A flurry of shimmering movement caught me by surprise before my eyes were able to focus and make out Archer kneeling right in front of me. The soft swish of air cooled my cheek as he reached out and brushed away the tears that had slipped down my face.
I gasped at the contact, at the feel of electricity that surged through my skin at his featherlight touch, the swoop and sudden drop in my stomach, that weightless feeling.
“So now that you know your truth, what are you going to do to change it?” he said in a voice just above a whisper, but ringing with strength.
His proximity and the weight of his words settled over me, rendered me speechless. We continued to stare at each other, the tension increasing with each passing second. He waited, giving me the time to consider his question, but not giving me the space that would have made me comfortable.
“I—I don’t know,” I managed to force through the emotion constricting my throat. Archer, God love him, simply nodded, stood up, and went back to his place on the couch.
I pressed play on the TV, hoping we could both get lost in the distraction and noise of it. I knew that his question would stick with me until I found the answer. As I stewed in my thoughts, trying not to let emotions pull me under, I started to wonder how he had figured out his life’s purpose.
It couldn’t possibly be that simple for anyone to figure out, right?
“Archer, how did you decide what kind of profession you wanted?” I asked, as I paused the TV again and turned to him.
“I didn’t.”
“What do you mean? You mentioned working the night we met.”
“Yes, I did work. You already know my family was wealthy and involved in business. I started learning about the family businesses when I was very young. It was always assumed I would run them when I was old enough, so in that regard, I never had a choice as to what I would do with my life. Maintaining my family’s legacy, ensuring the Breckenridge name and businesses continued to grow and flourish was my fate.”
The undeniable regret behind every word he said bit into me, causing an ache in a deep, untouchable part of me. In that moment I felt so foolish, so ridiculous, feeling sorry for my lack of inspiration and progress in my career when he’d never even been given a chance to choose what he wanted to do with his.
“I’m sorry, Archer. I wish you had been given a choice.”
“What is it I’ve heard you say? It is what it is? That’s how I feel about it now. There’s not much I can do about it anyway, being dead and all. Plus, it wasn’t all bad.” The smile on his face never reached his eyes.
“I’m curious. What kind of things did you do for work? What kind of businesses?”
“Hmmm, where to start? I can’t really tell you my story without talking about my father’s as well.”
“I’d love to hear it, Archer. Whatever you’re willing to tell me.” I didn’t want him to feel pressured to share anything he wasn’t ready to talk about.
“My father was considered one of the original San Francisco Robber Barons. He came from a prominent New York family involved in banking, steel, ships, and railroads. He was one of six sons and he was also expected to take over one of the family businesses. He wanted more for himself, to establish himself on his own. When he heard rumors about the Gold Rush, he decided to take us out west to make that name for himself. And he did.”
The Gold Rush. Fuck. It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that he was even alive during such a pivotal part of history.
“Did your father have the same expectations of you?”
“Yes. I started in railroads before moving on to infrastructure. When I had done well with that, I then moved on to banking.”
I sat there utterly transfixed by him, by the pensive look on his face, his brow furrowed and mind lost to the memory of his former life. The warmth of his deep voice worked its magic on me, wrapping me up like my favorite blanket until I was lulled into a feeling of comfort. I realized then that I could listen to him talk all night, it didn’t matter what he was saying. So I considered ways to keep the enchantment going.
“I never knew about any of this. I’m kind of embarrassed to admit that I didn’t look too deeply into your family when Josie and I were researching you.” I shrugged awkwardly, a wordless apology for something I really didn’t need to seek forgiveness for. “It’s crazy to me how much you accomplished in such a short time.”
“It was expected of me. There was really no other choice. And I was good at it. Great, actually.” His body tensed as he said this and the sharp edge in his voice betrayed an underlying anger at the circumstances of his life.
“Was banking where you stayed?”
“Yes and no. When my father decided to expand into Seattle, I volunteered to go. I wanted a change and I needed the freedom. I had begun to feel stifled by the expectations of my family.”
“You obviously loved it up there.”
“Yes. I did.”
The memories of another life a hundred years ago flashed across his eyes and the smile that graced his face was a thing of beauty. This time, the smile reached his eyes and they crinkled with what had to have been so many memories of better times.
“So what did you do for work there?” I asked, wanting to know every single thing about his life, especially the one he’d had in this place that meant so much to him that he was tied to it in death.
“I began by opening our first bank branch in Seattle. I was then responsible for us venturing into manufacturing. We were working on a prototype for what would have been our first automobile when I died. It was my idea from the conception, and I suppose it’s the closest I ever came to loving my work.” The sadness and regret in his voice nearly broke some small piece inside me.
“We are pretty far from Seattle out here. How did you discover Orcas Island?”
This was a question that had been on my mind since Jos and I started researching Archer. What had not only brought him so far away from civilization, but also compelled him to buy land with the plans to build a home out here? I wondered if uncovering his reasons would give me insight into who he was as a man.
“I was invited on a hunting trip out here by a client. Is that something that’s still done?” he asked, interrupting his own train of thought.
“I dunno, actually. I don’t think I know anyone who’s really into hunting.”
I shrugged and gave him an encouraging look, hoping there was more to it than just that. I didn’t want to consider how quickly I had come to love listening to him talk. His deep voice full of warmth never failed to seep into my veins.
“All these years later, I find myself still trying to make sense of what happened. As we grew closer to shore, something came over me. This feeling of peace and contentment. It was something I’d never experienced before.”
I nodded my head in understanding and my movement caught Archer’s eye, making him pause.
“Like you were exactly where you were meant to be all along?” I said as my gaze met his, some invisible bond between us tightening, pulling us closer.
“Yes. As though I’d finally returned home after years of being away. It scared the shit out of me, Rosalind. But that fear didn’t stop me from returning several times until I found this piece of land. I knew this was where I was meant to live.”
He stopped suddenly, his eyes unfocused, lost in the memory of his former life.
“And here you still are.”
I whispered the statement to myself more than to him. After a moment, his gaze returned to mine. An emotion I couldn’t name blazed in his eyes, burning me from the inside out with its intensity.
“Yes. Here I remain.”
Seventeen
“Well, who is this on my phone?” I had to hold back laughter at the absurdly dramatic, confused voice I used once Jos’ face appeared on screen.
“Bitch, don’t act like you don’t know, you called me!”
I dissolved into giggles at her indignant tone. “I just miss your pretty fac
e. You’ve been MIA. I don’t like it, especially when I can’t just drop in on you to make sure you’re still alive.”
“Ugh, I know, I know. I’m sorry, babe. It’s been crazy at the studio. Tracey quit and Melina’s on maternity leave, which means I’m running their classes along with all the office work. I need a vacation.”
I looked at the screen intently, and while she was as beautiful as ever, dark circles under her eyes were barely masked with makeup and her shoulders drooped in exhaustion.
“I have a solution!” I exclaimed, knowing she would never take me up on my offer.
“I can’t come take a vacation. You know I would be on the first plane out there.” She took a sip of what I guessed was green tea before turning her tired smile on me. “You look happy, Ros. Has Dan been home more?”
I couldn’t help the frown that took over my face at her question. It hit me then that I couldn’t talk about Archer with her, not yet, at least. Not until I found a way to explain his presence that didn’t sound like I had gone off the deep end out here. Keeping this from her was going to be like walking on eggshells. We almost never kept secrets from each other, we knew each other too well. “No, he hasn’t. He hasn’t called much, either. He’s so caught up with this project.”
“Hmmm. You look much more content than you did during our last conversation. What’s going on over there?”
“Nothing much, really. I’ve just been exploring, getting used to the place and spending time with Marie and some of her friends. I love it here, Jos. I don’t know why this place feels like home, but it does.”
That made me think back to my conversation with Archer a few nights ago. That feeling of rightness that came over me when I got here was so similar to what he described, it shook me a little. We both belong here. The thought flitted through my mind before I could stop it.
“What’s that look for, Ros?”
Dammit.
Maybe a FaceTime call had been a bad idea. I sat for a minute considering how I could spin this to satisfy the curiosity I had piqued in my best friend. “I was just thinking about a realization I had the other day. About my career, or lack thereof.”
“Oh, have you found inspiration yet? Are you creating pieces again?”
The change of subject perked her up. Jos was always encouraging me to just start working at my own stuff again, convinced that I would find my way once I lost myself in the creative process. I still wasn’t sure.
“No, not yet. And that’s the problem. I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m being my own worst enemy about this whole thing.”
“I can see that. How do you think this happened?”
I’d been thinking about this for a while, trying to find answers, so my response came easier than I expected. “I got so stuck in my routine I stopped looking for the magic of everyday life. All those little things that used to inspire me in college? I think I stopped seeing them because I stopped looking for them.”
Could it really be that simple? The words Archer and I had exchanged were on a loop in my mind, playing over and over again. Could it really be as easy as opening my eyes?
“Now that you know your truth, what are you going to do to change it?”
That one question kept screaming at me. The realization that I had all the control in this situation was a revelation.
“So, are you going to start seeing the magic again?” Jos asked, breaking through my thoughts.
“Yeah, I think I am.” I straightened up my spine and looked her dead on through the lens of my phone’s camera. “I’ve been letting life just happen to me for far too long. I think this is one area I can take back control. I have to take control of at least this.”
A huge, breathtaking smile broke out over Jos’ face. “That’s my girl,” she said. Heat rose in my cheeks and I couldn’t help the blush her words, her love had brought out. “So, I hate to change the subject—”
I interrupted her with a groan. I knew I wasn’t going to like the next words out of her mouth. “Is there anything I can do to keep you from finishing that? I see that look on your face, Jos, I have a feeling I’m not going to like whatever it is you have to say.” I lay back and got ready for whatever it was she wanted to talk about.
“Nope, not a chance. Anyway, have you talked to your dad lately?” She almost sounded timid. Almost. The question hit me like a punch in my gut and I sat up quickly, making my head swim with dizziness in the process.
“No, I haven’t talked to him since… damn, since the going-away party, I guess. Why?”
I thought back to the party.
The minute my eyes met a familiar pair of hazel eyes that were almost a mirror of my own, I openly sobbed, pulling away from Dan and running to throw my arms around my father.
“Oh, Daddy, I’ve missed you so much.”
I pulled away slightly, trying to wipe away the tears now coursing down my face.
“I wouldn’t have missed this for anything, baby girl.”
His deep voice with just a hint of a Southern twang left over from his youth washed over me, soothing something in my heart I hadn’t known needed soothing. While he didn’t live far away, the nine-hour drive to Tahoe City always seemed like oceans away, and we didn’t get to see each other as much as I would have liked.
The fact that he was missing the birth of his stepson, Marco’s, first child made my heart ache in an unfamiliar way. His response when I asked him why he would miss the arrival of his first grandchild? “When is the last time I got to see you?” He was right, it had been far too long, and I couldn’t deny how grateful I was to see him, even if I couldn’t bring myself to say the words.
“I saw him the other day. He was in town with Maria, Marco, and his family. He asked how you were. Ros, he looked so sad. I know you guys suck at communication, I do. But he’s not going to be around forever either.”
She let her words trail off, but I knew what she was thinking. What she was always urging me to do gently, in her way: Fix this. Fix things with your father.
And I wanted to, I really did, but I didn’t have the first clue how to go about doing it. We didn’t suck at communication, we just didn’t do it at all. It had always been that way, and as I considered that it became apparent that my issues with Dan stemmed from somewhere.
“Joooosss. I don’t even know what to say to him. How do I fix this with one phone call, with a single conversation? How do I repair a lifetime of dysfunction?” I finally gave voice to the question on constant repeat in my head. In all these years, I’d yet to find an answer.
Jos looked at me like the answer was so obvious that she was disappointed I hadn’t figured it out for myself already. “You don’t, Rosalind. You don’t fix it all with one conversation. You take that first step. And then you take another. Most changes in life don’t happen overnight. They are little things you do every day until you wake up and realize your life has changed in a significant way. That’s how life works. Little by little, piece by piece until you’ve created the world you want.”
Long after our call ended, I thought about what she said, replaying her words over and over again. While so simple, it was a revelation to me. How could I have been so blind as to never figure this out on my own? The longer I thought about it, the more I wondered why she had never said this to me before.
A few days later it finally hit me. Until that day, I hadn’t been ready to really hear the truth behind her words. Once I had, I knew I had to find a way to make them my truth.
Eighteen
I couldn’t stop thinking about my conversations with Archer and Jos. All their words were on repeat in my head, day and night. It struck me how similar their sentiments were, how they both somehow knew me enough to get right to the center of the issues holding me back—I was the main obstacle to having the life I wanted. I wasn’t surprised that Josie knew me so well, and I wasn’t ready to deal with how well Archer had gotten to know me in such a short amount of time.
My few trips out into town were al
ready different. I was starting to notice more of my surroundings, the beauty of the island, the way the light would hit the water just right during my afternoon walks, the silhouette of the ever-present madrona trees quickly becoming one of my favorite views.
I wished I could say that I instantly found inspiration in the world around me and began creating again the next day, but of course that didn’t happen. I did notice a change in the way my mind took in everything. My thoughts didn’t manifest in direct ideas that would become new pieces, but there was a stirring of ideas, a new feeling of excitement and something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but felt right and good all the same.
After showering and getting dressed, I decided to head to Eastsound and explore before heading over to Marie’s. My notebook and pencils were lying on the chair where I’d left them the night before and I decided to take them with me. As I drove through the village, I spied a cute bookshop with a cafe attached and decided to stop there first. I grabbed a tea and scone and found a cozy corner with an overstuffed chair that was calling my name.
I spent the better part of an hour slowly drinking and people watching through the window. A little girl walked by holding her mother’s hand. She couldn’t have been older than four or five years old.
I watched as she tugged her hand out of her mother’s grasp, walked a few steps back, and then crouched down into the flower bed, picking up a perfectly oval, smooth rock. She held it up to the sky, turning it over in her hand as she looked at it, considering it. She then got the biggest smile on her face, slipped it into her coat pocket, and ran back, grabbing her mother’s hand once again.
Through the Mist Page 11
