“Nope.” I grin, letting the word end with a pop. “I’m taking her home to meet Mama.”
Leo’s eyes stretch wide just as Vadim walks in, a cocky grin lining his face as he comes to stand beside us just as Irina is joined by the loudmouthed Nikita Barns before the two skip off to the left, hands tightly clasped.
“Did you see how green that chick’s eyes were? I swear I almost took her eye out when my dick saw her.”
“Shut your filthy mouth and pay attention, idiot. Big brother wants to take Irina to meet Mama.”
Vadi’s eyes widen comically before he starts rubbing his hands together with glee.
“Ohh I can’t wait to see Lena’s face. And damn, man, I can’t wait to see Papa’s when he realizes you outflanked him. I love the old bastard dearly, but he’s pissing me off with his attitude lately. You know he almost took Mama’s head off the other day when she wanted to take Maks to the park? She hasn’t cooked for him in four days.”
Not only has Lena caused a huge rift between my father and his three sons, but she’s making waves in a marriage that has stood the test of thirty years.
Enough is enough.
“So you’re serious about little Irina, huh?” Vadim asks, his eyes going glacial as he looks at me.
My brother may be a womanizer with a new bird on his arm every night, but he loves them all and has a healthy respect for the good ones. Irina, I know, is a good one, and this is Vadi’s way of warning me not to screw with one of the good ones.
Which I have no intention of doing.
I may be lining her up to lose her building, but I’m going to give her so much more than what I take. I have a bigger, better location lined up for her, and with my backing I see Irina doing so much more than running a tiny place that can cater to only so many people.
“As a heartbeat.”
The woman is good and kind and exactly what I’ve always imagined in a wife. Yeah, I’m fucking serious. Mama will love her, and the fact that I wanted her on sight isn’t a bad thing either.
I’ll give her a good life, and with the way I almost ripped my fly when I saw that spectacular ass wagging my way, I won’t have a hard time remaining true to my wife.
“Good. On the upside, I’ve managed to set up a meeting with Mathis next week. All we gotta do now is make sure we play shit right so we can outwit that crazy bastard.”
Oh I’m going to outwit him all right. I’m going to outwit them all and watch while Lena and Feliks scramble to get at each other while I settle this shit once and for all.
I love my nephew, more than I have ever loved another human being, and by the time I am done with those two yahoos they’ll be so worthy of the little guy, he’ll think he woke in a fucking candy store.
If I have to fuck them all up to get there, I will do it. I want my family back in order, and I want my new family happy.
“Let’s do this.”
Chapter Three
Irina
I love the city in summertime. It smells like garbage and sweat and all the things someone who isn’t a true New Yorker will never understand.
It may sound strange to you, but the city with all its ugliness is also beautiful and pure in its own way. It’s hard and mean and yet you’ll never meet a better person than a true New Yorker.
Neighborhoods are like families and the people in every family would kill to protect those they love. Just as my own little hodgepodge will knife a bitch to protect me.
“So, that guy this morning, huh?” the girls ask when Nik and I walk in carrying coffee and these amazing hot dogs that can only be had from Fig’s Diner a block away.
No offense to my girls, but some things you just can’t replicate, and Fig’s coffee and hot dogs are perfect examples. I sit with a huff and dig in just as Liza sits down to inhale her own fare.
She’s a card, this one. Her hair is never the same color from week to week, she swaps out contact lenses the way I change undies, and her clothes scream “crazy,” but she’s mine and I love her. Even if the woman can eat like a starving horse and never gain an ounce of weight.
Nik is the other end of the spectrum. She’s dark with green eyes and so clean cut, you literally fall on your ass when she opens her mouth and you hear some of the vile stuff that lives there.
And then there’s Tat, my innocent little Tatty who’s blonde, brown-eyed, and vacillates between shy and totally homicidal. Seriously, just last week she almost went up in flames when a customer flirted with her. She almost broke his nose when he got a little too handsy.
The chick is nuts.
I love them all.
“Yo, earth to Riri. You gonna dish about that hunk or what?” Nik asks as she dissects her hot dog with a clinical eye that drives me nuts.
“Seriously, why order an onion relish when you just end up tossing them?” I ask, filching the poor innocent darlings before she can toss them in the garbage.
“I like the taste but hate the stringiness of them. And that’s not what I’m talking about, so stop trying to distract me and dish. How hot was that fucker, huh?”
I find myself sighing dreamily before snapping back to reality and giving them all the gimlet eye.
“He was okay. Let’s move on,” I say, desperately needing to change the conversation.
I saw the hot coming off that man in a way that almost had me panting, but I refuse to even think about that because I am not dating. Never again.
Not after my last relationship bombed so badly that I still have the knife wounds in my back. And definitely not after seeing my ex a few days later and the carnage that was his face.
I wanted to pin it on a random mugging till he saw me and literally ran screaming the other way, his terror evident. Which means one of my brothers got hold of him.
Poor sap.
I don’t date anymore and I never look at a man who I wouldn’t want to live through next week, lest my brothers get their filthy hands on him.
And I want that hot specimen to keep living, and living, and living some more.
“He was not okay! He was gorgeous and intense looking and he wanted to try your pie,” Nik yells salaciously, her stern look ruined altogether by the lusty expression she throws my way. “Why I bet he’d go all crazy over the cherry flavor.”
“Seriously, stop. So what if he was hot and my vagina started screeching invectives at me? So what if he looks like the kind of guy who’d take Feliks in a fight? And so freaking what if I almost had an O when he smiled and popped that dimple….”
Focus here, Ri. Do not go having another daydream about that mouth and those long thick fingers of his.
“So you’re not into the hot Russian your mother would kill to see you with? And you’re not into the way he looked at your crotch and licked his lips? And let me guess, you’re so not into the fact that he was close to climbing the counter to get to your hot ass? Dude, you shoulda seen his face when he came in and saw you wagging tail at him.” Tat giggles, making my eyes narrow at her in warning.
“You all know I do not date,” I mutter.
“Bullshit. You don’t do anything but work, talk to your cats, and go out with us occasionally when we get you too drunk to say no. You, my girl, have no life since you let that little fuck face and his sidepiece screw with you. You need to stop being so afraid to fail and just try some man candy. Dude, there’re like a million flavors you’ve never tried. Surely tuna isn’t gonna mess you up for life,” Nik mutters, shuddering when a stray onion hits her tongue and she’s forced to pull the stringy offering free of her half-chewed food.
“First off, my cats have got character.”
“One of them farts constantly and the other one tried to take you out the other day. Those pussies are whack!”
I ignore that slur with a roll of my orbs and continue.
“Secondly, he who has no name was not tuna. He was mackerel if ever I tasted that shit. But no, I am not ruined! Let’s not forget my brothers, guys,” I point out, sipping at my coffee.
Tat goes all dreamy-eyed at the mention of my brothers, and I sneer in disgust as Nik and Liza shake their heads.
“I love him so much I had to lecture my slutty vagina last week. We’re officially holding out till he realizes we’re meant to be,” Tat breathes, making me gag.
“You’re looking at this all wrong, Ri. You’re a healthy, beautiful, successful twenty-five-year-old woman. You should be out having fun and not worrying about the man you bring home just because you have three brothers who are apt to rip a man apart and give him a vagina.”
“Ha-ha, Nik, ha-ha. You all know I can’t so much as smile at a man without one of those goons being on him with threats and the occasional broken leg. You remember two months ago when we went to Electra’s and that guy hit on me?”
Nik snorts and cackles while the others giggle like fools.
“Oh remember that time Luka slapped the sandwich guy for looking at your boobs?”
I throw Tat another glare as she goes all wet for Luka, again, and shake my cup at the girls.
“The point is that I am not good at relationships and we all know it. I mean I can’t even blame He who has no name for what he did because we weren’t going anywhere and I knew it. The brothers just misunderstood my crying for a broken heart and did what they always do.”
Poor guy.
I tried to apologize again even after he looked at me and ran only to have him fall down a flight of stairs to escape me, breaking his right leg and cutting his head open.
Poor guy.
“So don’t do a relationship then. Do a steamy affair with a hot guy who knows how to pluck cherries. Do the hot Russian with the dimples and lips that look good enough to wrap around your—”
“Stop!”
“Okay, fine, but sex is fun. When you have sex with someone you find hot and nice, it’s even better. So get out there and give the hottie your pie and move on from the cats and freaking doilies already,” Nik yells, making me cringe anew.
The woman may look straitlaced, but she’s a wild one who has no filter. She also has a point. I’m twenty-five, alone, and living off of romance novels while my cats keep my feet warm.
Well, one cat. The other is a kamikaze wannabe whose only mission in life is to take me out unless I lock him out on the fire escape. Poor Sweetie doesn’t know how to love yet, but I’ll teach him. If I survive another year with the little bastard.
Maybe I should consider an affair, something to keep me company after the bakery’s doors are shut and I drag myself home.
“Look, let’s make this something you can’t ignore anymore. I dare you to go for that Russian the next time you see him in here.”
These women know I can’t resist a dare. I haven’t been capable of it since I was little and my brothers would torture me to death by calling me a baby.
Like the idiot I am, I accept the dare, smirking confidently because no way will he be back.
Chapter Four
Irina
He’s back.
There he is standing at the counter, again just before the lunch rush, and again when I look my absolute worst. This time I’m covered in more than just flour after Nik manned the mixer and started the Batter Crisis of ’16.
“Hello, angel.”
Oh God. I peek over at the opposite end of the counter to see my girls nodding vigorously, their smiles so wide that I can’t do a thing but swallow and smile sickly at the gorgeous man in front of me.
“Er, hi…”
“Misha. Misha Novac,” he purrs, smiling knowingly when I try and fail to make sense of my batter-splattered hair while studiously ignoring the jackals unabashedly eavesdropping while the men who’d accompanied him yesterday join the group.
God, all the man needs is a martini—shaken, not stirred—and one of my fantasies will be fulfilled and checked off the bucket list. Number seventy-five: meet first Russian James Bond. Check!
“Er, hi, Misha, uh…”
Do not offer pie again, you brainless twit!
“What can I get you?”
Those blue eyes go all dreamy, his smile never faltering.
“Dinner, angel.”
“Dinner? We don’t serve dinner, although if you want I can maybe—”
He grins and holds up a hand to stop my babbling.
“With you. Tonight,” he interjects, giving me another long, slow smile as he looks me up and down, his eyes flirting with indecency as they land on my breasts before his head tilts.
“Dinner?”
I look over at the girls and get narrowed eyes before taking a deep breath and turning back to Misha.
“Okay.”
My answer seems to surprise him, but he grins and I flinch when the sounds of cheering and high fives reach my ears.
I swear it’s hard not to snarl at my girls when I turn to see them and Misha’s posse practically doing the happy jig just feet away. Savages.
“Six, angel.”
“No, I uh, I only get done by half past six, and then I need to go home and change and—”
“I will be here at six to get you and not a minute later. Nikita, you will close tonight along with Vadim, yes?”
And just like that I have a date.
“Excellent. Now, then, you enjoy baking that pie and I will see you at six sharp. Perhaps you could have something ready for dessert?” he drawls, making me blush even hotter when he winks and waves the other men out with him.
The three men saunter out, their smiling faces just barely out of view before I am mortified beyond all bearing when The Three Stooges start screaming at the top of their lungs.
“Yougotadate!” Tat screeches, jumping up and down like a jackrabbit as the other two start dancing and doing what I can only assume is the electric slide.
My eyes stay wide on them all as it all hits me again.
“You got a date and you’re gonna lose your virginity finally!’ Tat yells again, making me cringe.
The door pops open suddenly and that blond head pokes in. He heard every word Tat yelled at the top of her lungs, I can see it in the way he’s fighting laughter and the sparkle in his eyes as they land on me with a hot grin.
Take me now.
“I forgot to ask if you’ve got any food allergies or if you’re okay with a lot of meat so I can call Mama and tell her. The meat is non-negotiable, but if you’re not partial to nuts we’ll have to talk,” he drawls, my mouth now officially gaping as the girls giggle.
“No, I like a lot of nuts…I mean, they’re good. I mean—”
“She’s okay with it all, hotness,” Liza drawls.
“Good. See you at six.” His eyes meet mine again before he bites his lip and nods.
He’s gone before I can gather my scattered wits about me and my friends start yelling and hopping again just as I see the three guys cross the street to the tall building opposite the shop.
I wait a good sixty seconds before I allow my legs to dump my ass into a chair at the counter and turn to the others, my eyes so wide that I’m afraid they may fall out. I mouth one terrifying word, feeling my pits drench my shirt.
Mama?
Chapter Five
Irina
“Ri, heads up, little lady!” Liza yells from her place at the register and I almost break my fool neck rushing from the back to see Misha running out of the building, his face a mask of desperation just before a little dynamo of a woman comes bustling in, takes one look at me, and rushes over to plant a wet kiss right on my mouth.
A frazzled Misha comes barreling in and physically lifts her and sets her away from me before going off in a spate of Russian that I couldn’t follow if I had a translator beside me.
“But, Misha…”
They keep it up, babbling at a furious pace before she knocks him aside and comes at me again like a heat-seeking missile, her fingers pinching my cheeks in a way that totally reminds me of my mamen’ka.
“You such a pretty girl. You tell Mama what you like and I make,” she coos, though
“make” comes out more like “mek.”
Misha tries once again to waylay his mama, earning himself a slap upside the head before she starts in on me again.
“I see you good Russian girl with meaty bones. I like. Now you tell Mama what you like so I make good food,” she says, taking my arm and pulling me toward a table.
All I can do is look back at her son with an open mouth, totally shocked as the little woman keeps pulling me along.
His shoulders shrug and that grin breaks free again, letting me know I’m on my own as he saunters over to Nik and starts talking softly, his eyes never leaving mine.
The fool’s eating a croissant as his mother seats me at a table and pinches my chin to bring my wide eyes to hers.
“Mish good boy, Irina. He no bring home bad girls for Mama. Just you. His papa will be happy to meet good wife.”
“Er no, really this is all a mis—”
But she just keeps talking, letting me know about her sick husband and how excited he is to meet me, all the while throwing around words that make my bones freeze.
By the time she’s gone I’m horrified as I turn my gaze to the girls.
“You gonna get railed, girl,” Tat gasps, running over with a cup of coffee and a cupcake that my ass really does not need. “He’s taking you to his mother’s. You know what this means?”
Oh God, my life.
I groan, internally laughing at the irony as I drop my head to the table and wheeze. I must be the only idiot in this city who wants a fling and gets the guy who introduces me to his mama on the first date.
“There, there, little one, we’re here for you.” Nik grins, giving a new customer the gimlet eye that has the poor woman freezing and apologizing for even daring to ring the bell.
“Stop teasing me and help. I must be the only woman alive who’s not looking for a commitment and gets one right out the gate!” I groan into the tabletop, everything else forgotten but tonight’s date.
And here I was thinking I’d go somewhere swanky, eat something outrageously expensive that tastes like shoe leather, and then segue into a casual “so you want that cherry pie now or what?”
BAD APPLE: The Complete Series (Parts 1-5) Page 2
