by LaQuette
Love’s Changes
A Losing My Way Novella
LaQuette
Cover Artist & Photographer
Taria A. Reed
Editor
Gayla Leath
Carnal Embrace Romance Publishing, LLC
Contents
Copyright
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Playlist
Love’s Changes
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
The End
Author Bio
Newsletter Signup
Love’s Dangers
Other Titles by LaQuette
Also by LaQuette
Love’s Changes
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Copyright © 2016 by LaQuette All Rights Reserved
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ISBN: 978-0-9913203-1-8
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Published by: Carnal Embrace Romance Publishing
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No part of this literary work may be replicated conveyed in any form, by any methods, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any data storage and recovery system without expressed written permission by the Publisher except where permitted by law.
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Cover Artist & Photographer: Taria A. Reed
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Editor: Gayla Leath
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Disclaimer:
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This is a work of fiction, any similarity to actual persons living or dead, products, businesses and locations are purely coincidental or used in a fictional manner.
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This work of fiction contains adult content: depictions of sexual acts, explicit language that may be objectionable by some readers. This work is intended for adult audiences of 18 and older. Reader discretion is advised.
Dedication
To Damon (the hubbykins), Faith, Shyla, Heidi, Avril, Tyler, Jenna, & Damon (of the Suede persuasion): Thank you for helping me understand that I could do this.
To my weekly Twitter panel, Romance Writer Chat (#rwchat): Thank you for providing me with the keys to unlocking this novella writing business. This was absolute torture for someone as long-winded as me, but I made it through with your help.
To the Readers: Because you asked for Bryan and Justice’s story. Thank you for loving these two just as much as I do.
Acknowledgments
To God, from whom all blessings flow, thank you for the gift, the desire, the support, and the opportunity. To Damon, this does not happen without you. Love you forever. To Sterling and Semaj, my heartbeats, the best parts of me. To my family and friends, thank you for putting up with my craziness.
To all of my JMC and LIJ people, your love strengthens me. To Damon, Faith, Heidi, Alexis, Robin, and Jenna, thank you for being conscientious and thorough beta readers. Your insight really helped me fashion this into something I’m proud of. To Gayla, I truly appreciate your help in shaping my crazy into something understandable. To my Loungers, you guys hold me down and keep me going. Thank you so much for the loyalty and encouragement.
To the readers, you will never know how much I have loved writing within this world that first began in my Queens of Kings series. Bryan and Justice were given their story only because you asked. Yeah, I know, I spoil y’all like that.
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With Love & Heart,
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~LaQuette~
Playlist
When I’m writing, music is a necessity that cannot be compromised. If the music isn’t right, then the words won’t flow. Here’s a list of what was in my ears and in my heart while I was writing about these two wonderful men.
Good Enough by Bobby Brown
Freak’in Me by Jamie Foxx
Digital Girl by Jamie Foxx
Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake
Boogie Tonight by Tweet
Blame it On the Alcohol by Jamie Foxx
Grind With Me by Pretty Ricky
Hot Tottie by Usher ft. Jay Z
I Like by Guy
I know by Omarion
I Like It by DeBarge
I’m Tryna by Omarion
Last Time by Trey Songz
Losing My Way by Justin Timberlake
My Body by LSG
Right and a Wrong Way to Love Somebody by Keith Sweat
Slow by Jamie Foxx
Slow Motion by Trey Songz
Stranger in Moscow by
Michael Jackson
Teach Me by Musiq Soulchild
Today by Musiq Soulchild
U Will Know by Black Men United
What About Us by Brandy
My Body by Tank
Please Don’t Go by Tank
When by Tank
The Show by Kelly Rowland ft. Tank
Love’s Changes
A Losing My Way Novella
A near-fatal shot through his chest teaches Lieutenant Bryan Smyth of the NYPD two things: He wants to live to see more days and he wants to spend them with his estranged husband, Justice.
Poor decisions made under the strain of grief split the seams of their marriage. Now it's up to Bryan to show Justice there's still enough of their love left to salvage from the ruins, still something worth the battle ahead.
Bryan's shooting has opened Justice's eyes to new lessons too. The first, tomorrow isn't promised, the second, life's too short to live in misery. Justice has watched Bryan shuffle back and forth attempting to balance the man he is at home and the man he has to be at the precinct for too long. Now, he's done. The only problem is Justice's heart is having a hard time adhering to the exit strategy in his head.
Desperate to repair their bond, Bryan does the only thing he can to keep his marriage intact, he calls his crazy sister-in-law, True to stir up some organized chaos. She's a wildcard, yes. As unstable and deadly as nitroglycerin, but she gets the one thing Bryan needs more than anything, results.
The only question left: Is family and fidelity enough to get them through love's changes, or is this really the end?
Chapter 1
Bryan opened the door to the car and eased himself into the passenger seat…well, eased as much as he could considering his healed back-to-chest gunshot wound still throbbed like a son-of-a-bitch. His doctor called them phantom pains, the lingering reminder of a traumatic injury that victims sometimes experienced. Months after his injury he’d expected to be pain free. Too bad his body, or more likely his mind, just didn’t seem to be on board with that idea.
When he was finally settled into the car, he leaned back against the headrest and released a long breath. Bryan felt the car dip as Justice slid into the driver’s seat, yanked his seatbelt across his chest and secured it with one angry click.
“Everything okay?” Bryan asked as he reached across the console and placed a hand on Justice’s thigh. Bryan was only permitted a brief second of contact when Justice pushed his hand away.
“I want a divorce, Bryan.” Justice’s matter-of-fact tone making it appear as if those particular words strung together were an everyday occurrence. “I’ve taken a temporary post at 6th Comm in Brooklyn. The Corps will let me stay there as long as it takes you to get through the next stage of your rehab. But after that I’m done and this is over.”
Bryan flinched against the pain in his chest as he struggled to process Justice’s words. When he was able to breathe past the pain, he turned to Justice.
“Just like that? You’re leaving me? No explanation why?�
� Bryan’s cracking voice sounded like metal scraping against itself. He was exerting so much focus keeping tears out of his eyes that Bryan forgot to clear his throat before he spoke. “Why, Justice?”
Justice kept his eyes fixed on the windshield, never sparing even the smallest of glances Bryan’s way. It made Bryan’s chest throb even more. The locked muscles in his husband’s profile told Bryan just how much Justice was struggling, trying to keep from losing his shit.
“Jussy,” Bryan whispered hoping Justice would understand the silent, please don’t do this, that was knocking around in Bryan’s heart.
“You know why. We both know why. I can’t do this any longer, Bryan.”
“Justice, please…just give me a chance to fix this. I can fix this—”
Justice shoved the key into the ignition, yanking the gearshift into drive. “I deserve better than living with a husband who’s too ashamed to love himself, let alone love me where the rest of the world can see. You’ve had years to fix it, Bryan. You haven’t, so I’m done.”
Justice was leaving him. Bryan stood in the shower replaying the brief, yet crippling conversation in the car.
Bryan gave himself a derisive laugh. Apparently being a decorated and skilled investigator didn’t count for shit in marriage, because for damn sure he hadn’t seen this one coming.
After five years of the on-again, off-again minefield they’d traversed, Justice was finally ready to walk away. It was ironic Bryan had been the one trying for years to get Justice to see their marriage wasn’t salvageable. The very same divorce papers Justice threw in his face tonight were initially drafted at Bryan’s request five years ago. Considering that fun-fact, he should be relieved Justice was finally seeing things clearly. Unfortunately, the only thing he seemed to be feeling was sick at the thought of losing his husband, especially now.
Coming very close to losing his life when he took a bullet to the chest while on duty, Bryan had a sudden urge to hold on to everything and everyone that meant anything to him. That piercing piece of metal in his chest was all it had taken to make Bryan realize leaving his husband wasn’t the answer. Fighting for him was.
Just when his stupid ass was finally figuring things out, Justice wanted to up and bail.
How the fuck am I supposed to deal with that?
He wiped the water out of his stinging eyes; looking up to the ceiling for answers when a single thought crossed his mind.
You fight, that’s how. You stop dicking around and get to the business of holding on to your man.
Dried, dressed, and determined, he walked down the long corridor of his Emerald Street apartment to find Justice bending down to get something out of the oven. He was wearing an A-line t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. Nothing special, but on Justice’s solid physique, it could have been a thong bikini for all Bryan’s dick cared.
Down boy. Talking before loving, or it’ll likely be just the two of us for a mighty long time.
He closed his eyes and took in a long breath of the aroma floating through the kitchen. The mix of sweet and savory scents gave his senses something other than the tasty curve of Justice’s perfect ass to focus on.
“Mmm, smells so good,” Bryan moaned. “Is that…?”
“Orange glazed pork chops with roasted potatoes and broccoli? Yeah. I figured if you’re gonna begin training soon, you’d better enjoy food like this now. Whoever your trainer is, he’s probably going to have you cutting down on carbs and fat for a while.”
Bryan watched Justice carefully. His smooth caramel features, clean-shaven head and face kept him looking more youthful than his thirty-eight years. He was trying so hard to keep his tone normal and innocuous, but the tenseness he held in his shoulders was a clear sign of the emotional fight Bryan could see his husband enduring.
“Justice, aren’t you training me?” Bryan’s hope coloring the sound of his voice, making him sound just this side of desperate.
Justice moved their plates to the table and motioned for Bryan to join him. Once he complied, Justice tucked into his food and didn’t lift his eyes until he was finished with his meal.
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Bryan. I think we both need to keep our distance, keep from allowing old feelings and habits to intrude on the decisions we’re making now.”
Bryan reached his hand across the table and carefully placed it atop Justice’s. This was his husband, the man he’d sworn to love and cherish, the man he’d claimed as his own. The irony wasn’t lost on him that he was sitting here silently begging for permission to touch what he’d had a license to touch for so long.
He’d done this. There was no doubt in Bryan’s mind this was his fault. He just needed to know specifically what he’d done this time to fuck it all up.
“Why do you want a divorce now, Justice?”
Justice pushed his plate away and carefully wiped his mouth with a napkin.
“Because I’m tired of watching your shame eat you alive, Bryan. I’m tired of swimming in your river of guilt to try and save you. I can’t do it anymore. We’ve been together since we were seventeen. After twenty-one years together, at what point are you going to feel comfortable enough with yourself that you can admit to the world and your precious NYPD that you’re gay and married to a man? ”
Justice was angry. His tight features and biting sarcasm was proof enough of his feelings. But more than that, Bryan detected something else that hurt so much more than Justice’s anger: Justice’s sadness.
Chapter 2
Bryan swallowed as he removed his hand from Justice’s. Both he and Justice had come to their sexual identities in vastly different ways. Justice came from this overwhelmingly supportive family that loved him and accepted him just as he was. Even his devoutly religious and ultra-macho heteronormative father, General Amare, didn’t seem to mind the fact that his youngest son loved and married a man.
If the world were full of more people like the Amares, then no child would ever battle with their ability to accept themselves. Justice certainly drew the long straw when it came to the gay kid’s parent lotto. If only Bryan had been that fortunate.
After seventeen years of living in his bigoted father’s house, Bryan knew one thing, a gay son was something his father would never tolerate. Bryan didn’t need to ask the question to be convinced of that answer in his mind.
When Bryan was certain of who he was inside, he knew instantly he could never live under his father’s roof and still be his authentic self. He’d worked hard in school to get scholarships. His hope was to attend school in a more progressive part of the country, a place where the small-mindedness of the conservative South couldn’t affect him.
A few more months was all he’d needed to be free. He was going to school in New York; there would be no one there to dictate how he could live, whom he could love.
A five minute lapse in judgement, a persistent prick who wouldn’t take no for an answer, and a blow job, were all it had taken to destroy his dreams.
Uzziah Conway barged into his home one night while Bryan’s parents were at their weekly prayer meeting. Awkward and unskilled in the manner of social graces, Bryan hadn’t stood a chance of turning down the town troublemaker with those hypnotic gray eyes.
All these years later Bryan couldn’t really remember how he’d ended up against the wall with his pants around his ankles and his dick down Uzziah’s throat, but the moment he’d felt the slide of those lips around his cock, Bryan’s brain tapped out and his bottled up sexuality took over.
Those few stupid moments of weakness robbed Bryan of everything he’d worked so hard for up to that point. After experiencing his first orgasm that hadn’t come from his own hand, he opened his eyes to find his parents standing in the living room in shock.
His father beat him mercilessly that night. And when Bryan awoke, he’d shipped him off to the nearest Marine recruitment center. Bryan had two choices, join the Marines and become a real man, or die at his father’s hand.
A par
t of Bryan’s soul died as he signed those papers, and what remained of it barely made it through basic training. But something unexpected happened after he’d come through the fire of basic training. He’d stumbled upon a smiling Marine that would change the course of his life.
Justice had smiled at Bryan like he knew him, really knew him. There was never a moment where he had to disclose to Justice who he was, Justice just seemed to know.
The smiling Marine had loved Bryan at a pace that was comfortable for him and then taken Bryan home and shared the wonderful gift of the Amare family. After that, Bryan knew he’d love Justice Amare for the rest of his life.
He’d vowed as much on their wedding day. To have and to hold, ’til death us do part. That was his pledge. Yet he was sitting here now pissing away everything they’d built because he couldn’t find his way out of the damn maze they were in.
“I can’t lose you,” Bryan barked, the rage in his voice evidence of nothing more than how angry he was with himself. “I won’t lose you.”
Justice watched him carefully, as if waiting for the rest of whatever Bryan intended to say to spill from his lips. Bryan knew something should follow the declaration he’d just made, but he couldn’t find the words.
When have you ever needed words to communicate with the man you love?
Bryan walked around the table until he was standing behind Justice. He let a slow hand drift from Justice’s shoulder sliding down the front of his ribbed tee. When his fingers grazed against his husband’s nipple, Bryan delighted in the quick intake of breath Justice pulled in through clenched teeth.
