I rolled my eyes despite Autumn not being able to see me. I typed out a quick reply.
Don’t be ridiculous. I can drive myself. The restaurant is only twenty minutes away.
She got back to me in seconds. Blake insists and so do I. You can have a few drinks without worrying about driving home. Safety first!
I laughed to myself before responding to her. You are such a nerd. But sounds good. See you soon.
Despite the car service, the rehearsal dinner and wedding was a low-key affair. Autumn’s parents insisted on paying for their daughter’s wedding and wanted to keep the event small with only close friends and family. Autumn and Blake were happy to oblige. After everything they’d been through, the spotlight wasn’t something either of them craved.
Thankfully, Thomas’s fifteen minutes of fame were up. By the time we were back in the States, the media attention surrounding his interview had blown over. A well-liked feminist news anchor had blasted the station for giving a platform to a “convicted sex offender.” Although the gossip mags were still interested in the couple, most of the articles now focused on what Autumn’s dress would look like and where they would go on their honeymoon.
My shoes were in my hands ready to be slipped on when I heard the buzzer for my apartment. I grabbed my purse and keys while doing a quick scan to make sure I didn’t forget anything. Another downfall of not living with Lexi: Her control-freak tendencies usually ensured I never forgot anything when leaving for the night.
I put on my heels and balanced down the steps from my second-level apartment to the street. A uniformed chauffeur was waiting on the sidewalk next to a very posh-looking town car. I gave the driver a short awkward wave as he opened the rear door. I held the back of my dress down as I slid into the backseat.
I leaned back into the leather headrest and closed my eyes as the driver who had introduced himself as Max navigated back out into traffic. The old me wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the luxury of being chauffeured around. Shows of money always made me awkward and I was learning through therapy that I didn’t have to assume a person wanted something in return for his generosity. My mom’s relationship with men had been ingrained in my subconscious and I was accepting that I wasn’t an extension of her.
I had called her a couple of days back at the urging of my therapist. I needed to tell her about the rape—especially if I went ahead and pressed charges against Justin. It seemed cruel to let her find out about the assault from a tabloid magazine.
My mother had been supportive in her own way after I told her everything. She had warned of a fresh hell—a hell much worse than living with the fact I had sex with a football player.
“Darling, he’s a pig. There’s no disputing that. But are you ready to take Autumn’s place as the media’s punching bag? You know what they’ll say about you,” she said with a tired sigh. The noise annoyed me as if my life was inconveniencing her.
“No, Mom. What will they say?” I asked curtly.
“They’ll say you liked to party and flirt. I wouldn’t be surprised if photos of you hanging on Justin at the bar will resurface,” she said. My hand tightened around the phone and I felt a vein start to pulse in my forehead. “They’ll report that if the trauma was so awful, you would have come forward sooner.” My mother paused for a loaded second. “They will tear you apart.”
“I don’t care,” I said forcefully. “I’ve been reading about rape culture and a picture from an article really stood out to me. It was a woman with her mouth duct taped. And that’s how I feel. Like the world would want me to stay quiet because it’s easier—because I should just accept that boys will be boys. But I won’t do that anymore. My silence is the biggest lie of all.” She was only repeating something I already knew: date rape was supposed to be cloaked in secrecy, not announced to the world.
She didn’t have a counter and when the conversation faltered she asked me to meet her for lunch the following week. I agreed. I’d never have the mother and daughter relationship I craved and I was becoming okay with that. Reality wasn’t always pretty and I wouldn’t pretend to be perfect for her benefit. My mom wanted a best friend, not a daughter who had her own needs and wants. And that need for perfection was part of my undoing. I couldn’t pretend that one of the reasons I remained silent about the rape was because of my fear of disappointing her.
But after weeks of indecision, I was resolved to file a police report. Months had gone by and prosecution might be unlikely, but the act was more for my benefit. A way to finally say “no.” Justin was rich, famous and had portrayed himself as untouchable. There was a chance I wasn’t the first girl he had taken advantage of. Maybe I didn’t have proof of what he had done to me, but I had connected the dots in my own head. He had drugged me before we had gone outside on the deck. I may never find out exactly what he put in my drink, but I had little doubt he had slipped me something with the clear intent of raping me.
I was waiting until after Autumn’s wedding to file the report. There was a good chance, I was opening myself up to online slut-shaming, but I didn’t give a damn. There could be other girls just like me out there. Ones who were so stuck in their own toxic thinking that they didn’t realize what had happened to them was just plain wrong. Because of my twisted, mixed-up thoughts, I had painted myself as a cheater and given up on the best relationship I ever had.
Being apart from Cole was hell, but I was confident in my decision. All the bad stuff in my head wasn’t going away on my own. And I couldn’t cast Cole as my lover, boyfriend, protector and therapist. He felt like my everything, but I wasn’t being fair to him. Although he had the glue to fix my broken pieces, the smart thing was to learn how to mend myself. I needed that strength, especially in the coming weeks as I planned to make it known that one of the country’s beloved NFL stars was a rapist.
I started when I noticed the town car came to an abrupt stop. I had thought we were only driving for ten minutes and frowned as I looked outside. “Why are we at Stucky’s?”
“Miss Dorey wanted you to know there has been a change of plans. You’ll be meeting here before heading to the rehearsal dinner,” Max said, catching my eye in the rearview mirror.
I grimaced as I looked around the nearly empty parking lot. There were only a handful of cars parked on the street and none I recognized. “Was there a particular reason she wanted to meet at a bar before dinner?”
“I get paid to drive, not to have tete-a-tete with clients,” he said with a small laugh.
I opened the back door, nervously staring at Stucky’s. We all had a soft spot for the bar, but I could almost strangle Autumn for choosing the location for pre-dinner drinks. We had lots of fun there in college, but the memory of watching Cole on stage at the bar burned white hot in the forefront of my brain.
“This feels like a serial killer movie,” I called out to Max. “It’s a classic setup of young girl lured to empty building under false pretenses. As soon as I open the doors, I’m sure someone will be hiding behind the door with an ax.”
Max chuckled. “Look, I’ll wait here a good ten minutes and listen out for you. If I hear screams, I’ll call 911.”
“You’re leaving me here? You are so not getting a tip,” I muttered and snatched my purse off the seat. Grabbing my phone off the seat, I sent a quick text to Autumn to ask her what the hell was going on. After a minute or so of radio silence, I sighed. If these were my final moments, I was so coming back to haunt Autumn.
I felt marginally better as I neared the front door of the bar and heard music drifting outside. Since it sounded like soft rock and not the soundtrack to Friday the 13th, I decided to open the door. My courage faltered when I saw the bar was seemingly closed with the lights dimmed and the rock music playing over the speakers. I was about to turn around when I noticed an oversized piece of white construction paper on the floor a few feet in front of me. After sending a paranoid glance from side to side, I hurried over and picked up the paper. In block letters were the words: FOLLO
W THE TRAIL.
On the ground in front of me were red rose petals that formed a trail across the floor. Squinting, I followed the trail with my eyes until I noticed they led to a set of curtained double doors. The bar had several private rooms that could be booked for events and I assumed that was where I was supposed to head.
“Hello!” I called out. If Autumn had set up the flowers, then she had a strange way of greeting her guests. Had she found some kooky idea on Pinterest on how to liven up a rehearsal dinner?
With no reply back and not sensing any movement in the backroom, my confusion grew tenfold. I checked my phone again, mumbling a curse at Autumn’s lack of response. I dialed her number and bit down hard on my lip when my call went straight to voicemail.
I noticed movement in the corner of my eye and saw a shadow pass by the curtains in the back room. My heart seized in terror. “Screw this,” I said aloud and spun to face the front door. My heels clicked against the tile as I hurried out of the bar. I’d wait outside while making calls to try and get in touch with my friends.
Before I could pull on the door handle, a hand reached out from behind me and grabbed my bicep. I let out a shriek and pulled back my elbow. I slammed my elbow back as ferociously as I could. My elbow connected with the person behind me with a loud thud. I felt my captor’s grip loosen and took the opportunity to thrust my body forward. Frantically, I reached out to try and open the door.
“Calm down, Casey. It’s me,” a gruff voice said from behind.
I stilled for a second before swinging to face the person. My body sagged with relief as I realized Cole was standing before me, cradling his belly protectively. He lifted an eyebrow as he twisted his mouth into a sardonic smile. “This played out so much differently in my head.”
“What… the… hell? Are you trying to give me a heart attack? I thought I was being lead into a Saw death trap.”
He laughed awkwardly. “So much for trying to be romantic. Didn’t the rose petals and Stucky’s clue you in?”
“No. This setup doesn’t exactly scream Cole Caldwell. Not to mention I haven’t heard from you in weeks,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Please don’t be mad. I needed to cool off. And then everything with Trojan Jedi seemed to happen all at once. We got a contract with BLD Records and got pulled in for studio time. Then, we got the call that The Rage Boys wanted us to tour with them. Their manager had heard us at a gig a few months ago and liked our sound,” Cole said and I could see the excitement burning in his eyes. “Evan and I were supposed to fly out to Charlotte last night. But then I started packing and I had this sudden realization.”
“What?” I asked softly. I kept my secret longing to myself. Please, do better this time. Please, don’t let me break again.
“All this great stuff that I wanted for so long was happening and I didn’t even care. The same empty feeling I had since leaving Barbados was there.” He took a nervous step forward. “I was an ass to leave like I did. I was an even bigger ass to not take your calls. My stupid pride kept me from you. We had worked through the reasons behind our breakup and I did a complete turnaround when finding out the other man was Justin. It wasn’t fair.”
I grazed my fingertips along his forearm. “I understand.”
Shaking his head empathetically, he blew out a frustrated breath through his teeth. “I suck at relationships. I have a tendency to run instead of face the tough times. I’ve realized it’s a pattern with me.”
“I should have been honest with you from the beginning—”
He tucked his chin down. “I never even gave you a chance to talk to me. I shut you out. Ever since my father killed himself, I’ve run like hell from my problems.” He looked up at me with a pained expression. “I never told you this, but I was the one who had to identify him… Levi was too young and my mom was a wreck. So, I had to step up at the medical examiner’s office after they pulled his body from the water. As soon as the counselor showed me the photos of my dad’s body… I snapped. I left the office and didn’t come home for over a week. I didn’t even go to his funeral.”
“Oh god, Cole, I am so unbelievably sorry,” I said and then slipped my hand tenderly around his back. He pulled me in close and I felt him breathe in the scent of my hair.
We stayed entwined as he continued. “The girls, the partying, even the band were all my way to escape. Life fucking blows and I didn’t want any of the heavy stuff. But then I met you… and as much as I tried to not fucking destroy the best thing to ever happen to me, I did.”
I pulled away and examined his face with concern. “How can you say that?”
“I took you for granted. We had fantastic sex and maybe you thought that’s all I wanted. I should have made you see that this wasn’t business as usual for me. I should have told you I loved you. And I didn’t. Even though I thought it thousands of times in my head, I never said the words.” He took a steadying breath. “And I didn’t say when you told me on the cruise. You opened up yourself completely and I was a complete chicken shit.” He cupped my chin and rubbed his thumb across my cheek. I tilted my head to feel more of his gentle touch. “I love you, Casey. I love you so damn much because you make everything better. You make me better because you brought back a light that hasn’t existed for me in the years since my father died.”
“I love you back,” I said, standing on my tiptoes in order to press our foreheads together. I felt his breath tickle my lips. “You didn’t need roses or grand gestures. All you had to do was say the word and you’d have me again.”
His lips crushed against mine in a rough and frantic kiss. His large hands spanned my waist and the flame that always burned between us flared. I pulled him into me hard as my tongue slipped inside his mouth. God, he had the most delicious taste. He kept kissing me everywhere as his hands expertly pulled at my clothes. The front of my dress came down low, releasing my breasts. I moaned into his mouth with pleasure, but after a minute I jerked my head away.
Breathless, I asked, “Is there anyone else here?”
“No, I rented out the place for us. Autumn helped me set it up.” He gave me a wicked grin. “And I plan to take the whole night to explore every glorious inch of that beautiful body of yours.”
He kissed me again, not easing on the intensity. His kisses were so deep that I started to feel dizzy. I liked that he knew me so well. Slow and sensual sex could come later. For now, I just craved the release I knew he could give me with only a handful of masterful strokes.
I launched my hands at his belt and released him from his jeans faster than I ever had. He took the moment to exhale and I hoped he had the chance to see the reverence on my face. Before I could touch him, he had his hands around my ass and he was lifting me off the ground. I cried out in surprise, but then saw he was lifting me onto one of the tables nearby. I sunk my teeth into his shoulder, muffling my moans of pleasure. I jerked the skirt of the dress upwards to keep the material around my waist. His eyes were what did me in—filled with complete awe as he stared at my bare legs. Cole slid a finger into the top of my panties, keeping his devilish grin trained on me. “How do you want to come, babe? Tell me what you want me to do.”
“I want your fingers inside of me,” I whispered.
His tone remained teasing, no doubt purposely trying to drive me over the brink. “How many?” he asked, as I tilted back to lift my hips for him. I felt his index finger at my opening and shivered at his touch. He rubbed me slowly before slipping it deep inside me. “One? Maybe two?” His middle finger joined the index finger and I tossed my head back in pleasure. He slid his fingers up and down inside of me as I bucked against his hand. He wet his lips as he watched me and I could see how turned on he was getting by watching me take his fingers inside me. Every touch told me so much more than his words ever could. His soft noises and heavy breathing let me know he loved worshipping my body. As his hands grew more eager, I couldn’t take it another second.
“Stop… I don’t want to come
yet,” I said out of breath, feeling myself on the verge of orgasm. I wanted to get lost in the throes of my pleasure, but I didn't want to leave him behind.
“Oh yes you do. Because we have all night and this is just the beginning,” he whispered in a wicked tone. All I could think was one word: Yes.
I threw back my head and grinded against his hand, letting the first wave of my orgasm to come. I felt starved and desperate as my need becomes bigger than myself. The waves of pleasure were intense and I felt such a powerful release. The taste of what I had on the cruise with Cole had been a tease. He knew my body better than I knew my own. With anyone besides Cole that kind of power would be scary. With Cole, it was only breathtaking.
“So wet and so fucking beautiful,” he murmured. As his fingers slid out, I heard the tearing of a wrapper. If I had the capacity to be verbal, I would tease him for assuming he’d get lucky. Before I had a chance to feel the crushing emptiness of him no longer touching me, he slipped his length into my opening.
“God damn, this feels like coming home,” he said more to himself than to me. His words were spot on. We were finally joined in every way that mattered. It felt like our first time all over again, but different, better. Because we were not putting on pretenses this time, there was only raw emotion freely on display.
I wrapped my legs around his back and pulled him in closer. I reached out my hand and touched his cheek. “This is home for me too.”
He smiled and ducked his head down. I followed his gaze and felt so turned on by the sight of him going in and out of me. His thrusts were confident and he picked up the perfect rhythm to drive me wild with lust. He was correct in his assumption that I’d have much more than one climax with him that night.
Cole reached behind me and palmed my ass. He gave each cheek a playful squeeze before pulling me forward. He kissed my neck while going even deeper than I ever thought possible. The feel of him inside of me after so many months was beyond intense. He was large and I felt tight and the combination made me feel about ready to combust. I grabbed the base of his cock as he drove into me harder and faster. He groaned in pleasure as I gripped him tightly and moved my hand in time with his thrusts. My fingernails dug into his back as my groans turned raspy.
The Ex Trials (Falling for Autumn #3) Page 18
