Once he was settled in the chair next to her, he closed his eyes and regained his composure. Opening them, he turned his gaze to Rebecca, trying not to wince. “I don’t understand how you can stand to look at me after…after…” He gulped. God help him but he couldn’t say it.
“Kent, it’s alright,” she softly replied.
“How can you say that?” he asked in a low voice, his gaze going to the door to make sure no one would overhear them.
“Because you were drunk.”
“That’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have been drinking to begin with.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t even remember it. The last thing I remember is standing up in the parlor so I could take you to the door. Then my father is waking me and I-I’m in bed with…with…”
“Kent, I understand.” She placed her hand over his in a gesture he knew was intended to be comforting, but it only added to his guilt. “I don’t blame you for it.”
“You should.”
“But I don’t.”
“I’m stronger than you. I…” He took a deep breath and braced himself for the answer. “Rebecca, please tell me the truth. I need to know. Did I,” he winced, “force you to do it?”
After an agonizing moment passed, she released his hand and shook her head. “No,” she whispered. “I willingly went to your bed.”
He thought that should have made him feel better, and yet it didn’t.
“It was a moment of weakness.” She averted his gaze and fiddled with the lace on her dress. “You were going to walk me to the door and then you started kissing me. I’m afraid I let my desire to be with you override good judgment. I wasn’t the one who was drinking. I knew better. I should have left.”
“I would have let you leave?” He hesitated to ask the question, but he had to know.
“Yes. You might have asked me to go to your bed, but you didn’t make me go there. After your father caught us, I was ashamed of what I’d allowed. You’re not the one who should be apologizing. I am.”
“No, it’s my fault. If I hadn’t gotten drunk, none of it would have happened.” With a sigh, he studied the hat in his hands then continued, “I came here to make things right. I stole your virtue and because of that, it’s only proper I marry you. My father says I need to court you for a year first then make it official with a wedding. But I…”
“You want to be with Ann.”
“That’s not what I was going to say.” Though it was the truth and they both knew it. But this wasn’t about what he wanted. He glanced at the doorway to make sure no one was listening to them. “I worry there might be a child. My father thinks there won’t be, but how can we be sure? I know he said we can do a secret elopement and go to New York to avoid scandal if that’s the case, but even so, your parents will learn the truth and that won’t be good.”
She tapped her fingers together and slowly nodded. “Well, I suppose that might happen.”
“I wonder if we should marry now, just in case? It’s bad enough I’ve done this to you. The last thing I want to do is ruin your reputation.”
“I…I think your father’s advice should be followed. We’ll wait and see.”
His gut clenched. “Are you sure you want to take that kind of a chance?”
She nodded. “Yes. I’m aware of the possibilities and am willing to handle the consequences of this decision. We’ll court for a year then marry.”
“Unless you’re with child. I insist we marry before the child is born.”
“Of course.”
Well, if she was determined to be courted first and take the risk that their sin would be discovered, then there was nothing he could do to stop her. “Alright. Then we’ll wait and see what happens. In the meantime, will you let me court you?”
“Yes.”
He rose to his feet and forced himself to smile. “I’ll tell my father we’re courting.”
“And I’ll tell my father the same.”
With a nod, he told her he’d be by later in the week to pay her a visit and left her house.
Chapter Eight
Kent’s gaze went to Ann who was dancing with Todd. Todd. Of all the men she could have chosen to go to the ball with, it had to be Todd. No doubt her father had arranged it. From across the room, he could tell she wasn’t happy, and what was worse was knowing that he’d only added to her misery by coming here with Rebecca.
His gaze went to his father who was laughing at something Mr. Johnson said. His father glanced his way, and Kent quickly looked away. What could he do? His course was set. By his own actions, he’d sealed his future…and Ann’s. Ann would probably marry Todd, even though she didn’t want to. Fathers had a way of making sure what they wanted happened.
“Kent’s been very attentive to my every need,” Rebecca told Debra who stood across from them with her dance partner. “Our parents are delighted of course. And why wouldn’t they be? You know how well they get along.”
Kent forced his attention back to Rebecca and smiled. Indeed, their parents got along extremely well. Had his father gotten along with Ann’s father, he never would have gotten drunk that night and he wouldn’t be in this position now. Nor would he have subjected Ann to a life she never wanted. He took a deep breath to ease his guilt. God help him but he didn’t think he’d ever forgive himself for getting drunk that night.
Debra said something that made Rebecca laugh, jarring his attention back to her. He needed to focus on Rebecca instead of stealing glances in Ann’s direction. He couldn’t change the past. He’d deflowered Rebecca. The least he could do was give her his undivided attention.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked her as the orchestra got ready to play the next song.
“I’d love to,” Rebecca agreed and joined him on the floor where the other couples assembled for the next dance.
As the music started, he tried not to look in Ann’s direction but couldn’t help it. Todd was talking to her and she was shaking her head. The two headed for the veranda, which was out of his view.
Rebecca followed his gaze and sighed. “I’m sorry, Kent.”
Surprised, he turned his attention to her. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
She glanced at their fathers, a flicker of uncertainty crossing her face.
He sensed she wanted to say something but decided against it. Instead, she offered him a tentative smile. “I know this isn’t the way you wanted things to be.” After a moment, she added, “It must be hard to watch Ann with Todd.”
He hesitated. While it would be a lie if he denied it, he didn’t want to admit it either.
“I understand. Some things are better left unsaid.”
He gave her a slight nod. It was the most he was willing to offer.
“I hope you don’t grow to detest me,” she whispered.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because I’m not her.”
“I won’t grow to detest you,” he promised. “I will never deny my responsibility for how things turned out.”
She lowered her gaze, something he wondered about. But then he figured that even if she wanted to be with him in his bed, she felt ashamed for acting on her desires.
“I think it’s safe to say that we’ve both done things we’re not proud of,” he whispered. “But there’s nothing we can do about it. Just accept it and move on.”
She nodded and they continued to dance. The passage of time was a strange thing. In some ways, the evening progressed well enough. Rebecca, as it was turning out, wasn’t as bad as he originally thought. He had no romantic inclination toward her, but he supposed they might develop something of a friendship after they married. He should be content with that. It was more than he hoped for when he realized he’d spent time in bed with her. Based on their conversations up to then, he assumed she lacked any significant depth. Now, he was learning his initial impression had been wrong.
But he couldn’t love her. Not like the way he loved Ann. When his third dance with Rebecca ended, she
excused herself so she could talk to her friends. His gaze went once more to the doors of the veranda. He checked his pocket watch. Ann had been out there with Todd for almost fifteen minutes. That seemed like an unusual amount of time. He closed his eyes and slowly released his breath. He didn’t think he’d ever forget the expression on her face when he ended their courtship. And now he couldn’t talk to her, no matter how much he wanted to.
“Try to act like you’re enjoying yourself,” his father said.
Slipping his watch back in his pocket, he opened his eyes and faced him. “I’m doing the best I can.”
“You will do better than that. It’s obvious to everyone you keep looking for Miss Statesman. Your focus needs to be on Rebecca.”
He bit back the urge to snap at him. Why couldn’t his father leave him alone? He was doing the best he could, given the circumstances. “I’ve danced with her. Now she wants to talk to some friends. I haven’t talked to Ann all night, nor will I.”
“People are watching.”
“No, they aren’t.”
“Yes, they are.” Before Kent could walk away from him, his father grabbed his arm and squeezed it with enough pressure that Kent almost winced. “You will not make a fool of me.”
Kent forced his arm away from him. It was all about his father and how his father wanted everyone to perceive him. It was never about wanting to see his wife or son happy. And if he had to make others miserable, then so be it. “I won’t make a fool of Rebecca,” he finally said in a controlled voice so he wouldn’t give away his agitation. As much as he tried to fight it, he was beginning to detest his father, something he didn’t want but seemed to be happening despite his best efforts to appease him.
“See that you don’t.”
Ignoring the subtle threat in his father’s voice, he turned away from him and headed over to Rebecca who was laughing at something Debra told her.
***
It wasn’t until Kent and his parents were on their way home in the carriage that the town was abuzz with news of Ann’s disappearance. A man riding a horse hailed the carriage and the driver pulled it to a stop.
“Whatever’s going on?” his mother wondered, fanning herself.
“We’ll find out in a moment,” his father replied as he waited for the footman to open the door so he could lean forward to speak with the man who slid off the horse, his movements indicating that he was in a hurry. “Is something troubling you?” his father asked, his eyebrows furrowed.
“Have you seen Todd Brothers pass by on a wagon with two horses?” the man asked.
It took Kent a minute to realize the man was the Brothers’ butler. He rolled his eyes and settled back in his seat. What did he care what Todd did? If he wanted to go riding through town on a wagon, let him.
Kent’s father shook his head. “We haven’t seen anything of the sort. Have you?” he asked the footman.
“No, sir, I haven’t,” their footman told the butler.
The butler nodded. “Thank you, sirs.”
Before he could return to his horse, Kent’s father called out, “What is this about? Should we be concerned?”
“There was a note. Todd is running off with Miss Statesman,” the butler replied.
“With who?” Kent asked, his heart stopping as the cold hand of panic wrapped around it.
“Ann, you fool,” his father muttered then turned his attention to the butler. “Where did they go?”
“Miss Statesman wrote they’re heading out West so he can be a farmer. That’s all we know.”
“Unfortunately, we haven’t seen either one of them,” Kent’s father replied.
With a sigh, he nodded. “Thank you.”
As he returned to his horse, Kent’s father motioned for the footman to close the door and settled back in his seat.
“Can it be true?” his mother asked, her eyes wide.
His father shrugged. “I suppose so.”
“But why would Miss Statesman leave Virginia?” she pressed.
“How would I know?” His father turned his gaze to Kent. “Now you see that Rebecca is the right lady for you. Ann’s feelings for you were never genuine if she’s been planning to run off with Todd Brothers this whole time.”
Kent wanted to protest that Ann hadn’t been planning to go away with Todd, that this was something that happened because he broke her heart. There was no denying the pain in her eyes whenever she saw him with Rebecca, and his father insisted they appear in as many places together as possible. All he’d done was add insult to injury, and in the end, it drove her into Todd’s arms.
I’ll never love him, she once told him, no matter how much he or my parents wish it. I only want to marry you. Promise me you’ll do everything you can to make sure we end up together?
And why wouldn’t Todd take her? It was obvious he harbored feelings for her. He’d willingly taken advantage of her moment of weakness and took her out of Virginia so she’d have no recourse than to be with him. By removing her from her family and friends, he had selfishly claimed her all for himself.
Kent’s hands formed fists. How could Todd do that to her? If he truly loved her, he wouldn’t have preyed upon her weakness. When Ann realized the mistake she’d made, would it be too late? Would she be forced to be with him for the rest of her life, living with a man she didn’t love?
As the carriage moved forward, his father smiled in satisfaction. “You see, Kent. Things have turned out for the best. You were meant to be with Rebecca. Fate has dealt kindly with you.”
Kent bit back his reply. Turning his gaze to the window, he ignored his father and mother the rest of the way home.
Chapter Nine
The passage of time was something Kent hardly noticed. He went through one day to the next, attending dinner parties and balls, playing the doting fiancé to Rebecca. But it was all a blur. In many ways, he’d become numb, mindlessly doing what his father wanted, hardly aware of what was going on around him. His thoughts were with Ann most of the time, but he never told anyone.
Every morning he wondered where she was, if she was miserable and wishing she was back in Virginia. Of course, she had to be miserable. From what he heard, the life Todd had chosen as a farmer was one that would be hard on a lady. Ann had been brought up for better things than that. She had not been prepared for the hardships living out West entailed. It sickened him to think of what she might be going through, probably crying herself to sleep each night as she thought of everything she’d left behind.
The guilt gnawed on him. If he’d only kept his promise to make sure she would end up with him instead of Todd. If only he hadn’t gotten drunk that night. He’d condemned them both. He’d condemned her to Todd and himself to Rebecca.
All he could do was move forward, something that got harder to do as each day passed. In the summer, he declined Mr. Johnson’s offer to work in one of the companies he owned and chose to work for Alex Dawson’s father instead. The pay was less than what he would have made under Mr. Johnson, but his father’s control in his life would be weaker.
One evening in September after he and his parents ate at the Johnsons’ house, he played their piano and Rebecca sang. The only time he could feel anything seemed to be when he was playing music. Tonight, Rebecca sang a happy tune, and he was back to the time when he met Ann. How he missed walking her home from school.
He didn’t realize tears had welled up in his eyes until one slid down his cheek. He quickly brushed it away before anyone noticed.
Rebecca stopped in mid-song and glanced at him, a question in her eyes.
“I missed a note,” he quickly explained and picked up where he left off, hoping she wouldn’t ask anything else about it.
Fortunately, she didn’t and soon enough, they were done with the song.
***
It wasn’t until October that Kent debated whether or not to burn the letters Ann had written him while they were courting. He hesitated to do it because it was a reminder that they had been tog
ether, that they had planned to share a life together. Dreams that would never happen but dreams that often gave him comfort. And as much as he wanted to hold on to the letters, he didn’t feel right marrying Rebecca while he held onto them. It wasn’t fair to her.
With a heavy sigh, he collected all the letters from his desk and carried them to the parlor, figuring he’d burn them in the fire roaring in the fireplace. He stared at them for a long moment then decided to read them one last time. He sat on the couch and unfolded them, his hands careful not to do any damage to them, something which was ridiculous since he’d be burning them soon enough.
He felt foolish when he began to cry. This was a trap of his own making. He couldn’t blame her for running off with Todd. It hurt her to watch him with Rebecca. He knew she did it to get out of Virginia. He pulled the handkerchief out of his suit pocket and wiped his cheeks before anyone could come in and see him. As soon as he married Rebecca, he’d get his own house. It wasn’t New York, but it was better than being in such close quarters with his parents.
He quickly stuffed his handkerchief back into his pocket, and one of the letters slipped from his hand. Placing the other letters on the table, he knelt by the couch and reached under it so he could retrieve it. His fingers brushed something hard. Curious, he clasped the cool object in his hand and pulled it out with the letter.
Setting the letter aside, he inspected the bottle in his hand and noted the date written on it. April of last year. It was laudanum. His parents didn’t use laudanum and neither did he. He thought over the people who’d visited the house back in April. A couple of his father’s friends had stopped by, but he doubted any of them would have brought this bottle over. The only person who might have brought it over was Rebecca, that night that she came to get the book. His grip tightened on the bottle and his jaw clenched.
Kent Ashton's Backstory (Prequel to Catching Kent) Page 6
