she can't help but crow when she's felt she's won. Even if it's for something she knows will piss me off. Seeing me upset, angry, gets her off. It's only just now that I realize how fucked up that is.
"Are you the woman for me?" I ask, although I sound bored. Uninterested. There's no woman for me except Kate.
That realization hits me hard, right in my chest. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from saying or doing anything Diana can use against me.
"Of course I am, baby. I always was." She presses her breasts into my back. "You just didn't know it. That girl you were fucking? She's nothing. A boring little virgin. She was a challenge for you, I know, but now that you've screwed her, you can come back to me. I don't mind."
I snort. "How nice of you."
She doesn't notice the sarcasm. "I am a good person, you know." Moving so we face each other, she tips my face down so we make eye contact. "Don't let what we have go because you were bored, Gabriel. We both know what happens when you get bored."
"What did you do, Diana?"
Her eyes widen a little, but I know it's feigned. Sipping her brandy, she finally shrugs. "I just let Kate know that you aren't the man for her. You weren't ever going to love her. Such a frumpy, boring girl! You only wanted her because you wanted variety. I get it." She dances her fingers across my chest. "I'm the same way, but at the end of it all, we're meant to be together because we're so much alike."
I rear backward. Disgust fills me, almost choking me. "Don't insult me," I say scathingly. "I'm not a grasping harpy like you. You only want me for my money."
She smiles, and she curls her hand around my cock. It's limp—she does nothing for me now. She tries to rub me anyway. "And your cock, of course."
"Of course." I remove her hand.
I'm not a good man: I know that. I've done things to advance myself that others would frown upon. I don't love—I fuck and I leave. But as I turn and look at Diana, with her blond hair and red lips and her heartlessness, I know that she lied about one thing.
I could love Kate.
No, no should or could or would.
I love Kate. Period.
It's like a crashing wave, rushing over me. It floods my senses until everything else melts away.
I love her. I love her. And I let her go.
And seeing Diana standing there, trying to look seductive and kittenish, I can't stop the laughter. I laugh until she frowns at me and then anger creases her features.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" she snaps. She slams her tumbler on the nearest table. "Are you laughing at me?"
"Yes and no. Jesus Christ, Diana, what the fuck are you still doing here? Get out. Get out of my life." Suddenly, the laughter dries up, and a quiet anger takes its pla
ce.
I advance on her; she pales.
"If you so much as speak to, or look at, or think about Kate? I'll destroy you. You know what I'm capable of. Don't fuck with her, or with me, ever again."
"Don't threaten me." Her voice is a mere thread.
I sneer. "Then don't hurt the woman I love." Her eyes widen. "Yes, love. I love her, which is something you'll never understand. So, no, we aren't alike, Diana. You have no heart; I just didn't realize I still had one."
I expect tears, but Diana isn't much for tears unless it'll get her something. With a curse, she stalks out of my place. But I can tell by how pale she is, how her hands tremble as she opens my door, that she believes me.
She's not going to be any trouble again if she knows what's good for her.
I grab my wallet and keys, my heart pounding. I have to find Kate, I have to tell her how I feel. Right now, I'm all joy and love and, yes, terror, because God knows how much I fucked it all up.
When I arrive at Kate's, I bang on the door without caring if all of the neighbors hear. Finally after an eternity, Kate's roommate—Tiff?—opens the door.
She gives me an incredulous look. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I need to see Kate. Is she here?"
Tiff, though, isn't about to be helpful. God save me from angry women.
"She's not here. So you can come back later. Although, that's a lie: don't come back at all. Nobody likes you."
I almost laugh, but then Beth joins her.
"Who is it—? Oh." Beth’s eyes widen. "Hi, Gabriel.”
"Don’t say hi to him!” Tiff exclaims.
Beth frowns. "Why not?"
"Because he sucks. And we do not say hi to sucky people."
I rub my temples. "Is. Kate. Here?"
Tiff and Beth swivel their heads toward me. Tiff crosses her arms, Beth just wrinkles her nose.
Shit, I've offended the friends. If they aren't on my side, there's no way I can get Kate to talk to me.
"Look, I've fucked up," I say, "but I need to talk to Kate. She won't answer my calls or my texts. Is she all right, at least?"
At that, Tiff opens her mouth, but Beth pinches her.
"She's fine. She's at a study group right now," Beth replies. "She won't be back until later."
"And, no, you can't wait here until she gets back," Tiff adds.
I'm desperate. I'm pathetic. I love her so much that I don't care if I have to get on my knees.
Which I do, to both girls' shock.
"Look, I don't know what she told you, but if she said she never wanted to see me again, I'd understand. But I need to tell her that I love her. Because I do—I love her. I didn't realize it when I should have and I hurt her. At least let me have one chance to tell her."
Both girls gape at me. And if I'm not imagining things, I see Beth wipe away a stray tear. Even Tiff looks slightly less mulish.
"You love her?" Tiff asks skeptically.
"Yes. Beyond anything I've ever felt before."
Beth leans in to whisper something in Tiff's ear. Tiff nods.
"We aren't going to tell you where she is—"
I groan.
"—because we don't have the address." Tiff grins. "But she'll be back by ten or so. You can come back then. But if she kicks your ass out, it's not my problem, okay?"
I get up. I'm about to hug them both, but Tiff would probably stab me. Beth looks a little more sympathetic.
"Thank you," I say sincerely.
"Good. Now go away, because I don't actually like you enough to want to, you know, hang out with you," Tiff says cheerily.
Both girls are laughing when they shut the door in my face. But it doesn't stop the grin of triumph from spreading across my face.
You're mine, Kate, and I'm never letting you go. Just you wait.
17
Kate
I'm a coward. A huge, gigantic, massive coward. It's been two weeks since I realized I was pregnant with Gabriel's baby, but I haven't been able to find a way to tell him. Or if I'm being honest, I haven't found the courage to tell him.
It's easier to avoid him. And maybe if I avoid him, this will all just...go away.
I roll my eyes at myself as I drive home after my study group. It doesn't help that within the last few hours, Gabriel has been blowing up my phone. What does he want now?
It doesn't help that my self-control is pretty much nonexistent. I almost replied at least ten times. Listening to his voicemails was the worst, though: his voice sent such longing through me that my heart broke all over again.
And of course, since this is Gabriel, none of his messages actually tell me anything. I need to speak with you. Call me immediately. Where are you?
Men!
When I arrive home, both Tiff and Beth converge on me. "Kate!" they both exclaim.
My eyes widen. "What? Did the toilet overflow again?"
"No, dummy! He was here!" Tiff says.
"What, the plumber?"
"Oh my God." Tiff shakes her head. "Beth, you explain."
Beth looks excited. Beth is so rarely excited that I’m instantly on guard. "Gabriel was here. He wanted to see you."
That’s definitely not what I expected to hear. I almost crumple onto the floor. I'm shaking as Beth leads me to the couch.
"He was here?" I croak. "Why?"
My roommates glance at each other. "He wanted to see you," Tiff hedges. "We told him you weren't here."
"Oh my God! You should've called me, texted me, something!" I stand up and start to pace. "Did he say what he wanted? He called me but he wouldn't tell me what was up."
They look at each other again, and I know they're keeping something from me.
I glare at them. "If you don't tell me what's happening, I'm going to shave your eyebrows in your sleep. Both of yours."
Tiff gasps, and even Beth looks surprised.
"You wouldn't!" Tiff exclaims.
I fold my arms. "Try me."
"Look, we just thought he should say this to you, not us, but he...cares about you. So maybe you should talk to him," Beth says.
I narrow my eyes. "He...cares?"
Tiff rolls her eyes. "For the love of tits! He loves you, Kate. Yeah, loves you. He told us on his damn knees like a crazy weirdo. So if you still love him, I would recommend finding his dumbass and, I don't know, telling him how you feel."
The room spins around me. Before I realize it, I'm lying down on the touch with two faces looking down at me with concern.
"Jesus fuck, Kate! Are you all right?" Tiff asks me.
"You almost fainted on us. Is it the baby?" This from Beth.
I shake my head, start to sit up, and then lie back down. Shit, shit, shit. "I've been getting dizzy lately, but I thought it was from stress." I sit up again, more slowly. "I need to find Gabriel. When was he here? What else did he tell you?"
They're about to give me the details when there's a knock on the door. We all swivel toward it. My heart starts pounding so hard that I'm afraid I'll faint again.
"You get it," Tiff tells Beth.
"Why me?"
"Because you're nicer."
Beth rolls her eyes and gets up. And then Gabriel steps inside our tiny apartment, looking as handsome as ever. But I can see that he has dark circles under his eyes, and I wonder if he's been sleeping. His dark hair is uncharacteristically rumpled, although his clothes are as immaculate as ever.
We stare at each other. We don't even notice when Tiff and Beth quietly exit the room to give us privacy.
I don't get up, only because I'm afraid I'll get dizzy again. My heart's in my throat. I don't know if I want to kiss him or punch him more. Maybe I'll just cry. That seems the most possible reaction at this second.
"You look beautiful," is what he says first.
That gets me teary-eyed, which just pisses me off. What an asshole. Of course he thinks he can come here, tell me he loves me and that I'm beautiful, and I'll fall at his feet.
Too bad he's prett
y much correct on that score.
"Gabriel..."
"Wait. I need to say this." He sits down next to me, but he doesn't touch me. I wish he would touch me. "I fucked up, Kate. I know I did. I told you that this wasn't love, that I couldn't love anyone. I thought that was true." His face is drawn, tired. "But when I found out what Diana did, she said something that made me realize I was living a lie."
"What did she say?" I whisper.
"She said we were meant to be together because we were the same." He laughs darkly. "And it scared the shit out of me to think she was right. That we're both heartless and we'll never have any kind of real relationship as a result." His Adam's apple bobs in his throat as he swallows. "I didn't want to think she was right, and I know she isn't. Not really. Because I do love you, Kate. I love you so much it's killing me."
Those tears brim over and start to fall. These are the words I've wanted to hear for so long that it's hard to believe them.
He touches my cheek, and his fingers are so gentle, his eyes so full of love, that I know he's telling the truth.
"I'll do whatever you need me to do to get you back," he says hoarsely. "I'll give up Prestige. I'll sell it. I'll prove to you that I love you. That you're the only woman for me. I know I hurt you and I'm sorry for that. Sorrier than you can imagine."
I just shake my head. "No, don't do anything crazy. I believe you. I do." I cover his hand with my own. "I love you, Gabriel. I never stopped loving you, even when I wanted to."
At that, he growls and kisses me so hard that I see stars. My heart is going to explode, and I can't believe this is real. Gabriel, here, telling me that he loves me.
Gabriel loves me. Me!
We kiss until we have to part, taking in gasping breaths. He brushes hair from my forehead.
"God, Kate, I love you so much," he groans, pulling me onto his lap. "I need you. I can't live without you."
I just nod. He kisses down my throat, nips at my collarbone. The stubble on his chin scrapes against my skin, and I can feel his growing erection against my ass. I wiggle a little; his grip tightens around my waist.
