“Ha, ha, very funny,” he inched his way towards the bed and sat down, patting the spot next to him. “Quit being a smart ass, and get over here so I can show you something.”
Shaking her head, she shuffled towards the bed and sat where his hand once was. His eyes were fully fixated on her face, and she had the strangest urge to cover it up. Vulnerability sucked, and he made her feel that way, but in a way that she weirdly enjoyed, too. With David, she always felt cherished, important, and sometimes it was a tad bit overwhelming when he watched her with his dark, unreadable eyes. She was all kinds of messed up.
“I want you to see this…” he cleared his throat, settling a notebook onto her lap. She tore her gaze from his face and glanced down at it. It was blue, with a small tie holding it shut.
“Um, what’s this?” Eyebrows arched, Abigail turned to face him, a little confused and intrigued at the same time.
A blush that was full–blown and sigh–worthy crept over his cheeks. He pulled his lips into his mouth before popping them back outwards and into a frown. “Well, if you’re not going to open it, then we might as well forget I showed you.” Reaching across her lap, David tried to snatch it away, but Abigail was superhero quick, and pulled it tight to her chest.
“Uh, no, no way…I’m curious now.”
God he was cute, even when he sulked. “Well I’ll be down here on the bed when you’re done, kicking myself in the ass for actually showing you that.” And with a huff, he fell back onto the mattress.
Not sure how to respond, and too snoopy to stop now, Abigail flipped open the book, fingering the edges of the white paper as she stared down at the words and the date.
October 19, 2010
I’m home. I don’t want to be. I just want to go where the pain won’t hurt me anymore. I want to be anywhere else. I want to crawl into a hole and burn at the hands of the flames buried near the pits of hell.
A knot, so large and tight she could hardly swallow, built at the base of her throat. She pinched her Adam’s apple, and tried to rein in her emotions. Jesus…what in the hell was this? She cleared her throat, and read on.
November 3, 2010
Why can’t they all see I’m nothing now? Why can’t they just let my soul die, right along with my leg?
Oh heavenly fuck…what was he talking about? What was this gibberish, and why was she so angry, but so heartbroken at the same time over these poetic, depressing words? He’d written all of these things, only weeks after his accident though—that much was obvious. But David had never in his life shown such emotion. It ate her up; made her want to hold him, kiss him, and hit him with her fists, all at the same time.
Page after page, single line after single line, words that couldn’t have been written by the boy she loved were scripted across the whiteness of the red–lined paper.
January 13, 2011
Harley isn’t helping…Harley isn’t even my sister anymore. She’s gone, worse than me, but yet the pain of what I am now without my leg, grates on my nerves—as well as my heart—so much so that I can’t help but hate her for trying so hard…but I love her so much it hurts. She needs to move on…away from me…just like Abigail.
Angry tears pooled against her lids, threatening to fall. But she wouldn’t let them. What did he mean, just like Abigail? She’d never left him. If anything, she was always there…always by his side, whenever he’d allowed her to be. Up until last year though…that’s when Harley told her she couldn’t come by unless it was planned, due to the fact that David wasn’t doing so well. Shaking her head, she glanced back over her shoulder, studying him as his arm lay pressed over his eyes. His breathing was steady, but the firm, tight line of his lips, and the bob of his throat, said he was far from relaxed. He was nervous, terrified probably of setting himself up like this.
She blinked, staring down at the words again, flipping ahead a few months…up until she landed on last of September.
September 30, 2012
I can’t have it. But I want it…so bad that my entire body seems to throb with an uncontrollable sensation that I in no way can control. And if I can’t have it, then why should I care if someone else can? I am me…they are them. Worthless versus promising… Man versus cripple…
No…he wasn’t talking about wanting her, was he. But the timing…the boy she briefly dated in the Fall… The dance… The night he’d told her they would never be. She knew he’d been lying to himself when he said he didn’t want her. But yet there he was, on paper, telling himself exactly what he’d always denied.
One more page, that’s all she’d read. And the page she was dying the most was only a few flips of her hand away.
July 21, 2013
My life is complete. I’ve consumed the only thing I will ever again need to be whole. The perfection of her, the beauty of her body, the soft moonlight over her shadowed face, the way we fit so perfectly together, as if we were never meant to be with anyone else. I can now die a man who has said he’s loved to the fullest.
Blowing out a slow breath, she shut the notebook, careful not to let her trembling hands rip the pages. That was a lie. A complete and utter fraud, because there was no way he’d loved to his fullest that night. That kind of love had yet to consume either of them. But that was going to change, and by fucking god, she’d be the one to do just that.
“Sit up, David.” It was amazing her voice stayed so sure and smooth as she spoke, because she felt anything but.
“Umm…are you going to deck me if I do?” He chuckled nervously. This was not a chuckling sort of moment. At. All.
“No, I’m not…”
Slowly, he did as she requested, staring over at her with inquiring, tentative brown eyes that melted her heart in under a minute. Damn, he hurt so much. She had to fix him. Had to help make him whole again. As a girl who got what she wanted, that’s exactly what she was going to be doing from here on out, until the day she died.
“Well…?”He blinked, staring down at his lap.
“H–how could you say those things? Seriously! You lost a leg, you didn’t die! You survived!” She turned to face him fully, sitting cross–legged against his side. “You are the most loved man I know.”
“Well, yeah, I know I’m loved, Abigail. But that wasn’t the point. The point of that notebook was to show you what my brain has been like since the accident,” he groaned, running his long fingers through his curls. “It’s like my mind is not my own anymore, like I’m someone else living in the same body…sort of.”
“No, that’s you—completely. It’s just that somewhere along the way, you’ve lost sight of who you were before the accident—what you wanted out of life.” She reached down and pulled his hand into her lap, “You’ve always been the broody, moody athlete who acts tough on the outside,” she bit her lip appearing unsure as she reached over to touch his chest with the palm of her other hand, “but right here…that’s still the same. You are a lover. You are a fighter. And you are the only guy who I can safely call a good and real man.”
“You think too highly of me, Abigail. You always have.”
“No… I haven’t thought highly enough.” She tipped his face upwards with her finger. “It’s the truth. You just need to stop and realize it again. Screw your leg issue. Screw your head issue too. It’s time you take a stand in your life and do something that doesn’t require being a little bitch about—”
She was down on the bed before she even could breathe the final words of her sentence. His mouth was hot—hard—and so full of passion against hers that she forgot what the hell she was even about to say. His entire body covered hers and he tucked one of his hands behind the back of her head, overwhelming her ability to think about anything other than his ability to take control.
His mouth was open over hers, his tongue pressing against her swollen lips, practically begging to be permitted inside. All she wanted was that sensation of their mouths, entrusting each other to be as one, so she obliged to his silent command, letting their tong
ues collide at a rate that was hateful and violent, needy and perfect…all at the same time. His other hand slipped up her outer thigh, taking her shirt along with it when he reached the bottom of her stomach. His fingers dug into the edge of panties and he traced her hipbone with his nail. Arching her back, needing to feel him on her… in her, and devouring her at the same time, she moaned and wrapped her right leg around his left hip.
He jumped at the contact, pulling back slightly to stare down at her—obviously unsure of himself, and the fact that she was so close to the emptiness that he’d had below his knee for two years now. But there was no way she was going to let him stop now. Abigail had him right where he was meant to be.
“Abigail…” he warned softly, until she lifted her chin, giving him access to her neck. He was a damn good non–verbal listener and she shut her eyes, relaxing as his hot lips covered her pulse.
“Jesus…if I take you again, Abs, then I really don’t think I’ll be able to let you go this time when we’re done…”
She swallowed, moaning as his hands found the center of her panties—feeling completely at a point of no return. His words, so vulnerable and open, made her want him more than she ever thought possible.
She pushed out her response on a soft sigh, “Then don’t. Just take me, all of me. I’m yours. I always have been,” …and I always will be.
Falling to the side, he faced her, but had yet to break away the meshing contact of their bodies. “Are…are you sure?” She opened her eyes, and smiled at him, with so much love in her heart that you would think it was near ready to explode.
Tracing his furrowed brows, she told him the truth. “More than I’ve ever been in my entire life.”
That was all the initiative he apparently needed, and this time—without the vodka, and backseat, and hurry of losing something and never gaining it back—David slipped her panties down to her knees with fingers that knew exactly what they were doing. She grinned against his chin…the boy had some killer skills.
“Lie on your back.”
She swallowed. Filled with the need to abide by anything he commanded, that’s what she did, only she tossed her shirt to the floor to speed up the process.
Smirking, he pulled back to stare down at her, “Jesus…you’re so fucking beautiful that it steals my breath, right…here.” He made an ex over the center of her chest, signifying the exact thing she felt. His voice barely a whisper, David lowered his hands from her neck until he found the spot she’d been dying to be his for months once again.
The moment he touched the center, it was like her eyes were an explosion of black, with tiny sparks of light consuming what should have been a scary vision behind her lids. In and out, he pushed his finger, his breath heavy as he traced kisses down her chest, onto her stomach and ribs, until he reached her hipbones.
Every part of her body belonged to him; both inside and out. Body, mind, soul…baby.
That thought stopped her short, her breathing heavy for a completely different reason. But soon forgotten was the idea that might break them, replaced by the feel of his mouth, instead of his fingers.
“David, Jesus, please…don’t ever stop.”
He chuckled against her, sending delicious chills through her shaking body as he used his tongue in all its skillful glory, stopping only momentarily to speak the words she could barely comprehend over the lust filling her mind. “I won’t.”
And he didn’t stop. He was relentless, and pursued her body’s breaking point so hard that she had to throw her arm over her mouth to stifle the cries escaping like prisoners from her locked lips.
Jesus, this wasn’t sex…it was so much better than sex. No guy had ever gone there… She pushed against his mouth, needing to explode, but at the same time, not wanting to waste it this way with her greediness. It felt good, but she knew exactly what would feel better.
“I lied…I need you,” she moaned, her words a garbled mess, “to stop, please.”
He did. And immediately she felt like a bitch because he backed his body away completely. “God, Abs, I’m sorry…”
She sat up on her elbows staring down at him as he sat up on the edge of the bed, running a trembling hand through his messy curls.
“Hey, I didn’t mean I wanted to stop completely…” she chewed on her lip, sitting up, only to stand and move in front of him. Completely exposed to him, she whispered her shaky words, “I just want you…and me…together, that’s all.”
His eyes brightened. Hell, they brightened to a shade she hadn’t seen in years. She couldn’t help but smile at the child–like wonder in their depths. David was so tough, but so innocent at the same time. He was absolutely, perfectly flawed. And she was absolutely, desperately in love with him.
Chapter Seventeen
Never had he seen anything as sexy as Abigail standing in front of him—bare, flushed, and open—both in the physical and mental aspect. He swallowed his nerves, and blinked as he studied the length of her curvy, petite frame.
Christ…could he do this again? And sober at that? He was far from a virgin—lost that title when he was a freshman in high school. So he knew where the parts went, and he definitely remembered how to make a girl scream his name if need be. But the only partner he’d had since his accident had been Abigail, and they’d been toasted that night. But now, in the early morning hours of the day, with Abigail more than willing to go another round with him, he felt like an inexperienced dumbass that needed some serious sex tutoring.
But he went with it anyways—went with the fast paced thumping of his heart and what it told him to do—disregarding the fact that this was his sister’s apartment and that he only had one fucking leg at that. Harley would forgive him, and the one–leg thing was the last issue on his mind as he reached out for her. He had to have her. His body demanded it. His heart ached for it even more.
Gripping her hips with his trembling hands, he pulled her into him, relaxing just as a breathless sigh fell from her perfect, O–shaped mouth. “You are going to be the death of me, Abigail Zane…” He drew her stomach close to his face, kissing the flat plane once, before staring up into her soulful eyes.
But there, once again in those two perfect pools of blue, was an obvious fear he didn’t in any way associate with her. Abigail wasn’t scared of anything. This new, unexpected version of the girl he so loved, harbored something big—secret big. She was full of them lately it seemed. And he didn’t like it at all.
Clearing her throat, she seemingly pushed passed her obvious fear, and grinned down at him. “Nah, I’m only the beginning of something that you won’t want to end…”
He shook his head, and laughed, pulling her down onto his lap. Damn, she was beyond right on that one. Forgetting his woes and worries, he let her straddle his upper thighs, for once uncaring of what sat just behind her—the nothingness that was his left leg. He tipped his head to the side, checking to make sure she was still okay, brushing her tangled hair away from her glowing face with one finger. He cupped her cheeks a minute later, and brought her face close to his, only to rub his nose against her cheek. He inhaled her floral scent, like a cat who wanted to mark his territory. But at the same time, he was a wild beast demanding more than just a little claim—demanding consumption to a degree that neither one of them could ever take back. It was the forever kind of consumption he was going to try and earn from this girl—this absolutely, perfect specimen of a woman.
“I don’t have any protection, Abs…” Fuck…of all the dumbass things he could say, it had to be that.
Again, she stiffened in his hold and he held his breath, praying that he hadn’t screwed this up with stupid words—although they were far from stupid. Smart was more like it. Because the last thing he needed, was to be a dad.
“It’s…okay, I, um…well,” she stuttered against the curve of his ear. “I’m, uh, well…on the pill.”
He frowned for a brief second, trying hard not to think what that might have meant. Abigail had always been open
with her sexuality and sure, his jealousy was not being too friendly at the thought of her in someone else’s bed. But he also knew that he’d screwed up badly in the past and there was no way he expected her to be waiting around for him, even though he’d secretly fantasized that he was always her first, and would, too, be her last. But reality was a bitch, and stole his selfish dreams. So there was really no reason to regret the past when he had the future under his hands—literally.
David nodded against her face, and brought his mouth down to her ear, loving the shivers he ignited in her with that one move. The soft sighs he created as his thumbs just barely brushed against the side of her breasts was his final straw, and he needed no more encouragement to follow through with what was now the inevitable.
It was time.
Flipping her onto her back, he maneuvered his way over her, surprised with his ability to balance so well on one knee without falling flat against her. He’d apparently developed some superstar abilities whenever he was with this girl. She giggled, laughing as he threw her hands over her head. He grinned down at her, teasing her, enthralled with the way she moved against him, ignoring—for now—how he was so hard against her.
“So what are you waiting for then…?” Damn her and her ability to screw with his head with those ‘come hither’ eyes, and those swollen, gnawed on lips. Her hair was all sprawled out around her shoulders like she was some sort of blonde divinity of perfection—which of course she really was.
“Can’t I just lie here all morning?” He teased back, tightening his grip on her hands as he pressed his mouth against her neck. One kiss on her pulse…one kiss on the center of her neck…two kisses on her shoulder blades until his mouth found the perfect home over her breasts.
She sighed, arching her back, giving his mouth the perfect, momentary taste of the perfection that was her body. “I get really tired after overexerting myself you know…”
A Long Time Coming Page 14
