“Drew, you were so lucky to have had him in your life.”
“Yeah. He was an extraordinary man. I’m still in shock that he’s gone. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reached for the phone to call him…how weird it was going over there this morning, and having your grandmother answer the door…. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad it worked out for her…but the reality hit me hard. My Pops is gone,” he sighed.
“It’s my Popsy, and I’ll cry if I want to…” I sang quietly.
That made him laugh. “Claire, I swear, you are amazing. You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen naked, you’re sweet, you’re smart, you turn sad moments into good ones…”
“That’s why I think you should marry me.”
“Are you ever going to let me take charge of anything?” He smiled. “I mean, will you at least let me lead when we dance?”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m being way too forward.”
“Yes, you are…but other than that, you’re perfect.”
“Oh, then please marry me?”
“Do you mean tonight?”
“Sure.”
“Can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I have a date.”
“A date!” I smacked his shoulder. “Are you kidding me? You just broke up with your fiancée not two days ago, and you already asked someone out? Is that why you wouldn’t make love to me? Because you were saving your strength for Nicole?”
“No, Claire.” He leaned over to kiss me. “It’s you. You’re my date…. But good to know you’ve got a jealous streak.”
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry, Drew. I don’t know why I keep acting like this.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I feel strangely connected to you, for someone I didn’t know two weeks ago. And even though I’ve never really thought much about destiny, I’m starting to think that we were supposed to meet exactly when we did.
“You had done the whole Hollywood thing, and were ready for something different. I was trying to figure out if I was doing what made me happy, or if I was just doing what everyone expected me to do. Get married. Run the family business. Live well….
“Then you came along on what would have been a really sad day, and somehow you turned my entire life upside down and my heart inside out.”
I sighed. Had I ever known a man who could be this honest with his feelings, or so unafraid of showing emotion? Doubt it. But as much as I wanted to jump into his arms and never let go, he was right. Nothing would be gained by my pushing so hard for the relationship shuttle to launch. If it was meant to be, the takeoff would happen without my bringing in a rocket booster.
Which is exactly what I told him, to his great relief.
“Good. Now let’s listen to the tape.” Drew popped it into the cassette player, turned up the volume, and took my hand. Given the great anticipation, we expected to hear something. Anything. But we waited. And waited. And nothing.
“Damn.” He leaned back. “Maybe these things have a shelf life or something.”
“Or maybe it was always a blank tape, and the one you were thinking of is somewhere else.”
“No. He wrote on it. Remember?”
Just as he reached to turn off the sound, we heard a crackling, then a clicking, then a whistling sound, as if someone were blowing into a microphone. “Hullo? Hullo? Testing. Vun, two, three. Testing. Vun, two, three…. I think it’s vorking now.”
“Oh my God. That’s him.” Drew cranked up the volume. “It’s him.”
“Thank God.”
Naturally, I was relieved for Drew. Photographs were wonderful keepsakes, but what could be better than having a grandparent’s voice on a tape to replay whenever you needed comfort?
And yet the sound of Abe’s voice gave me a chill, as it was the first time I was hearing it. Delia had told me that his accent was thick German. But what she hadn’t conveyed was the warm inflection in his tone. His upbeat tempo. His loving words. He sounded just like a grandfather.
“Dis is some music I write for a poyim I love called ‘My Sky.’”
“Oh my God. It is a song! I knew it.”
“This was our favorite poyim. You remember it, Dreweleh? About vaking up every morning and looking up at thi ski? This is a good message for you. Always be heppy to be alife…and lift your head high. You get eh much better view. [chuckle] I love you. Pop Pops.”
“Oh my God,” I whispered, “I love him.”
Tears were already streaming down Drew’s cheek when Abe began to play a sweet, delicate melody on the piano. For some reason I happened to notice the waves. It felt as if the ocean could hear the music, too, for it flowed to the same gentle rhythm. Even the clouds glided by in a fluid motion. The perfect synchronization of music and nature. And then Abe sang, his rich voice filling the air of his beloved Cadillac, the car in which he spent the good years driving to this very spot.
Sunrise pulls back the curtain on a sky full of hope
And the promise of brightness over yesterday’s ash
When faith, nestled in its vast white sails
Is the dawn of your dreams, the breath of air divine
They can snatch your bread, but not your patch of sky
They cannot take away what they did not create
They can break your heart but not your soul
Signs of life will never die
God made the sky to give us reason to look up
To lift our head and feel hope
To find brightness day and night
There is always reason to believe
Drew played the tape over and over, and each time it resonated differently for me. Finally, instead of focusing on the words, I listened to the melody, and something struck me. Was it the music I’d heard in my head when I was making out with Drew in his room?
“That was…I don’t know.” He wiped his eyes. “Amazing.”
“I know,” I replied. “So beautiful…. And you’re sure you’ve never heard it before?”
“I’m positive…although, this is weird—it actually sounds familiar.”
“I know. Me, too. And this is going to sound crazy, but I’m wondering if it’s the song I heard when we were in your room.”
Drew’s sun-kissed skin turned ashen.
“I can’t explain it.” I shrugged. “But I know I’ve heard it before.”
“Now that you mention it, it did sort of sound like that…kind of slow and sad, like a waltz. But a nice waltz…. I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation. What do you think it means?”
“Either that it’s true that too much pot kills off your brain cells, or that our grandfather is trying to tell us to enjoy life and be happy.”
“How can I be happy? I’m so pissed at myself. He wrote that music for me, and I never even bothered listening to it. I just threw it in my desk with the rest of my crap.”
“You were a kid. Don’t be so hard on yourself. He knew how much you loved him.”
“I suppose.” Drew sighed. “Have you…ever done anything you deeply regretted?”
If you only knew. “Sure.”
“It’s such a god-awful feeling, isn’t it? It’s like you’d do anything to take it back.”
“Oh, I know.”
“Although it’s hard to believe that you’d ever do anything you regretted. You seem like such an honest person.”
Believe me. I’m no honest Abe. “Thanks.”
“No, I mean it. You’re so up-front about everything. What you’re thinking. How you feel. None of the girls I’ve been with are like that. They’re all so cagey and manipulative. You never really know if they mean what they say.”
Oh shit. This is going somewhere. “Uh-huh.”
Maybe I was being paranoid. Most people with guilty consciences were. Besides, Delia had obviously told Drew that I had gone through his desk. Why wouldn’t I think that she also told him about the flight?
“So anyway,” Drew said, “you thought you
had that book of poems, too?”
Or maybe I was wrong. He was changing the subject, bless his heart.
“I sort of remember getting it one Chanukah…I’m not sure from whom. But I know I never even opened it. I probably assumed it was boring and didn’t give it a second thought. Now think how bad I feel. That poem was amazing. If I ever go home, I’ll look and see if it’s still in my room somewhere.”
“You are going home.” Drew took my hand. “And you are going to talk to your parents.”
“Excuse me?” I just looked at him.
“I have to be honest. If you can’t resolve your issues with them, it’s a deal-breaker for me.”
“Wait, wait, wait. This isn’t your decision. What I do with my family is my business.”
“You’re right. But I can’t help it. It makes me crazy when families fight and this one’s not talking to that one. Life is short, and in the end, they’re all you have. And even though I agree that your parents made mistakes, they’re not bad people. Pops had this expression—”
“‘ Family are the heartbeat of your journey, and the keepers of your soul.’”
“Yeah. How did you know?”
“I’m not sure.”
“And then this whole thing with ‘My Sky’ and music…where the hell did that come from?”
“I wish I could tell you…. It’s almost as if I had a special conversation with Abe.”
“You mean on the plane?”
“No. We didn’t talk on the plane.” Oh my God.
“What?” Drew let go of my hand.
OH MY GOD! “I mean we didn’t talk on the plane about that stuff. We talked about other stuff.”
Drew couldn’t look at me, and suddenly, without warning, the tide changed. Gone was the affection and humor. Gone was the sexual current in the air. I couldn’t even read his expression. But when an interminable few moments went by and he said not one word, it didn’t take a psychic to figure out what was happening. He was angry with me. Which could only mean one thing.
I took a deep breath. “You know about the flight, don’t you?”
“Damn you, Claire! I was really hoping it wasn’t true.”
Chapter 26
TRUTH OR DARE. TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE. TO TELL THE TRUTH. Truth or consequences. True or false? Too good to be true. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Those may be the most familiar expressions of all time. But obviously they meant nothing to me, because I’d just been caught in the championship edition of “Liar Liar.” And much as I dreaded it, it was time to find out if the loser was going home with a consolation prize. Her self-worth.
“Did Delia tell you?” I finally found the nerve to ask.
He shook his head.
“Then who?”
“No one. I just knew.”
“I’m sorry?”
“The truth is, I suspected it at the airport.”
“No way. How?”
“Because I knew my Pops, and nothing you said made any sense. He never did crossword puzzles, he had no friends where he lived, and he never would have chewed your ear off talking about his family because he wasn’t big on talking to strangers. He always thought his accent made him sound uneducated. Most flights he’d either read a book or take a nap.”
“I don’t get it. Then why were you so nice to me? Why did you ask me all those questions about him? Why did you lend me Viktor? Why in God’s name did you ask me to speak at the funeral?”
“I don’t know. At first I thought you were this parasite bitch who was trying to sponge off us, and I was going to tell you to take a hike. But then it hit me. There you were making things up as you went along, and not asking for anything in return. You just wanted us to feel better.”
“Yes.”
“And then, because you were trying so hard, I realized I was starting to root for you. I really wanted to believe you…not to mention you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. I was afraid if I didn’t keep the conversation going, I might never see you again.”
“Oh my God.”
“There was just something about you that blew me away. It was more than chemistry. It was…I don’t know…like this force that drew me to you. I swear, I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”
“But you were engaged!”
“Tell me about it.”
“And you begged me to speak at the funeral!”
“It’s crazy. I know.”
“I can’t believe you. All this time I’ve been sick to my stomach feeling guilty for what I did to such a wonderful man, and not only did you know, you had your own agenda.”
“I’m not proud.”
“So how does that make you any different than the girls you can’t stand because they’re so cagey and manipulative?”
“I don’t know. How does that make what you did to me any different than what your parents did to you? You all perpetuated a big lie until the day you got caught.”
“Oh jeez. Delia said the same thing to me…. It’s true. We’re both such big hypocrites.”
“Not exactly the thing you want to have in common, is it?” He shook his head.
“No, it’s not…. But you really should be ashamed of yourself.” Is macked his shoulder.
“Me? What about you? You’re not exactly on the short list for sainthood.”
“Touché” I laughed.
Drew put on a CD and reached for my hand. The warm gesture immediately calmed my nerves. Was this a signal that we had endured a grade-one relationship hurricane? That the wind gusts were dying down?
“I am curious about one thing, though,” I said. “What would you have done if I’d just wished you well when we got to Miami? Just said good-bye and taken off?”
“I don’t know. I probably would have told myself it was for the best and gone on with my life.”
“So then, in a way, you’re glad I lied?”
“Yes.”
“And you don’t hate me?”
“At the moment, I’m too busy hating myself for being such a lousy grandson.”
“You were a wonderful grandson, Drew…. But before, when you were asking me if I’d ever done anything I’d seriously regretted? Was that a setup so I’d confess?”
“Busted.” He shrugged. “After everything that’s happened with Marly, I just couldn’t deal with more lies…more secrets. I never want to be in a relationship again that isn’t based on trust.”
“You’re very wise.” I kissed him. “And even though I’m still in shock that you knew about the flight, I do like the idea that we’ve gotten everything out in the open…. Now there are no more secrets.”
“Um…see, that’s not entirely true.” Drew sighed. “There’s something else I haven’t told you.”
“Well, it couldn’t be any worse than this.”
“It’s right up there.”
“Are you serious? You’re not sick, are you? About to be indicted?”
“No, nothing like that…. It’s…Marly…You’re going to go nuts when I tell you.”
“Is she sick? About to be indicted?”
He shook his head.
“Oh God. I know that look…. Don’t tell me she’s…”
“Yeah.”
“No!”
“That’s why we flew to Bermuda.”
“For what? An abortion?”
“No, of course not. To try to work things out. If we’re having a baby, we need to—”
“I think I’m going to be sick, Drew…. And you had no idea?”
“Actually, I did. I was just hoping the test was negative.”
“How far along is she?”
“She was only a week late. But she took two different tests, and they both came out positive.”
“Were you there when she took them? Do you know for sure?”
“She didn’t lie, if that’s what you’re getting at.”
“She wouldn’t be the first girl to go that route.”
<
br /> “I saw the test results while she was puking her guts out.”
“Oh…so then how could you just leave her in Bermuda? That was a pretty shitty thing to do.”
“It wasn’t my idea. She kicked me out. She called her mom and had her fly out there last night.”
“That’s a little bizarre. You’d think she’d want you to be with her.”
“It’s complicated, Claire…. We were fighting pretty bad…. I’m not sure I’m the father.”
“Oh my God. Marly cheated on you? She’s crazy…. What are you going to do?”
“The only thing I can do. I’m going to help her in any way I can. And after the baby’s born, I don’t know, I guess we’ll do the blood tests to prove that I’m the father.”
“And if you are?” I held my breath. “Are you going to marry her?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you still love her?”
“That’s not the issue, Claire.”
“Sure it is. Why should you have to alter the course of your entire life just because of a baby?”
Drew’s jaw dropped.
“Oh my God. What am I saying? What is wrong with me?”
“No kidding. I mean, you of all people…I thought after everything you’ve just been through, you’d be the one insisting that babies deserve to grow up with their biological parents.”
“You’re right. I can’t believe those words even came out of my mouth. I had no idea I was such a hypocrite. Of course if this is your baby you must be there.”
“That’s better.”
“But…”
“I know…unfortunately, it changes everything.”
For two people who had talked nonstop all day, the conversation finally ran dry. Well, that wasn’t altogether true. There was plenty we could have said, but given that it was only two in the afternoon and we’d already reached our quota of huge, scary surprises for the day, it seemed easier to opt for silence.
Claire Voyant Page 28
