“Ahem. Impressionable child here.”
Max chuckles and releases her with one last, loud smooch, and I curl my lips and look away. The hand’s still out of sight. Gross.
“You’re about as impressionable as a block of concrete, child. But my Vika may be right. Maybe, just call him. Whatever you do is up to you.” He pulls a face and has the nerve to shudder. “But talk to him. Misha—he’s a stubborn boy, and while I may agree with what he thinks is right, the man needs a lot of guidance. Right now he thinks staying away from you is protecting you.”
“What about the whole…” I pause, deciding that bringing Mina up is not a good idea since Vika is still threatening to sneak out of the house and “show that bitch what mothers do when you threaten their child.”
“He doesn’t love me.” I sigh sadly, pouting.
“Bullshit. The man is a goner.”
“Um, that would be a negative. He’s never said it.”
“So? What good are words? Words are easy. Any man can say these words to get what he wants, Irina. It’s the actions that count, child. I know Misha loves you because instead of throwing those words around so easily, the boy proves it every day. Does he nag you to eat?”
I nod.
“See? Love. Does he take you to work in the morning and collect you when you’re done?”
Another nod.
“Does he phone you a hundred times a day for no apparent reason that makes your friends laugh at you because they think he’s being a controlling ass?”
I gulp and nod.
“Does he sleep wrapped around you like a vine, every part of his body touching yours, no matter how warm it is or that he’s arm goes dead from pillowing your head?”
Oh crap. I nod.
“This is love, Irina. I know because I do it for my Vika. It’s a man wanting every part of his wife to be with him always, even when he cannot physically be there all the time. We see something that makes our heart beat for the very first time and we lose a little of ourselves trying to keep it without being vulnerable to the intensity of the emotions we feel. With Misha, it is harder, though, and I do not envy the boy. He’s had a tough start with love, and the losses he has suffered do not make it easier, daughter. He loved Mina, if that is really what he felt, and she made him feel lacking. He loved little Minkie with all his heart and he lost her. A part of himself died with her. Losing a child will change a man irreparably, I know this, I wanted to die when I found out my baby was gone before I even knew her. Imagine loving that child for two years and losing her. It almost killed him. He’s wary of losing again and it makes surrendering to this misery that is love hard. Be the woman he needs, Irina. Show him that you will never leave him, that you are his always, and that he has nothing to fear. I promise you he will give you the words when he can. Let the actions be enough for now.”
Okay, I seriously love this man. Who knew that a cold-eyed Russian mobster would turn out to be my freaking Gandolf?
Max is right. How can I expect Misha to trust me enough to love me when I haven’t even earned it yet?
What a brat! Shame on you, Irina Novac. I thought your spoiled ass was better than this.
“I need a favor, Max,” I say, meeting his eyes with steely determination.
“That’s my girl.”
Chapter Nine
Misha
The day is almost over, I think as I drag myself from the car and wave off the driver with a weary sigh. Just the night hours to get through while I spend another sleepless night sniffing Irina’s pillow and aching for her softness beside me in bed.
I can do this, though. I can stay away from her and keep the no-contact rule in place, no matter how badly I long for the sound of her tinkling laughter and husky, sleepy voice.
“Evening, Mr. Novac,” Harry, the doorman, calls as I stride towards my private elevator, my mind occupied with nothing but ignoring my need for my woman.
“Evening, Harry.”
The man is all smiles as I punch in the code to take me up. What the fuck is he smiling at me for? Doesn’t he know life sucks ass?
I dread walking inside when I unlock the door and drag myself in before slamming it with a curse. Dammit.
“Godammit! I want to just kill them all.”
“Okay. But do you think we could eat the lasagna I just cooked first? I’d like to go on a killing spree without my stomach growling. That’s just crass.”
I whip around at the sound of that giggling voice and fall to my knees when Irina comes waltzing out of the kitchen, a huge grin on her face.
My hands are on her without any guidance and I’m shoving my face into her belly, something I have longed to do but never did since she told me she’s bearing my seed.
“Angel, what the hell are you doing here?” I rasp, kissing her with a shudder.
It feels so good, so right, as I surge up and take her face that I want to kick my own ass for ever thinking I could stop myself from loving her.
“Well, I got sick and tired of my own bullshit.”
“Language, Irina.”
That makes her giggle and she leans up to stroke my face gently, smiling when I nuzzle into her like a cat looking for its mate.
“I love you. I love you. I do. Completely. Without reservations. With everything that I am, I love you. I’ve been a brat. Hush, Misha, and stop scowling. It’s true. I took one look at you the first time I met you and immediately dismissed you because I thought you were too much for me.”
“No, baby—”
“Hush, please,” she says, making me smile. “I’ve been really juvenile since we’ve been together because to me, you’re this bright, shining, unattainable guy while I’m just me. It’s not that I don’t think I’m pretty or smart or anything. It’s just that in my experience, men as hot as you go for models or, if not looks, then freaking rocket scientists who have that whole hot nerd thing going on.”
That makes me laugh and start plotting a few role-playing scenarios that make my dick hard on command. Oh yeah, I can see it now…a white lab coat over some of those little bra and panty sets I bought her. Maybe a bun and some glasses…
Fuck yeah.
“Stop it, perv! I’m being soulful here,” she chides, her mouth tilting as she reads my lusty thoughts. “I just, I haven’t had the greatest track record. Guys seem to want me in the beginning. They come on all hot and heavy at first, but then they just seem to lose interest, probably because I wouldn’t have sex with them.”
“Don’t worry about other men. You belong to me. Always. No other man will ever touch you, and you’re fucking lucky I didn’t have to hunt someone down if he’d taken such a precious gift and dishonored you by leaving.”
She blushes but smiles.
“Oh shush already. What I’m trying to say is that I was running on some pretty big issues and I didn’t believe it could work. That’s on me, because you sure as heck did everything you could to prove to me that we’re the real deal. I should have stayed when I saw you kissing that snake and picked her ugly troll head bald instead of just throwing it in. I should have kicked your ass when I heard you talking to her on the phone instead of throwing myself a pity party, band and all, and just giving up. Again.”
“Angel, I understand why—”
“You shouldn’t. That’s the real issue here, Misha. I’ve been such an idiot that instead of fighting for you, I ran away, proving to you that your heart isn’t safe with me. No wonder you don’t love me yet. I wouldn’t love me, either, if I thought I was a flight risk if the wind so much as changed. So here I am. All yours.”
You better believe it, angel. You’ve been mine from day one.
Her hands stop stroking and cup my face, bringing my eyes to hers, those golden gems that are shining with so much love and promise, I feel my breath catch.
“I promise, Misha Novac, to never run again. As your wife and the woman who loves you with every breath and beat of her heart, I swear to you that I will never leave, no matter what happe
ns. I want you to know that my love does not come with conditions, that it will be constant, that I will be constant, no matter good times or bad. You are it for me. My one. I want to fall asleep with you all over me, even if we get all gross and sweaty because I like having every part of you on me. I want to eat breakfast with you and fight about how controlling you are, because even if it drives me nuts, I like knowing that you care enough to be that controlling ass.”
“Gee thanks.”
“I want you to call me twenty times a day, because dammit, it makes me happy just to hear your voice.”
Okay. I’ll let the language slide since my throat is too choked to speak.
“I want to have babies with you. Lots and lots of babies who you can talk to about their big sister, and not because I want to replace Minkie, because that isn’t even possible. How do you replace such a shining star? I want you to have all of that because I want you to have enough people who will love you so much, you will never doubt that you are wanted and needed. Just for yourself.”
Oh fuck, I think that was an actual tear.
“You’re amazing to me, you know. I look at you and it never ceases to shock me that you can look at me and want me. All I’m asking is that you let me love you without trying to deny it or ignore how I feel. It may be hard to know you do not love me, but it’s worse loving you when you never seem to acknowledge it, besides that one gruff thank you that you gave me.”
“Angel,” I rasp, not able to stand the sight of her tears.
“Shh, wait, I’m not done. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself for a while and laying everything at your door when I should have been looking at things from your point of view. I know Mina hurt you and I am sorry, but I’m glad she did because she doesn’t deserve you, Mish. I do. And I know that the whole baby thing is hard for you, I understand that, but he’s here now and I love him and I promise you I will be such a good mother that this kid won’t get a fucking splinter if I can help it.”
I pull her to me with arms that are far too tight, but I can’t seem to loosen them as I hug her to me with trembling limbs and a chest that’s so full of overwhelming emotion, it hurts.
She’s my everything, this woman—the heart that beats within me, the oxygen that sustains me. She’s swept into my life like a little hurricane of laughter and love and she’s completely shattered every defence I’ve built over the years.
I’m a mess as I try to pull her right into my body but I can’t help it. This woman has humbled me, totally broken me down to a place where I feel like the shadows are all gone, obliterated by her light.
“I love you, Irina Novac.”
“Oh, Misha, you don’t—”
“I fucking do. I love you so much, I fell to my knees when I had to give you up.”
That gets a startled squeak and I almost grin, knowing she’s thinking about me on the sidewalk of the bakery after she left me again and I couldn’t find the strength to stay upright. Leo and Vadim will needle me about that for the rest of my life, but I don’t care. That’s how strong my love is for this woman.
“Misha.”
“I tried so hard, angel. I had it all worked out perfectly. I was going to seduce you and marry you and have this perfect wife who I could compartmentalize just as I do everything else in my life. You’d give me babies and do everything I said without question while I fixed the mess Lena and Feliks have made. It was all so clear and easy. At least that’s what I thought, and fuck me, that’s what I was fighting for all this time. I didn’t want to love you or need you or anything that even resembles more than a friendly affection.”
“Mission accomplished.” She snorts, squeaking when I give her ass a soft tap.
“That’s why I kissed her. I didn’t want to say it. Hell, I tried to ignore it, but I did it because if I could do that and not feel anything, then it meant I was safe, ya know? But I felt so dirty afterwards.”
“Kissing a sewer rat will do that to you.”
“Hush, minx, let me finish. I prayed like hell that you were pregnant, dammit. I swapped your birth control pills out myself.”
“Misha!”
“I’m not sorry, either. I was hedging my bets even though I was terrified of it actually happening, and when you did leave, I prayed like a motherfucker that one of those hot sweaty sessions took because then you could never leave me.”
I laugh a little and chuck her beneath the chin till she’s looking at me, wanting her to see the power of my every word and the emotions that are there.
All for her.
“I’ve wanted you from the start. Not to win and sign a deal. My company is worth billions, Irina. I can survive one missed opportunity and anything Feliks had to throw at us.”
“Feliks?” she asks, narrow eyed.
“Later, angel. What I’m saying is that I saw you in a photo my investigators took and I fell. You were smiling at someone, and I think I just felt all that happiness you had in you and wanted some of it. I made excuses and told myself I needed you for Mathis to sign the deal but it wasn’t true. And when I couldn’t hide from that anymore, I convinced myself that I needed you to be mine because I could use you as a bargaining chip to get the shit with Maxie resolved.”
“I still need to meet him and I can’t believe I didn’t know I have a nephew. You deserve to be beaten for that alone, you creep.”
I chuckle and plant a quick kiss on her lips when I can’t resist anymore, loving the way she seems to melt into me so naturally.
“It was you all along, I just didn’t want to face it because then I would be open and vulnerable and I fucking hate feeling that way, Ri. I let myself love once, and when it came down to it I wasn’t enough.”
“She’s a fool.”
“Perhaps. But that’s not what I mean. What I once felt for her is nothing close, not even by a long shot, to what I feel for you. It hurt my pride when she spurned me, but I got over that. Easily. What I feel for you is so much more that I know I won’t survive losing you. It’s been hell without you. I feel lost and cold when you’re not here.”
“Oh, Mish,” she sighs, kissing me tenderly before pulling away and rubbing at my messed-up hair with a smile. “I don’t want to leave again and I won’t, but we need to work on what we have. Mina is a problem for me. A big one. She wants you. She wants you and I can’t blame her for that, but in that want is some fucked-up need to destroy you, and that is what scares me the most. She knows what we have and she will do anything to break us.”
Like hell that’s happening. I’m no woman beater, and despite some very nasty, satisfying thoughts about the ways in which I can rid the world of that woman, I won’t lay a finger on her.
I have another plan, something that Papa proposed to me with so much glee, I swear that old man must lay awake at night building that savage violence he’s capable of where his enemies are concerned.
Nut houses in the States are more like retreats than the asylums of yesteryears, so instead of having her committed for what would basically amount to a lengthy spa holiday, Papa has found me the perfect place to stash Mina when the time is right.
Russia is modernizing in leaps and bounds, but we’re a superstitious hard people at the core, and there are some facilities there that make the Gulag look like a family vacation.
Papa knows someone who knows someone who will make sure that Mina will disappear and never see freedom again.
But for now, I understand what Irina is saying.
It’s a real kick in the balls that I can’t be honest with her just yet because it undermines this whole beautiful moment.
“I don’t want to talk about her right now, angel,” I purr.
“What do you want?”
Chapter Ten
Irina
“Oh. Oh. Just touch it. No, Misha. Please. Just a lick.”
I’m a puddle of goo as I lie back, my arms restrained to the headboard above me, legs slayed like a wanton as Misha Novac, my husband, lover, and tormentor continues to torture m
e to death.
He’s messaging my aching feet and taking his time about it, no matter how I beg or display my sex to him.
I’m dripping wet already, but all I’ve felt so far are those hands, so magical that my entire body is mush, except where I’ve been pulsing for him for the last hour.
“Hush, angel. Stop flashing that delight at me and let me care for you,” he purrs, making me tense when his eyes stay trained on my folds as he licks his lips.
That man is a tease and I would kick him in the thick skull if I didn’t need that head operational when he finally decides to stop killing me.
“You made me think you were bringing me up here for sex, you big bully,” I moan, presenting again like the hussy I am.
I’m hot all over and burning inside for him as lust and a huge injection of hormonal excess attacks my nerve endings. My nipples are so hard and tight, just the air against them is painfully erotic, and my skin…dear God, I can feel every inch of it begging for his mouth and hands.
“I did not.” He laughs, making me moan when he licks my big toe before sucking on it and releasing it with a pop.
I swear every nerve is connected to that one point of my anatomy that has the power to send me insane if he doesn’t touch it now.
“You did! You said you didn’t want to talk and you gave me the eyes,” I scream, pulling at my foot.
Misha, of course, doesn’t let go. He just chuckles and grabs it back, making me groan in delight when he digs his fingers into the arch, just right there where it hurts the most.
“These eyes?” he teases, crossing them so comically, I can’t fight the giggle that bursts free.
“No, you freak. The eyes. When you make them go all half-mast and sultry. There! Those eyes. I thought we were skipping dinner to come up here so you can touch me.”
“But I am touching you, angel,” he drawls, deliberately checking out my goods before going on with his torture.
Stupid man! He knows full well that’s not what I meant.
Oh my God! The freaking tease. He’s doing this on purpose because he wants me to say all those dirty words that I blush just thinking about.
BAD APPLE: The Complete Series (Parts 1-5) Page 25
