by Emer Stamp
“NAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!” baa all the Sheeps, who have returned from chasing Deathra down the road.
“poor god!” moos cow sadly.
My heart sinks. My amazing new friend is gone – just like that. I feels a tear roll down my cheek. I watches as it plops to the floor. More quickly follow, plop, plop, plop!
“I can’t believe it!” says Duck.
“Neither can I,” I says between sniffs. “We’ll never see him again.”
“No, I really can’t believe it,” says Duck, pointing over at the Sheeps’ Pond. “Look!”
I looks over. Something white is swimming quickly across it. It reaches the bank, pulls itself out and gives itself a good shake.
“HOOOOOOOOO-HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!” it cries, rearing up on to its one back leg.
“RUSTY,” I shouts, quickly whipping away my tears so he won’t see them. “YOU’RE ALIVE!!!” I wants to rush over and hug him, but I knows this is DEFINITELY not what he would want.
“SURE AM, SOLDIER PIG!” he shouts back triumphantly. “WHEN THIS OLD DOG GOES, IT WILL BE WITH MORE OF A BANG THAN THAT!”
I looks back at the van. A proud Mrs Jingle Jangle gives Ki-Ki one final blast with the noisy thing. She’s turned him into a huge, feathery puff-ball.
She picks him up and they steps back out into the yard. I can’t believe they has absolutely no idea what just happened.
“What?” says Ki-Ki, looking at our shocked faces. “It's my feathers right? I can't believe how totes amazing they look either!”
Roger, Over and Out
Hello.
I is VERY, VERY, VERY HAPPY to report that Deathra has not come back. Duck is 100% sure Mrs Jingle Jangle will have called them and told them that I doesn’t have Swine Flu. HUGE, HUGE PHEW!
I is also REALLY HAPPY to say that we has seen no sign of the EVIL CHICKENS. RUSTY has been keeping the Old Oak Tree under surveillance for the last two days and has reported back that he has observed NCA: Negative CHICKEN Activity. He says he is pretty sure Deathra will have “dealt” with them swiftly.
He also says that if there was a medal for OBF – Outstandingly Brilliant Farting – he would award it to me, immediately. I wishes there was. I would love to have a medal, especially one for farting.
I really wants him to stay and teach us more soldier things. Having him around is so much fun. But sadly he says he can’t.
“THE EVIL CHICKENS ARE DUST. YOUR BACON’S SAFE,” he says. “IT’S TIME FOR THIS OLD DOG TO MOVE ON. ADVENTURE CALLS. IT’S IN MY BLOOD TO ANSWER.”
I promises him I will never forget what he has taught me. Though I really hopes I never has to bury my poo in a hole, or sleep in the cold, dark, noisy woods again.
This morning, after breakfast, we all walks him over to the main gate and says our goodbyes.
“good luck, god!” says cow.
“YOU TAKE OF YOURSELF TOO, MA’AM,” says RUSTY, giving a little bow.
Duck and I thanks him for all his help and Ki-Ki gives him a special “bandana” that he’s made from a scrap of material he found in Mrs Jingle Jangle’s van. RUSTY looks rather pleased with it. I has to say it suits him.
We watches him as he walks away. Just as he gets to the big bend in the road he turns back to us and salutes.
“STAY SAFE, SOLDIERS!” he barks. “AND IF YOU CAN’T STAY SAFE, STAY SHARP!” And with that he walks around the corner and is gone. Duck reaches out and gives cow, Ki-Ki and me a little pat. I thinks he would put his wings around us, but there is no way they is long enough.
“Well,” he says, “that was really was quite some adventure!” We all nods in agreement.
I can tell Mrs Jingle Jangle is still a bit confused about what happened. I is not sure, even if we could tell her, she would ever believe us. She is being super nice to all of us – just like she was before. Her slops hasn’t got any better though. But now I knows about acorns I doesn’t mind. I pretends to eats everything she gives me, but when she’s not looking I secretly sneaks around the back of my house and pours them away. Then I heads into the woods and eats as many acorns as I can find.
Mrs Jingle Jangle has insisted that Ki-Ki now sleeps in her van. I has to say I does miss my lovely feathery pillow, but I is also very happy for him.
Just as the sun is setting Mr and Mrs Sandal’s holiday bus pulls up and drops them off. We all rushes over to see them. They looks great. They has gone very brown. I wonders if yoga involves having mud baths. It looks like it from the colour of their skin.
They gives Mrs Jingle Jangle a huge hug and us all big pats and strokes. Mrs Jingle Jangle is great, but I never wants the Sandals to leave us again, ever. I wishes I could pat and stroke the Sandals back, to show them how happy I is to see them.
Before bedtime Ki-Ki comes over and asks for a meeting. He has never asked us for one before; he must have something very important to say.
“OMG!” he says, flapping his wings around excitedly. “You really won't believe what the tea leaves just told Mrs Jingle Jangle!”
“That I is going to get an extra big helping of Mr and Mrs Sandal’s delicious slops for breakfast?” I says hopefully.
“No! It's much more amazing than that!”
I would stop him and tell him that there really is pretty much nothing more amazing than extra slops, but he is talking so fast it’s impossible.
“Her tea leaves told her that I am not just a replacement for her Moonstone, but that I AM HER MOONSTONE!!!!”
“But how can you be?” I asks. “You is a turkey; you looks nothing like a cat!”
“I know! I know!” babbles Ki-Ki. “It's totally crazy. She looked into the leaves and started to cry with joy. Then she picked me up and started stroking me like a cat, saying, “I knew it all along, Moonstone, it really is you. You’ve come back to me!” My Farmer is not great, but I got the gist. And honestly I think it’s true. I’ve even started to feel like a cat. Listen to my purr: gobble-rrrrrrr, gobble-rrrrrrr.”
“That’s really, err, great,” says Duck, giving me a wink.
“Well, it's sort of great, and then it's sort of not,” says Ki-Ki, his excitement suddenly turning to sadness. His voice goes all wibbly-wobbly as he continues. “You know how much I love you. I mean, really, you've totally been the best friends anyone could ask for. I honestly can't thank you enough.” A tear rolls down his cheek. “And I … I … I …” he stammers, “I want you to know this is the hardest thing I have ever had to say. But, if you don't mind, I'm going to go and live with Mrs Jingle Jangle, in her van.” He just manages to get his last few words out before he breaks into big sobs.
“Please don’t cry,” I says, patting him as gently as I can with my trotter. “This is great news. We’ll all miss you very much, but knowing you is very happy will make us all very, very happy.” As I says the words I almost starts to cry too. I takes some deep breaths and just manages not to.
“ki-ki turnip. woc turnip,” says cow, giving him a little lick.
“They’re right,” says Duck. “We only want what’s best for you. I am sure Mrs Jingle Jangle will come back and visit the Farm again, and when she does you can come and tell us all about the adventures you’ve had and what life is like being a cat.”
“A turkey-cat. A Tat!” I says. Everyone laughs.
“Oh, you really are the best,” says Ki-Ki, wiping his eyes with his wing. “The very, very best!”
As I sits in my bed writing all this I feels happy and sad all at once. Happy that I am safe and that I has such brilliant friends; Duck and cow really is amazing amazing amazing. And even the grumpy Sheeps is kind of great in their own way. And happy that the EVIL CHICKENS is gone once and for all. But sad that RUSTY has gone and now Ki-Ki is going too. It’s not a nice feeling when your friends leave you. I hope that it isn’t too long until I sees them both again.
I wonders if anyone will ever believe any of what I has written on these pages. Right now, even I finds it hard to believe – it feels like a crazy dream. But then in the far distance I hears
a howl.
“YIPPEE-KI-YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!”
And I knows it was no dream. It really was a great, big, fat, totally bonkers adventure. The craziest ever!
Lots of love,
Pig, Duck, cow and all the Sheeps.
xxxx
Read Pig’s first top-secret diary!
And don’t miss Pig’s other super-amazing diaries!
Visit Pig’s EXTRA-ORDINARY website diaryofpig.com to find out more about him, ask him questions, discover fun Piggy activities and much much more.
Scholastic Children’s Books
An imprint of Scholastic Ltd
Euston House, 24 Eversholt Street
London, NW1 1DB, UK
Registered office: Westfield Road, Southam, Warwickshire, CV47 0RA
SCHOLASTIC and associated logos are trademarks and or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.
First published in the UK by Scholastic Ltd, 2017
This electronic edition published by Scholastic Ltd, 2017
Copyright © Emer Stamp, 2017
The right of Emer Stamp to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work has been asserted by her.
eISBN 978 1407 17923 0
A CIP catalogue record for this work is available from the British Library.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic, fart or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Scholastic Limited.
Produced in the UK by Stunjelly
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, incidents and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
www.scholastic.co.uk
